* * *
Later in the afternoon, I see Josh and few of my other guys at the deli. They all have bruises. Josh has a black eye. It matches mine. I ask them what happened. Guys get in scuffles, so I’m expecting a story about someone’s girlfriend’s honor being challenged or something, but instead they tell me that Vincent’s guys jumped them on Sunday night and beat the crap out of them. I’m so angry I could spit nails.
I warned Vincent, but I guess he figures that if he can’t hurt me, then my guys are fair game.
I go to Vincent’s apartment, but he’s not there.
Walking back to the deli, I meet him on the street. “What’s this I hear about your guys beating up my guys?” I say by way of greeting.
He smirks. “Guess they’re just as pussy as you are. Couldn’t stand up for themselves.”
I clench my hands into fists.
“Not so tough without a gun, are you, Olivia?” he asks.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I say. “We work for the same family. We’re making money for the same people. Trying to sabotage each other is ridiculous. We have to stick together.”
“I don’t recognize you as part of the family,” he says to me. “You’re a girl. You shouldn’t be here. It makes everything weird. It screws everything up.”
“Funny,” I say, “this girl is kicking your ass in sales.”
“Don’t make me angry, Olivia,” he says. “I might not be able to stop myself from beating your skull in.”
I hate that a jolt of fear runs through me. I hate it.
“You might act tough,” he says. “But I know what you really are. I saw you crumple under my fists. In the end, you’re just weak and vulnerable. And no one wants someone weak or vulnerable heading the Calabrese family.”
“Yeah?” I say. “Well, I remember your face when I waved that gun at you. And you seemed pretty weak and vulnerable to me then.”
“Not fair. Both of us with guns would be fair.”
“It’s not about fair, is it, Vincent? Because you are stronger than me, so if you beat me up, it doesn’t say jack about you except that you’re insecure about the fact that a girl is better at this than you are. Is it fair if my body’s never going to be as strong as yours? I don’t think it is. Life’s not fair, Vincent, and the only thing you’re good at is playing dirty and bending the rules.”
“I told you not to make me angry.” He raises his fist.
I flinch, and I despise myself for it.
His arm drops to his side. He laughs. “You threatened to kill me, Olivia. Why can’t I threaten to kill you?”
I gulp. “Leave my guys alone. That’s all I’m saying.”
“You’re not going to stand in my way forever, you know.” And then he backs up and walks away from me on the sidewalk.
I start shaking all over as I watch him go. Vincent scares me, and I don’t want him to. I don’t want to be afraid of him. But don’t I still have the bruises to show that he can hurt me? And if it came down to us alone in a fight, I can’t be certain that he wouldn’t be able to kill me.
It’s crazy to be afraid of my own cousin, but this is my new life. My father lies to me about my mother. My mother betrays the family and tells the police our secrets. The boy who tells me he loves me tries to rip me to shreds. Nothing makes sense. Everything is backwards and messed up. And I am the most backwards part of all—the girl who wants to make it in a man’s world.
If I want to be the head of the family, I’m going to have to deal with jerks like Vincent. I can’t let him push me around just because he hurt me. I have to stand up to him. But how I’m going to do that exactly, I don’t know.
When I get back to the deli, I’m angry and upset. I feel like my confrontation with Vincent was a failure. Josh is still there, eating a sandwich even though the other guys have left. Their napkins and plates still litter the table where Josh is sitting. “So how’d you get your shiner?” he asks.
“Vincent did it,” I say. I don’t even care if it makes me sound weak and vulnerable. I’m too frustrated to worry about it.
Josh looks horrified. “That’s messed up.”
“Because I’m a girl?” I demand.
Josh shrugs. “I guess so. I mean, he should know better.”
I am seething. I sweep all the plates and napkins off the table Josh is sitting at. They crash against the floor and shatter.
Josh is startled.
“Fuck,” I mutter. I go get a broom to clean up my mess.
When I get back, Josh says, “You know, you can’t stop being a girl, Olivia.” He takes a bite of his sandwich.
I pick up jagged pieces of broken plates. “I don’t want to stop being a girl. I just want to stop feeling afraid of Vincent.”
Josh chews. “You could kill him.”
I glare at Josh darkly. “He’s family. I can’t kill him.”
He sets down his sandwich. “Well, it doesn’t seem like Vincent’s exactly working for the good of the family these days, you know. It’s more like he’s working for the good of himself. There’s no place for that in the jettatori.”
Which is a little funny coming from Josh, considering he’s not even fully jettatori. He’s just a hired hand. “I can’t kill him,” I say again.
“Then can I do it?” asks Josh. He grins at me.
I can’t help it. I have to smile too. “He’ll get over it. He’s just pissed off because we’re doing so well.” I deposit my stack of broken pieces in the trash can.
“Hey, you need any help with that?”
I roll my eyes. “Now you ask. When I’m practically done.”
The Toil and Trouble Trilogy, Book One Page 22