Why have I never been up here?
Jenna never even knew the huge storage space was accessible above the only real house she had ever known, much less that her parents stored stuff up there. Maybe she’d been too self-absorbed to notice. Though things weren’t overly organized, she was sure that other attics were likely less neat than this one. Her mother’s touch was apparent.
She walked around opening lids and glancing inside each container. Nothing of interest was immediately visible in the boxes, but it didn’t seem like her parents to collect old meaningless junk. At least one held various toys from her childhood. She smiled as she pulled each plaything out and inspected it, reminiscing about all the good times she had during her carefree childhood.
They even kept my tiny pink ballet shoes.
Maybe they thought she’d want all that stuff one day. Or maybe they were keeping it on the off chance that Jenna produced a granddaughter. Her parents just never seemed like the overly sentimental type.
She dug around some more, eventually retrieving a small watch that she remembered getting for her fifth birthday, the first one she spent with her parents after they adopted her. Even after all these years up in the hot attic, the batteries still worked. She tried to put it on her wrist, but of course it didn’t fit anymore. So she started pushing the buttons, instigating various songs and even a recording she’d made of herself. Jenna faintly recognized her own little girl voice singing “You Are My Sunshine,” her favorite song as a child.
Jenna slipped the watch into her pocket and tried to adjust everything in the attic back to the way she found it. She carefully climbed back down and shoved the ladder and panel back into place, even going so far as to adjust the little rope to its previous position. Back in her room, she found her old laptop and dug through the desk drawers, looking for a connector to fit her watch. Eventually she found one, and plugged it in so she could download her song.
The watch linked, and a file menu popped up. She browsed through the files and opened some of them, discovering several things in there, mainly pictures. Scrolling through each one, she found many photos of the ground and some of her dachshund Crackers. She remembered getting that puppy the day after arriving at her new home, probably as some kind of welcome gift.
The final image was of Jenna, though it looked like she’d taken it in front of a mirror somewhere, maybe in the bathroom. She zoomed in to get a closer look. The little girl in the picture, she looked so free and unencumbered, yet also a little sad. Jenna felt strangely disconnected from these pictures, from the girl she used to be.
Then Jenna’s brow wrinkled. She was confused by what she saw, very confused. In the picture, there was no visible birthmark on her neck. She couldn’t see her medical mark at all. She checked again, using various filters to try to detect a trace of the mark. There was nothing to see.
From all of Jenna’s research on her favorite subject, she knew that not all birthmarks were present at birth, as the name would seem to suggest. But she also remembered reading that birthmarks almost always displayed within the first two years. She simply didn’t know what to make of this discovery. Maybe I’m even more special than I thought.
Something from the garage brought her back to her present reality. It sounded like car doors shutting, so she figured her parents must be home. She quickly saved all the files to her laptop and yanked the smart watch out, hiding it in her purse. Then she jogged to meet her parents as they walked into the kitchen, her father carrying several bags behind her mother.
“How was it? Looks like you found some sales,” Jenna said casually.
“You know your mother. She could find a good sale on the moon.”
He set the bags down on the kitchen table and left the room, presumably to sit in front of the television, as he typically did before lunch. Judy started poking through the bags, obviously looking for something specific.
“I got you a few things Jenna. Just some little pick-me-ups to get you looking good for your return to school Monday.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Mom.”
“Well, our Jenna deserves nice things. And we want you to succeed, so whatever we can do to help you in that way, we—”
Jenna sensed that her mother was trying to say more than her words were conveying. She reached over and put her hand on her mother’s arm, causing her to stop what she was doing and bend her head, seemingly in prayer. But Jenna could tell she was actually crying. She wanted to wrap her arms around her to comfort her, but something held her back. Her emotions felt off, which she attributed to the crappy week she’d just endured.
“Mom, I need to ask you something.”
Judy smiled as she replied, “I never get tired of being called Mom.”
Jenna smiled too, not even realizing that her words had such an impact on her mother. “I saw a picture of me, when I was little. Maybe four or five?” After an unnaturally long pause, she continued. “I didn’t have my birthmark.”
“What picture?”
“I found a picture on my smart watch, that one I got for my birthday when I was little. When I was looking through the pictures, I saw that there wasn’t anything on my neck. What’s that mean?”
Her mother’s posture became somewhat defensive at this point. She pulled her arm away from Jenna’s hand and stood up, moving away from her daughter, though still facing her. “Jenna, were you up in the attic?”
“Yes, I saw the cord hanging and just went to check it out. I didn’t even know any of that stuff existed. When did we get an attic, anyway?”
Her mother’s tone was strange, like she’d suddenly become worried. There was a deliberately calm cadence to her voice.
“Jenna, we’ve always had an attic. It’s not something you can just add later. It’s under the roof, silly.”
She laughed a little, which annoyed Jenna.
“Don’t be condescending, Mom. I didn’t know we were storing all those boxes.”
“Well, you really shouldn’t just look in other people’s things. It’s not polite. You didn’t have permission to go up there.”
“What are you talking about? Those are my things. This is my house.”
Her mother softened, obviously realizing that she was creating a hostile situation. “Of course, yes, this is your house. It will always be your house. I was just worried that you could have gotten hurt. That attic ladder is so old and you could have fallen.”
Jenna was really puzzled regarding her mother’s comment on the ladder. Maybe her father had recently replaced it without telling her mother. Nothing was making sense anymore, so she decided to let that go and pursue the issue that mattered most.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I promise I won’t go up there again without permission. But what about the birthmark? The Registry may want to study me if I got a birthmark after the age of two. I could be an anomaly.”
“No!” Judy exclaimed before regathering her composure. “I mean, I’m not sure what you think you saw. Bring me the watch, and I’ll look at the picture.”
Jenna went to retrieve the watch, and when she returned, her father was back in the kitchen, standing next to her mother. They looked as if they’d just had an entire secret conversation, which Jenna sensed was probably all about her. She felt a cloud of disappointment and disgrace emitting from them.
If they’re this freaked out over me going in the attic, I wonder how they’d feel if they knew about the other night. The party. The morning after.
She slowly handed the watch to her mother, who took it and began pushing the buttons and squinting at the screen. Just as Jenna was thinking about telling her to view it on her bigger laptop, her mother found the picture. She looked at it for a few seconds, then gave the watch back to Jenna as her father looked on, completely disinterested in the watch or its contents.
Jenna broke the silence. “Well? What does it mean?”
“Honey, that picture’s very low quality. That watch was just a child’s toy.” Judy laughed as she spoke, whi
ch seemed odd and somewhat condescending to Jenna. “Your mark didn’t show up until you were four or five, I believe. That’s not uncommon, you know. Even though it’s called a birthmark, it can appear any time. We were so surprised when it came through, we went out and bought you a toy doctor’s kit to play with because of it. Isn’t that right, Jim?”
Her father nodded in agreement.
“So before that, I didn’t have any other birthmarks? I was just a blank canvas?”
“To be perfectly honest, we didn’t pay much attention to it. You were just a child, and we weren’t worried about your career at that point.”
“Mom, you worked for the Registry Department. I’m supposed to believe you didn’t care what my profession would be?”
Her parents stood speechless. Jenna’s blank emotions began pulsing again, filling with rage. Unequipped with how to deal with so much anger, she immediately tried to suppress it, but that only served to intensify the sensations. Frustrated from her lack of ability to control her own emotions, she turned and ran from the room up to her bedroom.
After a few minutes of deep breathing, she started to relax. Her parents lightly knocked, but entered her bedroom before getting an official response. They both appeared gravely concerned, a look Jenna had never really seen on their faces. Maybe it was just deep disappointment.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Jenna said softly, not looking up at them.
“It’s fine, Princess. You’re under a lot of stress at your new school. You probably just need more rest, and a couple of weeks to fully adjust. Your mother and I have discussed it, and we want to go back with you and stay at a hotel nearby, just in case you need us for anything.”
“Okay, I think I’d like that.”
Her father gently rubbed her back until she fell asleep, just as he used to do when she was young. Jenna slumbered peacefully for several hours, waking up just in time for dinner. Again, she smelled the familiar aroma of her mother’s cooking from downstairs, and made her way into the kitchen. The three of them sat down to the table without much conversation and ate their Saturday spaghetti.
Neither of her parents addressed her as she piled food on her plate and sat down to eat. The tension seemed lighter than it had earlier. Jenna wondered if the nap had helped, but she really felt like she’d been sleeping an inordinate amount lately. She certainly wasn’t herself in many ways.
“Why do we always have spaghetti on Saturdays?” Jenna questioned.
“Routine is important, Jenna. It keeps you focused,” Judy responded.
“So, do you think they’re going to catch that killer?” Jenna asked bluntly. “Maybe they already did.”
Judy choked on her food. Jim responded by offering her a drink and patting her back until she regained composure.
“I’m sure they’re trying very hard. Hopefully no one else will be hurt in the meantime,” her mother offered.
Jenna already regretted bringing up the topic, allowing something to pop out of her mouth totally unfiltered. Her nerves were on edge just hearing her mother speak about it, realizing her involvement could end up having dire consequences. She speculated how her parents would react if they knew the truth, playing through various scenarios, each worse than the one before it. Luckily, not another word was spoken on the matter.
That night, she took a long shower and put on some old pajamas before settling into bed. She didn’t feel very sleepy, most likely from the long nap she took earlier that day. As she lay there staring at the ceiling, she had a crazy thought. All that confusion from finding the picture without a birthmark had clouded her mind. It occurred to Jenna that no one had asked about Vivian at all.
Is it possible that I’m a fraud, just like Vivian? Do my parents know? Are they somehow covering for me? Why? How would a child manage to get a fake birthmark?
It was too much to think about, the possibility that her entire life had been an elaborate lie. Jenna determined that the most feasible explanation, if her mark was indeed fake, was that her parents had just really wanted a child that would grow up to be a doctor. That made sense. They surely weren’t the only parents to forge a prestigious mark for such purposes. Now she just had to determine if she could live with that transgression, if it were true. If she could go against destiny and succeed, and be happy living a lie.
Chapter 8
The next morning, Jenna awoke to find her parents packing and loading the car. It appeared that they really were going with her, and planning on staying a long time, based on the amount of stuff they were taking. Normally, Jenna would have had apprehension about them being so involved in her business, but she’d already lost most of her fear of disappointing her parents. Surely, since they knew she wasn’t a real medical mark, their expectations for her had to be lower than she’d originally thought.
All along the drive, Jenna processed her latest revelation. While it was somewhat of a relief to have the pressure removed, there were many new questions running through her mind. If her entire life had been a lie, what did that mean for her future? Not knowing her path was both exhilarating and terrifying.
Who am I? Who have I always been? Do I just keep going with this lie I’ve been living, or do I start over? I can be anyone and do anything now.
All the newfound freedom of choice was giving her a headache, even though she wasn’t positive that her mark was fraudulent. She hastily decided to take the easiest path and just keep doing what she’d been doing for the last seventeen years. So far, she’d done fine on her grades, despite her true calling, whatever that might be. She resolved to get back to school and go through the motions, while she figured out what she was really born to do. Then, once she had all the information, she could make an informed decision.
Jenna was amused at her own analytical skills. I bet I’m really supposed to be some kind of detective.
Her parents dropped her off and promised to check on her each day. Inside the dorm room, Vivian was already crumpled in her rat’s nest of a bed, seemingly asleep. Unbelievably, she hadn’t been arrested yet. Jenna moved softly to avoid waking her up, getting into her own bed and lying still. She wasn’t ready to face Vivian in her current condition, the possibility that Jenna actually wasn’t superior to her at all. They were possibly equals, or maybe worse.
But Vivian doesn’t need to know that.
The next morning, she awoke to find Vivian still in her heap, like she hadn’t moved at all during the night. Jenna wondered if she’d murdered someone else over the weekend, and she speculated as to why the mark analysis place hadn’t called back or come for her yet. Or the campus police, for that matter. It wasn’t even like she’d tried that hard to hide her vicious crimes.
Jenna quietly performed her streamlined morning ritual and snuck out to get to her first class. She took a seat all the way in the back, Vivian-style. Today her perspective was completely different as she glanced around the room at her peers. This time she was sure they were all looking at her, aware of the fact that she didn’t belong there. There was no more excitement, no longer a hunger for learning. Everything had turned vanilla, all with just one picture. Despite her promise to just keep going, she wasn’t sure she could.
She sat in silence as Professor Mumbler talked for an hour about the origin and evolution of the Registry. What had fascinated her last week seemed almost laughable today. She noticed that Vivian had slipped into the back at the other side of the room at some point during the lecture. They made eye contact, causing Jenna to quickly look down at the desk.
Why does she even bother to show up for these classes? She doesn’t belong in here, but then again, neither do I.
A few minutes into class, the professor opened the floor for questions. Jenna raised her hand without hesitation, though she doubted he’d even see her back in the shadows. But for some reason, he seemed to look right at her, as if he’d arranged the entire thing just for her question.
“Do some people get birthmarks later in life, like a
fter the age of five, six, seven?” Jenna asked.
“Oh, good question. It’s a misnomer. Birthmarks can actually appear on their own up until age twelve. Most records say everything’s set by two years old, but some rare cases have been documented, even up to age twenty.”
That information confused Jenna even more. It was possible her mark was real after all. The constant flip-flopping was wearing her thin. She looked over at Vivian again, but she was already gone. Jenna started to wonder if she was losing her own mind and imagining things.
Maybe Vivian doesn’t even exist.
After a while, Jenna looked at her phone and saw they only had about ten minutes of class left. People were asking questions that Jenna felt they should have already known. She was annoyed with the performance. Suck-ups.
Without waiting any longer, she closed her bag and quietly left through the side door. She walked slowly down the empty hall, enjoying the silence. The charade of her potentially fraudulent life was quickly becoming something Jenna didn’t think she could maintain much longer. She thought through her options for leaving school, but everything felt limited. There was no “good” choice.
“Jenna!”
A familiar but unidentifiable voice called from where she’d just come. Jenna stopped and turned to see who was calling her. A figure was jogging toward her, but she still couldn’t see exactly who it was. When he got within a few yards, Jenna recognized her lovable lab partner. “Oh, hi there, Noah!”
“Hey, I just noticed you left class early, so I wanted to check on you. Is everything all right?”
“Yes, of course. I was just bored with all those questions,” she said as convincingly as she could.
“Are you sure? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“Myself?” Jenna laughed. “You’ve known me a week, lab boy.”
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