He smiled, but I could see the tension around his eyes. He was trying not to get too emotional and I wondered if he was thinking about Freddie.
When we got to the car, he asked if we could just get take-out and hang out at his place. Happy to enjoy a night in, I agreed. He called in an order of Chinese and thirty minutes later we were unpacking enough food to last us all weekend onto his coffee table.
“What can I get you to drink?”
“Water would be great,” I said, joining him in the kitchen. He promised me a tour of the whole place after dinner, but we were both starving. He poured two glasses of water and handed me one.
Back in the living room, we settled on the couch. Noah was close enough that I could feel the heat from his thigh pressing against mine. It was comfortable, soothing, in a totally hot way. It had been a long time since I’d shared a meal with a man in his home. After Patrick, I was reluctant to get involved with anyone. I didn’t trust my judgement and I certainly didn’t trust men.
Noah was the first guy I’d considered letting in. At all. It was a change, to say the least. He was good and kind and sweet and amazing. He was everything I’d always hoped to find in a person, but had given up looking for after being in Hollywood for so long. I was starting to believe men like him truly only existed on screen.
Noah turned to me and tilted his head. “I thought you were hungry?”
I smiled, realizing I’d been staring at the food in my hand but not eating. “I am. I was just thinking.”
“Anything you want to share?”
I shrugged and leaned back, taking my food with me. “Just that I’m lucky to have met you when I did.”
“I’m lucky, too. There aren’t many single women out there, especially good ones like you, Tara.”
“I don’t know how good I am,” I mumbled, thinking about my plan to destroy Patrick. If Noah knew I was looking into ways to mortify my ex, he might not have had such a high opinion of who I was.
But I couldn’t let Patrick get away with what he did. Apology or no, Patrick was not going to walk away scot free and let me deal with the fallout. I wasn’t going to be the only one left floundering and answering questions about why I did what I did.
After dinner, Noah stuck the leftovers in the fridge. He pulled me close and we snuggled on the couch and watched tv.
I stared at the screen, unseeing. I couldn’t get Noah’s words out of my head. He thought I was good. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be the person he saw. There were things in my past I wasn’t proud of, but everyone had a past. My past helped shape me, but my future showed who I’d become. Did I want to be a vindictive bitch? Did I want to get revenge instead of forgiveness?
I’d never given Olivia a chance to explain what happened in high school. I simply stopped talking to her. Did I owe her? She was my best friend. But if I owed her, what did that say for Patrick?
And was I strong enough to hear what either of them had to say?
Soft snores behind me told me Noah had fallen asleep. I wished there was more I could do for him. Freddie wasn’t at the art show, but I hadn’t expected him to be. I could still see the pain in Noah’s eyes whenever anyone asked about him. With his pictures on display, he was a popular topic of conversation. I’d made it my job to change the subject whenever Freddie came up, but it wasn’t enough. Not for Noah. And not for Freddie.
Before long, my concerns drifted away and I fell asleep wrapped in Noah’s strong arms on his couch, the tv lulling me to sleep just as it did for him.
On Tuesday afternoon, Olivia stopped by Coming Up Daisies. I was getting ready to close up and run home to shower before girls’ night, but I let her in when she said she needed to talk to me.
“I got you guys a tv interview. I heard today that Patrick agreed to it.”
“Really? What did he say?”
Olivia shook her head. “I’m not sure. The tv producer is one of the ones who’s using Town Hall for their recording space while they’re in town. We have a ton of extra rooms and they asked for one of the biggest ones. I went to them first because I thought they’d have the best reach.”
“Thanks, Olivia. I really appreciate you helping me out.”
She shrugged and ducked her chin. “It’s the least I can do. I just wish I could be out there on stage so you could finally get even with me also.”
I swallowed thickly. “I don’t want to hurt you, Olivia.”
She looked up at me, disbelief in her eyes. “It’s okay. I would want to if I were you. What I did wasn’t right.”
For the first time, I realized that while I’d carried embarrassment and anger for the last ten years, Olivia had carried regret and guilt. She truly felt bad for what she did.
“Why did you do it? Why did you tell them that I was afraid someone would write all those things about me?”
Olivia gave me a watery grin and shook her head. “I didn’t actually tell them. I told Debbie. Do you remember her?”
I shook my head. I’d blocked out most of the people we’d gone to high school with.
“Debbie was on the newspaper staff and she was assigned to write something about the play in the paper. I wanted to make sure you didn’t see anything that would upset you so I asked Debbie to please make sure she didn’t say anything like ‘fat’ or ‘inexperienced’ or ‘not talented’ in her article.”
“So Debbie went to them?”
Olivia shook her head. “They overheard us.”
“And then made you one of them,” I said softly, knowing it didn’t make it much better that Olivia hadn’t intentionally handed those girls the exact words that would hurt me. I wanted to be seen for my performance, but I knew there would be a lot of questions about how well I could do. I wasn’t as tiny as Michelle, by a mile, so when I stepped on stage, I knew there would be people thinking I shouldn’t have been cast.
In addition to my added size, my lack of experience as a lead was something I knew would be called into question. With experience came skill. Skill I’d heard a lot of people whispering backstage that I didn’t possess.
When I shared those whispered words with Olivia, I never expected them to show up on poster board in the audience on opening night. I also didn’t expect the school paper to print the details of what happened so I could relive it again and again with the people who hadn’t made it to opening night.
Those girls were smart. They knew they would get busted and that they would be in trouble. Michelle had distanced herself from them so she wasn’t caught, but there was no doubt in my mind that she’d been the brains behind the whole thing.
“After you stopped talking to me, Michelle came to me. She asked if I wanted to sit with them at lunch. I really didn’t, but I had no one else to sit with.”
“Are you trying to say this is all my fault?” I asked, feeling the old hurt and anger well up inside me.
Olivia shook her head. “No! I’m just telling you what happened. I didn’t want to be friends with them, especially after what they did to you, but I had no one else to talk to. After a while I started to like being friends with them. I still hated what they did to you, but I liked being popular for once.”
“You know they were just using you.”
She nodded. “I know. They were constantly asking about you and trying to find out more stuff about you.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That we weren’t friends anymore.”
“Did they ever tell you why they did it?”
“Michelle was jealous. And pissed off. She’d only half-assed her audition because she knew she was a shoe-in. She even tried to get Mrs. Rogers to give her another audition, but she refused. She told Michelle they knew what she was capable of and that you had more talent than she did. It really pissed her off.”
“How do you know that?”
“Janie and Anna were very free with their lips. They were constantly telling me dumb stuff that Michelle did. There were so many times I wanted to call you and destroy
her, but I knew you wouldn’t answer if you knew it was me.”
“I want to be a better person. Noah makes me want to be a better person. I feel like this could be a step in that direction.”
“Are you saying you forgive me?” Olivia asked, her voice rising with each word.
I shook my head. “I’m not there yet. It’s hard for me. You were my best friend, Olivia. Knowing you didn’t do it on purpose helps, but I’m going to have trouble just letting you back in and having things go back to how they were before. It’s been ten years. I’m not the same person I was back then.”
“Neither am I,” she said softly. “I’ve learned a lot of things the hard way. Like what it means to find a true friend.”
“We’ve got a lot of friends.”
She nodded, a soft smile on her lips. “We do. And I know you could take all that away from me with one word. If they knew I was the person in your story, that I was the one who ruined high school, none of them would ever speak to me again.”
“It was a long time ago. Maybe we can start to finally move past it.”
“I’d really like that,” she said, meeting my eyes. “What does that mean for Patrick? Are you going to forgive him, too?”
“Maybe in ten years,” I joked.
Olivia choked out a laugh and shook her head. “I really hope you decide to stay here, Tara. It would be nice to have you around for good.”
I shrugged. “I’m thinking about it. I just have to figure out what I want to do with my life. Then I can figure out where I want to be.”
“You’ll figure it out. You’ve always known who you were. I can’t imagine that’s changed in ten years. You’ll decide what’s right for you.”
“I hope so.”
Chapter 14
Wednesday afternoon I found myself walking in to Winterville High School. I hadn’t ever been in the school, but I was pretty sure I could find my way around with the directions I’d gotten. I’d managed to get to the teachers’ lot and was pretty sure I could make it up to the classroom.
I knocked on the door when I found the right one. Addi looked up at me and smiled. “You found it,” she said with a grin. “Come on in.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate you talking to me.”
“Of course. Anything for a friend. I’m glad this time worked for you though. During the school day can get crazy sometimes.”
“This is perfect for me. Thanks.”
“So what’s going on? You said you had a couple questions about students?”
I nodded and took a deep breath. I hadn’t talked to anyone about my thoughts, and if Addi thought it was dumb, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. “I’m thinking of starting up an acting studio for kids. Probably any age from kindergarten up through high school. It would be in town, so separate from actual school, but I thought the schools would be a good place to get in touch with kids.”
Addi nodded. “It is. There are a lot of programs out there that send in information for the teachers to distribute. It’s easier in the elementary schools though. By the time the kids get to high school, there aren’t many papers going home.”
I scribbled some notes as Addi talked. “What other ways would you recommend trying to reach them?”
Addi rolled her eyes. “They’re all on social media. I’d run some ads there if you can do something by location. You don’t want kids from another state trying to find out what’s going on.”
“True,” I said, taking more notes. I looked up at her patient face and took another deep breath. “I want to create a movie or a tv show, probably a movie, with each group. Ideally, I’d like to find a group and write, produce, and direct a movie during each school year, or maybe twice per year. I want the kids doing the work and just oversee everything.”
“There’s definitely nothing like that around here. I think it’s a really cool idea.”
“Do you think the kids will get into it?”
She thought for a minute before she nodded. “I do. The parents might be another story though. You’d have to be very careful about the content and the rights. You’d need a good lawyer to guide you through the process to make sure you don’t end up sued by kid A’s divorced parent who didn’t sign the form and sees the kid in a movie.”
“I hadn’t thought of that. This could get messy, couldn’t it?”
Addi shrugged. “It could, but I think it could be something awesome for the kids. It sounds like something a lot of them would love to do.”
“Do you think parents would have trouble having their kids involved with something with me? Because of the pictures?”
Addi winced. She recovered quickly, but I still saw the unconscious move. “I honestly don’t know. I would say some will and some probably don’t care and others will never even know about it. I’d definitely be prepared to answer some questions about it. Get a website up, too. Not with the pictures or anything, but so something other than that comes up when people search your name online.”
I nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’ll have to work on that soon.”
“I’d talk to a tax person and work with a lawyer, definitely. I’d also think about forming some kind of corporation or something.”
“I’m actually thinking of creating a 501(c)3.”
“A non-profit? Why?”
“I want the ticket sales or video sales, however the movie is distributed, to go toward cancer research and helping pay for treatment for kids whose families can’t afford it.”
Addi’s eyes teared. “That’s amazing. I think with that as part of it, you’ll definitely get support from the community.”
“I hope so. Noah took me to a gallery opening Friday night where all the artwork was done by kids who were or are in cancer treatment right now. They do the same thing.”
“You need to talk to whoever owns that company. Like now. She’ll be a great resource for you. I can help you get in with the schools, Claire can put you in touch with her lawyer and tax person. She can even help you a little with the 501(c)3 thing since she’s a non-profit also.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t even think about that. I knew she had her own company, but my first thought was you since you’re in the schools.”
“Well, what Claire does is different. Since she comes in and talks to the students, it’s a little easier for her. All she has to do is contact the office and they book her in. For you, it’ll take a lot more work, but you can handle it. Plus, we’ll all help where we can. Assuming you’re planning to do this in Winterville. I guess I should have asked that first.”
I nodded. “I think I want to stay here. My parents are here, and all of you guys. There are a lot of reasons for me to stay. I really do love it here. If I left, it would be just to leave, not because I had to be somewhere else for my job. It doesn’t really make a lot of sense.”
“Plus, there’s Noah,” Addi said with a cheeky grin.
“Yes, there’s Noah.”
“It sounds like things are going really well with him.”
I nodded. “I think so. I like him a lot. He’s really amazing.”
“And has he had anything to do with this decision to start up an acting studio?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t talk to him about it actually. I like him, but there’s a lot about me he still doesn’t know.”
“Like what?” Addi asked, cocking her head to the side.
I shrugged. “Like everything with Patrick. Like the movies I was in. Like the things I did in Hollywood.”
“That’s all in your past. If he judges you based on what you did before you two were together then he’s not the guy you want to be with anyway.”
“Patrick isn’t completely in my past.”
Addi sighed. I knew she was one of my friends who thought I should drop the whole thing and ignore Patrick. “What are you going to do about him?”
“Olivia got me on a talk show. With Patrick. We spun it as a look into how hard it is to break into Hollywood from both sides -
someone successful and someone unsuccessful. I’m sure Patrick is loving that he gets to make me look bad again.”
“Are you sure it was him who leaked those photos?”
I laughed mirthlessly. “He’s the only one who would have had them.”
“His apology said-”
“I know. But Patrick is an accomplished liar and his staff is even better than he is. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s the one responsible. The only thing I can’t figure out is why he bothered with it after all this time. We haven’t been together in over a year. Coming up on two years. Why would be bother leaking pictures of me now?”
“I think that’s why I wonder if it was someone else. Could it have been his girlfriend? Maybe she saw them on his computer and knew he was coming here. Found out you lived here. Maybe she’s behind the whole thing.”
I shook my head slowly, knowing Addi was on to something. It made sense for Cassie to be the one who leaked the photos. For her to try to stop Patrick from having contact with me. It didn’t make me feel better though. I was still humiliated by the pictures.
“I guess it could have been her. I don’t know if it’s enough for me to think he should just get away with it. Or she should. Whoever.”
“I guess I figured with your past and the way your ex-best friend hurt you that you wouldn’t want someone else hurt that way. Even if you don’t care about him anymore.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I feel like I’m not sure about anything. Part of me is so indifferent to him I don’t care, but part of me wants him to pay for making me feel cheap and trashy.”
“Was it cheap and trashy when you guys did it?”
I shake my head, thinking back to the night. I thought I was in love with him. Truthfully, a part of me was in love with him. Taking those pictures was something fun and sexy. The actress and the director. I’d never had a relationship like I had with Patrick.
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