by Bella Rose
“And what happens when she finds out that you’ve been lying to her?” I demanded in a low voice. “What will you say then? She will turn away from you and never want anything to do with you again.”
“She can’t know,” he said stubbornly. He actually folded his arms over his chest like a petulant child. It was aggravating as hell!
“Why not?” I threw up my hands, frustrated, and threw a few choice curses at him. “What would it matter if she knew that you had sent someone? She would have been grateful to you a few days ago when the attack was fresh on her mind. Now she will just feel betrayed. And why wouldn’t she? You’re lying to her and treating her like she’s a child!”
“You seem awfully interested in my daughter.” He sat back in his chair and looked at me with watery eyes. “Are you falling for my Anya?”
“No.” I tried to be nonchalant, but there was too much emotion in my chest. It felt constricted. Air whistled in and out of my lungs, but I could not seem to get enough. Was I panicking? The idea was preposterous.
“You should not speak that way to your Pekhan,” Boris said drunkenly. He swayed in his seat, nearly face-planting onto his desk.
“You’re just about ready to announce that I am the Pekhan,” I reminded him. “You’re retiring. You cannot have it both ways.”
I took a breath to say something else, but there was no point. Boris had passed out right there in his seat.
Chapter Fifteen
Anya
My father was lying. He had to be. Or maybe I just wanted him to be lying, because if he wasn’t, then I didn’t know what to do with Vasily’s appearance in my life. He was powerful, with a commanding presence that threw me off. It felt as if I were two people. I was the young woman who could go in and make demands of my father and be brave and assertive with what I wanted. And then I was this other creature who still felt afraid of being attacked on the street in front of my home. Vasily made me feel things. He made me want things. Things that weren’t normal in my world. Until Vasily, my existence could have been described as pretty vanilla.
I had to plow my way back out of my father’s house now. The lower level was even more crowded. Someone had apparently unlocked the cellar because there was liquor everywhere. Men were fast on their way to getting drunk. I wound my way past them, garnering almost no attention. They knew me even if I did not know them, which meant for the most part that there was a hands-off policy.
Of course, this did not extend to Antonin. The ass was still lounging about on the front steps as though he owned the place. What we needed was a No Loitering sign. Not that it would have done much good. Antonin wasn’t the type to follow any rules but his own.
“All done talking to Daddy dearest?” he said mockingly.
I gazed at him, suddenly realizing that he might be the one to tell me what I needed to know. He would certainly know the answers. It would just be whether or not he thought it was in his best personal interest to tell me.
“What?” He frowned, but the sarcasm was gone from his voice. Beside him, his two lackeys were looking on with undisguised interest.
“Do you know Vasily?”
“Little girl, I know a lot of men named Vasily,” Antonin retorted.
Something in his manner tipped me off. He was acting shifty. The bravado had faded a bit, and he was actually looking wary. Strange. I tried again. “This Vasily has been hanging around my house for the last several days. The Orlovs were bothering me, and he put a stop to it.”
Antonin looked only mildly interested. “Did he?”
“Do you know him?”
“Let’s say that I did.” There was something almost careful in the way he was talking. “What would it matter? The man is protecting you, is he not? Shouldn’t you just be thankful and let him do his job?”
“So he was assigned to protect me!” I crowed. I didn’t know why I felt momentarily triumphant about that. It was horrible. If Vasily had been assigned to me, that meant I was nothing but a toy he was stuck holding for the moment. “Was he assigned to seduce me too?” I asked bitterly. “I find it difficult to believe that my father would go that far, but sometimes I’m very wrong.”
“Seduce you?” The wheels were turning inside Antonin’s head. I could practically see them. Something was not right. Then a slow smile spread across his face. There was something undeniably cruel about his look. “If your father knew that there was seduction involved, he would have Vasily drawn and quartered.”
“No.” The word slipped out before I could choke it back. Why had I said anything at all? The expression on Antonin’s face told me he wasn’t kidding. Vasily was in deep trouble, and I was the reason. Or perhaps his own lack of self-control was the reason. I couldn’t be sure.
“Do you have feelings for him?” Antonin began to pace a slow circle around me. His voice was all mocking sarcasm. “Were you falling for him? Did you think that you could love him? How sad that he was only screwing you to pass the time since he was required to keep watch over you anyway.”
I lifted my chin. I was better than this. I didn’t have to believe this asshole. Although there might be a good bit of truth in the idea that my father wouldn’t have approved a seduction. Still, Antonin had his own reasons for telling me what he had. “I don’t believe you. Vasily would not seduce a woman for sport.”
Antonin’s low laugh raised all the hair on the back of my neck. I felt a chill slip through my body. The sound was cruel and harsh. “Such an innocent, aren’t you, Anya? I wonder how a woman like you could have satisfied a man of Vasily’s appetites. You’re too weak for him anyway.”
“I’m not weak,” I said through gritted teeth.
Why was I standing here dealing with this? I could leave anytime I wanted. Was I hoping that Antonin would let some bit of valuable information slip? What did I have to gain by standing here and allowing him to mock me?
“You’re an ass,” I told him quietly. “You’ve always been an ass, and you will always be an ass, and that is why you will never go any higher in my father’s organization than you already have. I know what you are. I know what kind of man you are behind all of that bravado you wear.” I stared at him straight in his face. “You’re pathetic and I feel sorry for you and anyone foolish enough to get mixed up with you.”
With that parting shot, I marched down the stairs and all the way to my car. I got inside, maneuvered my way out of the crowded drive, and headed home. I needed to be home. I was shaking and my teeth were chattering and I didn’t even know if I was scared or angry. What was wrong with me? I needed to get a grip and fast. There was something strange going on. If I kept losing my damn mind and cowering in the corner, I was going to get burned.
Vasily
I tried to rouse Boris, but he was snoring so loudly I almost expected someone to come running to see what the racket was. With a sigh, I picked up the bottle of vodka. Barely a smidge sloshed around the bottom when I tilted the bottle. He’d drunk it all. I’d always been aware of the fact that he drank a lot. But I had never thought twice about it.
The door opened and Antonin swaggered inside with a shit-eating grin on his face. His expression burned me. Obviously he felt like he’d gotten one over on me. When had my friend turned into more of a pain in the ass than someone I could count on?
“Did the old lush finally pass out?” Antonin snorted. He poked at Boris and laughed.
I didn’t appreciate the disrespect. Boris was still our Pekhan. Even if he was a bit of a drunk. “You should show some respect,” I growled.
“What? Like you did when you fucked his daughter?” The sly expression on his face suggested he knew more. I was having trouble figuring out how he knew what he did.
I remembered the strange characters watching Anya’s house and following her. “It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the one giving orders to all those men spying on Anya.”
“What are you blowing about?” Antonin scoffed. “Anya told me you fucked her. She asked me if I knew you. I to
ld her that I did, but that I couldn’t believe you’d settled for some innocent piece of fluff. Especially considering which direction your appetites lean in.”
“You bastard!” I could not believe he’d said such a thing to an innocent young woman. “What is wrong with you? Why would you say something that you knew would make her feel dirty and used?”
He only smiled. It occurred to me then that he had orchestrated this on purpose. “What did I do to you?” I whispered. “We were friends. We grew up together like brothers. What did I do that made you so angry that you would try to destroy me like you’re doing?”
“You think you’re so good, but you’re nothing but a bastard like the rest of us.” He spat the words at me like venom.
They rang familiar in my ears. I searched my brain and realized where I’d heard that before. “The men who attacked me near the pub. You’re the one who sent them.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The asshole was actually batting his eyes like an innocent.
“Don’t play dumb. It isn’t becoming,” I retorted. “Then men who attacked me earlier used those exact same words.”
“Probably because they know you and those words are true. You do think you’re better than the rest of us. You’re not. You’re just a thug like we are. Only they gave you a license to kill, and you think that makes you better than everyone.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the truth was that I could see why he would think that. “Just because I was made assassin doesn’t make me better than you.”
“In the ranks you answer to no one but the Pekhan, and that stupid fuck”—he gestured to Boris—“wants to make you the next Pekhan. You’ll answer to no one but yourself, and you’re no better than the rest of us. Tell me, how is that right? Why should we follow you?”
“Because I’m the one appointed by our leader,” I argued. “It’s the way we’ve been doing things for decades.”
“Then perhaps it is time for a change.”
Antonin turned and stalked out of the office. He was heading toward the balcony where Boris often addressed the men. I think I realized from the start what he was doing. My gut knotted with tension, and I could not make a decision about what I should do.
Antonin paused by the railing. He lifted his hands and whistled at the men. I could not count the number of times he had done this same thing in the past. He had been running things behind the scenes, dealing with Boris’s drinking problem for years. What had caused him to snap? Boris’s decision to have me protect Anya? Or was it more complicated than that?
“My comrades!” Antonin shouted.
There was a roar as they answered in unison. The sheer volume of their voices drowned out the words they spoke. The Romanovs’ ranks had never been this full before. I wondered if that was Boris’s idea or Antonin’s. I suspected the latter.
I leaned casually against the wall. At this point I could do nothing without making matters worse for myself and for Boris. Or maybe my inaction was more deeply rooted than that. Perhaps I did not want the mantle of leadership. I was happy working alone—in the shadows. I liked my job and my function within the family. What would I do with a position of leadership like Pekhan?
“Our leader has made his choice about the succession of our ranks!” Antonin called out in Russian. “I am to be your new Pekhan! I will lead the Romanovs into this new era of prosperity and success for all! What say you, comrades? Will you follow me?”
There was a rousing shout mingled with several exclamations of surprise. I could hear a few dissenters whispering that if Boris hadn’t said it himself, then it wasn’t true. I folded my hands over my middle and waited to see what would happen. Antonin had been headstrong all his life. Now his stubborn, impatient nature had led him to do something that would have far-reaching consequences.
“They don’t sound convinced,” I commented. I waited a few moments to see what he would say, but he was too busy shouting at the soldiers in his personal guard to silence those who opposed him.
I sighed. It had begun.
Chapter Sixteen
Anya
I think I knew that he would come. It was late. The clock on the mantel read nearly midnight before I heard his motorcycle in the driveway. The barrage of conflicting emotions was instant and devastating. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to reconcile all the pieces of my soul. I wanted him here. I didn’t want him here. I wanted to feel the delicious release in submitting my body to him, but I didn’t want to give up my autonomy. I wanted to be brave. I wanted to cower. I was a mess, and the only thing it did was to leave me angry and disillusioned.
Or maybe disillusioned is the wrong word. I had been so wary about him from the start. Why hadn’t I listened to my instincts? I knew better! I had grown up in a mafiya family for goodness’ sake. I knew what kind of monsters lurked on the streets. My father had most of them on his payroll.
There was a knock at the door. I didn’t answer it. Why bother. The man would let himself in anyway. Or maybe he wouldn’t, and then I could stop feeling this horrible duality.
Yes. There was the sound of the lock clicking. Then the creak as the front door swung open. I heard boots on the floor, and then he was standing right in front of me. Why did he have to look so good? There was still an almost supernatural look to him. His face was so chiseled and handsome. His dark eyes were unfathomable, and his body was incredible.
In his black jeans, thick boots, and a black T-shirt, he seemed like the villain from a pop culture film. His aura was dark. Something about him made my mind scream danger even as my body began to soften and ache for his touch. I had never had a penchant for bad boys before now. But it was pretty safe to say that I could not resist him in this moment.
“You didn’t answer the door,” he said quietly.
“Did it matter?”
“Of course it matters. When I knock on the door, I expect you to answer it. That way I don’t have to break and enter.”
I snorted. What an ego. “And if I don’t want you inside my house because you’re a liar who was only hired by my father to keep an eye on me?”
“It wasn’t quite like that.”
“No,” I agreed. “You’re right. Apparently my father would be pissed off if he knew that you had slept with me. Go figure. I guess he’d better not task Casanova with bodyguard duty next time.”
“It’s not like that, Anya, and you know it.” There was a rough edge to his voice. Why couldn’t I be mad at him? I could manage it when he wasn’t around. So why couldn’t I make it last when he was sitting right in front of me?
I couldn’t look at him. If I did he would see that I was hopelessly infatuated with him. I hadn’t allowed myself to truly sit and think about the last time we—well, the last time we fucked. The man had taken me like an animal outside and up against a porch railing. I should have been horrified, but I wasn’t. I had loved every single second. He had wrapped his hand around my neck and squeezed, and it had turned me on until I was dripping wet and ready to come for him.
What was wrong with me? That’s what I wanted to know.
Vasily squatted down in front of my couch so that he was nearly eye level. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”
That’s what he called me. During sex that was what he called me—his sweet girl. Why? What was sweet about what we were doing? It was dirty and probably wrong. I felt bad about it whenever he wasn’t around. If I had been a regular churchgoer, I’m pretty sure our orthodox priest would have fainted dead away had I described these incidents to him.
“Guilt,” I whispered. “That’s what I feel.”
“What?” His brow furrowed. I’d confused him. No wonder. I confused myself.
I tried again. “Guilt is what I feel about the—the things we do.”
“Sex?” He inhaled deeply and then exhaled long and slow. “You’re telling me that you feel guilty because we have sex?”
“No.” I made a face. Why didn’t he get it? “Because o
f the way we have sex.”
“Ah.”
Oh, that smug look! It was like he was laughing at me or something. I hated the way that made me feel. Like some naive schoolgirl who couldn’t come to grips with the fact that the birds and the bees was a euphemism for something down and dirty that humans did because they were slaves to their damn hormones.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said, the fervency in my voice shocking even me. “Don’t you dare judge me.”
Now he looked careful. “I’m not judging you.”
“Yes you are. I can see it on your face.” And I sure as hell wasn’t letting him get away with weaseling out of it either.
“It’s not judgment.” His voice was gentle. “I’m just trying to figure out a way to help you see that you don’t have to be confined by everyone else’s definition of what makes sex right or wrong.”
I had to pause a second to let that one sink in. “Oh.”
“Just because one person likes to be spanked and another doesn’t, does not make the act itself inherently right or wrong.” Something about him was so very—wise. “There are people out there that believe the only correct and proper reason to have sex is for the purpose of procreation. Do you think they’re right?”
“No,” I muttered. God save me from the thought! “I mean, not that I don’t want kids someday, you know? But I think I’d like to have sex even when I’m not trying to get pregnant.” I sort of trailed off as my mind filled with these weird images of Vasily bouncing a baby on his knee. I looked at him, feeling as though I were seeing him anew. “Do you want kids?”
“Yes.”
Not one bit of hesitation. How weird. Would he keep spanking me even when I was a mother? It took me a few seconds to realize that I had said that out loud. He was laughing. His dark eyes danced, and he looked so incredibly handsome that my stomach did a little flip-flop.