He chokes out a bitter laugh. “No, she got the hell out of there. The fastest I’ve ever seen her move. I just talked to Officer Myron; she’s been arrested. The guys at the warehouse have also been shut down. Tito, the guy you mentioned, hasn’t been found yet, but we’ll find him. And Father has been placed in a more restricted area. I won’t let him hurt any of us, Mara. He’s already done too much damage.”
“I’m afraid they’ll always find a way to control us, Luka. What are we going to do?”
He sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “We’re going to take down their rats one by one, until it’s just us and them…and I’m going to find where they’re syphoning the money…that would help.” He leans over and puts his elbows on his knees. “I’ve gotta do better. Be five steps ahead instead of still playing catch-up.”
We both stare at Elias and mull over the disaster that is our family.
“He loves you, Mara,” Luka says eventually. “Don’t let him go. Fight for him. I think the shame of all of his debts has been crushing him—if he knows you already know, I think you can work through it.”
I nod. “I’m going to do whatever it takes.” I look at him. “Within reason.” A small grin cracks my dry lips. “I’m tired of playing dirty. Seeing who we could become...Luka, we have been raised to lie, cheat, steal, and then act like it’s all that we deserve. I don’t want to be like our parents. Do you think we can really change what’s deep inside us? Who deep down we’ve been cultivated to be?”
He turns to me, the fury in his eyes burning bright. “I do. By truly loving someone outside of ourselves, and by doing one right thing at a time. Crushing the curse,” he adds. “I’m determined to do it. Having the love of Eden has changed me. I’ve seen what I’m capable of and I don’t want to go back to who I was.”
My eyes fill with tears and I reach out and touch his face. “I’m proud of you. I want to be someone I’m proud of too.”
“When I saw your interview and we talked on the phone and you told me what you were really up to, I knew you’d changed too, Mara. I love you. We’re going to be better. Our parents can’t define us, not if we don’t allow it.”
I reach over and hug him, clinging to his words with hope that feels life-changing. If Elias wakes up, I’ll prove to him that we can grow together. This can be a whole new start for both of us.
Dear Elias,
After such a long time of you not giving me the time of day, I’d given up. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had.
I’ve tried everything to move on and forget you, and even though I knew that would never happen, I didn’t think I stood a chance.
Until last night. It was like you saw me again, Elias. And all the waiting, all the things I’ve done to forget you—things I’m not proud of—they all washed away in that moment when you danced with me.
We kissed. Not just any kiss. The kiss. It was as if no time had passed at all and yet it also felt like a thousand years were galloping by and we were reaching out to make time stand still for us…to appreciate the magnitude, the beauty, of the moment. I’ll never forget it. I’ve never felt that way, even when we kissed before. It felt like you were owning me, laying claim to me, and I was there for every part of it, saying YES at the top of my lungs.
And then you disappeared and I don’t know what happened, but I feel like I’ve lost you again.
I don’t think I can keep going through this pain. I don’t like who I’ve become without you, and after last night, I feel like I’m floundering in hell once again.
Please, Elias. Tell me what to do. When will we be who we were? I can’t stand feeling like a stranger to you, a stranger to myself. Help me.
Always yours,
Mara
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Mara
In the wee hours of the morning, the doctor comes in and I can tell by the way his shoulders relax that the worst of it has passed.
“This is what I like to see,” he says, pointing at the monitor. “His oxygen stats are in the healthy range and his heart rate has picked up.” He looks at Luka and me. “The two of you should get some rest. The drugs we gave him will help him sleep a while yet.”
I nod and put my hand on Luka’s arm. “Go. I’ll stay here with him.”
“I was just going to tell you the same thing.”
“I can’t leave him.” I bite my lip, still feeling on the verge of having a meltdown but managing to hold myself together.
“Okay, but wake me up if anything happens or if you decide to rest.”
“I will.”
He leans over and hugs me and looks Elias over once more before walking out of the room.
A nurse comes in to replace the IV bag and when the room empties out again, I’m left alone with Elias. The heaviness of how I almost lost him hits me and I start trembling. I move the chair closer to his side and take his hand, leaning over until my forehead touches the covers.
“I can’t lose you,” I whisper. “Please wake up and stop running from me. My heart can’t take it anymore, Elias. Please.” I plead into the blankets, my words muffled. When I feel the rush of blood to my head and tears threatening, I lean in closer to him, wishing with everything in me that I could trade places with him.
“Mara?” His voice is low and ragged.
I lift my head, the tears falling when I see him looking back at me. “Hi,” I whisper.
“Am I dying?” He swallows hard, but his lips tilt up in a half-smile.
“No, you’re not dying.” I laugh and brush his hair back with my hand. “But you scared me to death.”
“It feels like I must be dying. You’re here. Are you real?”
I wipe my face and it feels as though it will split wide open, I’m smiling so big. “I promise you I’m real.”
He lifts the covers back and when he does, he winces with the pain. He pats the space next to him anyway, ignoring whatever hurts.
“Get in here. This dream needs you in the bed beside me.”
I move toward the bed but pause before getting in. “I don’t want to hurt you. Where does it hurt?”
He holds up the opposite arm. “This side is worse. And I don’t care. Hurt me. I’m dying. Get in here.”
I giggle as I crawl under the covers, careful not to bump into anything, but the only place to go is in the crook of his shoulder and neck. When I finally give in and lie down on my side, touching his neck with my lips, he puts his bandaged arm around me and sighs.
“Better. Now I can die a happy man.”
“Quit talking about dying. You’re fine. You’re going to be really sore when the drugs wear off.”
“Don’t leave me, Mara,” he whispers.
My words brush against his skin as I whisper, “Never.”
I feel when his breathing changes and I relax and give in to sleep too.
* * *
I wake up in the same spot, feeling much better than when I fell asleep. I’ve barely blinked when he speaks.
“I remember.”
I hear the wash of pain in his words. His agony.
“I’m so sorry, Elias.”
“He’s gone, isn’t he. Winthrop…”
I lean up and look at him, my heart breaking when I see the anguish in his eyes. “Yes,” I whisper.
“He died saving me. He’s always saved me.”
“He wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’m to blame.”
“No, you’re not. My parents are to blame. For all of this.” I sit up and try to shift away, but he grabs my hand and holds me in place.
The doctor comes in before Elias can say anything else and I take the opportunity to get out of bed so the doctor can look him over. Two of the nurses come in and I move to the corner of the room and listen as they drill him with questions and give him more meds.
“I don’t feel that bad. I’ve been through worse than this with fighting. I don’t need the drugs.” He tries to sit up and the nurse props pillows under him until he’s almo
st upright.
“We’ll do a few breathing treatments. Your burns will be uncomfortable, but they could be so much worse. You should stay ahead of your pain level though, so your temperature doesn’t elevate.”
“My temperature elevates with that girl in the room,” Elias says, giving me a shy smile. “I’ll be fine as long as she’s here.” He reaches out his hand for me and I walk to him, taking it.
The doctor smiles. “She hasn’t left your side all night. I don’t think she’s going anywhere.”
After his breathing treatment and a quick clean up, the room clears out again and Elias motions for me to crawl in next to him again. I don’t hesitate this time. This is what I’ve wanted for so long, it doesn’t feel real. Part of me is afraid that when the drugs leave his system, he’ll go back to pushing me away.
“I’m not going anywhere, Elias.” I shift so I’m facing him in a way where he doesn’t have to move to see me. “On my way here, my mind went to all of the worst places. The thought of losing you…it would shatter me. But you know what would even more? If we didn’t stop this ridiculous standstill between us and try to make a life together work. I’m exhausted from chasing you, exhausted from giving up, exhausted from running.” I lean my forehead onto his when he smiles at me. “I want to fall into you. No more hiding, no more excuses…I only want to love you from now until we’re old and cantankerous. And even then, I want to be by your side, making fun of your ear hair and crotchety attitude.”
Elias laughs and his fingers wind through my hair, pulling me closer. His face quickly grows serious and I’m terrified he’s going to reject me again. “I have a lot to make up for, so much to tell you…Winthrop—” His voice cracks and he presses his lips together. “He has tried to talk sense into me about you for years now, but never more plainly than the day he—” His eyes fill with tears. “I can’t believe it’s taking losing him to get through to me.” His eyes penetrate mine with a new fervor and I gasp when he tugs harder on my hair. “I’m not letting you go ever again. I’m going to tell you the mess I’ve made of things and then I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you…becoming a better person…being someone you…and Winthrop…can be proud of.”
“I’m already proud of you,” I whisper. “So proud. And I know more than you think. Might not be the most accurate, but my mom filled me in on some of it.”
He groans and I lean closer and kiss him. I want to knock him off his feet with a scorching kiss, but since he’s already incapacitated, I keep it gentle. He tries to deepen the kiss and I get swept up in the moment, but when it quickly heats up, I pull away. He groans again and I grin.
“You need your rest.”
“I need you.”
“You’ve got me.”
“Okay, let me tell you what’s going on. And I won’t blame you for running after you hear everything.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind.”
He grins and kisses my hand. And then he begins the long story of how he got blackmailed by my father, my words not his. He says everything in a way that still takes responsibility and I have to respect him for that.
“If I stayed away from you until the time he saw fit, he would help me get rid of my dad’s debts. The problem was, every time he paid a debt off, he charged me interest and it was beyond the pay I got for being his advisor. I began looking for other ways, winning big a few times at the casino. I’d win enough to pay off some, but not all…and the cycle began. Except I didn’t win big enough. I lost a lot more than I won and he had a way of finding out every time. I started fighting and that was one way I could have more control over the money. Less risk if I just won every fight, right? But he found out about that too and got his hands in that. I still don’t know who his eyes are, but he’s found a way to infiltrate every facet of my mess.”
“Tito’s working for him at the warehouse.”
“What?” His jaw clenches and I’m glad we’re hundreds of miles away from Tito right now. “How do you know?”
“I tried to pay my father off…Tito was the man who picked up the money. And the whole interest thing...I saw firsthand how my father managed to pull you further into his control.”
“What do you mean, you tried to pay your father off? What did you do?”
I shrug. “I had an account that was doing well and used it to take care of you. Luka was working on taking care of the rest. You would do the same for me.”
His eyebrows crease in the middle with his frown. “I’d do anything for you, but I need to make this right. This can’t be on you. My mother left me an inheritance. I didn’t realize there were valuable gemstones right under my nose. Of course, it’s probably gone now. I don’t know if they’re still at my place or if they went up in flames with Luka’s office.”
“We’ll take care of it, Elias. Luka is handling my parents. My mom has been arrested and my dad has been placed in another facility with people Luka trusts. No sign of Tito yet, but we won’t worry about that, okay? We can get your house back too. Don’t worry. Just get well and it’ll all be okay.”
“No, Mara,” he says, getting agitated. The machine beeps and he takes a deep breath. The stats level out again in a few moments. “I can’t let you guys pay for what I’ve done. Listen…” He lifts his head back up to the ceiling and when he looks at me again, I forget to breathe. His eyes are so intense. “I don’t want that house. I don’t know why I thought I had to prove something to my parents by keeping it when neither of them are even alive. And if they were, they wouldn’t be proud of me, no matter what I do. I know that now. And I’ve always tried to at least make you proud of me. I will always come up short.”
I shake my head. And he puts his fingers on my lips.
“It’s just true. But it’s time I turn it around and stop going about things the wrong way. I’ll earn my living the right way and I’ll live modestly until I’m able to give you everything you deserve.”
There’s one more topic I don’t really want to bring up, but I need to know. “What about Brienne?”
“Brienne and I are friends. She knows I’m in love with you. We never had sex. I haven’t been with anyone since you, Mara. And the times before I was with you, I was just trying to forget. You were still right there in my head, telling me I was being foolish to give up on you. After we made love, I knew I couldn’t be with anyone else. You would always be there overshadowing everything and everyone.” He pauses for a moment. “What about Alex?”
“Alex always knew I was in love with you too. I asked him to come to make you jealous. I’m not proud of it. I’m going to call it my last tie to being a Catano…I manipulated the situation and it wasn’t fair to anyone. I’m sorry I did that to him and to you.”
“I’m sure he wasn’t suffering,” he mutters.
“We didn’t have sex either. Not once in the time I decided to try to win you back.”
“I’d have forgiven you if you had. I didn’t deserve your loyalty, Mara, but I plan to earn it. I promise you that.”
I kiss him then, without reservation. It gives me life. Boldness. I feel forgiveness racing through me and the mercy from him returning, as if we’d never hurt one another in the first place. A new understanding flows between us in this kiss. One full of hunger and hope and trust. I finally see his heart completely and he sees mine. All the years of feigning something else are over.
When I finally pull back for air, I hold onto his face with both hands. “I don’t need anything but you, Elias Lancaster. I promise you I will be happy whether we live in a shack or a mansion, as long as we’re together.”
“How about a shack on the water? Enough to raise a kid or two?”
I grin against his lips. “That will be perfect.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Elias
It’s been a motherfucking epic week, to say the least. I don’t think my brain has caught up with all of it yet. The shock of losing Winthrop, the constant pai
n my body is in, even the shortness of breath…it’s all been set aside for now to absorb all that’s going on with Mara.
I can’t fucking believe it.
She hasn’t left my side. Even after telling her everything.
To lay all my burdens down and have her not run the other way but rather embrace me, embrace all of me with no judgment, it’s humbling.
Affirming.
I feel like I can do anything.
Invincible.
Not in a stupid, reckless way, which has been my default, but in a revolutionary, I’m going to finally get it together kind of way.
It can’t go any other way—I can’t lose her again. So I will make sure I keep my promises.
Realizing that so much agony could’ve been avoided had we just discussed things openly, does a shift in my thinking. I know that it was crazy not to confide in her when her father put a stop to our relationship. I should’ve done everything I could to let her know my heart hadn’t changed. Telling her how hurt I was about her moving on without me even though I’d made it seem like I’d gone on without her, was such a mistake. Every omission and outright lie I’ve fed her since our chasm has only served to further divide us and I swear to myself that I won’t ever let that happen again. I can’t believe I did in the first place, but if I can say I’ve lived and learned, I’m growing.
Mara is in her room showering when Luka knocks on the door. She’s only left me long enough to shower and to bring food back and forth. The rest of the time, she’s been right by my side. I’ve talked everything out with Luka too, with Mara listening to every word. It feels like I’ve got both of my best friends back.
I’ve got my world back.
“Looking even better today, man. You feeling more like yourself?”
“I haven’t felt this good since I kissed your sister for the first time.”
“TMI.” He laughs, but the relief in his eyes, the excitement, is genuine. “It’s about time. Don’t hurt her again.”
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