by Dark Angel
Lucy
The cold, unfeeling letters against the stone make me glad to have asked Gian to come with me to visit Tommy. I asked him to come with me, and I’ll go into Tommy’s room alone. My fingers feel safe inside Gian’s.
“Welcome to Sutherland Rehabilitation Facilities,” a woman in lavender scrubs greets us at reception.
“Hi,” I say with a little shake in my voice. Gian puts his other hand to the small of my back. “I’m Lucy Tomlinson, here to see Thomas Tomlinson, my brother.” I already feel less stressed and more excited because I want to see his face. I've never gone so long without seeing my brother’s face. I took care of him.
I’m glad someone else, a professional, or a team of them by the upscale looks of these facilities, was able to take care of Tommy for me. For a second I feel a brush of guilt, but I know that I need to let myself have my own life.
A strange life that is nothing like what I pictured for myself…but that’s the strange thing. Until my bother was taken care of, I had never really imagined what my life might look like if I could choose. When I thought I wanted to run far away from Gian, I imagined that my brother and I would go live boring lives in some small town until we were creaky and old.
But now I've quit my job at the diner, and I don’t have my apartment anymore. I have a friend. A probably married boyfriend. My life isn’t anything like what I imagined. But now I have hope and the possibility to figure out just what I want that to be.
And the idea that someone else is married to Gian sours everything in my stomach instantly. The weight of it hits me and when I’m following the nurse to Tommy’s room, I look back at Gian with pleading eyes as he sits down in the waiting area at reception.
Maybe I can’t have the one thing I never knew that I wanted because Gian must belong to someone else.
I feel so stupid. I can’t be thinking about this now. What if the worry reads all over my face and it upsets Tommy, who has already been through so much?
I inhale deeply and look at the closed door the nurse leaves me at.
I walk in with a smile on my face. Tommy looks clean and well taken care of, but he looks utterly exhausted. He also looks pissed when he sees me, which takes me aback.
“Luce, I can’t believe you let that asshole throw me in this place,” Tommy says, gritting his teeth and looking up at me with narrowed eyes. “And if you’re fucking him, I don’t want to believe that either. But I can’t believe I’m finally sober,” Tommy says and I hear his voice crack. “I feel like I haven’t seen myself or my own life in years, Luce, thank you so much. But there’s something that I have to tell you,” Tommy says, reaching out for my hand.
I sit down in the chair next to his bed and hold his hand. It feels warm and clean and makes me breathe so much easier.
“Lucy, Giancarlo Sandoval’s crazy wife and this other dude I owed money to, this biker Luke Gravos, they wanted me to kill their husbands. They were promising to erase my debts and make me a wealthy man,” Tommy says this, and I see him searching my eyes for something.
My reaction? To see if I knew this already?
I can’t breathe for a second and I’m so confused.
The note…it wasn’t about how he owed Gian more than anyone else. It was because that’s who these women wanted him to cross off first. The idea of Gian being hurt terrifies me. The idea that someone who should care about him — whoever this wife of his is — orchestrating the hurt kills me. And Tommy, a killer? That’s almost too much for me to handle and I can’t say anything right now. I should. My lips part and nothing comes out.
“I just wanted to give us a better life, Luce. I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t exactly say no to them. But…Gian told me that it has been taken care of. He told me yesterday, on the phone, he told me everything.” Tommy squeezes my hand again. “Lucy, do you trust Giancarlo Sandoval? Can we trust this guy?”
I don’t know much about these deals, but I know that I can trust Gian. No matter my doubts or the dumb fights we've had, no matter how strange our courtship was if you would even call it that, I know I can trust Gian. I feel it deeper in my bones than I’ve ever felt anything before in my life. “Yes, I trust Gian. I love him,” I say, finally looking at Tommy.
Tears are welling in my eyes and when Tommy pulls me into his arms, I’m so grateful. I can’t believe that only a few weeks ago, Tommy was strung out, I was barely able to pay for my box of an apartment, and I had no friends in the world.
Gian told me that he was going to keep me forever.
I know he wanted to tell me about his wife — I know that he was going to tell me something before, after I was dancing with Margo, and I didn’t let him. It must've been easy to hold me and not say anything, because now the sadness I saw in his eyes makes so much sense.
“Tommy, I’m so glad you’re doing better. I’m going to visit you every day. I know you’ll be out of here soon and you can do anything you want. You’re free,” I tell him, kissing him on the cheek.
Tommy releases me and squeezes my hand before letting me go. “I still feel like I want to sleep for a thousand years…even though it's been like I was sleepwalking through life. But do me a favor. Don’t visit me. Enjoy having your own life, and then when I’m out of here, we can spend actual time together. I…I need time to decompress everything from the last seven years, to be honest. I haven’t been dealing with it like you have at all.”
I purse my lips together. I want to argue with that, but I also want to give him what he’s asking for. Tommy deserves this. He’s asking me to leave him alone, but it isn’t like all the other times.
“You know how to call if you need me. If you need anything,” I say, standing up. I’ll give him his space. “I love you, brother,” I tell Tommy. Walking out of that room is difficult, but an enormous weight on my shoulders is lifted, too. For the first time in my life, I know that my brother is going to be okay.
I know that I’m going to be okay.
I walk back out and see a downtrodden look on Gian’s face. He knows that I know the truth. He expects me to be angry.
“The next time I dance, I’d like to not have a terrible ending,” I break the silence.
It's a question in a way. If Gian doesn’t say something about how he’s not going to have that, well then I know that Gian has done so much good for me, but I need to be free of him. But what really makes me feel free is being with him.
“You can have absolutely anything you want,” Gian says, and I hear the emotion thick in his voice. “I thought my wife, Terry, I thought she loved me a long time ago. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone else,” he says.
I wrap my arm around Gian’s neck and kiss him. “But you did?” I ask in a whisper quiet voice.
“I have,” Gian says, kissing my nose.
“Thank you for everything,” I say. I don’t want to rehash everything right now. I just want to go home. And home? Home is wherever Gian is.
14
Lucy
After more than a rocky start and some twists I couldn’t have imagined, the day I never dared dream of is here.
I’d offered my body to Giancarlo Sandoval. I thought it would be for one night, but it was for the rest of my life.
We were both in too deep and when he said I could leave, all I wanted was to stay.
His ex-wife Terry decided to get my brother to kill him.
And now, a finalized divorce, a crazy ex-wife being considerably less crazy with someone else, and nothing to keep us from being happy, Gian and I are getting married.
“I could have taken you anywhere in the world, you know,” Gian whispered to me.
Call me tacky but I wanted to get married in Wicked Paradise. Getting married in a casino is not normally the classiest act, sure, but I found it romantic to get married in the place where we met. The place where we first kissed. The place where we both learned to open up our hearts and love again.
“I have everything I’ve ever wanted, right now,” I say, and
my eyes are already watering.
“You may now kiss the bride,” the priest tells us, and Gian grabs me tight and kisses me so hard, so passionately, so rough and tender at once, I forget that we’re anywhere else or with anyone…I moaned.
What can I say, that’s how good Gian kisses me! The whole world evaporates, and my body responds.
My face heats up and I know I must be bright red from embarrassment, but I also can’t manage to care because I have everything.
When my heartbeat returns to normal, I look over at Tommy. He gave me away today, and I married Gian. The huge rock on my finger is weighing it down, but for the first time in my life I am actually free. Tommy gave me away, but he is more of a part of my life than ever.
I have not one but two incredible men in my life right now and I’m so grateful I could burst. I reach out and squeeze Tommy’s hand.
“You’re so beautiful, Luce. Congratulations,” Tommy says. His eyes are watering, and that makes my eyes water.
Then I look over at Gian, and I can’t help it. I totally lose it. I’m a mess of happy tears and sounds of happiness, and I jump into his arms. Those strong arms that hold me so tight, spin me, and lift me up while he carts me off to the dance floor.
“I know this is like so not kosher,” I say and bite my lower lip. “But you said Terry, your ex-wife, you said she was trying to have Tommy kill you. Did your employee, Zander, know? And are they really just off somewhere with a big pile of money?” I told myself that I wasn’t going to ask these things. Not because Gian didn’t want to tell me because I felt pretty sure he would. But still, I couldn’t help but ask.
Gian’s eyes widen. “Oh, so you wanna do this here?” He says, but he’s laughing. I can’t believe how light the air is between us with such a heavy topic. “Zander didn’t know. The reason he was so torn up is because he’s always been so loyal. So wanting to be with Terry? He didn’t know what he was getting into then,” Gian laughs, running a hand down my back as he spins me around the dance floor more.
I feel like a princess right now.
Even if I’m talking about my husband’s ex-wife. I mean, we can’t all be virgins, can we?
“Zander is still going to work for me, after they get back from a long vacation. Loyal people are extremely hard to find. Terry’s parents are the ones that pushed her to marry me. I didn’t believe in love then, but I tried to love Terry. And Terry? I don’t know that she cared or believed either, but Zander dealt with the majority of her crap and they came out in love on the other side. Who would have guessed?” Gian kisses my forehead. “Love is…silly like that.”
I have never heard Gian use a word like silly before and it tickles me. I think I actually giggle before Gian pulls me into his arms and kisses away all my thoughts.
Happily ever after worked out surprisingly well for everyone, I guess, and I think about Tommy when I come up for air. He’s dancing with Margot…
“Oh, Gian, look who is next!” I say, pointing with my eyes.
“Your love is infectious,” Gian says in a mock accusatory tone. “Now they caught it, I think you’re right,” Gian nods, indicating how close they are dancing.
Margot is blushing. She never blushes.
We dance all night, until all our guests are tuckered out, and I’m exhausted. Gian carries me off to the elevator and I’m so beat, I fall right asleep in his arms.
To think I used to lie awake at night, wondering if I could make rent, and now I can fall asleep in the elevator up to the penthouse suite I share with my husband.
I didn’t need a big wedding. I had no big honeymoon plans. I had a very big love, and it was enough to fill every empty space in my heart.
15
Lucy
Coming back from a night of dancing usually winds me all up, but tonight is different. Because I knew that Gian was going to be busy with meetings all day, I kind of wanted to keep the home fires warm instead of doing anything else. I took a bath and read, then listened to music. It was so strange to be able to do this, but I quit my job at the diner after I saw how much I made dancing. The truth was that Gian made it very clear that I’d never have to work again. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted and make money for me. But today I didn’t want to dance, didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone. I wouldn’t need it to be so excited for Gian’s arrival. In fact, I think that would've been too much for me. Today I needed to relax.
Because before this life I have now … I don’t remember when I could just relax. I have time to do things like read novels. Reading a whole novel can take so many hours I almost froze myself to death in the tub, lingering long after the warmth, getting caught up in the story. It's so nice to be able to relax. I enjoy rubbing fancy creams and lotions all over my body, taking care to do my hair even though I was staying inside. I even did my makeup — though not as extravagant as if I was going on stage, I found that I wanted to look as beautiful as I possibly good for Gian when he came home.
Home.
That’s what I think of this suite as. I considered asking Gian for my own place when our arrangement first began. But I haven’t really wanted that since…since he fucked me like he did and showed me a side of him that I didn’t know could exist. I wanted to be near him. I like that when he’s not here and I am, the sheets still have his scent on them. I like that living in the same suite as him means that most nights, we sleep side by side. Or, as I prefer, in Gian’s arms.
I have an attachment to Gian like I’ve never had before. The truth is, I’ve never been close to anyone before Gian. I had no relationships. My brother was the only person in my life and he kept me at a distance to cope with his own problems. Never, ever, could I keep a friend for long. They thought I was weak. They didn’t share my interests.
People always have reasons for not wanting to be in my life, or I have reasons to not want others in my life.
Yet, here I am. The girls at the club, the girls at the spa…I think of them as true friends now. And Gian…he’s like a boyfriend in a really twisted way. He may not be my ‘boyfriend’ but I know that I’m his girl. I can’t believe my strange little life.
And I kind of love it.
I like having my own little world with him. That’s really why I wanted to stay in today. I took some kind of strange pleasure in the idea that today, only Gian would see me. And I don’t know if I should tell him that because I know he’s not thrilled with the fact that I’ve decided to take up dancing on a pole in his club…but even though I enjoy that, I also enjoy being his. He is as close to understanding both as I think he’s ever going to, so I’ll just not press the issue or bring it up.
When the evening starts to wind down, I expect that Gian will arrive any time now. Instead of wearing any fancy lingerie, I opted instead to be completely naked for his arrival. I think there’s bound to be some level of excitement for that on his part. I grab a glass and a bottle of wine from the bar. It's always so well stocked, but I haven’t seen Gian drink from the bar or drink alcohol anywhere else since the night I met him and offered myself up to him.
Maybe it's a coincidence. But maybe it isn’t. I put the alcohol and the wine back and opt to wait for him while opening a second novel to read. I mean, there’s no story so compelling that I won’t drop it the instant Gian walks in. Except I must've picked the most boring story in the world and I can barely hang on while reading it. Despite doing mostly nothing all day, I find myself yawning and before I know it, I’m asleep, naked, in the bed I share with Gian only now I’m sharing it with a novel from my paperback stack next to the bed.
I wake up much later in the evening to Gian’s fingers stroking my chin.
“You must be tired, Luce, you don’t have to wake up,” Gian says in a low voice. There’s some emotion that I don’t understand in his voice, and he’s never called me Luce before. Only my brother has ever called me that.
Yawning, then wiping the sleep from my eyes, I sit up in bed. “No, this book was jus
t very boring and instead of picking a different one, I apparently let it put me right to sleep,” I say with a small laugh.
Gian looks at me, bemused. Only the moonlight illuminates his gorgeous face, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me he needs me.
“What is it, Gian? What’s wrong?” I ask him. I can’t imagine what kept him so long, mostly because I don’t know anything about his business. But Gian always seems so unbothered. So in control. It makes me hurt for him to see him any other way.
“Don’t you worry about it. You can go back to sleep,” Gian says, standing.
Unconsciously, I touch my face where his hand was.
I get up to knees on the bed and look at him. “No, I want you. I’ve wanted nothing more today than to see you.
Gian’s eyes look at my naked body in the moonlight, a sliver of the silver shining over my breasts.
“Well, this is a much better sight than I’ve had all day,” Gian says. He laughs again, smiles, but there’s a heaviness in him that I wish I could erase. I wish he would at least share with me what’s wrong. “Please, Gian, tell me what’s wrong,” I say in a soft voice. I don’t want to push him if he doesn’t want to talk, but the truth is that I’ll be very hurt if he doesn’t want to tell me what’s wrong.
Gian looks at me and the smile over his face breaks through the sadness in his eyes. “I don’t even like Luke Gravos, but his wife…she’s worse than Terry ever was. Luke and I convinced her to back off, but she really wanted his head. I’m so glad I have you, Lucy. You’re more than I could have ever hoped for.” Gian’s eyes drink me in.
I can’t help but smile. Gian can and did open up to me. He trusts me like I trust him. And he needs me.
Gian’s hand closes over my breast, and another goes to grasp the back of my neck, holding me as he dips to kiss me. I’m still concerned for him, but this is perhaps how Gian needs me. Physical touch shows more than Gian can ever say, even though he’s so open with me. I know that when he opens up to me even a little bit that he’s as surprised as I am. That’s both flattering and frightening. Because I care so deeply for Gian. I don’t want him to be closed off from the world. Most of all, I want him to be able to open up to me.