Ye good Knight of Oz, full of courage and vim,
Will do battle for us, and we’ll take care of him!
shouted Scraps, who was becoming more excited every minute.
“I’ll lend you some of my polish for your armor, old fellow,” said Nick Chopper as the Knight sat down, beaming with pleasure.
“Well,” said Ozma with a smile when everyone had feasted and talked to heart’s content, “is everybody happy?”
“I am!” cried the Comfortable Camel. “For here I am perfectly comfortable.”
“I am!” cried Dorothy, putting her arm around the Scarecrow, who sat next to her. “For I have found my old friend and made some new ones.”
“I’m happy!” cried the Scarecrow, waving his glass, “because there is no age in Oz, and I am still my old Ozish self.”
“As for me,” said the Knight, “I am happy, for I have served a Lady, gone on a Quest, and Slain a Dragon! Ozma, and Oz forever!
Other Fantasy Works
Humboldt Boulevard, Chicago, where Baum wrote ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’
THE MAGICAL MONARCH OF MO
Bobbs-Merrill published L. Frank Baum’s fantasy, The Magical Monarch of Mo, in 1903, illustrated by Frank Ver Beck. Mo is a magical land neighboring the Deadly Desert which surrounds the Land of Oz. Baum first composed the linked stories in the late 1890’s under the title, The King of Phunnyland, but it remained unpublished. In 1900, the publisher, Robert Howard Russell, published a version under the title, A New Wonderland. The best known version is Bobbs-Merrill’s of 1903. Baum’s nonsense stories feature a great variety of royalty and magical characters, from a Cast-Iron Man to a wise donkey, prototypes of characters later appearing in Oz books. In The Scarecrow of Oz, Trot, Cap’n Bill and the Ork travel through Mo on their way to Oz.
A first edition copy of ‘The Magical Monarch of Mo’
CONTENTS
THE FIRST SURPRISE: THE BEAUTIFUL VALLEY OF MO
THE SECOND SURPRISE: THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF THE KING’S HEAD
THE THIRD SURPRISE: THE TRAMP DOG AND THE MONARCH’S LOST TEMPER
THE FOURTH SURPRISE: THE PECULIAR PAINS OF FRUITCAKE ISLAND
THE FIFTH SURPRISE: THE MONARCH CELEBRATES HIS BIRTHDAY
THE SIXTH SURPRISE: KING SCOWLEYOW AND HIS CAST-IRON MAN
THE SEVENTH SURPRISE: TIMTOM AND THE PRINCESS PATTYCAKE
THE EIGHTH SURPRISE: THE BRAVERY OF PRINCE JOLLIKIN
THE NINTH SURPRISE: THE WIZARD AND THE PRINCESS
THE TENTH SURPRISE: THE DUCHESS BREDENBUTTA’S VISIT TO TURVYLAND
THE ELEVENTH SURPRISE: PRINCE FIDDLECUMDOO AND THE GIANT
THE TWELFTH SURPRISE: THE LAND OF THE CIVILIZED MONKEYS
THE THIRTEENTH SURPRISE: THE STOLEN PLUM PUDDING
THE FOURTEENTH SURPRISE: THE PUNISHMENT OF THE PURPLE DRAGON
A copy of the 1947 edition
To the Comrade of my
boyhood days
Dr. Henry Clay Baum
THIS book has been written for children. I have no shame in acknowledging that I, who wrote it, am also a child; for since I can remember my eyes have always grown big at tales of the marvelous, and my heart is still accustomed to go pit-a-pat when I read of impossible adventures. It is the nature of children to scorn realities, which crowd into their lives all too quickly with advancing years. Childhood is the time for fables, for dreams, for joy.
These stories are not true; they could no be true and be so marvelous. No one is expected to believe them; they were meant to excite laughter and to gladden the heart.
Perhaps some of those big, grown-up people will poke fun of us — at you for reading these nonsense tales of the Magical Monarch, and at me for writing them. Never mind. Many of the big folk are still children — even as you and I. We cannot measure a child by a standard of size or age. The big folk who are children will be our comrades; the others we need not consider at all, for they are self-exiled from our domain.
L. FRANK BAUM.
June, 1903.
THE FIRST SURPRISE: THE BEAUTIFUL VALLEY OF MO
There are several questions you would like to ask at the very beginning of this history. First: Who is the Monarch of Mo? And why is he called the Magical Monarch? And where is Mo, anyhow? And why have you never heard of it before? And can it be reached by a railroad or a trolley-car, or must one walk all the way?
These questions I realize should be answered before we (that “we” means you and the book) can settle down for a comfortable reading of all the wonders and astonishing adventures I shall endeavor faithfully to relate.
In the first place, the Monarch of Mo is a very pleasant personage holding the rank of King. He is not very tall, nor is he very short; he is midway between fat and lean; he is delightfully jolly when he is not sad, and seldom sad if he can possibly be jolly. How old he may be I have never dared to inquire; but when we realize that he is destined to live as long as the Valley of Mo exists we may reasonably suppose the Monarch of Mo is exactly as old as his native land. And no one in Mo has ever reckoned up the years to see how many they have been. So we will just say that the Monarch of Mo and the Valley of Mo are each a part of the other, and can not be separated.
He is not called the Magical Monarch because he deals in magic — for he doesn’t deal in magic. But he leads such a queer life in such a queer country that his history will surely seem magical to us who inhabit the civilized places of the world and think that anything we can not find a reason for must be due to magic. The life of the Monarch of Mo seems simple enough to him, you may be sure, for he knows no other existence. And our ways of living, could he know of them, would doubtless astonish him greatly.
The land of Mo, which is ruled by the King we call the Magical Monarch, is often spoken of as the “Beautiful Valley.” If they would only put it on the maps of our geographies and paint it pink or light green, and print a big round dot where the King’s castle stands, it would be easy enough to point out to you its exact location. But I can not find the Valley of Mo in any geography I have examined; so I suspect the men who made these instructive books really know nothing about Mo, else it would surely be on the maps.
Of one thing I am certain: that no other country included in the maps is so altogether delightful as the Beautiful Valley of Mo.
The sun shines all the time, and its rays are perfumed. The people who live in the Valley do not sleep, because there is no night. Everything they can possibly need grows on the trees, so they have no use for money at all, and that saves them a deal of worry.
There are no poor people in this quaint Valley. When a person desires a new hat he waits till one is ripe, and then picks it and wears it without asking anybody’s permission. If a lady wishes a new ring, she examines carefully those upon the ring-tree, and when she finds one that fits her finger she picks it and wears it upon her hand. In this way they procure all they desire.
There are two rivers in the Land of Mo, one of which flows milk of a very rich quality. Some of the islands in Milk River are made of excellent cheese, and the people are welcome to spade up this cheese whenever they wish to eat it. In the little pools near the bank, where the current does not flow swiftly, delicious cream rises to the top of the milk, and instead of water-lilies great strawberry leaves grow upon the surface, and the ripe, red berries lie dipping their noses into the cream, as if inviting you to come and eat them. The sand that forms the river bank is pure white sugar, and all kinds of candies and bonbons grow thick on the low bushes, so that any one may pluck them easily.
These are only a few of the remarkable things that exist in the Beautiful Valley.
The people are merry, light- hearted folk, who live in beautiful houses of pure crystal, where they can rest themselves and play their games and go in when it rains. For it rains in Mo as it does everywhere else, only it rains lemonade; and the lightning in the sky resembles the most beautiful fireworks; and the thunder is usually a chorus from the opera of Tannhauser.
No one ever dies in this Valley, and the people are always young and beautiful. There is the King and a Queen, besides several princes and princesses. But it is not much use being a prince in Mo, because the King can not die; therefore a prince is a prince to the end of his days, and his days never end.
Strange things occur in this strange land, as you may imagine; and while I relate some of these you will learn more of the peculiar features of the Beautiful Valley.
THE SECOND SURPRISE: THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF THE KING’S HEAD
THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF THE KING’S HEAD
A GOOD many years ago, the Magical Monarch of Mo became annoyed by the Purple Dragon, which came down from the mountains and ate up a patch of his best chocolate caramels just as they were getting ripe.
So the King went out to the sword-tree and picked a long, sharp sword, and tied it to his belt and went away to the mountains to fight the Purple Dragon.
The people all applauded him, saying one to another:
“Our King is a good King. He will destroy this naughty Purple Dragon and we shall be able to eat the caramels ourselves.”
But the Dragon was not alone naughty; it was big, and fierce, and strong, and did not want to be destroyed at all.
Therefore the King had a terrible fight with the Purple Dragon and cut it with his sword in several places, so that the raspberry juice which ran in its veins squirted all over the ground.
It is always difficult to kill Dragons. They are by nature thick-skinned and tough, as doubtless every one has heard. Besides, you must not forget that this was a Purple Dragon, and all scientists who have studied deeply the character of Dragons say those of a purple color at the most disagreeable to fight with. So all the King’s cutting and slashing had no effect upon the monster other than to make him angry. Forgetful of the respect due to a crowned King, the wicked Dragon presently opening wide its jaws and bit his Majesty’s head clean off his body. Then he swallowed it.
Of course the King realized it was useless to continue to fight after that, for he could not see where the Dragon was. SO he turned and tried to find his way back to his people. But at every other step he would bump into a tree, which made the naughty Dragon laugh at him. Furthermore, he could not tell in which direction he was going, which is an unpleasant feeling under any circumstances.
At last some of the people came to see if the King had succeeded in destroying the Dragon, and found their monarch running around in a circle, bumping into trees and rocks, but not getting a step nearer home. So they took his hand and led him back to the palace, where every one was filled with sorrow at the sad sight of the headless King. Indeed, his devoted subjects, for the first time in their lives, came as near to weeping as an inhabitant of the Valley of Mo can.
“Never mind,” said the King, cheerfully; “I can get along very well without a head; and, as a matter of fact, the loss has its advantages. I shall not be obliged to brush my hair, or clean my teeth, or wash my ears. So do not grieve, I beg of you, but be happy and joyful as you were before.” Which showed the King had a good heart; and, after all, a good heart is better than a head, any say.
The people, hearing him speak out of his neck (for he had no mouth), immediately began to laugh, which in a short time led to their being as happy as ever.
But the Queen was not contented.
“My love,” she said to him, “I can not kiss you any more, and that will break my heart.”
Thereupon the King sent word throughout the Valley that any one who could procure for him a new head should wed one of the princesses.
The princesses were all exceedingly pretty girls, and so it was not long before one man made a very nice head out of candy and brought it to the King. It did not look exactly like the old head, but the efface was very sweet, nevertheless; so the King put it on and the Queen kissed it at once with much satisfaction.
The young man had put a pair of glass eyes in the head, with which the King could see very well after he got used to them.
According to the royal promise, the young man was now called into the palace and asked to take his pick of the princesses. There were all so sweet and lady-like that he had some trouble in making a choice; but at last he took the biggest, thinking that he would thus secure the greatest reward, and they were married amid great rejoicing.
But, a few days afterward, the King was caught out in a rainstorm, and before he could get home his new head had melted in the great shower of lemonade that fell. Only the glass eyes were left, and these he put in his pocket and went sorrowfully to tell the Queen of his new misfortune.
Then another young man who wanted to marry a princess made the King a head out of dough, sticking in it the glass eyes; and the King tried it on and found that it fitted very well. So the young man was given the next biggest princess.
But the following day the sun chance to shine extremely hot, and when the King walked out it baked his dough head into bread, at which the monarch felt very light-headed. And when the birds saw the bread they flew down from the trees, perched upon the King’s shoulder and quickly ate up his new head. All but the glass eyes.
Again the good King was forced to go home to the Queen without a head, and the lady firmly declared that this time her husband must have a head warranted to last at least as long as the honeymoon of the young man who made it; which was not at all unreasonable under the circumstances.
So a request was sent to all loyal subjects throughout the Valley asking them to find a head for their King that was neat and substantial.
In the meantime the King had a rather hard time of it. When he wished to go any place he was obliged to hold out in front of him, between his thumbs and fingers, the glass eyes, that they might guide his footsteps. This, as you may imagine, made his Majesty look rather undignified, and dignity is very important to every royal personage.
At last a wood-chopper in the mountains made a head out of wood and sent it to the King. It was neatly carved, besides being solid and durable; moreover, it fitted the monarch’s neck to the T. So the King rummaged in his pocket and found the glass eyes, and when these were put in the new head the King announced his satisfaction.
There was only one drawback — he couldn’t smile, as the wooden face was too stiff; and it was funny to hear his Majesty laughing heartily while his face maintained a solemn expression. But the glass eyes twinkled merrily and every one knew that he was the same kind-hearted monarch of old, although he had become, of necessity, rather hard-headed.
Then the King sent word to the wood-chopper to come to the palace and take his pick of the princesses, and preparations were at once begun for the wedding.
But the wood-chopper, on his way to the court, unfortunately passed by the dwelling of the Purple Dragon and stopped to speak to the monster.
Now it seems that when the Dragon had swallowed the King’s head, the unusual meal made the beast ill. It was more accustomed to berries and caramels for dinner than to heads, and the sharp points of the King’s crown (which was firmly fastened to the head) pricked the Dragon’s stomach and made the creature miserable. After a few days of suffering the Dragon disgorged the head, and, not knowing what else to do with it, locked it up in a cupboard and put the key in its pocket.
When the Dragon met the wood-chopper and learned he had made a new head for the King, and as a reward was to wed one of the princesses, the monster became very angry. It resolved to do a wicked thing; which will not surprise you when you remember the beast’s purple color.
“Step into my parlor and rest yourself,” said the Dragon, politely. Wicked people are most polite when they mean mischief.
“Thank you, I’ll stop for a few minutes,” replied the wood-chopper; “but I can not stay long, as I am expected at court.”
When he had entered the parlor the Dragon suddenly opened its mouth and snapped off the poor wood-chopper’s head. Being warned by experience, however, it did not swallow the head, but placed it in the cupboard. Then the Dragon took from a shelf th
e King’s head and glued it on the wood-chopper’s neck.
“Now,” said the beast, with a cruel laugh, “you are the King! Go home and claim your wife and your kingdom.”
The poor wood-chopper was much amazed; for at first he did not really know which he was, the King or the wood-chopper.
He looked in the mirror and, seeing the King, made a low bow. Then the King’s head thought: “Who am I bowing to? There is no one greater than the King!” And so at once there began a conflict between the wood-chopper’s heart and the King’s head.
The Dragon was mightily pleased at the result of its wicked stratagem, and having pushed the bewildered wood-chopper out of the castle, immediately sent him on his way to the court.
When the poor man neared the town the people ran out and said: “Why, this is the King come back again. All hail, your Majesty!”
“All nonsense!” returned the wood-chopper. “I am only a poor man with the King’s head on my shoulders. You can easily see it isn’t mine, for it’s crooked; the Dragon didn’t glue it on straight.”
“Where, then, is your own head?” they asked.
“Locked up in the Dragon’s cupboard,” replied the poor fellow, beginning to weep.
“Here,” cried the King’s head; “stop this. You mustn’t cry out of my eyes! The King never weeps.”
“I beg pardon, your Majesty,” said the wood-chopper, meekly, “I’ll not do it again.”
“Well, see that you don’t,” returned the head more cheerfully.
The people were greatly amazed at this, and took the wood-chopper to the palace, where all was soon explained.
When the Queen saw the King’s head she immediately kissed it; but the King rebuked her, saying she must kiss only him.
Complete Works of L. Frank Baum Page 213