by Maya Banks
“I just want to know what’s changed. Is it Lauren? Do I need to spell it out? We’re currently existing just like a normal couple with an average marriage and an average sex life. We aren’t normal, Max. I submit to you. I choose to submit. Wholly. With no reservations. That doesn’t mean sometimes or when I feel like it. It’s always. I made that commitment. It’s what I need. It’s what I want. But ever since we brought Lauren home, you’ve done everything but act the dominant counterpart. If anything, you’ve backed way off and have been careful not to seem remotely demanding in any aspect of our relationship.”
Max leaned his forehead against Callie’s and she felt the tremor of emotion flow through his body and into hers.
Slowly he rose and then extended his hand down to her. Wordlessly. Just a look that told her it wasn’t a request. Relief surged, making her shaky as she allowed him to pull her to her feet. He led her to the bed, pulled the covers back, and then motioned for her to crawl in.
He then sat on the edge, his body angled so he faced her. His expression was serious and a little uncertain. This wasn’t the Max she was used to.
“When I saw her,” he said in a low voice. “When I saw the bruises, when she told me what happened and she explained the relationship she had with this asshole, it sickened me. And then I began to think, is this me? Am I like that?”
Callie gasped. Of all the things she thought might be wrong, this certainly hadn’t been a consideration. It horrified her that Max was mentally comparing himself to the man who’d abused his sister.
He shook his head, a silent command for her to remain quiet.
“I’m controlling. You know this. I know this. From the day we met, I took over. I took, you gave. I dominated, you submitted. Some of the things that we do … God, Callie, can you imagine how someone looking in from the outside would view our relationship? Can you imagine if Lauren walked in when you’re across my lap and I’m spanking your ass? Or when I have you tied up and I’m fucking your ass after I’ve reddened it with a crop? How do you think that would look to her? Hell, she’d be calling nineone-one.”
Callie swallowed hard but remained silent as he continued.
“Do you know what would happen if one of your fathers or your brothers ever saw the marks on your body from one of our encounters? You have to know that I’m extremely careful with placement so that you don’t have to answer uncomfortable questions to your family and so they won’t come after me with a shotgun. Because if they ever so much as thought that I was hurting you, they’d kill me, dolcezza. They’d do it without remorse.”
“Oh Max,” she whispered. “Don’t you see the difference?”
Max closed his eyes. “I used to see it. Or rather, I thought I did. I told myself that I loved you and that you loved me and that this was a consensual relationship. I justified it in my head. I made excuses. But then I really looked hard and I asked myself what made me any different than the bastard who put those bruises on Lauren’s body?”
Callie leaned forward, cupping Max’s jaw in her palm. With her other hand, she laced her fingers through his and brought his hand up until it lay against her heart.
“When you aren’t so raw with grief over what’s happened to Lauren, you’ll realize how very different the situations are. You do nothing that I don’t want. You do nothing that we haven’t agreed upon. I can say no at any time. You pamper and spoil me endlessly. You take care of me. You give me everything I could ever possibly need or want. And you love me.
“He didn’t love Lauren. He wanted to control her. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to intimidate her. To him she was a thing. Something to vent his temper on. When have you ever touched me in anger? When have you ever lost control and struck me in anger?”
Max still looked indecisive and tortured.
“Are you trying to say that I don’t know the difference between love and abuse?” she asked softly. “That I don’t have a mind of my own and that you do all my thinking for me? That I’m just a puppet dancing on your strings? That I obey without question or that I’m too afraid to stand up to you?”
He visibly recoiled. “Hell no. You’re one of the strongest willed women I know.”
She smiled then and caressed the lines on his face. “Then tell me how on earth you think you’d ever get away with abusing me. Forget my dads and my brothers. If you ever crossed the line, it isn’t them you’d need to worry about. It’s me, because I’d kick your fucking ass all over this mountain. There wouldn’t be anything left for my fathers or brothers to mangle when I was finished with you.”
His expression eased and his lips twitched upward into a smile.
“So what you’re telling me is that I’m being a complete idiot.”
“Well, yes, I suppose that’s exactly what I’m saying,” she said with a grin.
He gathered her in his arms and held her tightly, his face buried in her hair. “I love you, Callie. So damn much. I don’t want to ever be without you. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt you, if I ever abused your trust in me.”
She nestled her face in his neck, inhaling his scent.
When he finally pulled away, his face was somber. “I don’t know what to do to help her, Callie. For the first several days I felt like the worst sort of fraud. God, I felt ashamed, like I was some hypocrite and that I wasn’t worthy of any better treatment than the son of a bitch who beat her.”
Callie smiled softly, allowing her love to shine through. “Just being here for her is helping. Us going to get her, not allowing her to close herself off and wallow in shame—that’s helping. She’s going to be fine. It’ll take time. The best thing you can do is not treat her like she’s broken. Don’t tiptoe around her. Treat her like she’s part of the family and that we’re thrilled she’s here. The rest will come in time.”
Max let his hand wander through her hair and then down to her bare breasts, where he toyed idly with her nipples. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a wise woman, Callie Wilder?”
She laughed. “No, I can honestly say that no one in my family has ever accused me of being anything but flighty and free-spirited. Wise doesn’t exactly fit in there anywhere.”
He kissed her temple and squeezed her tight again. “You’re my everything, dolcezza. And where you fit is right here with me. Always.”
“Then don’t hold back,” she begged. “I need you, Max. I need your dominance, your strength. Your control. I need that structure. It centers me. It reminds me that I have a place in this world. With you.”
He let his hands slide down to the bands circling her wrists. The bands he’d placed there as a symbol of his ownership. To him, they were more important than their wedding rings. They meant more. They went deeper.
“Never take these off,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t bear it.”
She extended both wrists, holding them upward in supplication. “I’m yours, Max. I don’t want to ever be anything else. I’ll never take them off unless you ask me to.”
He leaned forward, finding her lips in the sweetest of kisses. “Good, because I’m never going to ask.”
CHAPTER 12
HOLLY awoke in the middle of the night shivering, and the ache in her lower side had intensified to a fiery pain that wasn’t alleviated by movement. Ryan lay sleeping beside her, but no one was on her other side. Adam and Ethan had evidently taken to their own beds instead of crashing in the common bedroom tonight.
She pushed to the vacant side, careful not to awaken Ryan. Her feet hit the cold floor and she shivered as another chill overtook her. Fire splintered through her side and she hunched over, grabbing for the edge of the bed to steady herself. Nausea welled in her throat and she swallowed hard against the urge to vomit.
She managed to stagger into the kitchen, and she opened the medicine cabinet to get some ibuprofen. After shaking out four pills, she returned the bottle and started toward the cabinet for a glass.
Pain assaulted her, spearing through her, robbing her of breath.
She fell, hitting the floor with a thud, driving the air from her lungs in a painful rush. She lay there, balled into a fetal position, afraid to move because the pain was so horrific.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
“Ryan,” she called weakly. “Adam? Ethan?”
Darkness hovered on the fringes. She fought unconsciousness as the pain intensified. She heard a distant sound, tried to call out again, but the blackness swirled until she was dizzy with it.
RYAN awoke, a frown turning his lips downward. It was automatic to reach for Holly, a habit he hadn’t broken in over thirty years. But she wasn’t there. Something had awakened him. His name. He could swear he’d heard her call.
Throwing aside the covers, he hurried out of bed and into the hall. No lights were on in the house and it was silent. The fire had long since died out in the living room and only a few glowing embers remained.
“Holly?” he called.
Something like dread pitted his stomach and clutched at his throat. He hadn’t checked his brothers’ bedrooms because he’d just known that wasn’t where she was. After surveying the living room, he walked toward the kitchen and damn near tripped over her before he’d gotten far.
His heart bottomed out. He dropped to his knees, yelling her name hoarsely. She was in a tiny ball, knees drawn up as if she were in unimaginable pain. Her skin was hot and dry to the touch. He immediately felt for a pulse, relieved to find a steady rhythm against his fingers.
“Adam! Ethan!” he roared. “Get in here!”
Gently, he collected Holly in his arms, unsure of what to do. He only knew he wasn’t leaving her lying on the cold floor.
Not ten seconds later, his brothers ran down the hall and appeared in the kitchen.
“What happened?” Adam barked.
Ethan crowded into Ryan, his hands going to Holly’s face and then her neck, frantic, just as Ryan had been to feel the reassuring pulse pattern.
“What’s wrong with her?” Ethan demanded.
“I woke up when I thought I heard her call for me. She was gone and so I got up and found her on the floor,” Ryan said grimly. “Get the keys. We have to get her to the hospital.”
His words sent his brothers in different directions. Ethan grabbed a blanket and tossed it over her as Ryan headed for the door. Adam sprinted toward the bedroom and returned a moment later, dressed and holding the keys to the SUV.
“Get me some damn clothes,” Ryan bit out in Ethan’s direction. “You can change on the way and I’ll get dressed when we get there.”
He wasn’t about to let Holly go long enough to rectify his current mode of undress.
FOUR hours later, the three brothers paced around the waiting room, edgy, silent, worried sick. The doors burst open and their children rushed in, their faces white, eyes filled with fear.
Adam immediately went into protective mode. His wife was in surgery and he was scared out of his mind, but he didn’t want his sons and his daughter to be as afraid as he was.
“Daddy,” Callie said, rushing into his arms. “What’s wrong with Mama? What happened?”
Adam crushed her to him and held on a long moment while his sons went to stand by their other two dads. Lily stood back with Max, but she looked no less concerned than everyone else.
Adam pulled away from Callie and motioned his brood into one of the smaller side rooms usually reserved for the doctor to speak to the family. When everyone was pushed inside, he took a deep breath and glanced over at his brothers.
“Your mother is in surgery.”
Dillon looked crushed. Michael’s lips drew into a grim line, and Seth looked utterly baffled, as if he couldn’t quite grasp it all.
Callie’s eyes filled with tears and Max wrapped a supportive arm around her.
“What’s wrong?” Dillon croaked out, his voice choked with fear.
“Appendicitis,” Ethan said quietly. “They believe it may have already ruptured. They didn’t waste a lot of time going in. We won’t know more until the doctor comes out of surgery.”
No one looked as though they had any idea what to say or do. They stood numbly, staring at one another, helpless anxiety reflected in their gazes. If Holly were here, she’d take charge. She’d soothe everyone. Do what she did best. Love with all her heart and warm the entire world inside and out.
Adam sank into his chair, his legs no longer able to hold him up. Callie immediately wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “She’ll be all right, Daddy,” she whispered fiercely. “She loves you all too much to go down. She’ll probably be back on her feet in no time. You know she wouldn’t miss Christmas for the world.”
Adam smiled faintly, amused by the fact that his precious daughter was the one providing comfort for him. It was his job to protect his children. His wife. Only now his sons and his daughter were gathered around, offering their support to him and his brothers.
All through the rest of the night, they sat in grim silence, and the realization of just how important a role Holly played in their family was outlined in stark reality. She was the very center. The heart and soul. The one around whom the rest of the family revolved. Every heart. Every child. Every man. They all loved her with a fierceness that couldn’t be described, only felt.
She was everything to this family, and Adam didn’t even want to contemplate how they would survive without her. She was their strength. Their light. The glue that held them all together.
He could see her in every one of his children. Callie’s infectious smile. Her exuberance for life. Her kindness and gentleness. Her fierce stubbornness and her endless capacity for love and her undying loyalty to those she loved.
Seth’s steadfastness. His quiet strength. His resilience. Michael’s intelligence. His work ethic. His quiet spirit. The way Dillon loved with all his heart and soul. Just like Holly.
“Daddy?” Callie whispered. “She’ll be okay.”
It wasn’t posed as a question but he could hear the uncertainty in his daughter’s voice. She was trying to offer him the encouragement she so desperately needed herself.
Adam drew her into a hug. “Yes, baby. Your mother’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter through and through. She’s been down before, much worse than this, and she refused to stay down.”
Just then the doctor came into the small room and everyone looked up, the sudden silence tense and forbidding. Tension coiled and snaked through the room. Dread mounted and everyone leaned forward, eager to hear what the doctor would say.
“Mrs. Colter is out of surgery,” the doctor began.
Not able to contain himself another moment, Adam shot to his feet, but Ethan beat him to the doctor.
“How is she?” Ethan demanded. “Will she be all right? When can we see her?”
The surgeon held up a placating hand. “She’ll be fine. She’ll make a full recovery. We were able to remove her appendix before it burst. I’ll want her to stay in the hospital a day or two so I can be certain there’s no infection or leakage, but if all goes well she’ll be home before Christmas.”
The relief in the room was palpable. Adam’s shoulders sagged and his eyes burned with sudden tears. Holly was his life. His entire life. And, oh God, he couldn’t lose her.
Dillon’s arm went around him and Adam turned, hugging his son fiercely as the others comforted one another.
“When can we see her?” Ethan asked hoarsely.
The doctor eyed the room full of people with doubt. “You can’t all see her. One of you can go in when she gets out of recovery.”
Ryan scowled. “Hell no. We can manage three, but we’re going in to see her.”
The doctor cleared his throat. “It’s customary for a spouse to have access. The rest of the family must wait until she’s in a room.”
“We are her damn husbands,” Ryan snarled. He jabbed his thumb into his chest and then jerked it over his shoulder to point at Ethan and Adam.
The doctor’s brows lifted and he went silent. He fiddled with
his clipboard and uneasily fidgeted. “Uh, well, there isn’t a precedent for this. Perhaps you should take it up with the nurse in charge.”
After saying that, the doctor beat a hasty retreat, muttering under his breath as he went.
Ryan turned back to Adam and Ethan. “Let’s go. They’ll let us in or I’ll tear this damn place apart.”
Ethan chuckled, the tension escaping in a rush. “You don’t have a good track record with hospitals, man.” He turned to Adam. “Remember when his cranky ass was shot and he pissed off every nurse and doctor in the ER and on the floor until they put him in the same room as Holly?”
Adam smiled but his heart clutched at that long-ago memory. At the moment he knew he’d be every bit as forceful as Ryan if they dared to keep him away from his wife.
CHAPTER 13
IT was as if time had stopped and for the moment Christmas had been suspended into a nebulous cloud that floated above the Colter family. Everyone refused to even contemplate the holiday without Holly at home, surrounded by her family.
She was, as Adam had asserted, the very center, the heart and soul of her husbands and children.
Holly sat in the hospital bed, her fingers gripping the sheet as she considered her options. With Christmas just a few days away, the very last thing she wanted was to be stuck in a hospital room when she could be at home, surrounded by the family she so dearly loved.
“I’m not asking, Dr. Hollister,” she said calmly, because she’d long ago discovered that calm was hard to argue with. “I’d like to be discharged today. I understand your concerns, and I’ll heed your instructions to the letter, but I would recover more rapidly in my own home.”
“Nothing like throwing me to the wolves,” the doctor said dryly. “Those husbands of yours will kick my ass if I let you walk out of here before they believe it’s time. Hard to remember who has the medical degree here.”