by Angela Hart
‘You were on cloud nine,’ I told her. ‘I’ve always said it was as if you grew that day. It was so liberating to you to know you had a “thing”, as you called it. It explained so much, and it proved you weren’t just being naughty!’
‘Wow,’ Grace said. She looked very moved, and she gave me a hug. ‘I can’t believe what you’ve done for me, Angela. You’re amazing. I’m very lucky you’re my foster mum.’
Grace didn’t often say things like this and I was completely taken aback, and thrilled. Moments like that make my job so worthwhile. I told Grace it was an honour, and that I was very proud of the lovely young woman she had become.
A couple of months after she started her apprenticeship, Grace was presented with an ‘employee of the month’ award. She came home with a little trophy and some gift vouchers for a local shopping centre.
Jonathan and I took her out for a meal to celebrate, and her boyfriend Robbie came too. We invited my mum, on Grace’s suggestion, but she had something else on and couldn’t make it. Grace was disappointed about this. Like nearly all of the children who lived with us, she was very fond of my mum and got on very well with her. I told Grace I’d invited Mum for lunch on Sunday so at least she’d see her then.
‘Great. I’d like to show her my trophy. I think she’ll be really pleased.’
‘I know she will,’ I said. ‘We’re all very proud of you, Grace.’
On the Saturday, Grace went into town to spend her shopping vouchers. When she came home she ran straight up to her room, trying to hide a red carrier bag behind her back.
‘What did you get?’ I asked.
‘Oh, nothing exciting, nothing really. Just, er, something to wear.’
She normally showed me any clothes she bought before she took them upstairs but I didn’t probe. I thought that maybe she’d bought a present for Robbie that she didn’t want to show me, as his birthday was coming up.
On Sunday morning, Grace had a rehearsal with the musical theatre group she was still a member of. Many of the teenagers had left school and worked different hours, so they often met on a Sunday, particularly when a show was imminent. Grace only had a minor role this time, but even so she had worked really hard on polishing her performance. Jonathan asked if she needed a lift and she said Robbie was taking her; he’d just passed his test and was glad of any excuse to go out in his new car. She said he would bring her back too.
‘Would he like to join us for lunch?’
‘No, it’s OK. He has to eat with his family, his uncle is visiting.’
I told her to thank him for the lifts. ‘I’ll have the dinner ready for one o’clock. Jonathan’s collecting Mum after she’s been to church.’
‘Perfect. Can’t wait to see her. Are we having apple crumble?’
‘Yes, Grace. And custard.’ This was her favourite pudding and she could never have enough of it.
‘Yum! Looking forward to it already.’
There was a loud beep-beep from outside.
‘Sounds like my lift’s here. See you!’
Grace grabbed her bag and dashed out of the front door, but a few minutes later I heard her coming back in. I rolled my eyes; Grace rarely managed to leave the house without running back upstairs to fetch something she’d forgotten.
‘Bye again!’ I shouted from the kitchen, when I heard her opening the front door again.
‘See you!’
At one o’clock I called everyone to the table and told them I was about to serve up.
‘Grace should be here any minute,’ I said, glancing at the clock. Her rehearsal had been due to finish at twelve thirty and the hall where the group gathered was only ten minutes away from our house.
I stalled for time, fetching drinks while I kept everything warm, but the veg was starting to spoil and I decided we’d better start without Grace.
‘I’ll plate hers up,’ I commented. ‘I think it’s the last full-cast rehearsal before the big day, so I expect they’ve overrun.’
Everyone was hungry and we all tucked in. I hoped Grace was going to come in at any minute and I was listening for the door. There’s nothing I like more than having everyone round the table on a Sunday, and it just wasn’t the same when you had to reheat a plated meal. Besides, Grace had been looking forward to seeing Mum and having lunch with her.
‘I bet that as soon as you get the apple crumble out she’ll appear, as if by magic!’ Jonathan joked.
‘Oh yes, it’s her favourite, isn’t it?’ Mum said.
I tuned out as Jonathan carried on chatting to my mum. One of the other children who was living with us joined in their conversation, but I stayed quiet. I sat and looked at Grace’s empty place and, as the minutes ticked by, I found my heart tightening in my chest. I’d started to worry that they’d had an accident in Robbie’s car. He was no boy racer, I told myself. His father had bought him a second-hand 1.4 Ford Escort. Jonathan had looked it over and commented that it was a very sensible choice for a seventeen-year-old boy. Even so, Robbie had only just passed his test and had precious little driving experience.
‘Excuse me,’ I said. ‘I’m just going to check on something.’
In those days people weren’t attached to their mobile phones as they are today, but by now Grace did have a small Nokia and I had one too. I checked my mobile, and the home phone, in case I’d missed a message. There was nothing. I called Grace’s number and it went straight to answerphone, but this wasn’t unusual. She often missed calls as she forgot to switch the volume back on after putting it on silent during rehearsals.
‘Everything OK?’ Jonathan asked when I returned to the table.
‘I just wish Grace would get back, that’s all. I can’t get hold of her, I’ve just tried ringing. You haven’t had a text or a missed call, have you?’
Jonathan’s phone was in his pocket. He looked at it and said no, he’d had nothing.
‘I wish she’d hurry up too,’ Mum smiled. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing her trophy.’
The conversation went off in a different direction, with one of the other children telling Mum about the trophy cabinet at her school, which contained cups dating back a hundred years.
‘Well I never,’ Mum said. ‘Nearly as old as me!’
I served up the apple crumble and custard but could barely eat mine. Jonathan caught my eye and patted the back of my hand. I told Mum and the two children to go up to the lounge as soon as they’d finished eating and said I’d bring coffee up shortly. ‘Just a small one for me, dear,’ Mum said, ‘and only half a sugar, brown if you have it’. I heard her asking if anyone fancied a game of Chase the Ace. Good old Mum, I thought.
Jonathan came through to the kitchen with me.
‘You try Grace again and I’ll give Robbie’s dad a call, make sure everything’s OK.’
‘Good idea.’
Grace’s mobile went straight to answerphone again. Jonathan phoned Robbie’s house and thankfully his father picked up the phone immediately.
‘I’m just looking for Grace.’ There was a pause as Jonathan listened. ‘Oh! Right. OK, thank you. Sorry to bother you, Peter. What was that? No, don’t worry. Thanks. Bye.’
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
Jonathan cleared his throat. ‘Robbie is away with his rugby team this weekend. He went on the coach, yesterday morning. Peter saw him off.’
I felt sick with worry. We’d looked after lots of children who told lies at the drop of a hat, but Grace was not one of them. If anything, I’d say the impulsiveness that came with her ADHD meant you were more likely to get a raw and unedited stream of consciousness.
‘What’s going on? Where is she then? And who picked her up this morning? I’m ringing Paula’s.’
Paula was one of the other members of the theatre group and a former classmate of Grace’s. They’d known each other for years and often went to and from rehearsals and shows together. There was no reply at her house and I had no mobile number for her.
‘Hopefully they�
��re together,’ Jonathan fretted. ‘Surely there’s a reasonable explanation for this.’ I had a mobile number for Paula’s mother and I tried that, but she didn’t pick up. I immediately started hunting in the phone book for a number for the hall where the rehearsals were held. My hands were starting to tremble as I turned the pages. There was one number listed, for bookings, and I stabbed the digits into the handset of our home phone. It rang out for ages before clicking onto a message advising me to call during office hours.
‘I’ll drive down there,’ Jonathan said, taking his car key off the hook by the kitchen door.
He dashed out.
‘Drive carefully!’
I remembered about the coffee and put the kettle on. While it was boiling I started loading up a tray, and then the phone rang.
‘Angela? Sorry I missed your call. How can I help?’
It was Paula’s mother.
‘Thanks for calling. I just wondered if Grace was with Paula. I thought she’d be back from rehearsals by now.’
‘No, I’m afraid not. Paula went to her dad’s straight from rehearsals, he picked her up.’ Though I didn’t go into any detail, Paula’s mum must have been able to tell I was worried. ‘Why don’t you give Paula a ring?’
I took Paula’s mobile number gratefully from her mum and, to my relief, she answered immediately. However, it wasn’t good news.
‘Didn’t she tell you?’ Paula said. ‘She’s such a scatterbrain! She was going to her mum’s this afternoon. I think her sister was picking her up.’
‘Oh, thank you, Paula. I’m really sorry to bother you. Enjoy the rest of your day.’
I stared at the phone in disbelief. It was so out of character for Grace to behave like this. If she wanted to visit her mum, why didn’t she just say? And why had Lily picked her up, if that was true? Nobody in the family ever collected Grace by car. Barry did all the lifts until Grace became old enough to travel on her own. Since then it had always been up to her to take two or three buses to visit them.
I knew Colette’s home number by heart and I dialled it immediately. As I pressed the numbers I told myself to stay calm, whatever news I was about to receive. The phone didn’t ring out; all I got was a BT message telling me Colette’s landline was temporarily out of service. ‘No!’ I said out loud. ‘No!’
I tried Grace’s mobile number again with no joy. Jonathan was still out in the car. I wondered whether to call him to let him know what Paula’s mum had said but I decided against it. He’d be driving, and no doubt he’d be back any minute.
I made the coffee and carried the tray into the lounge.
‘Any news from Grace? Are you not joining us, dear?’
‘No, Mum. I’ll be back shortly, there’s something I need to do.’
I shut the lounge door behind me and headed up to Grace’s bedroom. I remembered her running back into the house after her lift arrived this morning, and the fact she’d hidden her shopping bag from me the previous day. I had no idea what I was about to find, and I was scared she may have packed her bags.
Nervously, I pushed open the door. I can’t describe the relief that coursed through me when I saw the usual clutter and chaos of Grace’s bedroom. My eyes instinctively flicked up to the top of the wardrobe. Her old suitcase was still there, just as it had been for years. Her cuddly swan was in its usual place too, which was now on the shelf by her bed.
I heard Jonathan come in and I ran downstairs.
‘I think she’s gone to her mother’s,’ I said.
He breathed out a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around me.
‘Thank God. But why didn’t she tell us?’
‘I don’t know, I don’t know. I think Lily collected her. I spoke to Paula. I can’t get hold of Colette, her home phone’s not working.’
‘OK. We’ll just have to keep trying Grace’s number, and if we still can’t get through we’ll have to phone out-of-hours.’ The rule was that if a child was missing in daylight, you waited two hours before calling in. After dark, it was one hour. The emergency social worker would log the call and most likely tell us to call the police and report Grace as a missing person. It was nearly two o’clock now. Jonathan and I agreed we’d give it until three before we raised the alarm.
I tried Grace’s number again, and then I remembered that she kept her mum’s mobile number pinned on the noticeboard in her bedroom. I raced upstairs again, found the number partly hidden under an old concert ticket and dialled it as quickly as possible.
‘Hello?’
‘Colette, is that you?’
‘Yes, who’s this?’
‘Angela. Angela Hart.’
I hadn’t spoken to Colette for quite a long time, but even so I thought she’d have recognised my voice.
‘Oh, it’s you,’ she said rudely.
‘I’m looking for Grace. Her friend said Lily picked her up.’
‘Yeah, that’s right.’
‘So she’s with you? She’s OK?’
‘Yeah. What’s wrong?’
‘I didn’t know she was going to your house. I was expecting her in for lunch and I’ve been worried. Can I talk to her, please?’
Colette sighed loudly, as if this was a huge inconvenience.
‘Gracie! Gracie! It’s your carer on the phone.’
There was quite a long delay and the line was crackling. I was worried we’d get cut off, but then Grace came on the line.
‘I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you,’ she said. ‘But Lily really needs me and I knew you’d go mad if I told you. I was just about to call you.’
‘Well we have been worried, Grace. We expected you home by one at the latest. It’s three now.’
‘Is it? Oh, I had no idea.’
She sounded genuinely surprised by the time. I kept calm and reminded myself that poor time management was one of the symptoms of ADHD.
‘I’m sorry,’ she went on. ‘But, like, Harley needed a nappy change so we had to stop off and the traffic was bad so it took us ages to get here. Anyway, look, I have to help Lily or she’ll, like, lose her job. And then how will she feed the baby?’
Breathlessly, Grace explained that Colette was going on holiday to the Canaries for a fortnight and that Lily had asked her to stay and help with Harley. Apparently, the cafe where Lily now worked part time had refused to give her any time off and her boss had told her if she didn’t turn up he’d fire her. Lily had told Grace she wouldn’t trust Harley with anyone other than her sister, and that it would be great for them to spend two weeks together while their mum was away. The reason Grace had not told me any of this in advance was because she knew I would not approve of her missing a fortnight of her apprenticeship scheme to cover for Lily.
I wanted to scream, I really did. In my opinion, Lily had smooth-talked and emotionally blackmailed Grace, putting her in a really difficult spot. It sounded like incredibly selfish behaviour. For years Lily had bullied Grace and made her feel awkward and inferior for being the one in care while she was allowed to live with her mum. Now, all of a sudden, here she was telling Grace how much she needed her and rated her as a trustworthy person.
‘What about your apprenticeship, Grace?’
She was still within her probation period and I knew she didn’t have the holiday entitlement to cover this.
‘We’ve worked it out. I’m going to have to call in sick.’
‘Grace!’
We hadn’t brought her up to behave this way, and she knew exactly what we would have said if she’d told us what she planned to do.
‘I’m sorry, Angela. I’ll have to go now. Mum wants her phone.’
21
‘It’s what I’ve always wanted’
After staying with Lily and the baby for two weeks, Grace announced to me that she had decided she was going to move back into the family home permanently.
‘Harley’s not going to be a baby forever, is he?’ she said. Grace had an unfamiliar swagger about her, and I could just picture Lily saying those
same words.
I was standing behind the counter in the shop when Grace delivered this statement. She’d just come back on the bus, on time, which I was pleased about. After her two weeks away I’d been really looking forward to seeing her and getting back to normal, but my heart was beating like a drum now.
‘Move home? But how can you, Grace?’
‘What do you mean? I can if I want. I’m nearly seventeen.’ With that she waltzed off, heading through the back of the shop and into the house. I had no idea if she meant she was planning on moving out now or at the end of her apprenticeship. Surely it would be after she’d done her twelve months at the advertising agency?
Barbara, our shop assistant, was within earshot and she threw me an encouraging look. She’d known Grace for as long as we had, and she also knew me very well. My feelings were hurt and, whether she meant it or not, I was stung by what Grace had said. It must have been obvious to Barbara.
‘I can manage here, if you need to take a break,’ she said, even though it was a Saturday afternoon and she’d be run off her feet if I left her on her own.
‘Thanks, Barbara, that’s kind, but I think I’ll just let her settle back in. I expect she’s tired out after the journey.’
Though Grace had upset me by talking about moving out in such a blunt and insensitive way, I told myself not to stress about it. I’ve been down this road before, I told myself once again, and there was no point in worrying unnecessarily about a ‘what if’ scenario that may never happen, at least not any time soon.
Grace was only a few months into her apprenticeship. It was a twelve-month scheme with good prospects. All being well, it would lead to a permanent position. She still had a good relationship with Robbie and a very active social life, and she was about to appear in one of her favourite musicals on stage. In short, she’d built up a very good life in our town, and if she left abruptly now she had an awful lot to lose.