by Lane Martin
I never imagined I would be there. And where was there, precisely? Riding in a school bus toward a children’s summer camp, which was already closed down for the season, in Rocky Mountain National Park. I was surrounded by my idols, my new teammates. I knew I should be used to it by now since I’d been practicing with them all summer, but even with the start of the season less than three weeks away, reality had only begun to sink in. I was a Mile High Miner. My name might not appear on the official 23-man active roster, and my ass might ride the pine all season, but I didn't care. I was going to soak up each moment. I planned to learn as much as I could from the greats I was teamed up with.
"I still can't believe we are going to Boom Boom McGill's bachelor party." Fellow rookie and my roommate back in Denver, Niko Vanzetti, grinned at me from across the narrow aisle. "This is going to be epic," he continued as I looked at him like he’d finally lost it. An image of Niko getting hit in the head one too many times without a helmet ran through my mind. He was pointing at his t-shirt, which Chase, the groom's brother, and Devin, our teammate and Barrett’s best friend, had printed like I wasn't wearing one too. We all were. Social media was going to eat this shit up. The entire team was on the bus plus a few family members and close friends of Barrett.
I was super excited about spending some time away from the barn and the gym. Honestly, besides the house Niko and I shared, I hadn't seen much of Colorado since I got called up from the junior club. This team was giving me my chance to make it in the NHL. Unlike most of the guys who came up, I'd only been skating since I was twelve. Our starting goalie, Alex Belenov, was born wearing skates. This year he was going to pass the all-time record for career wins by a goalie, and I was going to be lucky enough to say I was on his team when it happened.
I couldn't help but laugh as I looked around the bus. Seats this size weren't meant to be filled by men our size. It was comical. When they told us to meet at the arena, this was the last form of transportation I imagined us taking. Despite the discomfort, I was excited and honestly a little jealous of Barrett, Devin, and Chase. When they were growing up, they spent every summer traveling on a bus just like this one to a camp similar to the one we were going to. I was supposed to go to summer camp for the first time the year everything in my life changed.
Our camp adventure began with a hike. We weren't scheduled to work out that day, but Coach Perkins still enjoyed putting us through our paces while he barked orders at us from the comfortable seat of his ATV. After the hike, we took on the ropes course. We mastered the lower elements of the course with ease. Working together each day on the ice had taught us how to communicate quickly and efficiently. Then we tried our hand at the high portion of the course. Half of us were on a platform over forty feet in the air while our partners were on the ground tied to our ropes. The partners on the ground were supposed to be ready to keep us from careening to the Earth at any second if needed.
"What's the weight limit on this thing again?" Barrett asked while he gripped the post on the side of the platform as if his life depended on it.
Barrett’s brother, Chance, yelled up to him from the ground. "Just go, Bear. I'm not going to let you fall. Addie and Mom would kill me if I let anything bad happen to you out here."
Barrett was facing the unstable bridges, which were actually beams of wood suspended loosely between ropes, a test of balance and of mind-body coordination. Apparently, our fearless team captain wasn't as unflappable as I’d initially thought, and his big brother sure knew how to push his buttons. But Chance also knew how to encourage him. Seeing them interact made me think about my own brother. I hadn’t thought about Beau this much in a long time. I liked pushing myself physically but feeling this vulnerable fucking sucked. I would have preferred taking a puck straight to my ribcage over dealing with the thudding organ in my chest.
"Come on, Ford. Don't puss out on us now," Niko yelled up at me from the safety of solid ground where he had me on belay. Everyone on the team called me Ford, short for my last name, Crawford. I liked the idea of being built to last, tough enough to withstand anything, even if at that moment I felt anything but. We all laughed when they told us this course would force us to confront things about ourselves. It sounded like a bunch of bull. But as I looked at the trapeze bar hanging before me, I admitted to myself just how on point the staff had been. I didn't want to let go. I didn’t want to depend on anyone else to catch me. Crazy, I know, since I played a team sport.
I liked control. On the ice I had one job: to protect the net. Yes, I was one of six team members in the rink, but I was the one ultimately responsible for those seventy-two by forty-eight inches of net between the crossbars. My dad signed me up for hockey when I was twelve years old and struggling to stay out of trouble. He never imagined I would like the thrill of pucks flying at me at speeds up to one hundred miles per hour while I protected the goal. He thought I could take out my aggression on the ice, but I was drawn to the net. Every time a puck hit me, I felt something. That feeling had been the reason I’d started getting into trouble in the first place. Fighting made me feel alive and getting yelled at for it was so much better than the silence that otherwise filled our house. I’d never thought much about it until I felt the sting of the hit. The thrill of the save. The arena filled with noise. The crowd cheering my name.
I was sweating bullets as I looked down at the ground below. I knew I was safe; it wasn't that. Shit, the harness that tethered me to the rigging and my partner was probably more reliable than my regulation gear. Maybe it was from being around those siblings, or the bond I was forming with my new team, that had me thinking about my brother today. I couldn't put my finger on it. "Today man," fuckin' Vanzetti groaned from below. I couldn't wait till his pansy ass was up here and I could bust his balls.
"Sometimes the first step is the hardest," Barrett hollered to encourage me before he stepped off the platform and onto the beam. I knew he was right. Plus, letting go didn't necessarily mean I was giving up control; it just meant that I was passing it off momentarily to someone I knew had me. Niko wouldn't let me fall. Sometimes even the goalie had to come out of the net. I closed my eyes and jumped.
"That was so epic!" I rolled my eyes at Niko when he uttered his new catchphrase for what felt like the hundredth time that day and handed me a cold beer. After dinner we played a game of capture the flag, an adolescent battle simulation I apparently missed out on by not attending summer camp. As if we weren't competitive enough, Coach raised the stakes when he promised line drills to the losing team. I protected the flag at our base as if it were our net, so it was no surprise we came out victorious. Then we all relaxed around a blazing campfire.
"I swear if they start singing rounds, I'm leaving." Starting goalie, Alex Belenov, grumbled.
I tapped my bottle of beer with his in agreement.
"Well, I'm going to toss Niko in the fire if he says 'epic' one more time." I used my free hand to make air quotes when I said the dreaded "E" word. Niko dramatically mouthed said word in response. He wouldn't think it was funny the next time he blew up his bathroom and all his toilet paper had mysteriously disappeared.
"We need more wood for the fire, rookies." Devin was new to the Miners roster, but he wasn't a newbie like Niko and me. He’d suffered an injury last season and struggled to get his edge back before being traded at the end of the season. As a fan of the game I loved to watch him play. And I could say without hesitation, his old team was going to regret ever letting him go. Hot Shot Stevens was back, and he was playing better than ever. The guys liked to joke that he was skating so well because he was in L-O-V-E. And yes, they always spelled it like they were in grade school. I wanted to think it was because Devin worked so hard. The man was a beast, but I'd be an idiot if I didn't agree that his state of mind also played a part in how well he was playing. I mean, look at me. My need to feel something after my brother Beau died was the reason why I played hockey in the first place. We all had our own motives for playing the way we did.
"Do you have any idea how wrong that sounded?" I asked as I rose from the log I was sitting on, thankful for the chance to have some time to myself. "You stay. I got this."
"Wow, I thought I was the one with my mind constantly in the gutter. I must be rubbing off on you," my roommate kidded.
"Look, all this talk of wood and you rubbing off on me isn't helping any, Niko." Since we were newbies and happened to be living together, the guys liked to give us lots of shit. It was all in good fun, but still, it was getting really old and fast.
"Don't drop any logs!" Niko yelled at my retreating back, which caused all the guys to burst out laughing. Jesus. I just shook my head as I walked away. You would think I would be used to him by now.
Sharing a house with Niko was a decision made for convenience. When I got to Denver, I’d had no idea where I was going to live. Vanzetti already had the place and offered me one of the empty bedrooms, so I figured why the hell not? It could have been worse. At least I didn't have to share a bathroom with the guy, and he made me a sweet deal on the rent.
I plopped down on a round of timber in the corner of the shed, which was dark except for the light coming in from the fixture hanging above the open door and pulled out my phone. I couldn't decide if I was thinking more about my brother because I’d been hanging out with the McGills or because the ropes course had made me introspective. I’d never really thought of Beau or my memories of him as something that held me back, but today that trapeze bar was well within my reach and I still hesitated. I knew Niko had me, yet all I could think of was my brother. I brought up my photo gallery to look at Beau’s picture. That's when I saw the seven missed text messages and two missed calls from my dad.
Even though I’d talked to him this morning and I’d warned him that I might have spotty cell coverage at camp, he probably didn't remember our conversation. I hated what this disease was doing to him. I texted him a few pictures, told him that I would speak to him tomorrow when I got back to town, and powered down my phone. I reminded myself to enjoy the time I had left with him. I was going to have to talk to him again before the season started. I loved my old man, and I knew why he worried so much about me. I was all he had left, but I had so much riding on this season and his near-constant checking-in was becoming more than I could handle. I knew he couldn't help himself. For a second I wished he still had the strength to climb up a tree and jump off like I had today. It had reminded me so much about my brother. On the other hand, maybe Dad was lucky. He no longer remembered all we had lost.
Fuck! I woke up feeling like shit. After returning to the fire with more wood, I hung out with guys some more, then we all turned in for the night. We didn't even drink that much; Coach Perkins was watching us like a hawk. Not that I would have tied one on anyway, not this close to the beginning of the season. Still, every inch of my body hurt. With a hand to my throbbing temple, I cautiously swung my legs over the side of my lower bunk and attempted to stand. "Mother …" The words died as I crashed back down to my bed in sheer agony.
"What's up with you, man?" Niko asked while hanging his head over the edge of the upper bunk where he slept. "Shit, you look like hell," he added before jumping down. I ignored his comment and sat up, moving slower this time as I took inventory of my body. I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. The second my feet hit the floor in another attempt to get up, I yelled out in agony again, this time catching the attention of everyone in our cabin as I fell back onto the mattress in a heap.
"Don't move," Alex demanded, as if getting up was even an option for me, before instructing Niko to go get Coach and the training staff. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew it wasn't good. I also didn't think I’d ever seen Niko move so fast, and he was the fastest guy on the team—on and off the ice. As Alex looked me over, he spoke to himself in a mix of English and Tatar, his native language. I swear I couldn't understand anything he was saying. I felt like I was underwater, except for the pain. I felt it everywhere, especially my left ankle, and I was sweating like I’d been working out for hours.
"Паук," Alex stated in Tatar as the team doctor and Coach entered the cabin followed by most of the team. God, the situation had gone from bad to worse. I was never going to hear the end of it. I covered my eyes with my arm.
"Just get me some Tylenol. I'll be fine," I lied with a groan, knowing I had never felt this poorly before in my life. I still had no idea what Alex had said, but Doc was examining my throbbing ankle, which I couldn't even look at. I worried my career could be over before it had even started.
"It definitely looks like a bite of some sort," Doc confirmed as he continued to examine me.
Relief flooded me. A bite was no big deal. "Can't you just give me some Benadryl or something?" Shit, if he wanted me to, I would have dropped my shorts and let him shoot me in the ass right there. It wasn't like the guys hadn't seen it all before.
"It's not that simple, Crawford. I don't know what type of spider it was, and your ankle is extremely swollen." For the first time, I glanced at the limb that had been propped up on several pillows. Holy shit. It was huge! And now was not the time for a "that's what she said" joke to pop into my head.
"McGill!" Coach thundered so loud; I swear the entire cabin shook. Barrett stepped up next to my bunk. "Do you know how many players I can dress?"
I was pretty sure we all knew where Coach was going with his line of questioning.
Barrett answered without delay, "Twenty, including two goalies per game."
"Correct. But what if something happens to Belenov or Evans?" Coach dramatically knocked on the wood bunk beside him and I sighed in relief. What could I say? We really were a superstitious bunch. As much as I wanted to play, I didn't want it to be at the expense of Alex or Luke, the starting and back-up goalies. Luke Evans hadn't exactly welcomed me to the team with open arms. Alex thought it was because I was better than Evans and he knew it, not that he would ever admit it. But Luke had earned his starting spot, so I would bide my time and learn as much as I could from a phenomenal player like Alex Belenov.
"Your third goalie is in the stands, ready to go at a moment's notice." Barrett relayed the odd NHL rule my spot on the team fell under. Until I could earn a spot of my own, I would be sitting in the stands at every home game, itching to get on the ice. Speaking of itching...
"Don't." Doc batted away my hand as I reached to scratch my ankle.
"Well, my third goalie won't even be able to put that in a boot." Coach pointed at my ankle, which was at least twice its normal size. "You're the team captain and this is your party, so you better take good care of him, McGill." Coach turned and left without another word. I guess actions really did speak for themselves.
"Are you sure about this?" After a trip to the Emergency Room and a quick stop at my house to pack a bag, Barrett drove me to his house. I felt bad about putting the guy out.
"You heard Coach." Loud and clear. But I was also a grown-ass man who could care for himself. "The doctor said you need to stay off of it completely. I can't see Niko being much of a help and someone is always here."
"Is Adelaide going to be upset?" The pre-season started in just three weeks and they were getting married in two. From what I’d heard Barrett was adamant they get married before the season started. I was sure they had better things to do than to babysit me.
"Ha! She'd be pissed if I didn't bring you. Plus, Coach would kill me." He looked up at the large house as he tossed my bag over his shoulder. I'd met the future Mrs. McGill a few times and she seemed like a real sweetie. They had two little kids—Levi was a maniac and Ivy was as adorable as her mommy. From what I'd seen, they had the big guy wrapped around their little fingers.
Barrett looked from me on my crutches to a staircase going up the side of the garage and the grin on his face fell.
"You can take me back to my place. I'll be fine and Coach will never know." He shook h
is head no before I could even finish my sentence.
"It's not that. Let's play a little game." Cap let out a drawn-out sigh.
"Okaaaaaaay," I drew out, unsure of where this was going. What kind of game could we play while I was standing in his driveway on crutches?
"Tell me the first two words that pop into your head when I say the word Eden."
Maybe it was the venom coursing through my veins or the pain pills the doctor had given me, but I wasn't expecting this line of questioning. Without giving it much thought, I quickly answered, "Forbidden and fruit." He seemed relieved by my answer. Did he think he had to worry about me tempting Adelaide like Adam and Eve had been in the garden? He had nothing to worry about because, for one, I wasn't stupid, and for two, Barrett and Adelaide were nuts about each other.
"Good answer. I knew I liked you. Now do me a favor and don't forget those words. Eden is forbidden fruit. Got it?"
"Yeah. Okay." What else could I say? Once we entered the house through the large kitchen, Barrett dropped my bag and headed straight to the other side of the room where Adelaide stood at the granite island. I watched as he took her into his arms and kissed her like they hadn't seen each other in weeks instead of just one night. When he finally broke the kiss, he looked around the room. My eyes followed him. They eventually landed on a petite young blonde woman with curves in all the right places who stood on the other side of the room. I’d never seen the beauty before, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was stunning. I was thankful I had the crutches to steady me.
"Ford, this is Eden." Well, shit. The two words I had used outside repeated on a loop in my head.
My head turned to his. "Forbidden fruit," he mouthed over Adelaide's head like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Luckily for me, Eden didn’t see the exchange. I wanted to tell him I changed my mind. Those were most definitely the wrong words when it came to this Eden. I turned back to her and forced myself to close my gaping mouth. Nope, she was naked and sin—those were the two words that came to mind right now. Hell, they were all I could think about.