That wasn’t water! I grimaced at the bottle. I had failed, I had drunk alcohol.
Alex leaned in, pulling the bottle toward me to read. “It’s mineral water, Christy. Haven’t you ever had mineral water before?”
I didn’t want to look stupid, but I couldn’t help it. I took the bottle from his hands and read the ingredients, mineral water. I let a deep burst of air out of my mouth in relief that I hadn’t had alcohol after all.
I pulled my eyebrows together, and Alex laughed. I pulled him to me, “That’s the worst water I’ve ever drunk,” I said.
He laughed again, leaning his head back and laughing at the ceiling. Then, he pulled me to him and said, “You’ll get used to it. It’s really healthy.”
I stared at my glass of water, carbonated nasty water, and had to drink it. I held my nose internally shut as I drank, preventing the bitter liquid from reaching my taste buds. It was my only option, and it was refreshing. Alex filled my glass again, and I drank another whole glass. He did too. He filled my glass again, and I noticed that he gave me the last of the water, so I decided I better drink it slowly.
Alex drank his beer and as everyone trickled back to the tables and ordered more to drink, they began mingling and talking. No one stayed in any one particular spot, except for me and Alex. Constantly bombarded with people coming over to him and chatting, Alex rested his hand on my leg, and it felt like it burned where he touched it. I couldn’t do anything but smile. Happiness consumed me.
I didn’t know if the music had been turned down after the band left, or if I’d just gotten used to the blaring noise, but I could hear people talking and laughing now, where I couldn’t before. I thought about how lucky I was to be there with Alex. Any girl would’ve died to be with him at this club, and he had chosen me. That dizzying idea made my body buzz with excitement.
Alex turned his chair to face me and then pushed my chair around so that I faced him. His legs cradled mine and he gently brought my hands in his, moving his face toward mine. My heart pounded hard, and I felt weak. Not here. Don’t kiss me here. Instead, his cheek pressed against mine and nothing more. Surprisingly, I felt a strange mix of relief and sadness. We stayed like that for several minutes, my heart racing out of my chest.
I’d finished all my water and had to go the bathroom. I didn’t want the moment to end, but I couldn’t wait any longer and pointing to my empty glass, said, “I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”
He nodded and stood up with me, twirling me around as I stood. So cute! We walked side by side, holding hands. Everything was good; Alex McGinnis was holding my hand.
The dance floor seemed empty compared to before, but a lot of people still danced out there. Moving about was a ton easier. When I came out of the bathroom, Alex waited right there, his mischievous smile taunting me. He held his hand out, and I took it, saying, “What?”
“You’ll see,” he said, pulling me down a hall past the bathroom. It was lined with doors on one side that had signs reading, no admittance. My heart pounded. He stopped and took my other hand in his, pushing my back against the wall. A dropping feeling filled me. He moved in close to me and pulled my hands and arms above my head. My heart stuttered as I watched his face come closer and closer.
Wait. This wasn’t how I’d imagined it. He pushed me hard into the wall and it kind of hurt. His hot breath smelled bitter. I stiffened as his lips pressed hard against mine. This wasn’t really happening was it?
My first instinct was to pull away, but he was kissing me. His fingers moved over mine, and his kiss softened. He coaxed my hands back down to my sides and grabbed my waist, pulling me in closer to him. Despite his breath, I couldn’t believe how good he still smelled after all that dancing. I just wished he tasted good.
I felt his lips trace my jaw bone, all the way to my ear. It sent shivers up my spine, causing all the hairs on my arms to stand up.
His hot breath hit my ear as he said, “Now you can’t say you’ve never been kissed.”
My forehead crinkled. Had I heard him right? His touch felt tenuous-empty. What did he mean by that?
His lips found their way back to mine, soft and giving, but I didn’t want them on mine any longer. Before I could turn my head away, he turned his, letting go of my waist and grabbing my hand. He led me back to our table.
I felt numb. Taking a steadying breath, I looked at him while he talked to a few guys at the other table. I had to find out what he meant exactly. Did he just kiss me to rid me of my virgin lips? Was I some kind of conquest? My teeth ground together, and I sat back and crossed my arms. I felt used somehow, and I didn’t like it at all. I wished I’d pushed him away.
“Time to go,” Zack announced.
Everyone grumbled but headed for the stairs.
My stomach felt heavy, like a rock sat in it, preventing me from moving. Alex grabbed me from behind, turning me and pulling me up into his arms, his face only inches from mine. He smiled. I turned away, my head swimming. He tugged me forward.
The fresh air outside seemed to clear my head a bit, I just needed more of it. I leaned against the outside wall of the building and bent over, taking my ankles in my hands and breathing deeply. Questions nagged at me. Questions that would probably never be answered, because I was too chicken to ask them. Why had I come? I should have listened to that voice in my head. Nothing good came from tonight. He only asked me here so he could be the conqueror.
I looked the opposite way of the club, still upside-down and saw a dark-skinned man quickly look away when I looked at him. I felt my heart skip a beat. I pulled up slowly, looking across the street and all around to see if I could spot an FBI agent. Another dark haired Arab-looking guy was across the street. I thought he looked at me, but from that distance, I couldn’t be sure. Something crawled down my spine, and I shivered.
Alex, beside me, asked, “You cold?” as if he had seen me shiver. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my arms with his hands.
“A bit,” I answered. Oddly enough, his warm hands seemed to chill me even more.
He held me until our taxi came. The seating arrangement stayed the same, and I was glad. I didn’t want to be next to Alex right then.
Summer said, “You’ve seen the other side now. Don’t expect it to last.”
Ignoring her was getting easier, but not knowing what Alex’s real intentions were ate at me, and yet a part of me didn’t want to give Alex up.
I had to look out the windows to get another look at the two guys I thought watched me. They weren’t there. I craned my head all around the areas they had been in and finally saw one jumping into a car. “Hmm,” I mused, “I wonder if they really are following us.”
Then it hit me. Had the FBI even known that I wasn’t in my hotel room asleep? Were they there at the club somewhere, and I couldn’t see them? Or had we been on our own? We went through the intersection and heard a loud crash. We all looked out the back window. There had been a huge crash right behind us. Our cab driver kept driving as if nothing had happened. I saw shadowy, dark figures jump out, yelling, pointing at our cab. I looked back again, but we were too far away to see anything anymore. Dread spread throughout my whole body. I had an icy feeling the FBI had been at the club and had just saved us.
When we got to the hotel, we snuck up the back stairs, instead of using the elevator, in hopes that we would lessen the chance of running into any adults from our group. Before going in, I kept looking down the stairs to see if we were being followed. I would tell Rick about the crash tomorrow. I didn’t want to tell Alex anything after that kiss.
Josh and Summer went giggling into his room together. I wondered why they did so much in secret. You could tell they were close friends when you were with them, but they never held hands or acted like boyfriend/girlfriend during the day. But, in the dark or in secret, they let it all loose.
Alex stopped at his room, slid in his key, opened his door and started to pull me in. I planted my feet and leaned back. My icy feeling was re
placed with a deep heat.
He looked back at me with a puzzled look on his face. “What’s up? Aren’t you gonna come in?”
“No,” I said. “I’m so tired and Mrs. J. has me doing some crazy thing with a senior staffer tomorrow.”
“You can sleep here.” His smile was soft.
I looked at my feet.
“It’s no big deal, Christy, come on in.”
“No,” I said, jerking my hand out of his and walking toward my room. While I was fishing for my key card, he touched my shoulders.
I kept my back to him and cursed at myself for not being able to find my key card fast enough. My face burned with anger.
“Christy, what gives?” He moved around to face me. “Why are you running from me? I thought we had a great time.” His fingers brushed my cheeks and tingles lingered where he had touched it. Why did I have to respond like that? I wanted to be mad.
This felt like bad déjà vu. Hadn’t I just heard the same words coming from Rick?
“Alex, I did have a great time, I just want to go to bed, that’s all. Forget about it.”
“Look, nothing has to happen in my room. We can just sleep. I want to get to know you better, and I thought it would be nice to spend more time together.”
I had had enough. While it was tempting, the better part of me pulled away from him, my heart thudding so loudly, I was sure he could hear it. “Why did you kiss me at the club?” I spat, my voice harsh, but low. I glared up at him.
“Whye asked. His eyes scanned my face. My glare softened. I couldn’t look into his liquid eyes without losing a bit of clarity of thought. “Because I think you’re great. Because I liked kissing you. . .Because I wanted to.” He touched my hand, and I felt that his was trembling. It caught me off guard.
All I could do was stare. He stared back. I listened for the voice to tell me if he was a good guy or a bad one, but the voice was silent. Maybe ignoring the voice, made it ignore me back. I was alone.
“Did you kiss me only because I had never kissed anyone?” I squeaked, hardly believing I had the guts to say it. Like he would tell me the truth anyway.
“Oh, that’s what this is all about—what I said to you after I kissed you?”
I just stared, sure he could feel my heart beating at the sound waves between us.
“That’s not why I kissed you. I like you, Christy. You’re different from the girls I know. I wanted to spend time with you to see if we clicked. I thought we did, so I kissed you. Being your first kiss was only a bonus.”
Should I clue him in that someone beat him to the punch? I finally looked up at him, his eyes gloriously intense. I couldn’t remember how to breathe at that moment. Could I believe him? His eyes said yes and my body wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, but I didn’t move to him. I stayed back, still unsure, but wanting to believe.
He reached out for my other hand, and now, I was trembling.
“Come on,” he said, leaning his head in the direction of his room.
“No,” I answered. “I can’t. Thanks for tonight. It was a lot of fun.” I managed to smile at him, even if it was half a smile. I pulled one of my hands out of his, unable to look away. Where my resolve came from, I’ll never know. Maybe it was as simple as having made up my mind a long time ago what was most important to me—that I wouldn’t put myself in a position to compromise my core beliefs.
“Please, Christy. I’ve never been around anyone like you. I don’t want to blow it.” His fingers slid into my hair and gently pulled me closer, I could smell mint on his breath. “I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.” He continued and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, he said, and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry,” he said, and I closed my eyes, letting his lips press against mine. This was how I’d imagined it.
Still, I would not join him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I didn’t even bother to undress before getting into bed. Completely exhausted, I didn’t have the energy, even though my insides buzzed with excitement. I had kissed Alex again and it had been great. I decided to pretend the kiss at the club never happened. Unfortunately, just because my body was exhausted, didn’t mean my mind was.
My conversation with Rick danced through my mind. What would he think when he saw me holding Alex’s hand tomorrow? Would Alex even want to hold my hand in public or was it only a one-time thing? Would he treat me like Josh treated Summer—a behind closed doors relationship? A horrible feeling washed over me, and I tried to ignore it, but it steadily grew until I ached all over.
“I’m sorry, Rick,” I mumbled into the night, hoping to release some guilt. It didn’t work.
I thought about how I’d acted at the club and wished it had been different. I thought about fake-drinking, and that now everyone at the club thought I had drunk alcohol. I didn’t really want them to think that, and yet I did. And, then I thought about kissing Alex, my second mistake. (and kissing him again, my third, and fourth and fifth...)
Guilt overwhelmed me; it was sudden, complete and devastating. Hot tears pushed their way to the surface and flowed freely. I was glad for the darkness. Maybe I didn’t know myself. I had never dreamed that this trip would test decisions I had made a long time ago. I never thought I would have kissed two different guys in two days, nor did I think I would go to a club where everyone was drinking and being wild. I also didn’t think I would ever steal clothes, fake drink or twist the truth. I never thought the opportunity would arise for me to have a boyfriend before I was sixteen. Now there were two guys wanting me to be their girlfriend. Was nothing sacred to me anymore? Had Marybeth’s help made people accept me only while here in D.C. or would it extend to my home? Was my past what made me an outcast back home? Could the people back home forget the old me? Did I want to be the new me?
Really, why had Alex thought I would go to his room? Could it be that because I went to the club, he thought I drank, and I kissed him, that he thought I would do more? Did he think so little of me? Maybe he saw nothing wrong with it, though—maybe he’d never been taught that it was. But, couldn’t he feel it was?
I gasped, realizing that my seemingly little choice of sneaking out to the club to be with Alex had caused a chain reaction that led to places I had never intended to go. I didn’t want people to see me as someone who would go to a club. I definitely didn’t want anyone to think I drank, and I certainly didn’t want anyone to think I was easy. What had I done? How could I undo what had happened? The answer was easy—I couldn’t.
One deception had blossomed into many, with no turning back.
I lay awake all night, trying to find a way to ease my guilt. I’d decided that Alex came from another world, entirely different from mine, and I didn’t know how to deal with him. I would have to give him up, as hard as that would be. When I was with him, I compromised a lot of what I thought I wanted out of life and pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I let the fact that he made me feel so good override my better judgment.
I would also have to tell Rick that I absolutely couldn’t date until I was sixteen. The timing with Rick was just off. I felt hot, thinking of his soft lips. I really had to trust that sixteen wasn’t some random age my parents picked, but that something magical happened on your birthday to help you be smarter with guys. On the other hand, maybe I would just have to choose to be smarter. But, smarter, I’d found, didn’t always feel better—at least at first.
Besides, this little world in D.C. was different from reality. Alex, Rick and the rest of them would probably go home and in two minutes forget I existed.
With a start, I sat up. The clock read six-thirty. I stretched and slid out of bed. I smelled cigarette smoke and looked down at myself. Marybeth’s clothes. My heart dropped and nervous flutters filled my chest. I looked over at her. The room was just light enough to see her shadow in bed and without a noise, I grabbed a dry-cleaning bag and some new clothes from my closet, hurrying into the bathroom. I shoved her clothes into the bag and show
ered as fast as I could. What if she woke up? After getting dressed, I ran the clothes down to the reception desk, asking them to bill me. When I got back to the room, I heard the shower. Did she see me leave with the bag? I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for her to come out, nervous that she had seen something. This guilty conscience thing was going to kill me.
“Hey!” Marybeth said when she came out of the bathroom.
“Hey!”
“You got in a workout this morning, huh?” she asked.
I looked at myself, wondering what had given her that idea. Maybe she had seen me leave with the bag and thought it was a gym bag of sorts. I just smiled and hurried to get ready. I had dodged a bullet, but I still had one more to dodge. I had to get her clothes back into the closet without her knowing. Why had I been so stupid? I should have asked her if I could borrow them. She would have let me. I’m sure of it. If only I’d asked, I wouldn’t have this stress now. Marybeth and I hurried down to grab a bagel and then ran onto the bus. Mrs. J. raised her eyebrows at me.
“Doing okay today, Christy?”
“Yes,” I said. “Just running a little late.” I had to pull it together and give a good performance for Mrs. J., with whomever she wanted to impress. I couldn’t let her down.
She smiled, and I made my way to the back of the bus. Both Alex and Rick had open spots next to them and both looked at me. A burn shuffled down my spine. It didn’t seem right to sit with either one, so when Marybeth sat with Kira, I squeezed onto the seat with them.
“What the…,” Kira called out.
“Christy, what are you doing?” Marybeth asked, looking at me.
“I wanted to sit with you guys. It’s okay isn’t it?”
“Whatever,” Kira answered.
“Sure,” Marybeth said.
Watched (The Watched Series) Page 17