‘You can’t be serious,’ said Archie.
‘Who is he?’ Lady Mimsy asked Grimsby.
‘Archibald Baxter Caractacus Dunlevy,’ answered Grimsby. ‘A member of the Royal Cryptozoological Society. No one important.’
‘Don’t worry, Mr Dunlevy,’ said Lady Mimsy. ‘You will not be left out. I’m planning to serve you as the entree.’
Archie yelped.
‘You’re mad,’ said Lex.
‘I am not insane,’ assured Lady Mimsy. ‘I am just hungry.’
‘But tortoises are herbivores,’ insisted Xandra, trying to bring logic to a ridiculous situation. ‘They don’t eat meat. We learnt that at school.’
‘Why should carnivores have all the fun?’ Lady Mimsy finished her breakfast and wiped her mouth with a foreleg. ‘I administer a secret fine-dining society. We gather once a month and eat meat. We have eaten a great deal of the common species and are now seeking those that are more difficult to procure. The High Chancellor has been of great assistance. Due to his position, he has been able to provide us with a stunning array of menu items. We still have one more menu item in the works. But tonight will be quite special. We shall feast on the most inconceivable of mythical beasts. Humans. I can hardly wait.’ She picked up a napkin and wiped her mouth. ‘Goodness, I’m salivating already.’
‘I thought you were a vegetarian?’ Xandra glared at Grimsby.
‘I am,’ said the tiger. ‘Power is more to my taste than meat.’ He shuddered at the word. ‘I am merely helping them in order to further my own ambitions.’
‘Overthrowing the monarchy.’ The words were stilted, as if they were so dreadful that Archie had trouble even saying them.
‘Saving the monarchy,’ corrected Grimsby. ‘Victoria is weak. She is not fit to rule. Lions have reigned over the United Animal Kingdom for far too long. They have become complacent. It is time for another species to take charge.’
‘Let me guess,’ said Xandra. ‘Tigers.’
‘Of course.’ Grimsby smiled. ‘Tigers are the natural choice. We were there from the formation of the Monarchy. We are the highest ranked of all other animals.’
‘I get it,’ said Xandra. She was furious that this power-hungry tiger was willing to sacrifice her, Lex and Archie to further his own goals. ‘You’re sick of playing second fiddle.’
Grimsby bared his teeth, with a deep, guttural growl.
Lex put a hand on his sister’s arm, a warning for her to stop. She shook it off. She was powerless to escape this situation – but at least she could stand her ground with words. ‘You’re Lord High Chancellor, aren’t you?’ she said. ‘It’s a fancy title, isn’t it? But you’re still just a sidekick. Always bowing and scraping to the Queen.’
‘I will not remain in the shadows,’ roared Grimsby. A sharp glance from Lady Mimsy made him calm down. He continued in a low, menacing voice. ‘Tigers are the superior species. Lions have become weak and in effectual. Without us – without me – the monarchy would not function. And the time has come for me to take my rightful place as king, beginning a new dynasty. A strong dynasty. A dynasty of tigers.’
‘So where does the turtle fit in?’ asked Lex.
‘Tortoise,’ corrected Lady Mimsy.
‘Yes,’ added Xandra. ‘It looks to me like you’re just her glorified waiter. Bringing her animals to eat.’
Xandra could see the muscles in Grimsby’s neck and shoulder tense and bunch with barely constrained rage. She had really touched a nerve this time. And she was glad of that.
‘Money makes the world go round,’ said Lady Mimsy with a little chuckle. ‘And as President of the Royal Bank, I control the money. Overthrowing the monarchy does not come cheap.’
Xandra turned on the tortoise. ‘And you’re doing this just so that you can eat us?’
‘That’s merely the icing on the cake, so to speak’ said Lady Mimsy. ‘I’m afraid I want a whole lot more than that. When Grimsby is king, he is to supply me with whatever meat I desire, regardless of any silly historical declaration.’ She gnashed her metal teeth. ‘Beginning with his coronation feast, where I shall dine on the former Queen.’
‘You can’t!’ Archie’s legs wobbled. He looked as if he were about to faint.
‘Yes, I can,’ said Lady Mimsy.
‘I will not let you,’ shouted Archie, as he launched himself at the tortoise.
With lightning speed, Grimsby intercepted him, grasping the llama by the throat. Archie’s legs dangled helplessly as the tiger held him. ‘Do not test me,’ he growled, baring his teeth. ‘I may have no taste for meat, but I can still bite.’
He tossed Archie to the floor.
‘Staff!’ he called.
The armadillos were back, clustering around Archie and the others.
‘Take them away.’
‘We were better off with Lord Edwin,’ lamented Lex. ‘Being a pet is preferable to being a main course.’
‘We must do something,’ said Archie, still massaging his long throat.
‘What?’ asked Lex.
‘We escape,’ said Xandra, a fiery determination welling up within her. ‘Then we go and warn the Queen.’
‘We’ll never be able to get to her.’ Defeat crept into Archie’s voice. ‘I’m not a lord or anything. I’m just a llama. She would never agree to speak with me.’
‘Human beings are mythical creatures that don’t exist,’ said Xandra, ‘as far as most animals here believe. Yes?’
‘Correct,’ answered Archie.
‘So maybe my brother and I could get the Queen’s attention.’
‘That could work,’ said Archie, ‘if only we could get Her Majesty to see you. It’s not like we could just stroll into the palace. It’s heavily guarded.’
‘She’ll be opening the Great Exposition tomorrow,’ continued Xandra. ‘She’ll be out in public, so that would be the perfect chance to approach her.’
‘By golly, yes.’ Archie’s joy was short-lived. ‘We have to get away from here first.’
‘Yes,’ agreed Xandra. ‘I haven’t worked that part out yet.’
Lex cleared his throat noisily. Xandra and Archie turned to see him fish something out of his pocket and hold it up.
‘Skeleton key,’ whispered Archie.
‘I knew there was a reason I always let you tag along with me,’ said Xandra.
Lex grinned at his sister and headed for the door.
‘Wait,’ said Archie. ‘It’s broad daylight. We can’t just walk out.’
‘Well, we can’t wait for dark,’ said Lex, still heading for the door. ‘We’ll have been eaten by then.’
‘Good point,’ conceded Archie. ‘But we should search this room first.’
‘Why?’ asked Lex.
‘For anything that might help us once we are out,’ explained Archie.
‘Right,’ said Lex, starting to look through the cupboards. ‘Weapons.’
Archie went to search the desk in the corner, while Xandra approached the shelves.
Remembering the weasel’s advice, Xandra began tapping on the spines of books, until she got to one that made a hollow sound. Yanking it from the shelf, she discovered the hiding place, and a little notebook within. Xandra flipped through its pages. She couldn’t believe it! She’d found Lady Mimsy’s food notes – lists of all the animals she’d eaten with an appraisal of each. Xandra felt sick. The notes even contained a menu for tonight’s dinner, with human casserole as the main course, and a proposed menu for Grimsby’s coronation.
This might come in handy, thought Xandra, tucking it into her dress.
‘Nothing,’ called Lex with disappointment. ‘I’ve got this,’ said Archie, holding up a pen.
‘A pen?’ asked Lex.
‘Not just a pen,’ correctly Archie. ‘A fountain pen.’
‘Okay,’ said Lex, ‘although I reckon a sword would have been better.’
‘A famous warrior once said: The pen is mightier than the sword.’ Archie tucked it into his top pocket.<
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Xandra lead them to the door, and Lex unlocked it. The corridor was empty. Cautiously, they crept along the wall to the dining room. Also empty.
‘Do you know where we are?’ Xandra whispered to Archie as they entered.
‘The dining room,’ mouthed Archie.
‘I mean … where are we in the city?’
‘Oh, of course.’ Archie gave a little embarrassed smile. ‘I assume we are on her Ladyship’s estate, which would be outside the city, although I’m not sure where.’
‘What’s it called?’ asked Lex.
‘Ah … The Shelltonne Estate. Why?’
‘I checked out the maps of Londinium and the surrounding area while we were locked up by the bear.’ He looked quite proud of himself. ‘I’m good with maps. There was a Shelltonne Estate not far from the city. I noticed it because it was really big. Anyway, I reckon it’s about twenty-five miles or forty kilometres from the Victoria and Albert Museum where we arrived.’
‘That is a very long walk,’ lamented Archie.
‘Well then, we had better get started,’ suggested Xandra. ‘How do we get out of here?’
‘The kitchen should be near the dining room and the servants’ entrance will be through there. Although with a dinner party tonight, it will probably be full of staff.’
There was a noise from out in the corridor and the sound of feet heading in their direction.
‘Doesn’t look like we have much choice,’ said Xandra.
Archie led the way across the dining room, through a door at the far end and along a passageway. Double swing doors with round windows led to the kitchen.
They peered in.
All was clear.
The doors creaked as they entered.
‘I wonder where everyone is?’ mused Archie, as they tiptoed across the kitchen.
‘Who cares,’ said Lex, holding out the skeleton key to the large double-doors through which kitchen deliveries were made.
THWACK!
A meat cleaver thudded into the wood, centimetres from Lex’s head.
The three of them spun around to see a hyena in a chef’s outfit, another cleaver clutched in his paw. Through the pantry door behind him, emerged a half-a-dozen armadillos, each with a carving knife.
The hyena giggled insanely as he lifted the cleaver, ready to throw.
‘Wait,’ called Archie, lifting a paw and stepping towards the chef.
The hyena hesitated.
‘I have something belonging to her Ladyship. It’s a very nice fountain pen.’ Archie plucked it from his pocket with one hoof as he waved the other behind his back. Lex took the hint and inserted the key into the lock, turning it carefully.
‘Now, if you look closely,’ continued Archie, holding out the pen to the chef. ‘There’s a little lever here for the ink.’
He pulled the lever back and then snapped it forward, expelling the ink from the pen.
‘Aaaargh!’ screamed the hyena as the ink sprayed into his eyes.
‘Now!’ yelled Archie, as he turned and ran.
Lex pushed the doors open and the three of them ran outside …
Straight into a group of armadillos standing to attention in the midst of the kitchen garden. Lady Mimsy reclined in a lawn chair beyond the vegetable beds, sunning herself. She was naked except for her shell and a pair of diamond-rimmed sunglasses.
‘You’re early,’ she said, peering at them from over the top of her sunnies. ‘Dinner preparations are not scheduled to begin until after lunch.’
Xandra’s heart sank. After all their endeavours – captured.
‘Not again!’ complained Lex.
The chef stomped out into the sunlight, cleaver still in paw, wiping ink from his eyes.
‘Grimsby said you would probably try to escape,’ said Lady Mimsy. ‘Since you’re here now, Chef Broiling may as well begin.’
‘Wait,’ called Archie, stepping forward. He held out the pen to Lady Mimsy. ‘I believe this belongs to you.’
Chef Broiling’s cleaver swung through the air, slicing the pen in half. Archie dropped the rest of it. ‘Worth a try,’ he said, backing away from the lunatic hyena.
Xandra looked around in desperation, hoping to find a way out of the situation. The manicured grounds of Shelltonne Estate stretched before them. They could make a run for it, but with her legs the way they were, there was no way she’d be able to outrun the armadillos. But she couldn’t let it all end this way … She and Lex couldn’t become a meal for an insane tortoise.
SMASH!
A sound from the house made everyone look.
‘What in blazes was that?’ demanded Lady Mimsy.
CRASH!
‘Don’t just stand there,’ she yelled at the armadillos. ‘Go and investigate.’
Before the armadillos could comply, a further series of crashing sounds grew closer. The armadillos scattered as the doors to the kitchen and the surrounding wall burst apart. A SteamCarriage Locomobile roared through the rubble into the grounds.
‘Quick,’ shouted Nikole Tesla, head sticking out of the driver’s window. ‘Get in.’
Xandra wasted no time. She yelled at Lex and Archie to move. Archie yanked the door open, holding it as the others jumped in, then followed. Xandra was surprised to see the ambulator in the back.
‘Stop them!’ screeched Lady Mimsy. ‘Don’t let my dinner escape!’
Armadillos launched themselves at the locomobile, banging on the doors and windows. Tesla threw the vehicle into gear, and slammed her foot onto the accelerator.
Armadillos went flying as the locomobile lurched forward, wheels digging ruts into the neat lawn.
Looking back Xandra could see armadillos in pursuit, along with Chef Broiling, cackling with maniacal glee as he waved his cleaver.
‘They’re following us,’ she called.
Tesla pulled a lever. The back doors of the locomobile flung open and the ambulator slid out, its feet lowering before it hit the ground. Xandra and the others watched as it ran, full speed, straight into their pursuers, knocking them over like skittles.
Tesla continued to drive across the grounds, smashing through shrubbery and knocking down statues, until she came to the banks of the Tamesis. She executed a hard right and continued to follow the course of the river, then brought the vehicle to a shuddering halt before a pier.
‘Now what?’ asked Xandra.
Tesla pointed through the front window. There was a steam barge at the end of the walkway. ‘Abandon locomobile!’ she called.
The four of them raced across the pier and onto the barge, which immediately set off.
Xandra could see running figures in the distance as they sped off across the water, leaving a trail of steam and smoke in their wake.
They had escaped.
‘Lord Edwin loaned me the barge and the locomobile,’ explained Tesla.
‘Seriously?’ said Xandra. ‘That bullying bear helped us?’
‘While he was far from pleased about you escaping from him,’ said Tesla, ‘he was positively furious about you being kidnapped by Grimsby. He allowed me to take the locomobile and then sent his personal barge to meet us at the Shelltonne Estate’s pier.’
‘But how did you escape the kidnappers, Miss Tesla?’ asked Archie. ‘And then how did you find us?’
‘I was never kidnapped,’ explained Tesla, indicating her black clothes. ‘My dark clothing and balaclava, along with my smaller stature, meant that they never saw me. I was still on the wall when you were taken. I jumped down and followed, clinging to the back of their locomobile until they arrived at the Shelltonne Estate. I couldn’t really do anything on my own, so I started to walk back to Londinium. I managed to hop onto a passing transport vehicle.’
‘You are so resourceful, Miss Tesla,’ said Archie, voice filled with admiration.
‘You are too kind,’ said Tesla. ‘I went straight to the police, who were, not surprisingly, unconvinced by my story. So I had no option but to go and see Lord Edwin. He is
eagerly awaiting your return.’
‘We can’t go back,’ said Xandra. The mere thought of the bear made her angry. ‘I will not be made a pet.’
‘Yes,’ agreed Archie. ‘We must go to the Crystalline Palace in order to save Queen Victoria.’
‘I beg your pardon?’ said Tesla.
‘Ah,’ said Archie. ‘We have uncovered rather a lot of disturbing and vile scheming on the part of Lord Grimsby and Lady Mimsy. We will fill you in.’
Archie, Xandra and Lex proceeded to relate the events and discoveries since their kidnapping, Tesla’s eyes growing ever wider with shock and disbelief.
‘We must go back to Lord Edwin,’ said Tesla, when they had finished the story.
‘No,’ protested Archie, ‘we must save Her Majesty.’
‘I won’t become his prisoner again,’ added Xandra.
‘But we need his help,’ said Tesla. ‘Given all that has happened, and taking into account Lord Edwin’s well-known obsession with Queen Victoria, I think we will be able to count on him.’
Xandra’s thoughts were on the Crystalline Palace and the niggling feeling that it might be the way home. She wanted to go straight there. But Tesla’s suggestion did make sense.
Archie looked at Xandra and Lex, both of whom nodded, then back at Tesla. ‘Very well.’
‘Thank you for agreeing to help,’ said Xandra, although deep down, she was not happy about having to seek assistance from the bear. And she could see from the expression on his face, that he wasn’t all that pleased about giving it.
‘I am not doing this for you,’ grizzled Lord Edwin. ‘I am doing it for her most Royal Highness, Queen Victoria.’
Lord Edwin unrolled a massive piece of paper covered in design drawings, and flattened it out on the dining table.
‘Detailed plans of the Crystalline Palace,’ he said, pleased with himself. ‘I know the architect.’ His features darkened. ‘I seem to remember Grimsby introducing us at some point.’
‘Why do you have these?’ asked Lex.
‘Ah, yes, well,’ said Lord Edwin. ‘I needed to see what the best vantage point for Her Majesty’s opening address would be.’ He traced a claw across the plans. ‘As you can see, there is a long ground-level area that extends the length of the palace. Along each main wall are two open levels of exhibition galleries, running the full length of the building and looking down upon gardens and fountains. Quite grand! There is a smaller third level on each side too, facing each other across the void. On the north side, that level extends into a small platform overlooking the whole palace. This is where Her Majesty will make her speech tomorrow morning. Opposite, on the south side, is a three-tiered viewing platform.’ He tapped the diagram of seats. ‘I shall be seated here in the front row of the lower tier. It should afford me an excellent view of the Royal Party, and indeed, of the entire palace!’ Lord Edwin puffed up with importance.
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