Old habits were hard to break, and there was comfort in safety. Why couldn’t she figure out what to do?
Celeste Conroy lay on the examination table, prepared for the special procedure. As she’d done countless times before, Stephanie used the colposcope to examine the area of cervix in question and to take a small biopsy.
It only took five minutes.
“You may feel some cramping today. Take it easy. No lifting or straining for a couple of days, and no sex for a week.”
The mention of sex sent her mind back to last night with Phil, making her ears burn. She shook her head, hoping to stop the X-rated visions on the verge of materializing in her mind as she made her last few notations on the patient chart.
Celeste, as always, had a slew of questions, and Stephanie was grateful for the distraction.
“I’ll need a week to get the results,” Stephanie answered, “and I’ll call the minute I get them.”
The busy morning postponed her curiosity, but by lunchtime, when she still hadn’t seen Phil, she asked Gaby.
“He’s at the airport, picking up his parents.”
He’d made it clear he wanted to take their acquaintance to a whole new level once his parents took Robbie off his hands. The thought made her insides scramble up with anxiety yet excited her at the same time. Soon an unsettled feeling had her finding the nearest mirror and taking a good long look.
Make up your mind, Bennett. Either go for a fling or keep your distance. Don’t leave it up to Phil to decide.
Hadn’t she given herself permission to let go last night? And hadn’t the results been beyond any fantasy she could have dreamed up? After a long inhalation, a tiny smile curved her lips. She had six more weeks in Santa Barbara before she’d be back in her world—why not totally escape from all things Stephanie? And, besides, she’d had her tubes tied—there was nothing to worry about.
The thought of pursuing a carefree romance with Phil launched a wave of flittering wings in her stomach. Did she have the guts to carry it out?
Well, if this didn’t take the prize. If Phil hadn’t been so worried about his dad he’d be frustrated by having to hold on to Robbie for a couple more days. The layover at the airport had made Carl sick and Roma had taken him directly to the hospital once they’d landed. He’d picked up a nasty bug and was already showing signs of dehydration. The big iron man Phil had grown up admiring looked far too human in the hospital bed, and it sent a weary wave of dread down his spine.
“I’ll keep Robbie for the weekend or until you feel ready to take over,” Phil said to Roma.
She sat at her husband’s bedside, her dark hair heavily streaked with silver, holding his hand. “If you could bring Robbie by later today, I’d really appreciate it. I miss him so much.”
“Go, Roma. You don’t have to sit here watching me sleep,” Carl said. “Go and see Robbie.”
She gave Phil a questioning gaze. How different Roma was from his mother, who’d left when things got tough. His mother’s action had jaded Phil and had planted a lifelong mistrust of women. They couldn’t be counted on to stick around, so why get serious? Roma broke the mold, but she was the exception.
“Come with me,” he said. “Robbie can’t wait to see you. I’ll drop you back here on my way home.”
It dawned on Phil that his fabulous weekend plans, with the hottest lady he’d met in forever, would get put on hold. Again.
Once he sorted things out with Roma and Robbie, he’d give Stephanie a call to give her a heads-up. Either she’d be willing to let Robbie tag along for dinner or they’d take a rain check, but there was no way he’d leave Robbie with a babysitter. The kid would be disappointed enough knowing his mom was back in town yet he still couldn’t go home.
How did you explain such a thing to a kid? He’d step back and let Roma do the chore, see how a pro handled it, and maybe learn something.
Later, after he’d heard the latest doctor’s report on his father and Robbie was preoccupied with building blocks and making his version of the world’s tallest building, or so he’d announced with extra esses and saliva, Phil thought about Stephanie. He thought about how much he’d enjoyed spending Thanksgiving with her, and especially how great it had been to make love to her. And he thought how he’d like to do it again. Soon. But he had to look after the squirt.
So why was there a smile on his face? Because the kid really was a great source of entertainment.
After several attempts, Robbie had made it to ten blocks high, but he’d jumped up and down, knocking the top block off again. Phil stifled a laugh when he glimpsed the expression of frustration cross the boy’s face. Phil had to hand it to him, the kid didn’t quit. He picked up the same block and balanced it on top of the others, then went hunting for several more.
Phil took the opportunity to call Stephanie. Hearing her soft voice on the phone, it occurred to him how much he’d missed seeing her today, and just how disappointed he was about canceling their plans.
“Looks like I’ll be keeping the kid brother for the weekend,” he said on a resigned sigh. Though she’d made real progress being around Robbie on Thanksgiving, he wanted her all to himself the first time he took her out to dinner.
Phil felt compelled to give her the whole story about his father’s illness, flight home, and current status. Once he’d filled her in they’d settled into an easy conversation, and as Robbie was still erecting the west-coast version of the Empire State building, he kept talking.
Hell, he’d had sex with the woman. They knew each other intimately now. And though completely out of character, he wanted to take the opportunity to get to know her even better.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked. How busy could a person be in a hotel room?
“Sure,” she said.
The problem was that, if he wanted to learn more about her, he’d have to talk about himself. Should he take the risk?
He glanced at Robbie, who’d now moved on to scribbling with crayons in his newest coloring book from Hawaii, and decided what the heck.
“It’s been bugging me. I mean, how does a doctor with an aversion to kids wind up being an obstetrician?”
To her credit, she blurted out a laugh instead of taking offense. Though maybe she sounded a little nervous? “I guess it does seem odd, and please don’t get me wrong, I love delivering babies. It’s just…well, pregnancy and delivery is one thing, and child rearing is another.”
“See, now, that’s where I get tripped up,” Phil said, trying hard to understand her elusive explanation. “It’s been my experience that people usually go into a specialty profession because it’s their passion. For instance, I chose medicine because of my mother.”
Maybe it was the fact that his dad was sick and in a hospital, looking all too frail. Maybe it was because, even after professing to hate his mother all these years, he still missed her, but she’d been on his mind today.
“Your mother wanted you to become a pulmonologist?”
“Actually, she never knew, because I stopped talking to her.”
Phil wasn’t ready to tell Stephanie the whole story, that he’d been in Australia at a surfing championship when his father had been diagnosed with lymphoma the first time—and that his mother’s leaving turned his life upside down. It had made him quit the surfing circuit at twenty to care for his dad and, eventually, head back to school.
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Phil.”
He’d confused her. He sensed honest compassion in Stephanie’s voice and it felt like a forgiving breath; made him want to be honest with her. Maybe he did owe her an explanation.
“My dad had lymphoma, and when he first got diagnosed, my mother walked out on us. She couldn’t deal with his disease. Evidently she didn’t give a damn about me either because I never got to say goodbye.”
“Oh, God, how awful.”
Phil hadn’t meant to turn their conversation in this maudlin direction, he’d just wanted to keep her on the phone a little longe
r, but here he was stripping down barriers and letting the new girl on the block know about the secret of his mother. He could count back ten girlfriends and know for sure they’d never had a clue about his family or whether either of his parents was alive or dead. So why had he opened up to Stephanie?
“Yeah, I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t have a clue if she knows I’m a doctor or not.”
“I see.” She sounded suddenly distant.
As he’d gone completely out of character, he decided to get something else off his chest.
“Stephanie, this is a really weird question, but something I noticed yesterday made me wonder if you have a child.” The way she’d put Robbie into his pajamas and had left the bedroom door ajar. A novice like himself wouldn’t know to do that without being told. But not Stephanie.
She inhaled sharply.
He kicked himself for bringing up the subject. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Sorry. You caught me off guard, that’s all.”
He sighed. “Didn’t mean to,” he said, regretting having mentioned it.
She swallowed. “You and I have something in common.”
“How so?”
“You never got to say goodbye to your mother, and I never got to say goodbye to my son.”
“Stephanie…” In that moment, he wanted to put down the phone, to crawl inside, and come out the other end. He wanted nothing more than to console her. She had lost a child. “I’m sorry if I—”
“That’s okay, Phil. I need to get off the phone now anyway. I’ll see you at work,” she said, not giving him a chance to say another word.
Confused, he scrubbed his face. All he wanted was an uncomplicated romance, but having lived thirty-five years and dated for twenty of them, he knew there was no such thing.
When Stephanie arrived at work on Monday morning, all the nurses were abuzz with news about the yacht decorations. Gaby had used the office petty cash to purchase six small fake Christmas trees. “They all came complete with lights!” she said animatedly. “Now all we have to do is anchor them on the yacht.”
“Great!” Amy said. “And I found my grandmother’s decorations from the old country, and my lederhosen still fit!”
Another nurse chimed in. “I’ve got a bunch of Philippine Christmas lanterns we can use for one of the trees, too.”
Stephanie did her usual fading into the woodwork rather than join in.
Claire appeared, honey-blonde hair pulled back into a long swishy ponytail and green eyes bright with excitement. “Sounds great, guys. Bring everything this Saturday for the decorating party.” She saw Stephanie and waved her over. “You’re coming, right?”
Stephanie had been keeping a safe distance from the clinic employees. Why get too involved when she was only going to be around for a couple of months? What was the point? Up until this moment she’d planned to blow off the Christmas yacht party, but how could she say no and not appear to be antisocial?
“Um, sure.” And, besides, it would give her a chance to see Phil in a perfectly safe environment, one where she couldn’t get swept off her resolve to keep a distance.
“Great! I’ll send the directions to your email.” Claire glanced at her watch and strode for the stairs to her second-floor office. “Talk later.”
Well, hell, she’d already had sex with Phil, why not get to know everyone else a little better, too?
The nurses continued to rabbit on about decorating the yacht and what fun it always was as Stephanie smiled and made her way toward her office. After spending an ultra-quiet weekend, she had to admit that she enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the clinic, and with the official invitation now she looked forward to the plans for the coming weekend.
When later that morning Phil loomed in her doorway, her gut clenched. It was the first time she’d seen him since they’d made love. Her heart stumbled over the next couple of beats. He looked amazing with his hair freshly washed and combed straight back. She’d come to notice that however it fell, it stayed, and it always looked great. He’d probably expect further explanation about her weird reaction on the phone on Friday night. She wasn’t ready to give it.
“Hey,” he said, obviously waiting to be invited in.
“Hi. What’s up?” Did her face give her hopeful thoughts away? Was he here to invite her out to lunch or, better yet, a quiet dinner with just the two of them—like the one she’d so looked forward to last weekend? If he did, she hoped he’d keep all conversation superficial.
He carried a large specialty coffee drink in each hand and placed one on her desk. “It’s a pumpkin latte. Thought you might like it.”
“Thanks.” Why did the thoughtful gesture touch her so? Why did it feel so intimate? Before she’d gotten strange on the phone the other night, they’d embarked on a new line of communication. The man had opened up about his mother and because she’d been thinking about Justin after being around Robbie, she’d gone overboard with her response. It must have seemed so strange and out of the blue that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d avoided her, yet here he was bringing her a drink.
He sat on the edge of her desk and studied her. If the morning sun was brighter than she’d ever seen it, and there wasn’t a cloud on the horizon, that’s what she imagined the color would be, and it was right there in his eyes.
“So Robbie’s going to stay with me the rest of this week, until my dad gets discharged from the hospital.” He sounded worn out, like he’d had a super-hard weekend.
As she gazed at him, grateful he hadn’t probed more about her son, she caught the telltale signs of sleep deprivation. It looked as if ashes had been faintly smudged beneath his eyes, and his voice sounded huskier than usual. Watching his brother had taken its toll, but Phil wasn’t complaining. For a guy who professed to keep things easy and uncomplicated, he’d proved to be deeper than that. And though she wasn’t in the market for anything permanent with Phil, this side of his character helped her trust him.
Before he left, he bent over and dropped a sweet kiss on her lips. The simple gesture invited chills. He tasted like pumpkin latte, and after he’d left, she enjoyed sipping her drink and thinking of Phil’s kisses for the rest of the afternoon.
Phil had finally gotten Robbie down for the night. All he wanted to do was talk to Stephanie. She’d lost a child and was trying to put her life together. She could use a friend at a time like this, yet she’d chosen to leave the desert during the holidays and spend Christmas with strangers in Santa Barbara.
The last thing he could call himself was a stranger to her, not after their intense lovemaking session the other night. The crazy thing was, it wasn’t just about sex with Stephanie. He genuinely liked her. So why not call her, just to talk? The thought made him smile. It reminded him of how in high school he used to have to work up an excuse to call a girl when he liked her. But that had been back in a time of innocence, back when his heart had been eager to fall in love, back when he’d still trusted the opposite sex…back before his mother had walked out.
Yikes, he’d put himself into a lousy mood, and now he needed to call Stephanie to cheer himself up. So that made two reasons, more than enough to make the call.
Robbie came running down the hall in his pajamas. Before Phil had put him to bed, Robbie had talked to his mother and had cried a little. It almost broke Phil’s heart. The kid had to settle for second best with him when all he wanted was to sleep in his own bed and get a good-night kiss from his parents. Carl was still in recovery mode, and Roma had her hands full. If Robbie went home too soon, he might feel neglected, and get his feelings hurt.
“I thought I already put you to bed,” he said.
“Furgot sumtin’.” Robbie used his short, pudgy arms to pull Phil close and tell him, “Wuv you.”
Without thinking, Phil kissed him on the forehead. “Back at ya, little dude. Now, skedaddle back to bed.”
Robbie giggled and ran off.
A scary feeling crept over Phil. It had felt nice to kiss his
kid brother and, yep, he’d miss him when he was gone.
He stroked his jaw. Maybe he should get a dog.
All the cozy feelings and thoughts about having another warm, living, breathing body share his house boggled his mind. It gave him a third excuse for calling Stephanie—distraction!
“Hey, what’s up?” he said, when she answered after the second ring.
“Hi!” Her welcoming tone pushed all his worries aside. All he wanted to do was talk about her day.
After chatting superficially for a while, he realized the real point of his call. He wanted more one-on-one time with Stephanie. Just before hanging up, he said, “And tomorrow lunch is on me.”
She answered without hesitation. “Okay. If the weather’s nice, maybe we can eat outside.”
If he could conjure up warm weather and sunshine for tomorrow he would, but he already felt the equivalent of a sunny day right there—he rubbed the spot—in his chest. “Sounds like a plan.”
The next day, though the sky was blue, temperatures were low. Phil and Stephanie wore jackets and set off for the shore anyway. He’d ordered a hearty fish chowder and sourdough rolls from the best deli in town, and carried it in a warming bag with one hand. He longed to place his other arm around her waist but, not wanting to put any pressure on her, he withstood the urge.
He hadn’t figured out yet where they stood. The other night he’d been positive she was interested in a no-strings fling for the duration of her stay in Santa Barbara. Since that night—the hottest night he could remember—Stephanie had partially rebuilt that invisible barrier. He knew it had something to do with that weird comment she’d made about not getting to say goodbye to her baby.
He shook his head. The day was too beautiful to try to figure things out. And since when did he get all caught up in really “knowing” a woman? All he knew was that right now the sun danced off the golden highlights in Stephanie’s hair, making it look like a shiny copper penny. She smiled whenever she looked at him, and if he didn’t get pushy about it, he might just get another kiss before they headed back to the clinic.
A Magical Christmas Page 40