Gravel dug into my legs through my jeans. Sharp fragments were cutting into my palms. I didn't remember sitting down in the driveway. Didn't remember putting my hands out to stop myself falling on my face. The tide of adrenaline which had kept me upright and resisting Haze, had ebbed. So cold. Dizzy. I clutched a handful of gravel; the bite of pain cleared my head. Did I win or did Haze just withdraw from the field? I couldn’t understand why I was so tired. Couldn't get up if my life depended on it. Like I'd run a marathon or been physically fighting. Didn't Amy or Grace notice anything? The shivering that wracked me just wouldn’t stop.
"…the hell is wrong with you anyway?" Grace had been talking for a while, I realized. Amy was crouched beside me, one small hand resting on my back. A line of worry between her brows. I needed to get warm but the few yards to the kitchen door seemed to stretch in thousands of miles.
"Hello? Gremlin? Anyone in? God, you are such a freak…" Grace waved a hand slowly before my eyes. It blurred in and out of my field of vision.
"Oh shut up, Grace! Can't you see something's wrong?" Amy snapped.
"No kidding! You two were so rude. How do you expect to have any friends in 'Arm-pit' if you chase off anyone decent?" At least Grace sounded back to normal.
"Decent? He was a right prat." Amy said.
"You're such a child, Amy. What would you know?" Grace sounded even more frustrated than usual.
If only I could think straight…
"I know enough not to go all goo-goo eyed over the first pretty boy I see," Amy spat back. "He was really up himself, Grace. And mean. And he was really rude too."
I frowned, head pounding, as I tried to concentrate. I'd never heard Amy use that tone before. Amy never lost her temper. And Grace wasn't stupid. She loved Amy. I knew she did. Grace had never been cruel to her. Why were they fighting? I forced my chin up to find them glowering at each other. Faces red and contorted in anger. They looked so alike in that moment. Not just as sisters but in their anger. It was like vertigo. Then I saw it. Slickly gleaming shadow, clinging to Grace's arm. Dripping onto Amy's shoe.
Haze had left something dark and wrong behind him. A bitter aftertaste. I noticed my clenched hand was in an oily pool and interrupted the argument by leaning sideways, and throwing up into the gravel. I retched and spat until my belly ached and my eyes watered.
My sisters were staring at me now, quarrel forgotten. Amy was distraught, Grace - completely grossed out. But worried. She caught my stare and the flash of concern on her face vanished. Her expression closed me out again
The residue of darkness was gone now. My superpower. Projectile vomiting. There would be a movie about me in no time.
Grace huffed with exasperation. "Take her inside, Amy. I'll get a bucket."
I wondered what good a bucket would do now. My stomach had to be empty. Then I heard Grace wrenching at the rusty outdoor tap. Oh. Grace was sloshing away the evidence of my digestive pyrotechnics with a bucket of water. She was helping. Grudging every second maybe, but still helping. I felt a flush of warmth towards my big sister. Which didn't make what I was going to have to say any easier.
Amy heaved me into a chair in the kitchen and grabbed me a glass of water. I smiled a ‘thank you’ but it seemed to freak Amy out further. I must look hideous. I felt like I had flu. Feverish and shivery.
Grace slammed the kitchen door behind her and glared at me. "At least you kept that to yourself while Haze was here." She folded her arms. "Though your ogling was bad enough."
All my recent fond feelings for Grace evaporated.
Ogling? Seriously? I was pretty sure Grace wasn’t stupid, so how was she mistaking fear for desire? Whatever. No time for that now.
"G-Grace, puh promise me you w-won't see Haze again. He's b-bad nuh news. Really."
"You'd like that! A chance at him yourself. Well, good luck. I bet he thinks you're a stuttering freak, just like I do!"
Anger fizzed along my veins. That was harsh, even for Grace. And I was trying to help. Calm, stay calm. Explain. Stupid words. Doubling and knotting again.
"Nuh no! I d-don't like him. He's ruh wrong. C-can't you s-see that? He's truh-truh-trouble. Stay away from h-him. He's duh dangerous. I f-f-feel it…"
"You and your feelings! I'd have thought you stopped playing that game years ago."
"You know damn well it's not a game, Grace!" Amy snapped.
"Really?" Grace rounded on Amy. "Asked the freak if she's seen Mum yet, have you? I know you want to, as much as I do. In fact we'd all like to know what happened in that car crash. Your version had a few holes in it after all. Like why Mum had to swerve to avoid nothing at ninety miles an hour on a country road." She paused, breathing heavily, but her eyes glinted with triumph.
My face was numb, lips nerveless. Grace couldn’t be saying what I thought she was saying. Or could she? How long? How long had she known? The answer was obvious. Since the accident eight and a half months ago. I glanced around for hints of shadow again but this time it was all coming from Grace. This was her darkness. And mine. Amy was as white as if she'd just been punched in the gut.
We never told Grace what really happened. I met my sister's narrowed lapis-blue eyes and knew she was going to make me regret it.
"W-what do you m- mean?" My mouth shaped the words, following Grace's script.
"Just how stupid do you think I am? I figured it out. It wasn't an accident at all, was it? Mum was trying to kill herself. Wasn't she? WASN'T SHE?" Her lips curled back from her teeth.
I gave the barest hint of a nod. Grace clenched her teeth together with a snap, giving a short nod of her own. Tears hung on her eyelashes. Tight fury in the rigid lines of her body. I saw the emotional wreaking ball she was swinging my way and I couldn't do a thing to stop it. Because I knew, now, that she was right. Grace was right to be angry. Her gaze pinned me to the spot. She ignored Amy, who was sobbing softly.
"I waited a long time for answers. Dad just… left me in the waiting room. Did you know that? Went right off to the morgue and sod the rest of us. Then finally a nurse tells me you're awake, Gremlin. Do you know what that's like? Your entire family in hospital or Dead or just gone…" Grace's tone was acidic, every word burned. "And you wouldn't talk. Refused to tell me anything. The only one awake. The only one with answers. You left me in the dark, Gremlin!" Her voice had climbed a full octave.
"Nuh no…I cuh couldn't…was huh hurt…" I remembered everything about that time. Waking up in hospital. Amy being unconscious still. Dad nowhere to be found. So he was in the morgue with Mum's body the whole time? What about his daughters? The thread of anger was dull and too hard to follow. I remembered Grace being allowed to see me. But I hadn't known what was real. The Dead were all around. I couldn't even remember what Grace had asked me.
"Yeah, yeah. You were hurt. Poor you." Grace had the oddest expression on her face. She was going in for the kill, but there was a strange, half strangled hint of hope there too.
"So, it was suicide. What I want to know is why. How about it, Gremlin? Pull some of your voodoo and ask her. Ask her! While you're at it you can ask her if she just forgot about me, or if there was a special reason she wanted to take you two with her and not me!"
I gasped as her words sliced through me. What she said…it was all backwards. Twisted. But if that's what she thought…no wonder she hated me.
I had to fix it. "No…p-please…Guh Guh Grace…"
"GUH GUH GUH Gremlin!" She mocked me. For the first time she noticed her cheeks were damp and palmed the tears away. "You can't do it can you? You can't ask Mum anything!"
"Nuh nuh nuh…"
"Thought not." She sneered, bitter triumph again. "If I was like you, I wouldn't be trying to draw attention to myself with fake superpowers. I'd be trying not to be noticed."
My jaw dropped at the blatant unfairness of that. Since when did anyone notice me? Not when Grace was around, that was for certain. And I couldn't do what she wanted. Sometimes I saw the Dead but I'd
never been able to summon them. Who would want too? They came on their own and I had no choice in the matter.
And Mum had never come.
Until Grace’s outburst, I hadn’t realized that I still hoped I would see Mum. The one possible good thing to come from my stupid gift. But hadn’t happened. Mum was gone and I felt a surge of hatred for Grace as that hope died. I couldn't tell my sister anything at all now even if I wanted to, because all the words were quadrupled in length and doubled in size, and piled up faster and faster behind my eyes and around my tongue. My throated ached. My eyes felt like they had been sandpapered. It was too much. Last night and Haze, and now Grace. My head throbbed.
Grace jerked her chin up, irritated with my silence. "So, since we're on the subject of truth, there's nothing wrong with Haze. You're just jealous. I'll be friends with who I like and there's not a single damn thing you can do to stop me." With that she stalked out of the room.
Amy wept silently into her hands. I staggered to my feet, shaking all over. Didn't matter. I had to make things right with one sister at least. I hugged Amy tight as she sobbed into my shoulder and I couldn't utter a single word to comfort her.
I should have told Grace everything. As soon as I was able to talk, even if I had thought I was going mad. Even if I was flinching every five minutes at the feel of another death, stale or fresh, somewhere in the hospital. I should have told her. If I had, she might have listened to me now.
I might as well have pushed Grace towards Haze with my inept attempt to separate them. She could be totally pig-headed. And all the stuff about Mum…I didn't think Grace would tell Dad. She was too smart for that. But if she told someone else and it got back to him…couldn't think about that now. It felt like I might fly apart any second.
Amy had her arms linked tight around me, her hot, damp face pressed into my hair.
What was I going to do? Haze was bad. Not a 'bad boy' but bad as in evil. The words from the man in the shop earlier, echoed in my head; He's back. He couldn't mean Haze. I mean, Haze was only about twenty. The man in the shop made it sound like whoever he meant had been causing problems years ago. Then I remembered Grace's words from last night—he wanted me. Haze, my visitor, Grace’s outburst— all twisted in my mind until I wanted to scream.
And behind it all, The Question; Why did Mum try to kill us?
I Belong to the Earth (Unveiled Book 1) Page 9