The monitor beeped at regular intervals. It wove an odd harmony with Amy's slow regular breathing. Maybe anything would sound harmonious now that Amy was out of danger. She was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her.
Glancing around and wincing, I knew I would never be entirely comfortable in a hospital. Along the corridor, down some stairs, around a corner, a faint cold thrill tugged at me. A memory, or Dead needing release? I couldn't tell from here but I knew I would be following the trail of cold later to find out. To help if I was needed. There had been two others, ordinary lost Dead, since Amy had been brought in two days ago. The ability to sense the Dead was part of me, I accepted that now. I sat down quietly in a chair by Amy's bed. I should have brought a book so I could practise reading. I was getting better.
I tried not to fidget but every time I looked at Amy lying there, the memory of that night hit me again. It was so close. What if I hadn’t chosen to help Hardiman and Kate? Would I have found her in time? Amy had been diagnosed with hypothermia and was being carefully observed. She must have been lying out in the rain for hours. If she hadn’t been found…If I’d found her just slightly later…If it hadn’t been me but someone who couldn’t see and banish Ada… What if… what if? It was pointless frightening myself with might-have-beens and useless to sit here waiting when I was feeling wound up.
Quietly, I opened the door and slipped out. Down one floor and around the corner, was Grace’s ward. Grace had come out of the Pattern in a better state than Amy. She was suffering from malnutrition and dehydration, and something the consultant called ‘general malaise’, which I guessed was doctor speak for ‘you’re ill and we’re not sure why.’
Grace was dressed and sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. A magazine lay open and forgotten on her lap as she looked around the women’s ward with disgust. I smirked to myself. Same old Grace—bored and wanting to be on the move. She was alright. Well, alright enough. She would recover.
Grace saw me lingering in the doorway.
"You coming in, Em? Not really enough of you to block the draught."
"Hi G-Grace." I smiled tentatively.
"Hi yourself." She smiled back, wan with a spark of fieriness. "Please tell me you brought a pint of chocolate fudge sundae Ben & Jerry’s? Or even just a Kit-Kat? If any ever needed chocolate…”
“No guh go on the ice-cream b-but the nurse guh gave me a deck of c-c-cards. Gin-rummy?” I fumbled the pack open one handed and tried to shuffle. The cards sprayed all over Grace’s lap.
“Some magician you’d make,” Grace said, gathering them up and shuffling them expertly, but she grinned as she said it. She paused halfway through dealing the first hand.
“Look, Gremlin—"
"Grace…" I said at the same time. I stopped and waved a hand for her to go first. She gave me a wry look and finished dealing.
"I should have listened to you. You warned me didn't you?" She put down a card.
"H-how much do you ruh-member?" I frowned slightly at my hand of cards.
"All of it, I think. It's all messed up though. Nothing's in order. Sometimes my life still seems like it's a dream, y'know?"
I nodded.
"And Kate… I could write her biography. Seriously. I know her better than I know myself. She tried to kill me—or steal my life—my body at least. I should be mad. You know what I would do to someone who hurt any of us, right?" Grace's eyes blazed blue up at me.
"I nuh know." I nodded. Given that the amount of crap Grace took from anyone was less than zero, it wasn’t hard to imagine. And I was part of the 'us'. No matter what. Seeing Grace and Amy in hospital had given me a new appreciation for how it must have been for Grace nine months ago. No wonder she had hated me for keeping quiet. I would have felt the same. But she'd never stopped loving me either. That was good to know.
"I can't quite be mad at Kate though. She was... she was something else." Grace struggled for words. I understood. I'd admired Kate too, selfish, spiteful, and high-spirited as she'd been. "Of course I want to kick Haze in the balls… where is he anyway?"
"S-s-sorry, sis." I laughed. "Different puh plane of existence. Safer there."
"I guess." Grace snorted. Then she said softly, "Em? I know why you didn't say anything about Mum. About her killing herself."
"Sh-should have t-told you." I watched Grace's thin hands working at a loose thread on the hospital blanket.
"Some things are too hard to tell, aren't they?" I met Grace's eyes again. She understood. I gave her a wobbly smile. We would talk, about all of this. But in time. When we were all ready.
"So how's N-Nick?" I asked too innocently, changing the subject. The biker, Nick Alden, had been airlifted off the moor with Grace. Thanks to Ciarán. He’d really come through for us that night. I touched my cheek where the swelling had receded into a nasty greenish bruise. Grace's eyes tightened on it but she held her tongue.
"Don't get any ideas, Gremlin," she said. "The last thing I need right now is a boyfriend."
“It’s juh just that I h-heard a st-story about a blonde girl, going in and sitting with huh him at night…” I let the sentence trail off suggestively but Grace refused to take the bait. She calmly discarded another card and picked one up from the pile of un-dealt cards between us.
“Can’t imagine who that was,” Grace said airily but there was a small smile on her lips and a wicked sparkle, worthy of Kate herself, in her eyes. “He woke up last night. They say he’s out of danger, although he’ll have to stay here for a few weeks.”
I was glad the boy Haze had taken over would be okay. So much had happened that I hadn’t really given him much thought. I wondered now, how he was going to live with having weeks of his life stolen from him. I caught Grace looking at me and something passed wordlessly between us. The understanding that sisters share. Grace would help him. Grace would pull him through it because Grace was tough and she was probably the only other person who really understood. They were going to end up friends. Maybe something more than that. Not that I would be sharing that thought with Grace.
A puzzle, something I hadn’t ever managed to figure out, occurred to me. I frowned at my sister, speculating.
“What?” Grace said, raising her eyebrows.
“I was wuh wondering why you h-h-had that flier. The one that said Nick was missing.” I thought of the grainy picture of Nick before Haze had taken him. I watched Grace carefully. To my astonishment her cheeks flushed scarlet.
“Are yuh you bl-blushing?” I demanded. I’d never seen Grace blush. Ever.
“No,” she muttered defensively. She glared at me from under her hair. “Oh, okay. That first time we met Haze, I had a feeling I’d seen him somewhere and then I remembered that flier on the church notice board, from when I’d dropped stuff off at church for Dad. I wasn’t sure it was the same lad. But you totally freaked out about him, so decided I’d try to find out who he was. Like you might chill out if he had a real name. I thought I could prove that he was ok— and then if he was the missing lad…” She snorted. “It didn’t go to plan. And I stole the flier because… because… well because I couldn’t help it, alright?”
I stared at her.
“I swear, Gremlin, if you give me any hassle about this…”
“Nuh no worries. Really.” Mystery solved. Which brought me to another mystery. One Grace needed to hear.
“I huh have to t-tell you… Mum d-did come b-back. Shuh she was there. At the end, and probably a lot of times b-before. I kuh couldn’t suh see her or feel her th-there. Because I was s-s-so angry with h-her. About y-you know.” I felt hot and uncomfortable but I needed Grace to know that Mum hadn’t just abandoned us.
Grace went very still and white, her eyes glittered. For a moment I thought she would explode at me. Call me a freak like she used to. Then her mouth twisted as if she was going to cry. She pressed an emaciated hand over her lips and blinked hard. “I see,” she said. There were no tears.
“M-Mum saved all of us in
the e-e-end,” I said softly.
Grace shook her head but grasped my hand. Maybe she needed to be angry with Mum for a while longer. I understood.
“Wuh when do you g-get out?” I changed the subject.
Grace cleared her throat. “Later today. Maybe an hour or two—if they’d just get on with the paper work. I’ve said I’m fine.” She rolled her eyes.
“Wuh will be g-good having you huh home.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve missed my cooking?” She grinned.
“You g-got me.”
We laughed and our laughter joined together, uniting us for the first time since Mum’s death. Grace had buried me at the first round of Gin and we had started a fierce second round when a low, attention seeking cough came from the doorway. Dad was here.
After we had got Amy to hospital that night, when we knew she was out of danger, Dad had made an attempt to fade back into his study. I wasn't having any of it. After everything else that had happened, Dad didn't seem so scary anymore. To his credit he was trying. Visiting every day, saying the wrong things, generally bumbling. But being present and a parent. There was hope yet.
I smiled at him and left, muttering something about checking on Amy.
She was waiting for me.
"Emlynn?" Amy's eyes were huge in her pale face. It hurt my heart to see her looking so small and frail.
"Amy. I'm gl-glad you're awake."
"Oh Em. It was all my fault." Amy started to cry weakly.
"Huh hey. D-don't cry. It's ok."
"It's not. I let her in. The girl at the window. Ada. Only when I invited her in I didn't know I'd invited her into me not just into the room." Her small hands were shaking.
"I nuh know, Amy. M-my fault. I s-sent her away and she c-came to you." There were tears in my own eyes.
"I started to lose time. I couldn't remember where I'd been. But I remember now. Some of it anyway. She had me reporting to Haze and doing jobs for him the whole time." Amy sobbed.
I hugged her tight. Slowly she calmed down.
"Please don't hate me Em…"
"W-why would I hate y-you?"
"I took the book." She said in a tiny voice.
"I nuh know."
"AND I smashed your violin." Amy's lower lip trembled. I felt a pang at the thought of the violin and then let it go. Both my sisters were safe and my dad was trying to act like… well, a dad. It was enough.
"It wasn't y-you, Duh doesn't matter."
"I'm so sorry…"
"Amy, the only th-thing that matters is that you're okay."
She smiled back at me through her tears.
"Knock, knock!" I hadn't heard Grace sound so cheerful since… well ever.
"Hi," Amy and I chorused. We looked at each other and giggled. Grace rolled her eyes but she was smiling. I guessed she’d been cleared to go home.
"How're you feeling, little-bit?" She asked Amy.
"Okay. Want to go home."
"You will soon. A day or two at most." Grace kissed the top of Amy's head and dropped into the other chair.
“Wuh where’s Dad?” I asked.
Grace’s deep blue gaze flicked up to my face. "You want to tell us something. I can tell."
"Huh how?" I frowned a little.
"Do you think you're the only one in the family with freaky abilities?" She raised an eyebrow and grinned. "I can always tell when you have something to say, Gremlin. You have the worst poker face ever."
And so I told them what Dad told me. About Mum's brain tumour and what really happened. No more secrets. I had seen how poisonous secrets became when they were allowed to fester. No more Patterns for me or Arncliffe. All three of us hugged and cried about Mum together. I was doing a lot of crying lately but it was good crying. It was finally okay to love Mum even though she’d tried to kill us. It was okay to mourn her. It was okay to let her go.
I Belong to the Earth (Unveiled Book 1) Page 61