I didn’t know what came over me, but I was bursting with need, a need to tell her what I was thinking. The words left my mouth before I could think them through.
“I would leave her for you, Jade.”
JADE
Did he just say what I think he did?
Tyler continued, “I don’t know how to say this…without coming across like a total dick. Despite what our nephew thinks…and even what Damien thinks of me sometimes, I’m really not a dick. I’m trying to be a better person than I used to be.”
I appreciated his honesty, and even though it filled me with excitement, it made me more nervous than anything.
“Saying that you’ll leave your girlfriend for me doesn’t exactly give me the warm fuzzies. Who’s to say that this won’t happen again? Someone else will come along better, prettier than me…and history repeats itself.”
Tyler momentarily gripped his own hair, looking like he was struggling to explain his feelings. “I didn’t think I wanted anything else, Jade. I was happy—so I thought. I wasn’t looking for you. If you want a logical explanation as to why I feel the way I do about you, I can’t give you that. I can’t explain what it is about you that causes me to lose my mind. I’ve tried to understand it. I just know that when I first met you, I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world on the outside, but even that couldn’t quite explain my reaction. Now that I’ve gotten to know you over time, I am certain that it’s what’s on the inside that’s most beautiful. I’m crazy about you, but I don’t know if you feel the same about me, because you’ve never told me. And it’s a really shitty thing to say that I haven’t left Nicole because I don’t know if I can ever really have you, but that’s the truth. I feel like a piece of shit for feeling the way I do, but I need to be honest with you. I want you to know that I have never felt this way about anyone.”
Hearing him say that was as terrifying as it was amazing. “You scare me, Tyler.”
“Why?”
“Because from the moment I first met you, I felt like you belonged to me in some way. I don’t know whether it was because you’re Damien’s brother and I’m Chelsea’s sister, and so it would make sense that we would be matched up or what…but I felt this unwarranted possessiveness from the moment we met. And obviously, that’s a problem… because you’re taken. I thought the feeling would just go away. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that day. That was why I was on your Facebook page that first time we connected. But I just don’t know how to do the long-distance thing or even know how to fully trust you. All I know is that when we’re connecting, I feel differently than I do when I’m with anyone else. But I have to admit, it scares me, because I don’t know if it could really work between us.”
His eyes darkened. “Why do you doubt that?”
“Let’s just assume Nicole wasn’t even in the picture. Let’s just look at you and me. I get almost no time off. You wouldn’t want to leave your family and move to New York with no job. And then what if you got there and weren’t happy? There are just a lot of unknowns, and honestly, Tyler, I don’t know if I could ever stand to lose you. I know that sounds strange, but in other words, I can’t lose you if I never have you in the first place. Does that make sense?”
He nodded. “It makes total sense. I don’t want to ever be on bad terms with you, because I know we’ll always be connected by our siblings’ marriage. At the same time, I don’t know how to be around you and not feel this way.”
“What do we do?”
“There are only two choices. We do nothing…or we do everything. I don’t feel like there’s an in between with you, Jade. I feel like I went from zero to a hundred from the moment I first saw you.”
He said he would leave her for me. But he didn’t say what that meant. Would he move for me? Was it fair of me to even expect that he should, simply because I had the bigger career? Does he understand what the logistics of actually being together would even mean? Would he start to resent me if he decided to move? It was too much to figure out tonight.
As if he could read my mind, he said, “I’m sorry for blurting out what I did. I seriously don’t know how to hide my feelings around you. You make me want to scream things out to you. I knew you’d have to come home to California eventually but never expected it so fast. When you were far away, it was easier. But I would never change having you here. I have a lot more to say, but this evening is about you relaxing. So, forget all the shit in your head, okay? I want you to rest, so I can take you back to your mother’s house tomorrow with a clear mind.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that. It was safer if he left because I no longer trusted myself fully around him.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“Just text me if you need anything. I’ll be right downstairs, okay?”
“Yes. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Jade.”
It was a peaceful rest of the night until the phone call that came shortly after 3AM.
TYLER
My cell phone vibrating against the nightstand in my old bedroom woke me up.
It was a text from Jade.
Jade: My mother died.
Oh my God.
My hands were shaking as I bolted out of bed and headed toward the treehouse in the darkness of the night.
She was sitting on the bed, sobbing, with her head in her hands.
I’d never wanted anything more than to just take her pain away. Without thinking it through, I ran to the bed and wrapped my arms around her.
My heart was beating so fast. I knew that no words were going to help. She just needed me there.
I finally whispered, “Am I taking you home?”
“My father said not to come until morning.”
“Okay.”
She gripped my shirt. “I need you to stay. I don’t want to be alone.”
As if I could leave her.
“I won’t leave you.”
I positioned myself behind her in the bed as she rested the back of her head on my chest and sobbed.
Jade lay awake in my arms the entire night. It wasn’t how I’d pictured holding her for the first time, but it was far more profound. I knew no matter what happened between us, I would never forget this night for as long as I lived.
It had been three days since that night with Jade. She needed to be with her family as they made the funeral arrangements.
But tonight, we’d be going to her mother’s wake, so seeing her would be inevitable. Nicole insisted on coming with me. There was nothing I could have said to stop her, although I wished I could’ve just gone alone.
I didn’t know what I was expecting to see, but I was unprepared for the firestorm of emotions that would hit me upon the sight of Jade standing there in that black dress.
There was a long line of people waiting to greet the family. There were so many people crowding the room, but my focus was on her and only her. Jade’s eyes were red, and she wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. I knew she was in a tremendous amount of pain, perhaps even more so than the last night we were together. It had all probably really sunken in now.
Damien was by Chelsea’s side. The oldest sister, Claire, had her husband, Micah, to lean on. Jade was by herself, and it was killing me. I wanted to be standing next to her and felt like I would have given my life in that moment to take her pain away.
The realization of that thought was jarring.
My conversation with Damien from last year replayed in my mind, the one where I asked him how he knew he loved Chelsea.
“It was when I realized that I would die for her.”
The other night with Jade was a game changer. Not only had I gotten to hold her, but it was as if all of the conversations we’d ever had, all of the feelings I’d ever felt had pummeled me all at once, too. As she cried in my arms, I remembered thinking that being with her—whatever it took—was really the only choice. Tonight had only solidified what I already knew.
I was numb when my turn came to gree
t her in the line. With Nicole right behind me, I couldn’t say what I needed to say, couldn’t hold Jade the way I needed to. I offered her all I could, a brief embrace and a tight squeeze of her back. It was painful to let her go.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
Being here was a reminder of how short life was.
As soon as the cold night air hit our faces outside of the funeral parlor, I looked over at Nicole and forced the words out, “When we get home, we need to talk.”
The next few days were spent getting my things out of the apartment I shared with Nicole and moving them into my mother’s in San Jose. As expected, Nicole felt completely blindsided by my ending things.
She had every right to feel that way. I had chosen not to tell her the true reason for the break up because I didn’t feel that would have made it any easier. I simply let her believe that I didn’t see things progressing into marriage for us, and that I felt it was better to end things now than to waste any more of her time.
She’d called me every name in the book, accused me of ruining her life, and smashed some things around. I took it all because a part of me really felt that I deserved it. I felt horrible, but not any worse than I had in keeping the relationship going while I was pining over someone else. It had to be done. Even if I never ended up with Jade, the fact that I could fall for her had to have meant that something was missing in my relationship with Nicole.
Moving back in with Mom was not something I wanted to be doing in my late twenties, but I truly hoped it would be temporary.
I hadn’t had a chance to tell Jade I’d broken up with Nicole. I wanted to do it in person but didn’t want to disrupt her grieving with her sisters and father in the hours following the funeral.
I checked in with her over Messenger, but the last couple of times she hadn’t responded. I chalked it up to her needing to spend time with her family without interruption.
After four days, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to see her, needed to tell her that I was a free man and could now fully be there for her in any way she needed me. I needed to let out all of the feelings I’d been holding back.
With adrenaline pumping through my veins, I knocked on Damien’s door.
My brother opened. “Hey. What’s going on?”
“I need to see Jade.”
“Well, you’re two days late. She went back to New York. I figured you knew that.”
The dogs were barking so loudly, and it felt like my head was going to explode.
“No. She never said anything to me at all.”
Chelsea walked in. “Actually, she didn’t want you to know. She just wanted to leave.”
My voice grew louder. “Why?”
“Being here was too much for her. Mom’s passing really hit her hard. She needed to escape back into work.”
“Why did she not want me to know?”
Chelsea looked pissed at me. “Seeing you with Nicole at the wake was hard for her. She just felt it best to go back east. I have to say, I agree. The situation with you was unhealthy, especially given the circumstances.”
My blood was pumping. “Chelsea…”
“What?”
“She has it all wrong. You have it all wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve spent the past few days dealing with breaking up with Nicole and moving my stuff out. It’s over. I thought I was giving Jade space to be with the family. If I thought she would leave so soon, I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”
“You broke up with Nicole, and you came here to tell her?”
“Yes. I came here to tell her a lot more than just that.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I can’t believe she would just leave.”
“Well, you have to understand…she believed the situation would go on the way it was. She couldn’t handle it and needed to get back to her job.”
I started to pace. “I need to go to New York.”
“You do?”
Stopping in my tracks, I looked Chelsea dead in the eye. “I am so in love with your sister.”
Damien looked stunned to hear those words come out of my mouth. “Whoa.” His mouth curved into a huge smile.
I turned to him. “Why do you look so shocked?”
“I guess it’s because…I truly believe it. I can see it in your eyes. I know I’ve been skeptical of your intentions with Jade from the start, but I have to say, I’m proud of the way you’ve handled yourself, ending things with Nicole first.”
“You were so right. You can’t possibly love someone if you’re not willing to die for them.”
Damien’s smile grew bigger. “Wow. It’s like that, then.”
“Yeah…it’s like that.” Looking over at Chelsea, I said, “I need to get on a plane.”
JADE
California was one big blur.
As I sat in my cold apartment wrapped in my leopard-print Snuggie, I felt emptier here in New York than I ever had. Watching the raindrops pelting my window, I took a sip of wine and closed my eyes.
I missed home already.
But I had to escape the pain; the pain of seeing my dad so sad, the pain of longing I was feeling for Tyler.
My director was thrilled that I would be returning to the show. And I needed nothing more than to throw myself into work this week.
Seeing Nicole at the service was a reminder of just how easily I could have ended up devastated by Tyler. He never told me definitively that he would have been willing to move to New York. We never had a serious conversation about what being together would actually mean. I doubted he even really thought it through.
Still, I couldn’t shake the need inside of me. The memory of what it felt like to be in his arms was all too clear. The protective way he held me and assured me that everything would be okay. I could have really used some of that right now.
A teardrop fell down my cheek. Just as I caught it with my tongue, there was a loud knock at the door.
A feeling of dread came over me because I didn’t want to have to answer it dressed in my Snuggie.
When I opened the door, my heart nearly combusted at the sight of Tyler standing there. His black hair was drenched from the rain. Droplets of water covered his black jacket. His chest was heaving—as if he’d been running.
I gasped. “Oh, my God.”
Before I could say anything else, his hands cupped my cheeks. His warm lips enveloped mine as he let out the longest sigh into my mouth as if he’d been racing thousands of miles, and I was the finish line. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into the apartment as our lips remained locked.
I’d had myself convinced that I was somehow better off away from this man, but breathing him in at the moment felt necessary for survival. The sound of a suitcase rolling in with him vaguely registered, although I refused to break from his delicious mouth long enough to look down. He hadn’t said a word, but somehow I knew my life would never be the same again.
When he finally pulled away, he was out of breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for so damn long.”
Once again, he’d turned my sad tears to joyous ones.
“What are you doing here?”
He kissed me firmly one more time before he finally spoke, “Right after your mother’s wake, I broke up with Nicole—that same night. I couldn’t do it anymore, knowing how I felt about you. It took a few days to get everything out of the apartment and stuff. I thought you were going to stay in town much longer. I went over to Chelsea’s on Thursday night to tell you everything, to be with you, and they told me you were gone.”
I gripped his jacket and pulled him in closer. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not even going to ask you why you left without telling me, because I know you assumed that nothing would change. You underestimate my feelings for you, Jade. And honestly, I can’t even explain it because you literally make me speechless. It’s like nothing I have ever felt. When I was holding you the other night in the treehouse, I was silently telli
ng you everything. You were in so much pain, and it physically hurt me. I never realized what it felt like to love someone so much that you wished you could take their pain for them. It only made me realize even clearer how much I love you.”
A fresh wave of tears formed in my eyes. “I have been in love with you for a really long time, Tyler. I just couldn’t let myself believe that you would leave her until it happened.”
“I get it. But did you ever really think I could let you go?”
“I was afraid. Honestly, now that my mother is gone, the only thing I’m afraid of anymore is losing you.”
TYLER
It felt like a dream to hear those words coming out of her beautiful mouth. Jade was the embodiment of perfection, and she was afraid of losing me. As if anyone else could ever satisfy me again.
I needed to show her just how much I was hers. I couldn’t wait another minute to touch her, taste her, show her how much I loved her.
Without seeking permission, I lifted the Snuggie off of her body and nearly went into shock when I realized she wasn’t wearing anything underneath but her bra and panties.
My cock was already hard as steel from our kiss, but I could literally feel it moving, desperately needing to be inside of her.
Jade pressed her smooth, lithe body against mine as she took of my wet jacket.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve dreamt of this?” I asked.
“Since the Christmas before last?” she whispered as I began to devour her neck.
My body was shaking with need as I unsnapped her bra. Her breasts were larger than I expected for her thin frame. They were gorgeous, perky with deliciously erect nipples. They were mine. Bending over to suck them, I could feel my dick throbbing.
While I wanted to take it slow in theory, the visceral need inside of me was too much to bear.
Wrapping my hand around the back of her thong, I shifted it to the side. I could feel her wetness all over my fingers. The fact that she was wet made me crazy.
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