by Sue MacKay
With his hand on the doorknob Conor hesitated. ‘Goodnight, Tam.’
She sucked a breath, bit down on the automatic ‘Don’t’, and whispered, ‘Conor.’
He shifted his hand to her neck to gently pull her closer to his face, his mouth hovering above hers. His other arm went around her waist, brought her against his wide chest. Then he was kissing her. Again. And she was sagging with relief. And firing up with desire. ‘Hold me tighter.’
Her lower body pressed in against him, felt his reaction behind his zip. Her hips rocked forward. Conor froze. Great. His head was at odds with his body. Of course he didn’t want her. She’d made another mistake. She pulled away. ‘Sorry. I got that wrong.’
‘Tam, I have no idea what’s right or wrong at the moment. I only know I want to be with you tonight. I understand it’s asking a lot, considering what’s lying between us. But tonight...’ He lifted his shoulders. ‘Tonight I want to remember what was so good between us last time, and forget everything else for a few hours.’
Was that so bad? It was what she wanted too. ‘Stay.’ Tamara touched his chin, his cheek and then traced his lips. ‘Stay.’
Feed the heat devouring me...feel the wetness waiting for you.
Before she could blink he’d swung her up into his arms and was heading for her bedroom.
At the door he hesitated. ‘You’re sure?’ He was holding his breath. If she changed her mind she knew he’d leave.
She placed her lips on his neck, right beneath his ear at a sensitive spot she’d discovered last time with him. Her tongue licked and teased his skin. A deep shudder racked him, and he responded by placing her on her feet and sliding his hands under her blouse and up to her breasts. A flick of his thumbs across her nipples and her desire level shot from simmer to boiling. Once had never been enough with Conor.
With their mouths joined they somehow shucked out of their clothes, breaking contact only to haul shirts over their heads. Then they were on the bed, sprawled across each other, hands touching, teasing, awakening deep needs.
‘This is one hell of a way to say yes,’ he croaked as his knee slid between her thighs and nudged her wide. His eyes were hazy with lust and the same need that was scalding her on the inside.
Tamara opened up to Conor, exposing herself completely, letting his body join hers, his gaze see right into her. To see her truth, fears and hopes. Hopes she hadn’t allowed herself for so long.
Her fingers pushed through his hair, tension growing in the fingertips that pummelled his skull. Her breasts ached with need and she throbbed at her core. Then Conor slid into her, and wiped away the day, the problems and the worry. Left her mindless and replete.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘WHO’S THE NEW man in Tamara Washington’s life? No one’s saying but at Auckland Central Hospital—’
Tamara slammed the clock radio so hard it spun off the bedside table. ‘Shut up,’ she cried.
‘Hey, take it easy.’ Conor sat up beside her and draped an arm over her shoulder. ‘You’re letting them win.’
‘Don’t you get it? The new man? That’s you they’re talking about.’ How did the reporters know Conor had anything to do with her? Even she didn’t think they were an item, baby excepted. Another hot night excepted... ‘They’ve been hanging around my flat again.’ Bitterness spilled into her mouth. What would the reporters have to say when her baby bump became apparent?
That arm on her shoulders increased its pressure as Conor shuffled closer. ‘You think reporters saw me arrive here last night? Hung around to see if I left?’
‘That’s how it works in my life.’ Damn them all to hell and back. ‘This round started with that photo of us working with the children in ED. I’m sorry. I totally get it if you only want to meet at work or with the shift guys when we go to the pub after hours.’ Conor didn’t deserve her mistakes being played out in his life.
Before she knew what Conor was doing she was on her back with him above her, his elbows framing her, his hands holding her head gently. ‘We’re going to ignore them. I won’t hide away because some reporters have nothing better to do with their time. They’ll get bored with me soon enough.’ His mouth covered hers, preventing her from retorting that they hadn’t forgotten her in years, and she wasn’t half as exciting as Conor.
As Conor’s kiss deepened she gave in to the warmth that expanded through her chilled body; forgot everything but the man delivering it. Spreading her hands across his chest, she absorbed his strength through her palms, and understood she was safe when she was with Conor. When she rubbed a finger across his nipple he groaned, long and low, and she wanted more. The whole deal. Making love in the morning was different from any other time. It came with sleep-lazy bodies waking up to a new day together, with promise for more, with a languidness that wasn’t there at the end of a busy day.
Conor touched her thighs, nudged her legs wide, and then she wasn’t languid any more.
‘We’re going to be late for work,’ she murmured as she grasped him in her hand.
‘I can do fast.’ He chuckled and immediately proved his point. What’s more, he was very good at it.
* * *
When they walked into work Tamara knew she shouldn’t be smiling like she’d had chocolate for breakfast. Face it, she hadn’t had anything for breakfast.
Not true. She’d had Conor.
Conor and chocolate. Hmm.
Chocolate. Food. Yikes. Stomach not happy. ‘Excuse me.’ She dashed away, leaving Kelli, who’d just joined them, staring after her.
‘What’s going on?’ Kelli asked as she followed her to the bathroom. ‘Why didn’t you stay home if you were feeling...?’ Her voice trailed away. ‘Oh. I get it.’
Tamara closed her ears to that sound of astonished comprehension in her friend’s voice. She had an annoying stomach to deal with first.
Then Conor was there. ‘Need anything, Tamara?’
Yes, to be left in peace for a moment. ‘I’m fine.’
‘You reckon?’ Kelli squeaked.
‘It’s normal,’ Conor grunted.
‘Will you both go away?’ Tamara called through the door. ‘This isn’t exactly fun to be sharing with the pair of you.’ But it seemed her stomach had decided to behave, probably more interested in the conversation than heaving. Out at the basin she splashed cold water over her face.
‘Here.’ Conor blotted up the trickles from her chin and cheeks with a hand towel.
While Kelli gaped at him, then her, then back at Conor. ‘I think I’ve missed something. I know I said you should let your hair down, Tamara, but it seems your knickers were what came down.’ Then her face split into a big grin. ‘Go, girlfriend.’ Then the grin vanished. ‘Are you all right? Is Conor doing the right thing by you?’
As Conor spun to face her friend Tamara stepped between them. ‘All’s good, Kelli. Promise. I’m sorry I haven’t told you anything but it’s been a bit tricky.’
‘I take it this news is not up for grabs out in the department.’
‘No.’
‘Not yet,’ muttered Conor.
‘Then we’d better get out of here before people start asking dumb questions.’ Kelli led the way from the tiny room.
Yeah, Kelli was the greatest friend she had, and could ever wish for. Of course she was the only one. But she’d just been delivered news that’d have her reeling and yet there’d been no criticism, or any hurt feelings about not having been told earlier. Tamara slipped her arm around her waist. ‘You’re the best.’
Kelli returned the gesture. ‘You bet.’ Then her face clouded. ‘How are you really? Getting back in the saddle is one thing, but a baby? With a guy you hardly know outside work?’
The happiness evaporated. ‘I’m all over the place about it,’ she muttered. ‘I believe Conor when he says he
’s on my side, and then the past springs up and I’m afraid of what he can do to me.’
‘You’re not ready for this.’
Tamara huffed out a lungful of despair. ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’ How could she have spent last night making love with Conor when they hadn’t got anywhere with working out plans for the future? She’d given in to her physical needs too easily. Given in to Conor too easily. Hadn’t found the strength to say no. Hard to do when her body was screaming for him to take her. ‘Guess I haven’t changed half as much as I’d hoped.’
‘We’ll talk later.’ Kelli gave her a lopsided smile and tipped her head in warning towards the group waiting in the middle of ED for handover from the night shift.
Talk later. Hadn’t she heard those words earlier today from Conor? Seemed her immediate future was going to be filled with talking. About her baby, Conor, the future. Time to lay out what she hoped for, not sit back and see what Conor would offer. This time she had to fight for the needs of her baby, not fold, or let anyone else determine how the next year, years were going to play out. Doing that would only prove she hadn’t learnt a thing. And that she wasn’t fit to be a mother. Not happening. Her vertebrae clicked as she lifted her head high.
I have changed. I am strong. I will not let any man dictate the rest of my life.
She had to learn to trust herself first, and then everything might fall into place more easily with Conor.
‘Two car accidents during the night.’ The day began. ‘There’s still one patient from the second incident here under observation with severe concussion but no other injuries.’
‘Kelli, he’s yours.’ Conor nodded.
‘Cubicle seven. Fifty-six-year-old female, fell down the stairs around midnight. Concussion, broken arm, bruising to her face and upper body.’ Nothing major enough to still be here.
‘What’s the problem?’ Conor asked.
The registrar leading handover said, ‘Her husband doesn’t believe his wife drinks, yet her bloods showed a very high reading. He blames the lab for the results.’
‘Had he been out for the evening and not known?’ Tamara asked as she focused on work and nothing else.
‘Nope. Her liver tests were abnormal. I’d suggest that’s from a high and sustained alcohol intake.’
‘So the husband’s playing ostrich,’ Conor noted.
The registrar added, ‘I’m concerned about sending her home.’
‘I’ll talk to Social Services when their offices open.’ Conor looked around, caught her eye. ‘Tamara, I want you on this one.’
‘Not a problem.’
It was like any other day in ED. But for Tamara it was different. Everywhere she went Conor was there, whether it was him or his voice through the curtains or his laughter as he chatted with other staff. Once she even smelt his spicy aftershave when she entered a cubicle he’d just vacated. Her body wouldn’t settle down, as though her hormones had got a taste for Conor that had to be fed at regular intervals. Sure made working beside him awkward. And thrilling. This time Conor was responsible for her inability to eat, not baby.
The buzzer sounded.
‘Tamara, can you take that?’ Conor nudged her out of her reverie as he walked past, flicking her one of those smiles she adored.
And, yes, cranked up the desire level. ‘Sure.’ The man could ask her to do anything when he smiled like that. He oozed charm.
Charm? As in used to getting his own way? Was this all just a ruse to soften her up before he explained how he was going to deal with her and their baby? Tamara shivered, rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Please, not that. One Peter in her life was one too many.
No. Conor was nothing like her ex. Conor was genuinely kind, caring, honourable. Gorgeous, sexy. Oh, and sexy.
But... What if she was wrong? What if he was laying out plans for her already?
No. He wouldn’t. He’d told her so.
‘Peter Gillespie is a hard-working man with your and my interests at heart. He’ll always look out for you and Washington Engineering.’
So had said her father as he’d pushed documents in front of her to sign that would give her control over the company and its finances once he knew his mind was going because of the dementia.
‘He’ll explain everything to you before you sign any papers. You can trust him completely.’
Yeah, Dad, thanks for that.
Yeah, Dad, I miss you like it all happened yesterday.
Tonight she’d look into the laws covering a mother’s rights. Only being a responsible parent.
* * *
In the end Conor had to let the woman with alcohol issues go home. There were no grounds for keeping her in ED, and no other ward would take her. Alcoholism, a broken arm and an unkind husband were not reasons for admittance.
He’d forwarded the details to the woman’s GP with his concerns and to Social Services after talking to them. Then he got on with the day, treating a steady stream of patients coming through the doors.
For the last hour Tamara seemed intent on avoiding him, swapping from cases he was on as often as possible. Too often for his liking. Seemed that morning’s cosy mood had gone, replaced by apprehension and long, questioning looks that didn’t give him confidence in their upcoming discussions.
Conor had seen her yawning far too often. The pregnancy was taking its toll. Nothing to do with a very physical night, of course. He winced. Tam had been more than willing to make love last night. And this morning. Yet now she was treating him like she would a white-tailed spider.
An ache stabbed him under the ribs. Unfair. But he had to be patient. Give her time and space to get used to him in the role of father to her baby and hopefully someone she would learn to rely on in the coming weeks and years. To love him? Seriously? No, that was going too far. He couldn’t ask more of her than he was prepared to give. Love meant sharing their lives, losing his freedom to do as he pleased, always having to check with Tamara before doing things he normally just went and did. He wasn’t sure he knew how to do that. Or wanted to. But the baby was going to give him a few lessons along the way.
‘You know you’re going to be on the news tonight?’ Tamara nudged him during one quiet interlude.
That’s why Tamara couldn’t let go enough to trust him completely. The past was still in her face, refusing to go away. He replied, ‘If that’s all people have got to make their day, they’re the ones with problems, not me.’
As reporters jostled for position in front of them when they’d walked down her path to his car that morning, his rare temper had leapt to the fore. At least he’d managed to hang onto it. One look at the resignation in Tamara’s face and he’d known not to react, not give the media what they wanted. Ignoring every one of them, he’d been rewarded with Tamara holding her head high like she didn’t care about what they’d write. ‘We did all right this morning.’
‘You haven’t thought it through. Everyone here’s going to start talking about us.’
‘Then let’s fix that. We’ll announce it ourselves.’
‘Announce what?’ she gasped, the colour draining from her cheeks. ‘The baby?’
‘Why not? You won’t be able to hide it for much longer. Personally I’d prefer for it to be out in the open.’
‘I’m not ready for that,’ she snapped. ‘I’ve only just told you, and we—we haven’t planned anything yet.’ Tamara pulled that frightened look away from him but left him with a sense of having betrayed her somehow.
Guess he had. He hadn’t asked her how she felt about telling others. ‘Hey.’ He stepped close.
A hand went up between them in the universal stop sign. ‘I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing.’
Now what? Think, man. What was behind this? Tamara was rattled big time. Calm her down, get her back on her feet so she ca
n face her colleagues without going into another meltdown. ‘Fair enough. We won’t mention the baby yet. But we can say we’ve spent some time together and are continuing to do so. Sounds a bit like a press release from the rich and famous.’ Hell. That’s what she was used to, had had to put up with before. ‘I’ll reword that.’
That thick blonde braid swung across her back from shoulder to shoulder. ‘They’ll understand.’ She headed for the ambulance bay, though there’d been no sign of a patient arriving.
Conor followed, reluctant to let her go on a bad note. ‘Since we’ve got lots to discuss, want to do it over a meal tonight?’ As in a real date.
Hope warred with resignation across her face when she turned to look at him. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘With what’s ahead we should be getting to know each other better.’ Next he’d be down on his knees, begging her to spend time with him. Only went to show how his thinking had changed since hearing about the baby. ‘Say yes. We’ve got to eat anyway.’
‘We’ve spent the last two evenings together and haven’t got around to the big issues. Why would tonight be any different?’
‘We won’t have had an eventful day to use up all our energy?’ Tempting fate, buster. He continued when she wasn’t forthcoming with a reply. ‘Are you changing your mind about my role in our baby’s life?’
Guilt flickered. ‘I don’t know exactly what your role’s going to be.’
Got you. ‘Then we need to go out to dinner and talk. Before we get much further along the track.’ Try asking, not pushing. ‘Please?’
One eyebrow rose, but she only stared at him.
‘Have you tried that new Indian restaurant on K Road?’
‘Low blow, Dr Maguire.’
‘Did it work?’
A shrug. Then a tiny, reluctant smile full of caution. ‘What time are you picking me up?’
She didn’t trust him. Despite everything he’d said. Despite showing her with his lovemaking. It was going to take time. And that sucked.
Could she want more from him? The boundaries he’d lived with were coming down because of a baby. His baby. And because of this amazing woman who’d first tipped his world a little bit sideways, and was now following up with a big shove just by revealing more about herself. He wanted to support her, stand by her and deal with the past, and not just for the baby’s sake. As long as he could do it without losing his heart, without giving up that solitude he’d struggled to maintain. The solitude that kept him safe. And which had begun cracking wide open these past few days. And since he no longer needed to push Tamara away. Conor shivered. Hell, did he want the whole deal after all?