“What?”
“Everything.” She mentally probed all the corners of her mind, but there weren’t any gray areas. No shadows or missing pieces of time. “Maybe that’s why the dream was so scary. While I was fighting with Tom, my brain was repairing itself.”
“Makes sense.”
She shifted back a couple of inches so she could stare into his warm brown eyes. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me or not, but I don’t know anything about the money those men wanted. I haven’t had anything to do with Tom for nearly four years.”
Shane touched her cheek. “I already know this. You’re not a suspect, Angela.”
“Good.” She tried not to notice the sizzle of electricity that raced through her. The place his fingers stroked burned hot and heat ripped through her like a tornado.
“So who is Angela Sheppard?” he asked, dropping his hand to his lap. “Why don’t you introduce me?”
“There’s not much to say about her,” she said, and pulled her knees to her chest. “I’m the oldest of five children. I grew up in a little town in Ohio. My dad died when I was ten and my mom remarried pretty quickly. Unfortunately my stepfather didn’t much like children.”
There was something to be said for losing one’s memory, she thought grimly as the past returned. Images flashed through her mind, images of yelling and beating and crying and her fear that she would never escape.
“He hurt you.”
Shane wasn’t asking a question, but she nodded anyway. “He was a mean drunk. We all tried to stay out of his way. My mom was the only one who could control him. Unfortunately she died when I was eighteen. As the oldest, I felt responsible for the other kids. I put my plans for college on hold and stayed around to take care of things. Three years later, the next two oldest had graduated from high school. At that point my mom’s sister and her husband took in the two youngest ones, leaving me free to go. Right about then I met Tom.”
She sucked in a deep breath. Somehow the quiet of the night and Shane’s patient interest made it too easy to confess the sins of her soul. What would he think about her when he knew the truth? She hated the thought of seeing disappointment in his eyes, but at the same time she wanted to come clean. Which didn’t make sense, but neither did the liquid desire filling her. She was four months pregnant, for heaven’s sake. She shouldn’t be interested in sex.
Except she was as interested in being held as in touching intimately. She wanted to belong somewhere. Despite her years of being married to Tom, or maybe because of them, she’d never felt that she belonged.
“Tom worshiped me,” she said quietly, not meeting his gaze. “He thought I was a princess, the most wonderful woman he’d ever met. After all I’d been through, that was pretty heady stuff. We met, fell in love and were married in less than a month. I thought I’d found my soul’s desire.”
“What happened?” Shane’s gaze was unreadable.
She glanced at him, then away, and shrugged. “I quickly found out that he was a dreamer. He always wanted to make it big, but he wasn’t willing to put in the work or to be practical. It was easier to move on to the next scheme, the next town, the next promise of success. The most difficult part was that he wanted it all for me. He wanted to be enough. I tried to tell him that a decent job with a steady paycheck was all I needed, but he didn’t believe me.”
She pulled her knees tighter to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “He was good man and I tried to love him as long as I could, but it faded. I could never depend on him for anything. Eventually I left him and filed for divorce. That was four years ago. But he refused to sign the papers. He kept saying he would make it big and I would want him back. But he never did.” She drew in another breath. “Whatever he did to make those men go after him, he did to win me back.”
“It’s not your fault or your responsibility,” he said steadily.
“I tell myself the same thing. Most of the time I even believe it.” She rested her chin on her knees. “The four year separation was hard for me. I wasn’t divorced, but I wasn’t married either. I lived in limbo. I tried dating, but I felt too guilty, like I was cheating. So I focused on getting through college. I’d always wanted to be a teacher. I worked to pay the bills and spent all my free time studying. Sometimes—”
She could feel herself blushing again. She forced herself to continue. “Sometimes I got so lonely, I let Tom come back for a couple of days. I knew it was wrong, that it would only drag out the divorce, but…” Her voice trailed off. “That’s what happened four months ago. Afterward I was so angry with myself that I finally agreed to let my lawyer file papers forcing Tom to sign the divorce decree. The next day he was killed.”
She closed her eyes against the memories, then opened them and stared at Shane. She still wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but his gaze never wavered from hers.
“I hated myself for my weakness,” she said. “Then about three weeks after his death, I realized I was pregnant. In that moment, I felt God was telling me that it was okay. That Tom had finally done something right. I’ve always wanted lots of children and I’d begun to think that wasn’t going to happen. So while I regret a lot of things in my life, I could never regret my baby.”
Shane raised his hand, then stopped. His expression tightened. Low in her stomach, tension formed, but not the good kind. He was judging her and finding her wanting.
“What are you thinking?” she asked, because she had to know, even if it was bad.
“That you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
She blinked. “What?”
This time when he raised his hand, he cupped her cheek. “You’ve been through hell and back and you completed the journey with grace and strength. And you are so incredibly beautiful.”
Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t speak. Beautiful? Her? She was bruised and mussed and pregnant and—
He swore under his breath and straightened. “Sorry. That last part wasn’t supposed to come out. The last thing you need in your life is some guy coming on to you. I apologize.”
Coming on to her? As in, he found her attractive in that way?
“Shane?”
“Pretty stupid of me, huh?” He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “Look, it’s late. I should let you get some sleep.” He started to stand up.
She put her hand on his arm to stop him. “Don’t apologize. Please. I like that you think I’m attractive.” She couldn’t bring herself to say beautiful. “If it makes you feel any better, I think the same of you. That you’re handsome and strong and dependable and…”
Was it her imagination or had he just moved closer? “And what?” he asked.
“Sexy,” she whispered.
He groaned low in his throat. “Angela, I want—”
“Me, too.”
And then he kissed her.
Five
Shane’s mouth was firm and warm against hers. Angela melted into him, wondering how it was possible to have known him for such a short time yet want so desperately to be in his arms. One of his hands rubbed against her back while the other cradled her head. His lips pressed, then teased as he kissed her.
The night seemed to surround them in a cocoon of safe, silent darkness. Shane shifted so he was closer and she wrapped her arms around him, holding on and wanting never to let go.
The kiss lingered. Angela sensed it was up to her—that he would read her signals and do as much or as little as she let him. Perhaps it would be wise to break the kiss now, to leave it polite and innocent. But she didn’t want to. The passion that she’d flirted with before returned again, only a hundred times stronger. She found herself wanting to be with this man with a desire she’d never experienced before. In high school she’d kissed one or two boys, but nothing had come of the relationships. Tom was the only man to have known her intimately. Still, despite her lack of experience, she sensed that something incredible had happened between herself and Shane.
When he angled his head slightly
so he could deepen the kiss, she found herself catching her breath. When his tongue lightly traced her lower lip, she parted for him, desperate to have him inside her mouth. She wanted to know him and taste him, to learn his textures, his heat, to feel his body, his hands, his very maleness, all of him.
His tongue brushed against hers. Instantly fire exploded inside of her. She couldn’t breathe or think—she could only feel. Feel and need with a strength that left her shaken to the core of her being. If he’d pushed her on her back and started making love with her right there, she could not have refused him. All her life she’d read stories about passion and love. She’d wondered what it was those couples felt for each other, and for the first time, she understood. Understood and reveled in the differences between a man and a woman. She was soft to his hard, yielding to his readiness, aching for him.
She traced her hand up his back and slid her fingers through his short hair. One of his hands dropped to her thigh while the other cupped her jaw, then her cheek. He breathed her name in a voice thick with passion and desire. She could feel herself swelling and dampening for him. Her breasts ached. She desperately wanted him to touch her there.
Then, as if he read her mind, the hand on her thigh lifted slowly and brushed against one erect nipple. She gasped, then plunged her tongue into his mouth. He accepted her passion and returned it with his own. As they danced together, imitating the most intimate dance of all, he stroked her full curves, discovering her shape, her sensitivity, making her moan and softly beg.
She was lost in a sensual fog and she never wanted to find her way home. This was what it was supposed to be, she realized, half stunned, half empowered by the realization that her body had potential she’d never known.
He brought both of his hands up to her face and held her still, then pulled back enough to kiss her nose, her cheeks, her chin, then gave one last brush against her mouth.
“Shane,” she whispered, and slowly opened her eyes.
He stared at her, looking as stunned and aroused she felt. The single bedside lamp did little to chase away shadows and in the darkness, his brown eyes looked black and bottomless.
“Wow,” he breathed.
“Yeah. That was unexpected.”
“For me, too.” He smiled at her. His gaze traced her face, then dropped lower. Instantly his expression changed. The passion fled, replaced by regret and horror. “What the hell was I thinking?” he growled and stood. He swore again. “I’m sorry, Angela. That was incredibly pushy and insensitive. You’re my guest and under my protection, you’re also…” He waved vaguely toward her midsection.
Her mind cleared slowly. Desire made it hard to think, although his initial look of dismay had cleared away most of the cobwebs.
“Are you apologizing because I’m pregnant, or because you’re sorry?”
He stared at her. “Because you’re pregnant. I should never have done that. It’s wrong.” He shoved a hand through his slightly mussed hair.
Angela remained on the bed. From her sitting position, she couldn’t help noticing the rather large bulge at the front of his jeans. At least he’d enjoyed their encounter as much as she had, even if he was having second thoughts.
Shane sucked in a breath. “I don’t know what got into me. One minute you were talking and the next I just wanted to kiss you.”
He hesitated and she had a brief flash of insight that kissing wasn’t all he’d wanted to do. He’d wanted to make love with her.
She smiled at him. “Stop apologizing.”
“But I—”
“No. Listen to me. I’m beat-up, bruised and pregnant. I just found out that a good-looking, single guy finds me attractive enough to want to kiss me.” And do other things. But she didn’t mention that. It was enough to have the information to hold close to her heart. “I’m flattered. I’m thrilled. And I was caught up in the kiss as much as you were.” Maybe more.
He frowned. “You’re not mad?”
“No.”
His mouth curved up slightly. “So it’s okay?”
“It’s more than okay. Feel free to distract me from my nightmares with kisses anytime.” She wanted to say more. She wanted to talk about what she’d felt when they were holding each other, but she was afraid. Everything had happened so fast and what if he hadn’t felt it as well?
“Okay. If you’re sure.” He shoved his hands into his jeans, then seemed to realize they were unfastened. He glanced down and saw how his arousal showed. Faint color darkened his cheeks. “Well, it’s late. I should let you get some sleep.”
She would rather he’d returned to her bed, but he wasn’t offering that as one of the options. So she simply nodded and wished him a good night. When he was gone and the lights were out, she thought about how he’d made her feel when he kissed her. There was passion between them, but there was something else, as well. Something like respect. After years of living with a man who dreamed rather than did, she understood the value of planning and follow through. She’d learned to look at a man’s character as well as his easy smile and his words. In Shane she’d found someone who had started with nothing and had made a world for himself. Her feelings about him were easy to understand, but what did he think about her?
Angela checked on the pot roast in the oven. She was slow-cooking the large piece of meat at a low temperature. Normally she would have used an electric frying pan, but Shane didn’t seem to possess one. As she straightened, she caught sight of the clock just above the burners. According to Shane’s quick call less than an hour ago, he should be home any minute.
Despite the fact that it had been three days…or nights…since they’d kissed and not once had it been repeated, her heart still sped up in anticipation of her seeing him. She would have thought that familiarity would have eased her attraction, but it was the just opposite. The more time she spent with him, the more time she wanted to spend with him. She’d never felt this kind of intense longing before—not even when she’d first met Tom.
Maybe it was because she and Shane got along so well. That first morning after their kiss could have been awkward. She’d been more than a little nervous as she’d made her way to the kitchen. But instead of acting as if nothing had happened, Shane had instantly confessed that he’d been awake all night, thinking about what had happened, or not happened, between them. She’d admitted to the same affliction. They’d both laughed and had mutually agreed they could have been an alternative energy source for the town that night.
Somehow bringing their attraction out into the open had defused a little of the tension. She found it easy to fall into a routine in Shane’s house. Most of the time she was able to forget that she was under a loose form of protective custody and that until the kidnappers were caught, she was at risk.
Angela moved to the cookies cooling on the counter. She’d made a batch of peanut butter a couple of days ago, and chocolate chips ones earlier that afternoon. Shane had admitted to a weakness for home-baked goodies and she couldn’t help indulging him. One of the things she’d missed most when her marriage had ended was the simple pleasure she found in cooking. Dishes for one hadn’t seemed that exciting. Besides, in the past month or so, her taste for sweets had increased.
She pressed her hand to her stomach and smiled. Whatever else Tom had done wrong with his life, at the end, he’d done the most right thing of all. She was having a baby and nothing else mattered.
Since arriving at Shane’s house, she’d started making peace with her past. She knew that as her daughter grew up, she was going to tell her all about her father. Tom would never be more than a memory to his child, but she was determined to make it a good one.
The sound of footsteps on the back porch distracted her. Happily she moved toward the rear of the kitchen just as Shane walked in through the utility room. He was handsome as always in his khaki uniform. At the sight of her, his strong face broke into a smile.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“Great. And yours?” Without thinki
ng, she kept moving toward him until she was close enough to place her hands on his shoulders. She raised herself up on her toes to kiss him, but something in his manner alerted her. Instead of responding, he stiffened for a split second before meeting her halfway. His mouth brushed against her cheek.
At that moment Angela realized she’d been so caught up in thinking about Tom and Shane and how at home she felt here, that she’d reacted without thinking. She wasn’t Shane’s wife, greeting him after a long day. She was a friend, or at the very least, a civilian in trouble.
She lowered herself to her heels and took a step away from him. She could feel the heat on her cheeks. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to…” Her voice trailed off.
Shane saved her. He leaned forward and touched the tip of her nose. “No, problem, Angela. I’m happy to see you, too.”
Angela shifted uncomfortably. Could she have been more stupid? She sighed. Probably not. It was distressing.
“We have some news on the kidnapping,” he said. “It’s not much, but it’s a start. The kidnappers have asked for a million dollar ransom. The good news is they’ve been in touch with authorities, and we know the little girl is safe.”
“Thank God for that,” Angela said sincerely. “I think about that poor child a lot. If only she hadn’t been there at that moment in time. It’s so horrible and unfair.”
“Hey. It’s not your fault. Remember?”
“I know. I’ve been thinking about what happened that day. I know I’m not responsible. I just wish there was something I could have done to help. As an adult, I would be better equipped to handle a kidnapping.”
“I don’t think anyone deals with that well. What happened is done. Now we have to concentrate on keeping you safe and rescuing the child. The rest of it will take care of itself.”
She nodded. He was right. “Thanks for being so understanding.”
“No problem”
A Montana Mavericks Christmas Page 5