But at the door, neither of them reached for the knob. Jeremy looked down at Leah, and she could feel his gaze deep inside her. Sometimes she didn’t know how to act when she was around him. Sometimes she was afraid for everything his presence could mean. But sometimes she had to stop thinking and just feel.
He seemed to drink her in, absolutely everything about her, and when he moved closer, she didn’t pull away. His green eyes sparkled with desire, his chest rose and fell with the increased rate of his breathing, an increase she noted in hers, too. He reached out and took her long hair in his hands, letting it glide through his fingers. Then he held her face, slowly stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs.
“Oh, Leah,” he murmured. He bent to her, and the magic of Christmas began.
There was longing in his kiss…and hunger. Leah recognized the hunger because she’d felt it once before, the night they’d made love. She’d given in to it then and she gave in to it now, because it was more powerful than she was, more potent than her dreams. As his tongue erotically brushed hers, her arms went around his neck.
His lips clung to hers, then he pulled away, and they gazed at each other. Leah felt dazed by the emotion and desire that had welled up inside of her. Jeremy Winters was a force to be reckoned with and she wished she knew what she should do about him.
Swallowing hard, she finally found her voice. “Would you like to come to dinner tomorrow? Bessie went shopping for me this afternoon and she and Joe will be here.”
He gave her an off-kilter grin. “I thought I might have to eat my Christmas dinner at the hospital. I’d like very much to celebrate Christmas with you.”
The lights in his eyes told her if she didn’t open the door, another kiss could happen between them, another kiss that would confuse her more. So she reached for the knob and turned it.
He stepped outside, then asked, “What time tomorrow?”
“Around noon?”
“Noon it is. Merry Christmas, Leah.”
“Merry Christmas, Jeremy.”
As the moon shone down on him and he strode to his Jeep, Leah realized she wasn’t falling in love with Jeremy Winters. She’d already fallen.
As Jeremy drove toward Whitehorn, the hum of his kiss with Leah still vibrated through his body. He wanted her in the same elemental way he had since the first day he’d met her. Somehow he had to prove to her that life here was better than life anywhere else. He thought of tomorrow, Christmas…having dinner with her. He’d already bought the twins a double stroller and a swing, but he could do so much more than that and surprise her. One of the department stores in the mall just on the edge of Whitehorn was supposed to be open till midnight. He was going to take advantage of that.
The next morning, as Jeremy showered and dressed, he couldn’t help but hum Christmas carols. He even found himself at a church near the hospital, attending morning service. Ever since Gwen and their unborn child had died, Christmas had been merely a word. He’d spent Christmas Day in Oregon last year, but his father could care less about the holiday. His mother had established her own traditions with her husband and his children. Jeremy had gone through the motions when necessary, yet not felt any of the spirit, nor cared if he ever felt it again. But this year…
This year he had so much to celebrate.
When Leah opened the door to him, she was wearing an apron over her cream blouse and green wool skirt, and had never looked lovelier. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail tied with a red ribbon. All he wanted to do was to gather her in his arms and kiss her as he had last night, but before they even had time to exchange greetings, Bessie called from the kitchen. “Leah, where’s your strainer? The gravy looks lumpy.”
Leah smiled at him, her dark eyes sparkling. “Come on in. Joe is keeping watch over the twins. You can help him.”
“I have a few things to get from the car,” Jeremy said. “Then I’ll be in.”
As Jeremy carried in boxes and bags, Joe Whitecloud said, “I think you bought out a store or two.” The older man’s black eyes danced with amusement. “But I can understand. You should have seen the stack of boxes we sent our son last week.”
Jeremy knew that Bessie and Joe’s son worked for a technology company on the west coast, and his work had kept him from coming home this Christmas. If Leah moved away, Jeremy might not see his children every holiday. He couldn’t imagine being separated from them, especially on Christmas. “I can’t wait until I can buy Adam baseball gear, and Brooke, well, whatever girls want at Christmas. I couldn’t resist a few toys.”
“A few?” Joe asked with a laugh.
When Leah came into the living room, her eyes grew wide. “Jeremy, what’s all this?” Her gaze traveled over the stroller and swing, both with big red bows. He’d brought a stack of disposable diapers, two matching teddy bears, a big ball, a miniature truck, a doll and two mobiles. There was also a diaper bag with little animals running all over it, to replace the denim satchel Leah had carried to the pageant last night, which hadn’t been big enough for all the baby paraphernalia she needed.
“Merry Christmas,” Jeremy said with a huge grin.
But Leah wasn’t smiling. As she went to the stroller and fingered the bow, as she took in everything he’d brought, her eyes became more troubled. “Jeremy, you shouldn’t have done this.”
“It’s Christmas,” he said with a shrug, as if that should explain it all. “If Brooke or Adam wake up while we’re eating, we’ll try the swing. I can always get a second one. The salesclerk said babies really like them, and the motion helps soothe them when they’re fussy.”
Leah glanced at the twins, who were sleeping in their cradles placed to the side of the armchair, and then back at Jeremy.
Obviously picking up the strained vibrations, Joe pushed himself up from the sofa. “I’ll go see if I can help Bessie in the kitchen.”
Leah moved a few steps closer to Jeremy. “I know you spent a lot of time choosing everything, and I don’t want to seem unappreciative, but I can’t accept all this.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s too much!”
Jeremy had found such joy in picking out each item, in buying in abundance, in celebrating his fatherhood, that Leah’s lack of enthusiasm made him defensive. “It’s not too much. If I had known you were going to have twins, I would have bought more than this before now. They’re basic things every child should have.”
“Brooke and Adam don’t need a stroller or a swing or toys they can’t play with yet. All of this makes me feel as if I can’t provide what they need.”
“Can you?” Jeremy asked.
“Need means different things to different people. For now Brooke and Adam don’t need much. They need my love and care, food and diapers. I can handle that.”
His shoulders tensed. “What about six months from now, a year from now? Will you still be living on your savings?” He knew that’s what she was probably doing. How else could she be managing? “I’m their father. I have the right to take care of them, too. I’m responsible for them as much as you are.”
Taking a few steps back, Leah responded quickly. “I don’t think this is about your being responsible for them. I think you’re trying to convince me to stay, and presents won’t do it.”
He wanted to give Leah and the twins so much, everything he’d been denied giving Gwen and the child he’d lost. “You’re making too big a deal out of this,” he said curtly.
“Am I?” Leah asked, searching his face.
“These are Christmas presents. Period. Things I thought you could use and wouldn’t buy for yourself. And if I want to buy my son and daughter toys that they can eventually play with, I don’t see the harm in that. If you can’t accept them, I’ll keep them at my house until they grow into them.” His tone was clipped and sounded hard without his meaning it to.
Leah touched his arm. “Jeremy…”
“Do you want to keep this stuff here or do you want me to pack it up in the Jeep?”
&
nbsp; She looked up at him beseechingly. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“I understand that you think you’re a single mother, and I guess you are. But I’m telling you that I have the means to buy my children whatever they need or want, and I’m going to do that, no matter what you say.”
Leah’s shoulders squared and her back became very straight. “I have to see to dinner. Just don’t think I’m going to let you spoil them with material things when what they really need is so much more important than that.” After another look at her sleeping infants, she went into the kitchen.
Jeremy wondered how a day that had started so right could have veered off track so swiftly, but no matter what Leah said, he would support his children the best way he knew.
Four
During Christmas dinner, Bessie and Joe kept the conversation moving. Bessie told Leah about the native crafts classes that would be held at the school on the res after the New Year, while Joe engaged Jeremy in a discussion of football. Leah hated the tension between her and Jeremy. It felt so wrong.
Maybe she should have simply accepted his presents graciously. But if she had accepted them without question, she would have felt indebted to him. She’d wanted to make it clear that she and the twins could make it on their own if they had to. Although she’d like to believe Jeremy was only thinking about Brooke and Adam, she had the feeling that he was trying to make up for something because of the wife and child he’d lost.
Bessie’s pumpkin and cream cheese torte was a wonderful dessert, but Leah pushed half of hers away uneaten and so did Jeremy. As they sipped coffee, their gazes met over their cups and Leah yearned for Jeremy’s love. Could she and the twins be more than a replacement for the family he’d lost?
Joe cleared his throat. “It seems like Adam and Brooke are going to give us a break.”
“It’s amazing how Adam settled down after we gave him that formula,” Leah remarked after a quick glance at Jeremy. “He sleeps as soundly as Brooke does between feedings now.”
“As well it should be,” Bessie said with a smile. “They need their strength for growing up.”
Jeremy leaned back in his chair. “That was a wonderful meal. Now I feel as if I need to work it off.”
“Why don’t you and Leah take a walk?” Bessie suggested. “The sun’s shining.”
“I really should help you clean up…” Leah began.
“No, you shouldn’t,” Bessie insisted. “Joe can help me. Go on, get your coat.”
Leah had to admit she didn’t know what to say to Jeremy and that’s why she was hesitating. But a walk would feel good and they’d have a chance to iron things out.
After she made sure the twins were still sleeping soundly, Leah bundled up in her hooded parka, wrapped a scarf around her neck and slipped on mittens and boots. Jeremy’s sheepskin jacket looked warm, but he turned up the collar and pulled on leather gloves. Then he opened the door for her and they stepped outside.
“Are you sure you want me to come along?” Leah asked. “Bessie kind of put you on the spot.”
“I don’t mind, Leah.” He looked annoyed at the question.
Paths had not been shoveled in front of some of the houses and they walked out in the street because it was easier. Coming to the end of one street, they turned onto another, their breath puffing out white in front of them. Leah could tell Jeremy was slowing his pace to hers. The sun shining on the snow had created an icy slush, and though Leah was careful, her foot slipped.
When Jeremy caught her by the elbow, his clasp was firm.
She said breathlessly, “Thank you.”
Facing her, his gaze settled on her lips. “You’re welcome.”
The temperature outside seemed to shoot up, and she thought about his last kiss, about how he’d felt and tasted. She’d never considered herself a sensual woman until she’d met Jeremy. Now everything about him titillated her senses.
With a bolstering breath, she began walking again.
They passed small square houses, one looking very much like the next, some decorated for Christmas, some not. Life on the res was still a struggle. From what she’d heard and seen, it wasn’t as bad as it had been years ago when her mother had taken her away. There were good people trying to change things for the better. Jackson Hawk for one. His law office was located in the Tribal Council building. His wife, Maggie, who had once been an agent for the government, assisted him. Then there was Sam Brightwater, a contractor, who’d been instrumental in the building of a new elementary school wing here on Laughing Horse. Jessica McCallum’s social welfare expertise helped the Tribal Council decide on programs for teenagers and adults. There was goodness here, and the Cheyennes’ support of their extended families and their community life was tight-knit and enduring.
Leah could feel her ties to her mother strongly here. And though she’d been a part of this life for the past twenty months, she still didn’t feel as if she really belonged. Her mother’s dream for her had always been so real, so specific, so far-reaching.
A church steeple rose up into the blue sky as they walked, and Leah was drawn toward it as if her mother were calling her there. She turned to Jeremy. “I’d like to stop at the church. Do you want to come in with me?”
He looked down at her with green eyes that didn’t give a hint as to what he was feeling. “Sure,” he said.
“Do you attend church?” she asked him as they slowly mounted the steps.
“I did this morning.”
When she stopped to question the message underlying his words, he stopped, too. “I was angry after I lost Gwen. God was the last person I wanted to talk to.”
“And now?” Leah asked softly.
“Let’s just say I’m opening the lines of communication again. How about you?”
“I rarely miss a Sunday. Mom always taught me to be grateful for blessings. Going to church just helps me remember what my blessings are.”
They continued up the steps and Jeremy opened the wooden door for her.
The church wasn’t large, nor was it elaborate, but Leah always felt a sense of peace here. The pews were wooden and worn, the pulpit a simple lectern. But there was an Advent wreath on a table, and pine boughs, evergreen wreaths and red bows everywhere. Two small stained-glass windows, one on either side of the altar, splayed color across the creche, and Leah stepped forward, drawn by the nativity scene displayed there.
Leah stood looking at the figures, thinking of her own babies. Tears welled up and rolled down her cheeks.
Jeremy watched her. “Leah?” he asked, concern in his voice.
“I just wish my mom were here to meet her grandchildren.”
When his arm went around her, it seemed so natural to lean against him. They stood there like that for a very long time, unaware of the minutes ticking by, unaware of everything but each other and the scene in front of them.
Leah’s tears had dried by the time she looked up at him again. “Maybe we should go?”
He nodded. But as they passed the last pew, Jeremy took her arm and said, “Wait a minute.”
After she stopped, he admitted, “I understand that you don’t want me to shower Brooke and Adam with unnecessary gifts, but you have to understand that I need to feel as if I’m making a difference in their lives.”
“I know,” Leah responded. “I’m sorry I reacted as I did. I am grateful for everything you’ve done. That whole carload of presents was just a bit… overwhelming.”
“That’s the way I feel sometimes when I look at the twins,” he confessed.
“Me, too.”
His smile spread to his eyes. “Let’s go back and see if they’re awake yet.”
As Jeremy opened the door, Leah realized her love for him was growing stronger each day. But how did he feel about her, and how did he fit into her future?
As Leah changed the twins, fed them and bathed them on the day after Christmas, she thought about Jeremy. They’d returned from their walk yesterday and cared for Br
ooke and Adam, played with them a little by holding them and talking to them, while Bessie and Joe looked on like proud grandparents. Afterward, the four of them had played a board game. Jeremy’s gaze had met Leah’s often, their fingers had touched, their elbows grazing now and then. But as early evening had approached, Jeremy left to look in on patients at the hospital. With no moment alone, he hadn’t kissed her before he’d gone, and Leah had felt strangely sorry about that.
With the twins napping, Leah went to the porch for her morning paper. As she brought it inside she glanced at the front page headline—Kidnapping Gone Awry. With growing dismay, Leah read the article.
The reporter wrote how Sara Mitchell had been mistakenly kidnapped instead of Jennifer McCallum. He went on to say how Sara was probably the only one who could describe the two men who had worn ski masks when they’d kidnapped her, how Dr. Jeremy Winters had found the little girl walking alongside of the road on December eighteenth, how the holly berries that had been in her hair were peculiar to a specific area outside of Whitehorn, leading the police to a cave where the kidnappers had most likely kept her.
Since deputy sheriff Shane McBride was out of town on his honeymoon, Sterling McCallum, a special investigator, had been assigned to the case and had found one of Sara’s hair ribbons not far from the cave. But there had been no further evidence leading to the kidnappers, and only Sara held the secret as to who they were. And for some unknown reason, trauma-induced or otherwise, Sara couldn’t talk.
A chill skipped up Leah’s spine. Little Sara could be in even more danger with all of this information made public. The kidnappers now even knew her name. Leah bet Danielle was probably going crazy with worry. Hurrying to the phone, remembering Danielle and Sara had spent Christmas with the McCallums, she dialed the McCallums’ number. The answering machine came on. She decided not to leave a message, but to try again later.
Late morning on the day after Christmas, Jeremy closed the door to his lawyer’s office and crossed the reception area to the outside entrance. Yesterday had unsettled him, giving him a taste of what he’d always wanted—a wife, children, and an extended family to spend holidays with. He had to convince Leah to want it, too. But she threw him off balance…she always had. When he’d first met her, he’d thought she was quiet and shy. She might be quiet sometimes, but she wasn’t shy, and she had a way of being assertive that told him in no uncertain terms that she was an independent woman and wouldn’t be dictated to by a man. The most confusing part of all was that he liked her that way. Gwen hadn’t been assertive or independent. She’d always let him take the lead; she’d always stepped back in his shadow. Leah, on the other hand, walked beside him.
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