by Zoe Chant
She withdrew quietly and gracefully, leaving Pauline and Drew looking at each other.
“She always said...” Drew’s voice broke. “She always said you thought we were trashy. Low-class. Because she wasn’t married and stuff.”
“No,” Pauline said immediately. “No. Drew, my parents were snobs. They probably thought that. But I never did. I always wished she’d let me spend more time with you. I remember when you were a baby, I was always asking her to let me baby-sit, and she always said she could handle it...she was so proud, she never wanted my help, because my family had looked down on her family. And I understood, but it made me so sad. I wished I could’ve been there when you were growing up.”
“I didn’t know that,” Drew said blankly. “I always felt bad taking your food, at Oliver’s, because I thought...I mean, you were always so nice. But I thought you were just pretending because you felt bad.”
“No,” Pauline said. “Drew. No.”
He blinked a few times. Pauline took an involuntary step forward, and then, when he didn’t back away, another one, until she was close enough to reach out and pull him into a hug.
This time, he didn’t hesitate to lean in. Pauline wrapped her arms around his thin shoulders and held him close, trying to telepathically project as much love and care and support as she could.
He didn’t cry or anything, but he stayed in the hug until the door opened. Then he started and jerked back. Pauline let him go.
Hopefully—God, she had to hope—there would be many, many more opportunities to give Drew big, loving hugs as they went forward.
Carlos’ eyes were warm as they took in the scene, but he didn’t comment on it. “So,” he said. “Anyone hungry?”
***
Carlos, it turned out, was a surprisingly skillful cook.
“My one hobby,” he confessed to Pauline and Drew as he cracked eggs and sautéed vegetables. “Whenever I had time, I’d cook myself dinner. Ordering out got old after a while, even in New York.”
Pauline, who had ordered pizza from the one delivery spot in town maybe three times in the last ten years, nodded. “Are you sure I can’t help?” she said for the fifth time.
“Or me?” Drew added.
Carlos’ smile was warm and happy, with the slightest tinge of exasperation. “You,” he said, enunciating very carefully, “can both sit there at the table and let someone else serve you food for once.”
It felt a little unnatural. Pauline couldn’t remember the last time anyone had waited on her.
All the more reason to enjoy it, she told herself, and sat back and forced herself to just sit with Drew and watch. It was a good example for Drew, too, who must be so used to being a parent to his younger siblings. Who knew how long it had been since someone had cooked him dinner.
And as it turned out, once she settled in, watching Carlos cook was a real pleasure. He moved with confidence, somehow not too big for her tiny kitchen, even though he seemed to fill it to bursting with his size and his presence.
He cleaned as he went, too, scrubbing out plates and bowls as he waited for pans to heat. Pauline had been automatically cataloging how many dishes there would be, and the number just kept vanishing down to nothing.
All in all, it was a show she was realizing she could watch over and over again. Carlos flashed her a smile occasionally—at one point, he flipped a pancake just by flicking his wrist while holding the pan, and then he grinned over his shoulder with such obvious self-satisfaction that she had to laugh.
Drew, too, was slowly starting to relax. “None of my mom’s boyfriends ever cooked,” he observed to Pauline.
“My ex-husband never did, either,” she confided back. “And he never did the dishes.”
Drew snorted. “No one in our house ever did dishes.” He sobered a little. “I try to, but I don’t always have time. I don’t want the kids growing up in a dirty house, though.”
Pauline closed her eyes for a second. “Drew,” she said quietly, “no matter what happens tomorrow—no matter what—I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen. Okay? You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
He was quiet, thinking about it. Then he said, “I don’t think I’m going to stop worrying about it. But it’s...nice. That you’re there.”
Pauline breathed through the rush of feelings, and said in as steady a voice as she could, “It’s nice that you’re here for me, too.”
He startled, looking over at her. “Me?”
“You,” Pauline confirmed. “All I’ve ever wanted is a family. I never had any siblings, my ex-husband didn’t want kids, I couldn’t adopt after we divorced, even though I tried. And you—Drew, you care about family more than anyone I’ve ever seen. You’ve worked your butt off for your family, you were willing to do anything it took to make sure they were okay. I would be...honored, to have someone like you in my own family.”
Drew looked almost scared. Pauline...understood. She remembered how frightening it had been to realize that she had a mate.
Sometimes the things you wanted the most were the scariest of all.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I just wanted you to know that.”
He nodded slowly, then looked away.
“All right,” Carlos announced—Pauline felt certain that he’d been waiting for the right moment to intrude. “Breakfast for dinner!”
They all sat down at Pauline’s tiny dining table—she wondered, with a rush of feeling, whether Carlos was going to move in here with her, or if they would get a new place together. With room for three more...?
Don’t put the cart before the horse, she told herself. Don’t count your children before they’re hatched...
She dug into the food to distract herself. And was immediately, intensely distracted, because it was delicious. Chocolate-chip pancakes smothered in maple syrup and butter, and an omelet full of practically everything she’d had in her fridge: ham and cheese and onions and green peppers and God knew what else.
“Oh,” she sighed. “This is so good.”
Pauline didn’t cook much for herself, because being on her feet all day at the diner didn’t give her a lot of energy to stand in the kitchen after she got home—plus, she could usually grab a sandwich or something at the diner, so she wouldn’t even need to eat once she got home. She was frankly surprised that Carlos had been able to create anything that tasted this good with the contents of her kitchen.
Drew made a noise of agreement. He’d inhaled his plate already. Carlos grabbed it and hightailed back to the kitchen.
“I don’t need any more—” Drew started to protest.
“Then you can stare at it and appreciate the perfection of my cooking skills,” Carlos called over his shoulder. “If you want to eat it, though, that’s fine, too.”
A hungry teenaged boy wasn’t going to leave food untouched for long. Drew made another halfhearted protest, but once the plate was in front of him, he didn’t spend too long just looking at it.
They all ate until they were stuffed, and then Carlos insisted on doing the remaining dishes. God. Pauline was going to have to fall on her knees and thank her lucky stars later, but for now she appreciated it because it let her transition smoothly into making up the bed in the rarely-used spare room and installing Drew in it, without any room for protests or possible suggestions that the kids might go home for the night instead of staying here where it was safe.
“Do you mind sharing with Val?” she asked. “She’s in my room right now, but—”
Drew shook his head immediately. “She shouldn’t wake up and not know where she is at all,” he said. “She crawls in with me a lot, anyway.”
So Pauline slipped into her room and scooped up the sleeping toddler. Val was a warm, heavy weight in her arms, and Pauline was tempted to just sit down for a second and revel in the feeling of a little child breathing softly against her shoulder.
But Drew was waiting, so she brought his sister out to him, and together they
got her settled in the spare room’s bed.
“Let me get you a toothbrush,” Pauline told him, and despite his protests that he didn’t need anything, really, she bustled around getting him a toothbrush and some extra towels if he wanted to shower in the morning, and a few other things.
It was so gratifying. Having kids to take care of. She had to try not to let herself get too used to it, in case it was taken right away again.
Though maybe...
Stop it.
Finally, everyone was settled. Carlos came out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. “Kids all settled?”
“All settled,” Pauline confirmed.
He enveloped her in his arms, big and warm and comforting. “Good. Now I can do this.” He kissed her deeply.
Pauline sighed and relaxed into the kiss. It felt so good to let go. “Thank you for dinner,” she said when they broke apart.
“My pleasure. It felt good to cook for you. And Drew. Like we’re starting to make a home together.”
Pauline blinked, her eyes stinging with tears.
“Hey,” Carlos said tenderly, one hand coming up to brush her cheek. “What is it?”
“I just—I just want this so much,” Pauline whispered. “All of this. You, and Drew, and Troy and Val, all together, eating dinner and putting the kids to bed—all of it—”
“You’re going to get it.” Carlos’ voice was confident. His eyes had a determined fire in them. “I’m going to make sure you have this, Pauline.”
“It’s not just about me—”
“Not just for you.” He took her hands, kissed the knuckles of each. “For me, because I never knew I wanted a family this much, but seeing that kid struggle so hard—I want to help him. I want to be there for him, to show that he can be a good man and a good provider without all this hardship and pain. To help the little kids grow up into a good man and a good woman. And because I think that you and me—we’re the best thing for them.”
“I think so, too,” Pauline said fiercely. Faced with Carlos’ warm confidence, her anxiety seeped away, replaced by determination. “And we’re going to do everything we can to make it happen.”
He kissed her again. “We are.”
***
The next morning, Pauline had a message from Mavis telling her to drop the kids off with Stella and Nate whenever they needed to. She told Drew over breakfast, while she was giving a sleepy Val milk and Cheerios. The milk was in a big-girl cup, so there was a lot of supervision required.
“Want to go hang out with Eva today?” Drew asked Troy, who had woken up cranky and upset to be in a strange house, and was scowling into his cereal.
The little boy brightened immediately. “Can I play her Nintendo DS?”
“I bet you can,” Drew said.
Pauline quickly texted Stella to make sure her daughter would also be home today, and received an affirmative.
She’s worried about Drew, Stella added. They’re good friends. Do you know if he’s okay?
That’s what we’re trying to make sure of today, Pauline texted back. Which wasn’t the most reassuring, she knew, but it was what she had.
Getting all the kids out the door was an adventure. Val had a tantrum because she wanted to stay and toddle all around the strange house exploring, and being told she was going to another, bigger house that she could explore even more didn’t help.
Pauline buckled her into her car seat as she screamed and thought to herself, Even this. Even tantrums. She wanted it all.
She didn’t fool herself that she’d be welcoming the tantrums with open arms, but the thought that she might be a person that Val reached for, as instinctively as she was reaching for Drew right now, hoping for rescue from the cruel prison of the car seat...
Well. She wanted to be that refuge.
***
Carlos
Carlos watched Pauline chivvy all the kids out to the cars with a warm sense of pride.
Even Drew responded to her like a parent-figure, despite the fact that the kid had been acting as a parent himself for the last however long. Drew didn’t seem like the type of boy who was desperate for independence, who didn’t want anyone to tell him what to do—this responsibility had been thrust on his shoulders, and he seemed tentatively relieved to have a motherly type to rely on.
From what he’d heard, it didn’t sound like the kids’ real mom had been too reliable even when she’d been around, so it had probably been a long, long time since Drew had really felt like he could give over the decision-making to anyone else.
But Pauline...Pauline exuded competence. Carlos felt almost superfluous, because she had no problem whatsoever hoisting a screaming Val onto one hip while she took Troy’s hand on her other side and reassured Drew that everything was going to be fine. Carlos got ahead of her and opened the car doors, but he felt pretty sure that even if he hadn’t been there, she would’ve managed just fine.
It was a pleasure to watch. And Carlos could appreciate it even more, because he’d seen her vulnerable side, and he knew that underneath the confident mom-voice was a depth of feeling that he thought even Pauline would have a hard time putting into words. It was humbling.
And even more so, because he was starting to discover the same thing in himself. Watching his mate with these children...the thought that if the custody situation went the right way, that these could be their children...
He’d never known what he wanted, it seemed like. How could he have never known what he wanted?
He’d only known what he didn’t want. He didn’t want a scrabbling, desperate lifestyle like the one he’d grown up with. He didn’t want pain, and tears, and loneliness, and long, empty hours working shift after shift to almost put enough food on the table.
He hadn’t thought about the other side of it. The joy. The fulfillment.
And now he didn’t even have to choose. As long as everything went their way.
They all drove to the Davidson sisters’ house together, and brought the kids in. Stella and Nate were waiting inside, along with Stella’s daughter Eva, and Lynn.
Eva immediately went up to Drew and started talking seriously with him, while Troy tugged at her shirt and asked about her Nintendo in increasingly insistent tones.
“Looks like you’ve got your hands full,” Lynn observed quietly to Carlos.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he assured her honestly.
“Huh.” She smiled. “Wasn’t ever what I wanted, but I’m glad to see you’re happy with it. And if you need any help—anything at all—you can call on us. Not just Stella and Nate; Ken and I want to help, too.”
“Thanks,” Carlos said, oddly touched. He hadn’t spoken much with Ken’s dependable-looking, gruff-sounding mate, but he could tell that she meant what she said.
She shrugged. “You guys were a pack, back in the Marines, from what Ken says. Stella and Eva and I are as much of a pack as we got. It seems like we might as well all be a pack together. Ken wants to. I think your Colonel wants to.”
A pack.
Not just a mate—not even just a family. A pack. With the Colonel at its head, surely. Carlos remembered how much he’d trusted Colonel Hanes, back when he’d just been Major Hanes. He’d put his life in that man’s hands without a second’s hesitation, because he knew that the Major would make the best decision possible.
He’d been going it alone for so long. In the cutthroat business world, you had to watch over your shoulder all the time—everyone was out for themselves, and you never knew who might turn on you. He’d gotten used to it, but he’d never liked it.
To be able to just...let that go. Leave it behind. Trust in his people, and know that they would trust in him.
It was a day for realizing he wanted things he’d never known he wanted, apparently.
“Thank you,” he said to Lynn, hearing the heartfelt tone in his voice, and not wanting or needing to conceal it. “Thanks. We’ll do that.”
She nodded once. “Good.”
Troy’s voice rose in a furious crescendo, and Carlos turned to catch him up in a toss towards the ceiling. The yell turned into a laugh, and Carlos said, “Hey, what are you upset about, huh?”
“I want to play the Nintendo DS!” Troy told him.
“You gotta wait patiently for something as cool as that,” Carlos explained. “Eva’s talking to Drew right now, because they have some important stuff to say before Drew goes away for the day.” Possibly for longer. That thought put a chill in Carlos’ bones.
Troy accepted that the Nintendo DS was extra-cool, and also accepted being swung through the air a few more times as a substitute for getting to play video games. He was completely trusting of Carlos’ strength, laughing delightedly, with no indication of any fear that Carlos might drop him or accidentally whack him into something. It was humbling.
Finally, everyone had said all they could say, Eva had given Drew a hug and a speaking look and taken Troy’s hand, and it was time to go.
***
Pauline
“You eighteen yet?” Betty at the sheriff’s office front desk frowned at Drew.
He glanced at Pauline. “No.”
“Your mom’s gotta be here, then. Where’s Marsha?”
Pauline stepped forward. Her heart was in her throat. “Marsha’s been missing for a little while,” she said to Betty. “Left a note for the kids and disappeared.” Upon reflection, she added, “I suppose we’re filing a missing persons report about that, as well. But I’m the next closest relative the kids have. Marsha’s cousin.”
Betty assessed her. “You want custody if the parent can’t be located? Because that’s what you’re setting yourself up for, here.”
Pauline nodded firmly. “Yes.” The word felt golden in her mouth.
Betty nodded slowly. “Okay. We got some paperwork, and I’ll get the sheriff out for you.”
Pauline sighed out a long breath, looking over at Drew. He looked a little shellshocked. “Are you really sure?” he asked her.
“Really and truly,” Pauline said. Carlos, who’d been a solid presence behind her, stepped up and laid a hand on Drew’s shoulder.