by Karen Anders
“I don’t think you’d get many bugs this high up.”
“I don’t have comfortable chairs out there.”
“Sean, are you afraid of heights?”
His face colored and he looked away, “No.” He put the paper up to his face.
“You are,” she said, grabbing the paper away from him and meeting his darting eyes.
“You were afraid to go up the ladder, but I’ve seen you walk across a steel girder to fight a fire.”
“Okay, so I’m afraid of heights. It’s something that I do because the job requires it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it or succumb to my fear.”
“Jeez, I can’t believe this. I had no idea.”
“Sometimes it gets the best of me.”
“Sean, you live on the twenty-third floor. Why is that?”
“Defiance.”
“You helped me put up my wallpaper.”
“The trick is not to look down.”
“I can’t believe you never told me this.” She felt a large dose of guilt, thinking about what she was keeping from him.
“A guy has to have some secrets.”
“I guess he does.”
His eyes shifted to the folder in her hands. “What’s that?”
“So, I guess we’ll have to move your mattress to the floor,” she teased.
“Why?” he said.
She smiled, shoving the folder with the photos deeper into her bag.
“I wouldn’t want you to be up too high to make love to me.”
He smiled wickedly. “I said the trick was not to look down. I think I can handle it.”
He grabbed her around the waist and dragged her into his room.
Afterward, Lana wandered back out to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. She picked up the paper and scanned the headlines. A story snagged her attention. Condo developer William Morrison had purchased the properties where the second and third fires had occurred.
LATER THAT DAY SHE MADE the rounds and asked at each of the fire stations around the area of each arson, but no one knew the mysterious firefighter in the photo.
When she pulled up to her house, she saw that Sean was sitting on her porch rocking in one of her chairs.
She approached, her heart in her throat at how good he looked.
“Hey.”
He smiled and stood, meeting her at the stairs. He gave her a kiss. “I’ve been thinking that it’s finally time that I overcome this fear of heights.”
“Oh, you have. How?”
“Go climbing.”
“Where?”
“I’ll show you.”
SEAN SAT in his parked car on an overlook jutting from the San Francisco hills, adjacent to the Golden Gate Bridge. He left a sleeping Lana in his car to get an unobstructed view of the bridge.
The same old apprehension he’d always felt gnawed at him as they’d traversed the 480 miles to San Francisco. It was time for him to face this fear and overcome it. A fear that had grown out of a need to prove himself. Maybe that was why he was always doing everything his family wanted. Live up to his parents’ expectations that he was a good man and a contributing citizen. He was sure now that was why he became a firefighter. To make his parents proud of him, but now he wanted to be proud of himself.
In Lana’s arms, he’d discovered that the only expectations he had to live up to were his own.
“So this is why you refused to tell me where we were going and I had to pack a bag. The Golden Gate Bridge?” Lana said in a sleepy voice as she came up behind him.
“Lots of firefighters climb it,” Sean replied, standing shoulder to shoulder with her.
“I know, but are you sure of your reasons for climbing it?” Lana challenged.
“Yes. I want to overcome my fear of heights.”
“You’ve been thinking about this since we talked.”
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since we talked,” he said. “Mostly about how I always do what I’m asked regardless of whether I want to or not.”
“Like?”
“Like how I never stepped on anyone’s toes and always ate my vegetables.”
“Do you mean the reputation you have of being a nice guy?”
“Yes. I’m sick of that.”
“It was a good start when you asked Pete to move out of your seat.”
Without replying to her words, he began to walk to the bridge. Lana followed him.
When they reached the suspension part of the bridge, Lana grabbed his arm. “Sean, you don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“Why do you think this has to do with you? I need to prove to myself that I’m the kind of man who can take risks and live up to my own expectations.”
“I just want to make sure, that’s all. I didn’t know that you were afraid of heights. Now you want to scale the Golden Gate. You don’t have to.”
“It’s true, Lana, that I wouldn’t want to be seen as a coward in your eyes.”
“Sean…”
“Wait, I’m not finished. I need to do this for me. To prove something to myself.”
“Just so you know, I won’t think any less of you if you walk back to the car and we go get something to eat.”
He nodded. She cupped his face and held it between her hands. “You’re awesome. I’ve always thought so, before you changed, after you changed. It doesn’t matter to me.”
“So, are you going?”
“I’ve followed you through flaming walls of fire. What makes you think that I wouldn’t go on this journey with you?”
“Your amazing intellect?”
“This isn’t about intellect. This is about a rite of passage. Your rite of passage. I’m along for the ride.”
He smiled and pulled her close for a quick embrace. One after the other, they stepped onto the suspension cable.
They moved along carefully, Lana a warm, distinct presence behind him. The three-foot-in-diameter cable they walked on was now 320 feet into the air. On either side of them, a thin wire reached all the way up to the north tower that was their objective.
When Sean reached the top, he turned to look at her. Her hair blew in the wind, tiny wisps around her face. Her eyes were shining.
“It’s beautiful,” he said.
“Sure, if you overlook the death spiral of a fall, the wind whipping us around and the fact that I’m starving,” she said close to his ear.
Chuckling, Sean looked down into her face. She was a piece of work, all right. Insecure and tough, feisty and afraid, fierce and full of bluff, altogether amazing and astounding, breathtaking and absolutely beautiful.
All at once laughter faded. Because in a little more than a few days he’d discovered that he liked being a bit reckless. It astonished him, and if he’d been smart it should have scared him.
For better or worse, though, all it did was make him feel more human and more powerful, more…himself than he’d ever felt in his life.
It was then that he knew he loved her. Not for any other reason than because she was Lana. His heart jolted in his chest unsure of what he should do with these feelings he had. Should he tell her or not?
He decided not to. It wasn’t the time or the place. He looked over to the east at the San Francisco skyline in the distance, framed by the long graceful cables. The familiar feeling of fear wasn’t there. It wasn’t there when he turned his head to study the island of the notorious prison Alcatraz, lit up to look like a small castle. He looked down from the dizzying height and saw the surf roll against the cliffs, mingling with the wind to make a soft hissing sound.
The international orange of the bridge took on a dark muted ginger hue at night. Soothing and comforting.
“Hey, are we going to stay up here all night?”
“I could.”
Lana smiled and looked around. “I don’t see any place to eat around here, O’Neill and as I said, I’m hungry,” she groused.
They made their way down the suspension. “So was that some kind of male bonding thing
we just experienced?” Lana asked.
“There is nothing male about you, Lana.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean and yeah, we bonded.” He wouldn’t trade this night for anything in his life. He looked up at the North Tower and smiled. He’d mastered his fear and it made his chest tight to know that Lana had been there to share the experience with him.
He discovered quite a bit about her, about himself and what he cherished in his life.
AFTER GETTING A BITE, they got a room at a nearby hotel. Tired, Sean had fallen asleep, but woke from a light doze when the shower began. He got up and silently opened the bathroom door. The shower had one of those see-through shower curtains and he stood there in the bathroom, his back against the door and watched Lana.
Her body was tight and toned, flowing lines of hard female curves. His hands tingled as he stared at her plump, luscious breasts crowned with rich mocha-colored nipples. Nipples he’d rolled between his fingers, flushed and hard against his tongue, his hungry, suckling mouth.
The sheerness of the shower curtain guaranteed him a spectacular view of her soft, rounded thighs, the creamy globes of her ass, and the enticing divide between them.
She arched her back and leaned her head back to wet her hair, thrusting her breasts out. He put his hands in his pockets, shifting against the door.
She soaped her hair and used her fingers to rinse it, sensually drawing them through the heavy, wet mass. She sighed softly, a sound that cut through him like a knife.
She picked up a bar of soap and drew it slowly down her arms, over her shoulders and neck. Water and soap mingled as she used the flat of her hand to massage the creamy bubbles into a lather against her even creamier skin.
She cupped her breasts and slid the soap across her nipples and they tightened and distended. Dragging the bar down her stomach, she stopped just shy of her mound. With one hand she moved the shower curtain aside. “Want to wash my back, O’Neill?”
He walked to the shower and said, “Tease,” as he stripped off his bottoms and grabbed a condom from the counter. He stepped into the charged air of the shower. He liked Lana naked and wet, it reminded him of the excitement the first time they’d made love and he wanted to relive it.
She took the latex and sheathed him before pressing her lips to his. He sank into her, into the slickness of her mouth. His hands cupped her bottom and drew her against him.
Sean’s head dipped down to her warm velvet tipped breasts and took the hardened peaks into his mouth in turn as he lifted her off her feet and set her against the wall. Lana supported herself on his shoulders as he deftly guided her onto his hard cock.
She gasped in gratification at the sweet feel of him stretching her with his pulsating flesh. Bracing her against the warmed tiles of the shower, he slowly pumped his hips, easing in and out with slow seductive strokes.
Lana cried out her satisfaction. His movements intensified, thrusting deeply into her as if he wanted to climb inside and lose himself in her. The sweet pulsations of Lana’s climax sent him into his own and he moaned against her moist, clean-smelling skin at the powerful release.
He slipped out of her and pulled her against him, letting her ride slowly down his body until her face was level with his own. Her hands kneaded the bunched muscles of his biceps as she leaned against him weakly.
He moved finally, drying them off and getting into bed. Releasing an unsteady sigh, he gathered her up in a secure embrace, tucking her head against the curve of his neck. He didn’t say anything. He just closed his eyes and drew her deeper into his embrace, his chest tightening.
Lana started to stroke him, but he caught her hand and lifted it to his mouth, then held it immobile against his chest. He waited until she relaxed in his arms, then he adjusted his hold. He wanted to connect with her, but not only in the physical sense.
“Do you remember the time we had the ladder climbing competition when we were at the academy?”
She didn’t say anything for the longest time; then he felt her smile. “You mean the one where I beat your ass?”
He nodded and stroked her temple, “Yeah, two times.”
“That’s right.”
He smiled and stared into the darkness, remembering. “You looked at me with that smug little expression, like you could conquer the world.”
She laughed softly and adjusted her head on his shoulder. “What I remember is that you had that same smug look on your face.”
“I had to feign bravado. It was all I had at the time.”
There was a brief pause, one that was underscored with reminiscence; then she spoke, her voice soft. “Oh, Sean. I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone. I wanted to be a firefighter more than anything, but at that moment I was scared to death of climbing that ladder. I didn’t know how I was going to do it.”
Another recollection filtered through the others, a very special recollection, and he smiled a little, the details still crystal clear in his mind. He tightened his arm around her hip in an attention-getting hug. “Lana?”
“Hmm?”
He smoothed the thick fall of hair from her face. “Your challenge got me up the ladder.”
“But I still beat you.”
“Soundly.”
Her voice was laced with amusement when she responded. “You were so good at everything else. I wanted to get your attention.”
Sean grinned and gave her hip a little pinch. “You had my attention. I have to say I was pretty skeptical of a woman on the squad, but you and your classmates proved me wrong.”
“That wasn’t the attention I was talking about.”
“No?”
“You know it. I never stood a chance against all that virility and charm.”
He gave her another little pinch, and she caught his hand, dragging his arms around her waist. He drew her closer, absently rubbing his stubbled chin against her hair. “I also remember that you were quite the flirt.” He drew her even closer, brushing a soft, sensual kiss against her ear. “Remember?”
A shiver coursed through her, and she turned her head toward his caress, her voice weak and breathless when she responded. “I wanted you even then.”
“We came close.”
“Yes. I remember.”
He’d never forget it. They had just graduated and a party was in full swing at Mahoney’s. They had danced a sultry number, the lights in the bar were dim and most of the celebrants were drunk, including them. His arms had been around her, her pressed up tight to his body and he hadn’t been able to hide anything from her. He recalled how beautiful she looked with her loose hair and dark eyes. He’d bent his head and then that voice had kicked in. It told him that kissing Lana would be a mistake. That lovers never lasted, but friendship was for a lifetime. Even in his stupor he knew that he wanted Lana in his life for a very long time. Jeopardizing what they had just wasn’t worth it.
The memory of how close he’d come to her lips turned his pulse thick and heavy, and he closed his eyes and trailed his mouth across her ear and down her neck, his breathing suddenly erratic. Lana whispered his name and moved into his arms, and on a deep slow kiss, the darkness closed in around them. And he refused to let his anxiety matter right now. All their problems evaporated like water thrown onto flames.
THE NEXT MORNING, Sean sat in a chair by the window of the motel and watched Lana get dressed. It was already Wednesday, two days before they had to go back to work. They had an eight-hour trek back to San Diego, but sitting in a car with Lana for that stretch of time was no hardship. They had more than enough to talk about.
As he had predicted, the trip seemed very short, but it was dark when they reached the city proper.
Sean wondered if Lana had really given up the arson investigation. Deep down he knew that it’s what she really loved. He wished she would admit it to herself.
“Have you gotten another soil sample?”
Lana said, “No. I
’m not supposed to be investigating the arsons anymore.”
“Right, Lana. When did you get the sample?”
“I didn’t collect a sample. Sienna did.”
He was silent for a moment. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Do you think that climbing the Golden Gate Bridge was a good idea?”
“Are you trying to prove something to command or are you trying to prove it to yourself.”
“What, that I won’t back down?”
“I don’t know, Lana. You explain it to me.”
“These are serial arsons. Bryant won’t admit that and now I think he might be involved. How can I in good conscience not keep investigating on my own?”
“You’re supposed to be following orders.”
“I know that. I can’t let this go. It’s too important to ignore.”
“I’m not arguing with you. I just want to make sure you understand what’s going on. Going against Bryant won’t be easy and going against command will be even worse.”
“I know I have a lot at stake, but it’s still my call.”
Sean had to admit that it was her call and her business, but he cared about her so that made it his business, too. “I’ll always be there for you whenever you need me to be.”
“I know that.”
“Good, so don’t hesitate to ask me.”
“I won’t.”
LANA ENTERED THE TESTING center and took a desk. Other people filed in and took the remaining desks. There wasn’t anyone from her squad, which she was thankful for. She really didn’t want to face anyone right now. The test was something that was private and she wanted to keep it that way until the list was posted.
By the time eight o’clock rolled around, there were three hundred people filling all available seats.
She’d studied for this, prepared for it and it was the next step in her life-long dream to become captain.
A feeling of being crowded, of being boxed in, moved in on Lana. She closed her eyes, taking a slow breath to keep from getting up and leaving the room. She was just feeling the pressure, she told herself.
But it lingered after she’d completed all the answers on the test. She headed over to the gym and put herself through a workout that had sweat pouring off her. But it didn’t release the pressure in her chest.