by Amy Lamont
Mandy shook her head. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“I did. Still do.” Her grandmother patted Mandy’s hand. “It’s okay. Blaming myself is what got me to see reason. I realized I sent him off thinking he had nothing to come home to, nothing to fight for. All I could think about was whether or not he’d been more careless because I sent him off like that.”
Mandy’s breath left her on a big gasp. She stood up fast, sending the rocker thudding back against the house. She looked left and right, not sure where to turn.
Abigail took her hand. “Calm down. Come sit and catch your breath.”
Mandy shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t just sit. I need to….” She had no idea what she needed to do, how to fix what she’d done.
Her grandmother stood up and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We can figure this out.”
Some of her grandmother’s calm assurance seeped into Mandy. She took several deep breaths.
“Will fought,” Mandy said.
Abigail pulled back to look at her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, there’s not one doubt in my mind Will fought for his life, fought for our life together, for me. If there was any way he could have made it back to me, he would be here.”
“I have no doubt,” her grandmother said. “That boy loved you like nobody’s business.”
“He had something to fight for.” A fine trembling took over Mandy’s body. “What does Mitch have to fight for? I sent him off thinking I didn’t want to be with him anymore.” She broke off and lifted a shaking hand to cover her mouth.
“It’s okay.” Her grandmother rubbed soothing hands over her back. “You can still fix this.”
Mandy pulled in several shuddering breaths as she fought to hold onto her composure. A few tears escaped her eyes, but slowly a feeling of peace settled over her. She knew, without a doubt, she could do it. Mitch’s love was worth the risk. She would fight for him. And she’d make damn sure every time she sent him off he knew without a doubt he had a reason to fight and fight hard to come home.
Now she just had to prove to him she was worth fighting for.
“I’ve got to go,” Mandy told her grandmother. She scooped up her bag from where she’d dropped it on the porch steps, diving inside for her keys. She jumped into the old Jeep and before she had time to think about her actions, she was on the highway.
Where am I going? Her mind stuttered over possibilities. Mitch probably wasn’t back yet. Wouldn’t he have let Miss Abigail know he’d made it home safely?
For one horrified moment, her mind tussled with the idea he might cut her grandmother out of his life so he could avoid her. Maybe he’d been home for days, but didn’t want to risk calling and getting Mandy on the phone.
She shook that thought off. Mitch wasn’t the coward in this relationship.
Think, Mandy. His base didn’t seem like a smart place to go. She’d probably be turned away at the gate. His apartment?
She pictured the group of young men coming out of the building next to his. Maybe someone there knew when Mitch would be back.
Twenty minutes later she pulled into Mitch’s apartment complex. She scanned the lot for the pickup truck the guys took off in the other day. Lots of empty spots, but no pickup. She had no clue which apartment belonged to any of the young Marines. Where to go from here?
She got out of her car and leaned against it, standing there for several long minutes. When she was trying to avoid any hint of Mitch’s military background, she couldn’t walk through this parking lot without running into at least three or four enlisted men. Now when all she wanted was to find one of them, not a soul could be located.
She sighed and moved away from the car. She did one last scan of the parking lot and headed toward Mitch’s apartment. Once there she leaned against his door. Why did she leave his key here when she left that last morning? It would make things so much simpler if she could let herself in.
And then what? Hide under the covers until he came home?
She banged her head against the door a few times and then gave it a hard smack with the palms of her hands. She’d really blown it, and she could only hope once he got home he’d be willing to hear her out.
The door burst open, startling her from her thoughts. Before she could right herself, she stumbled through the doorway and her heart stuttered when a pair of strong arms closed around her.
12
“Wrong arms,” she said.
“Excuse me?”
The man holding her was just as broad and handsome as Mitch. But where Mitch was dark and intense, this man was blond and looked more likely to lounge on a beach than put on a military uniform.
“I thought you were someone else for a minute.”
The man helped her regain her feet. “I guess you’re Mandy.”
Her nose crinkled. “Mandy” came out the way most people say “Hitler” or “dog poo.” “I am. I was hoping Mitch was back.”
“Why? Sending him off with his head out the game wasn’t enough? You want to come finish him off?”
“No!” She shook her head. “That’s not what I wanted at all.”
He looked her up and down and shook his head. “You may as well have sent him off with a half-cocked gun to his head.”
“No.” She blinked, her eyes gritty from all the tears she’d shed today. “It was the last thing I wanted.”
He put his hands on his hips, keeping her firmly outside. “Look, I don’t think you need to be here when Mitch gets back.”
After all she’d been through—the panic attacks, the trip to Will’s grave, the worry, the sorrow over what she’d done to Mitch—this was the final straw. “And just who are you to tell me that?”
“The name’s Cal. Sound familiar?” He sneered and crossed his arms over his chest. “Probably not because from what I hear, you’re not the slightest bit interested in anything about Mitch, other than maybe what he’s got in his pants.”
Mandy gasped. “What are you talking about?” Her mind whirled through things she and Mitch talked about on their dates. She knew the name Cal came up, but she’d glossed over it because it was always attached to a story about Mitch’s job.
“I’m his best friend. Did you think he didn’t notice you didn’t want to hear anything about him?”
Her head dropped forward, her shoulders sagging as she all but deflated. “Not about him,” she whispered.
“What?”
“I wasn’t avoiding talking about him. Just his job.”
“Shit, lady, he is his job.”
Mandy hugged her arms around herself. She hadn’t realized Mitch noticed. And of course, Cal was right. Mitch admitted Miss Abigail and the guys he served with were the closest thing he had to family. Cutting off any talk of his work was like cutting off one of his limbs. It was such a big part of him. How could she be so self-centered?
The energy drained from her. She turned around and sagged against the wall next to Mitch’s apartment door. “I’m so sorry. You’re right.”
Something flickered on Cal’s face before his mouth set into a firm line again. The hard expression seemed all wrong on him. She searched her mind for anything Mitch had said about his friend, obviously a close friend to be here in Mitch’s apartment when Mitch was away, but came up empty.
“So why did you show up here?”
She shook her head. “I…I know I have no right to just show up after what I did, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Stop worrying. And you’re right.” She looked up at him. “I didn’t listen to him tell me about his job. God, his life.”
Cal bent his knees, putting them at eye level, and held her gaze. “Why not?”
“Because I’m an idiot.” She rubbed her nose with the side of her hand when it tingled with the threat of tears. “I thought if I just ignored his job, I could live with it, see where things went between the two of us.”
“So you don’t like Marines?”
A sharp bark of laughter escaped her. “I guess I shouldn’t. My whole family’s Army.”
A slow grin moved across Cal’s face. “Is that so?”
She giggled. “But no, I didn’t hold being a Marine against Mitch.” Her laughter quickly faded as her words haunted her. “Not like you mean it, anyway.”
Cal shifted until he was leaning against the wall beside her. “How do you mean it?”
She pulled a deep breath in through her nose, determined not to shed another tear today. She’d done enough whining and wallowing. Time for something else now. “I held it against him that he’s in the military at all. His branch of the military didn’t mean a thing.”
“You don’t date military men?”
Startled, Mandy turned her head to look at him. “Mitch didn’t tell you about Will?”
“Who’s Will?”
Mandy didn’t know why she was surprised Mitch didn’t share those details of her personal life, even with his best friend. “My fiancé.”
“You’re engaged to someone else?” The sharp voice and grim, hard-lipped expression was back.
“Was,” she said quietly. “I was engaged to Will. He was Army, too.”
“Did you break things off with him right before he headed out on a mission, too?” His tone left little doubt about his feelings for her and the way she’d treated Mitch.
“No. I didn’t break things off with him.” She rested her head back against the cool brick wall and shut her eyes. “He was killed by an IED in Iraq.”
“Shit.” Cal rubbed a hand through his short-cropped blond hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
The sound of Mitch’s endearment brought a small, sad smile to her lips. She hadn’t realized how much she missed hearing it. She opened her eyes and turned her gaze back to him. “It’s okay. But it’s the reason I didn’t want to get involved with Mitch in the first place. I didn’t think I could do it again.”
“And now?”
“And now,” she said, “all I can think is that Mitch is worth the risk. I’m not going to lie and say I’m looking forward to sending him off over and over again. But I can promise I want to be the one to remind him he has something worth fighting to come home to.”
“Damn. I really wanted to hate you.”
Mandy smiled at him. “I think I’ve been doing that enough for both of us.”
“So, what are you gonna do about giving him something to come home to?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh. “As soon as I realized it, I sort of jumped into the car and took off without a plan. I was halfway to the base before I realized I wouldn’t even get past the gate, let alone find out where Mitch is.”
“I may be able to help you with that.”
She looked at him hopefully. “You’d help me?”
“I hope I’m not doing the wrong thing here. If you hurt him again, you’ll have made an enemy of me. But yes, if you mean what you say, I’ll help you.”
* * *
Mandy squeezed her eyes shut as Cal drove her onto the base. Deep breaths.
“You doing okay?”
Mandy peeked out of one eye at Cal’s question. “Trying not to have a panic attack.”
He grinned, an easy, laid-back smile that took over his entire face. “No worries, babe. You’ll be just fine.”
Mandy closed her eyes once more and pulled in a deep breath. She allowed scenes of the future to play out in her head—Mitch getting more middle-of-the-night phone calls, deployments, being told he’d be out of communications range for an undefined amount of time. She held the next deep breath and waited and….
And nothing. Her eyes opened and she smiled. She thought again of all the possible future scenarios with Mitch, and her heart ached just a bit. But no panic attack. Instead she could see herself as his anchor. He had Cal, his best friend. And he had other buddies, she was sure. And her grandmother. But Cal and the other men he served with were bound to have lives of their own at some point. And though she hated to think of it, her grandmother wasn’t going to live forever. What would Mitch have to fight for then?
And as the answer became clear, she looked around with new eyes.
She saw the military base—men and women in uniforms and fatigues, military vehicles, a plane flying overhead. And still the panic didn’t come.
Instead she saw the one thing that had given Mitch any sense of family in his life until he’d met her grandmother just a few short years ago. It gave him friends and a place where he excelled and felt like he belonged. It had served as his anchor since he enlisted as soon as he was old enough.
And now, in those times when the Marine Corps might not be enough to keep him fighting hard, she would be his anchor.
Something inside her eased and loosened. Her breath came easily. Suddenly, she felt like she and the men and women Mitch served with were partners. Together they’d make sure he returned home safe and sound, no matter how many times he was called from home.
Looking around, she saw she had nothing to fear here at all.
“Ready?”
Mandy turned her head to Cal and realized they’d come to a stop. He sat with the car in park, one arm thrown over the steering wheel while he stared at her.
“I’m ready,” she assured him.
He gave a curt nod. Then ruined the effect by offering her a boyish grin coupled with an irreverent salute. “Let’s get this party started then.”
He hopped out and came around to her door. As she stepped out of the car, she heard a whirring propeller in the distance. For the first time she realized where they were—standing on the edges of a landing pad.
Her startled gaze flew to Cal. “Is that...?”
He nodded, the grin never leaving his face. “That should be our boy. Got word this morning he was expected back about now.”
Mandy wiped suddenly sweaty palms down her jeans, and then lifted a hand to shade her eyes. What started as little more than a small speck on the horizon morphed into a helicopter as it got closer. She shivered and the hot wind raised goose bumps along her arms.
“Still with me, babe?” Cal took a small step closer to her.
She nodded without taking her eyes from the helicopter. Her mouth went dry as she tried to come up with the perfect words to say to Mitch when he landed to make everything come out right.
Faster than she would have thought possible, the helicopter was on the ground and the slicing and whirring of the engines and propellers stopped.
With the sudden cessation of noise, Mandy swore her own heart was trying to fill in the silence. She could feel it beating heavy inside her chest. She placed a hand to her heart and stumbled back a step.
Cal caught her before she could do any real damage to herself.
“Whoa. Steady there.” Cal’s arms came around her waist.
And that was how Mitch saw her for the first time in two weeks—wrapped in another man’s arms.
* * *
As Mitch came into view, Mandy gasped. His handsome face looked even more chiseled and defined than she remembered. There were a few more lines etched around his mouth and eyes. His mouth was set in a grim line, making him look even harder than he did the first time she met him.
Had the mission gone badly?
Someone called to him and Mitch turned, catching the duffel bag being thrown to him. He caught it easily, slung it over his shoulder, and started walking toward her.
She knew the moment he saw her. He stopped dead, his stare a laser cutting through her before his gaze shifted to just over her shoulder to where Cal stood. He took deliberate steps toward them, his cold eyes firmly on Cal as though she wasn’t even there.
Mandy trembled. Cal placed a steadying, comforting hand on her shoulder. “Hang tight, babe.”
In a few ground-eating strides, Mitch stood in front of them. He still didn’t acknowledge her, addressing Cal instead. “What’s she doing here?”
She shivered. She thought he was cold and hard t
he day they met. That was nothing compared to the frigid stone of the man standing before her now without so much as a sliver of warmth creeping through. If she didn’t know him better, she’d be looking for a place to run and hide.
Cal stood firm. “I brought her here to see you.”
Mitch’s eyes flicked her way before the hard stare moved back to Cal. “That was unnecessary.”
Cal shrugged. “That’s not the way I saw it.”
Mitch’s stance widened and he allowed the duffle bag to slide to the ground next to his feet. “You saw it wrong.”
Cal took a step forward so he stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Mandy. He leaned forward slightly, his hands balled at his side, his features going from open and happy to hard and just the tiniest bit scary. “I don’t think so.”
Mandy’s gaze swung back and forth between the two men in their standoff. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth. What to say to diffuse the situation? They looked like they were about to come to blows.
That thought was all it took for her to snap her out of her silence. What kind of anchor would she be if she stood here and allowed him to take a swing at his best friend? And over her? Not on her watch.
She balled her hands and plunked them on her hips. “That’s enough. Mitch, if you want to be angry, be angry at me. Cal’s just trying to be a friend.”
Mitch’s cold eyes turned her way and she had to brace herself to keep from taking a step back in the face of his arctic stare. “You should go.”
His voice was so frigid she wanted to hug her arms around herself. Her gaze slid from his, unable to bear his distance. Everything about her felt brittle, and her resolve to convince him she loved him started to splinter.
“Ahem.”
Her gaze drifted over Mitch’s shoulder. Cal wiggled his eyebrows and jerked his head toward Mitch a few times.
Subtle. Her lips twitched and even when her eyes moved back to Mitch, Cal remained in the background, giving her the strength to do what she came here to do.