“Ye ken what I mean. How could ye leave me standin’ alone on our weddin’ day? I thought . . . I thought ye loved me.”
Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she wanted nothing more than to pull him to her and kiss him and tell him she’d never stopped loving him, not even once over the last five years. But if she did that, it would only make more questions arise. Ones she couldn’t answer.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, staring directly into his eyes. “I never meant to hurt ye, Ethan. Ye have to believe that it’s true.”
“Well ye did hurt me. Deeply. I loved ye with all my heart, Alana. I was lookin’ forward to spendin’ the rest of my life with ye.”
“I ken. Me, too.” She had wanted that more than anything. It was a dream she’d had since she was a young girl. Alana had always been in love with Ethan, long before he even knew it. They would have had a good life together as husband and wife if her father hadn’t called for her to help him. At the time, she thought it was a temporary thing and that her mother would be rescued quickly. Then, she’d hoped to be able to come back to Ethan. But after she realized they were tricked and framed, everything changed. When her mother was killed, and all of them were taken captive, life had taken a horrible turn. She had hoped to find a way to make things right again but, unfortunately, that never happened.
Life isn’t always fair, she realized. She’d had no other choice at the time because she would do anything to help her family. Alana had held hope in her heart of someday being back with Ethan but, still, she was no closer to returning to the man she loved.
“Alana, look at me and tell me that ye never really loved me. Tell me and I’ll leave here and never bother ye again.” He shifted the logs to one arm and touched her shoulder with the other.
Alana squeezed her eyes closed, feeling her body tremble. She couldn’t say she’d never loved him. Not when all she wanted to say was that she never wanted to leave, and that she never dreamed she’d be in such a horrible situation. If Ethan knew about the smuggling, he would turn in her father who’d be put to death. Albert, Graeme, and the others who were naught more than pawns in this deceitful game would be punished or killed as well, she was sure of it. And she had no idea what would happen to her siblings, herself, or her daughter. Was this a chance she was willing to take?
She couldn’t let him know what was going on here. Not now, not like this.
Opening her eyes, she spied Albert and Graeme watching her from the guardhouse. While they were her friends, they still took orders from Diarmad. By having Ethan here, she was putting them at risk as well. Perhaps it would be better for all involved if Ethan left the isle.
“Say it,” growled Ethan, tempting her to do what she knew would send him and his friend off the isle, never to return. If he thought she didn’t want him, he would do nothing to try to save her. With them gone, the secret would be safe once again. She wouldn’t have to worry. Or would she? Because if she never saw Ethan again, she didn’t know if she could live with that either. Mayhap, instead, she should be asking for his help like her sister said. Right now, she was so confused that she didn’t know what to do at all.
“Are ye married, Ethan?” she asked, needing to know.
“Nay. When ye left me, ye took with ye a piece of my heart. I couldna love another.”
“Really?” she asked in a mere whisper, feeling her heart breaking. It was one thing that her love life was doomed by her decision, but she’d never meant to intentionally ruin his life as well. “So ye . . . ye dinna have a wife or . . . or any bairns.” She couldn’t keep looking into his eyes when she said it, and instead she looked at the ground.
The gentle feel of his fingers lifting her chin had her heart fluttering once again as she now looked deeply into his eyes when he answered.
“Nay,” he said in a whisper. “I had always thought we would someday have bairns together. I had always hoped that someday ye’d come back to me even though there were times I hated ye so much I swore I never wanted to see ye again. I waited for ye to return, Alana. I waited and wished and dreamed that we could someday still be together. But ye never returned.”
His words about made her cry. She felt the tears welling up and tried desperately to hold them back. Her lips trembled as his eyes turned to her mouth and he leaned forward to kiss her. She wanted this more than anything right now. Alana craved the feel of Ethan’s lips against hers. He lifted her mouth to his and their lips touched, sending a spark of desire through her. As the kiss continued, she reached out and put her hands on his chest. Warmth flowed through her and her entire body came back to life. It was a kiss of hope and of promise. This is what she needed to pull herself out of the dark place she was in and to find that light in her life once again. Their lips slowly parted and she thought they’d kiss again but, instead, this time he pulled away from her.
“Nay,” he said in a low voice. “This is no’ right. Ye didna wait for me, Alana,” came his angry growl. “Ye tricked me and played me for a fool, and I canna forget it.”
“What?” Her eyes popped open. “Nay, that’s no’ true,” she protested, shaking her head.
He dropped his hand from her chin and with it went all the warmth that had filled her moments before.
“Isna it? Ye ran off with another man on the day of our weddin’. Ye were only at the MacKeefe camp to distract us, while yer faither stole our livestock and tried to sell it to the MacDougals. We almost had a battle over it, but luckily our laird kept peace between our clans. After that, ye left quickly and without even a simple guidbye.”
“Ethan, it’s no’ like that! Ye’ve got it all wrong.”
He didn’t stop, he just kept on talking. “Ye birthed another man’s baby – the baby that was supposed to be ours,” he spat, sounding extremely disgusted. “And then ye hid here on this deserted isle for some godforsaken reason, probably livin’ in fear and shame for treatin’ me so bad.”
“Is that what ye think?” she gasped. “Ethan, everythin’ isna always just about ye.” His assumptions irked her since he thought he was the only one who had been wronged.
“How auld is yer daughter, Alana? Four? Tell me,” he ground out, demanding an answer.
“Well, aye, Isobel is four, but –”
“Och, I see it all clearly now,” he spat.
“See what?” she asked, not sure what he meant.
“The bastard was beddin’ ye all the while we were plannin’ on being wed. When were ye goin’ to tell me that ye were already pregnant with another man’s child? And were ye ever in love with me at all, or was that all an act to get close to me so ye could steal from the MacKeefes?” Anger filled his dark brown eyes and he looked like he hated her now. Sadly, she couldn’t blame him.
“Nay, Ethan, ye dinna understand.”
“Nay, I dinna,” he said, a sarcastic tinge to his voice. “So why dinna ye tell me the way it really is?”
“I – I –” She didn’t know what to say. She saw Albert and Graeme rushing down the stairs of the battlements and trudging across the snow-laden courtyard toward them.
“Tell me!” he shouted, scaring her. Trapper heard him yell and came running over. The hound jumped up, putting its paws on Ethan’s shoulders. “Get down!” snapped Ethan, dropping the logs and pushing the dog away.
“Ethan, please dinna hate me.” Her eyes flashed over to the guards and then back to him. “I want to tell ye . . . everythin’. But I . . . I canna do that right now.” Even if she did decide to come clean with him, she was sure Albert and Graeme would stop her from doing so. It was their job to keep this all a secret, and if word got back to Diarmad, they might be killed because of her. She couldn’t let that happen.
“Canna or willna?” he asked, his words throwing down the gauntlet in challenge. “If ye have somethin’ to say to all this, then ye’d better do it fast.”
The wind picked up and Alana hugged herself to stay warm, looking at the ground and not answering. Her lip trembled and she felt as if she wanted to
cry. Albert and Graeme came closer.
“I thought I kent ye, Alana, but now I see that our time together meant nothin’ to ye,” continued Ethan.
“That’s no’ true,” she said, following after him as he stormed back to the keep, trudging through the snow.
“What’s goin’ on here?” asked Graeme, his hand going to his sword as he quickly followed.
“There is nothin’ at all goin’ on here,” Ethan answered, stopping and turning around. “Alana, all the promises we made to each other were nothin’ but lies. I can see that now.”
“Ye dinna ken what ye’re sayin’.” Alana was becoming more and more upset by Ethan’s words. She was about to tell him everything but then Albert and Graeme glared at her and shook their heads in a silent reminder to keep quiet.
“I’m done with ye,” spat Ethan, throwing his hands in the air and hurrying to the stairs to enter the great hall. “I’m done with all women,” he complained under his breath, almost walking into Caleb who was hopping on one foot, putting on his boots as he walked out.
“Caleb, let’s go,” commanded Ethan.
“Go?” asked Caleb, standing up and running a hand through his hair as he yawned. He looked at Ethan and Alana and then the guards. “Go where?”
“We’re leavin’ for MacKeefe camp anon. Get yer belongin’s and meet me at the boat.”
“We’re leavin’? Now? But it’s barely light,” complained Caleb, yawning again and squinting as he looked out at the lightening sky.
“Did I hear ye’re leavin’?” Kirstine hurried over with Finn at her side. “But ye just got here. Please dinna go yet. At least stay until ye break the fast.”
“Aye, I could go for a boiled goose egg or mayhap a little brown bread and pottage,” said Caleb, always wanting to eat.
“Nay. They need to leave,” commanded Graeme.
“Thank ye for yer kindness, Kirstine, but I suddenly feel as if I dinna want to be here any longer,” said Ethan. He glared at Alana over his shoulder when he said it.
“What’s goin’ on?” asked Kirstine, looking over at Alana.
Once again, Alana was put in an uncomfortable position. Isobel came down the stairs clutching her doll. She ran over and clung to Alana’s skirts.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” asked Alana, running a hand over her daughter’s soft hair.
“I’m scared,” said Isobel.
“Of the ghost?” asked Caleb.
The little girl shook her head. “Nay. Someone is tryin’ to get Annabelle.” She looked up at Ethan when she said it.
“Let’s go, Caleb,” said Ethan, not even responding to that.
“All right,” grumbled Caleb, patting the pouch hanging at his side. “Wait, where’s Slink?” He looked around the floor. “He was here a minute ago but now I canna find him.”
“Egads,” complained Ethan, whistling for his dog. Trapper bounded over and sat at Ethan’s feet. “Trapper, find Slink,” was all he said. The dog put its nose to the rushes and hurried back into the great hall with Caleb running after him. “I’ll meet ye at the boat. And hurry!”
Ethan turned to go, but stopped in his tracks when little Isobel stepped toward him, handing him her doll.
“What are ye doin’?” asked Ethan, looking at the doll but not taking it.
“I think Annabelle wants to go back to Sophie,” she said.
“Honey, are ye sure?” asked Alana.
“Aye, Mathair,” she answered, still looking frightened. “She’ll be safe there.” Alana didn’t understand. If the girl was afraid of Ethan, why was she giving him the doll? It made no sense to her at all.
“Nay. I dinna want it,” said Ethan with a shake of his head.
“But Sophie will cry without Annabelle,” said the girl. “Ye said so.”
“Dinna worry about it. I’ll get her another doll. It doesna matter.”
“We’ll see ye down to the boat,” said Albert, wanting to make sure that Ethan left before Diarmad and the other men returned.
“Dinna bother. I think I can find the way myself,” said Ethan.
“All right, I have Slink,” said Caleb, walking out, sticking the pine marten into his pouch. “Although I think it’s rude of us no’ to stay to break the fast.”
“Let’s go,” said Graeme, reaching out and grabbing Caleb’s arm.
Ethan had his sword drawn before Alana knew what happened.
“It seems to me ye are in a big hurry to get rid of us,” said Ethan. “Now, let go of my friend’s arm before I have to make ye do it.”
Albert’s hand moved toward his sword as well. Alana realized she had to do something quickly before a fight broke out. She stepped in between the guard and Ethan. “I’m sure they are only tryin’ to be helpful and mean ye and Caleb no harm.” She turned and glared at the guards and shook her head. Slowly, Graeme released Caleb’s arm and nodded to Albert. Then the two of them turned and walked away.
“What’s goin’ on here, Alana?” asked Ethan. “I want the truth!”
“They are just protectin’ me, that’s all. Please, at least stay for somethin’ to eat before ye leave.”
“Aye,” agreed Kirstine. “Plus, I have a basket of things we found left at the hut after Osla and the children left. They were Osla’s things. Caleb told me she died. I thought perhaps now that she is gone, her children would like to have them.”
“Oh,” said Ethan, looking over at Caleb.
“It might be nice,” said Caleb, running his hand over the back of his pet. “I mean, for Osla’s children and all.”
A woman walked by with a tray of food and Caleb’s head turned to watch her. Trapper sat down at Ethan’s feet and whined.
“Fine,” he said. “We’ll stay for a bite to eat, but we will leave as soon as the meal is finished.”
Alana liked that Ethan was staying. She realized it would mean she had another chance to talk to him to try to explain things. This time, she decided she was going to tell him everything. Or at least whatever she could without putting anyone’s life at stake.
“Och, I like that idea,” said Caleb. “Let’s go get somethin’ to eat, Ethan.” Caleb’s eyes lit up more when a tray of leftover cold duck passed beneath his nose when another servant walked by with more food.
“Go on without me,” said Ethan. “I’m no’ hungry. Besides, I have somewhere else to go.” Caleb hurried off, not having to be told twice.
“Ye have somewhere else to go?” Alana’s brows raised. “Where?”
“The garderobe,” he said, but Alana didn’t believe him.
Ethan walked away, leaving Alana standing there with Kirstine.
“Diarmad will be back soon, so they’d better no’ stay too long,” warned Kirstine.
“I’m sure they willna,” Alana answered, her eyes still fastened to Ethan’s back. “Kirstine, I think I want to tell Ethan everythin’.”
“Do ye think it’s wise?”
“If he understands what happened, then mayhap he willna hate me so much.”
“But Faither willna be happy. Mayhap ye’d better clear it with him first. He’ll ken what to do.”
“Mayhap,” she said. “Then again, mayhap Faither is the last person I want to listen to right now.”
Chapter 7
“Caleb,” said Ethan, joining his friend at the table a little while later.
“Have some food, Ethan. It’s guid,” answered Caleb, stuffing his mouth full of braised cabbage and roasted meat. He picked up his trencher and offered it to Ethan.
“Nay, I dinna want that,” Ethan grumbled, his eyes scanning the room.
“All right, then mayhap Slink will want some instead.” He held out a piece of cold duck to his pet that eagerly took it and dove under the table.
“Somethin’s no’ right here,” said Ethan under his breath.
“I ken.” Caleb licked off his fingers. “They really need to warm up the meat and add a sauce to it. But it’s still guid this way, too. I dinna mind.”
/> “No’ that ye fool,” snapped Ethan leaning closer to talk to Caleb so no one would hear them. “I pretended to take a walk to the garderobe, but I really checked out the rest of the castle. It seems this broken down place is nearly deserted just like I thought. I didna find another soul anywhere but in the great hall. Dinna ye think it is odd that a laird would take most of his men and leave the women and servants only protected by two guards?”
“No’ really. After all, no one ever comes to this isle. Take us for instance – we didna even ken anyone lived here. I’d say that’s the best protection,” laughed Caleb, picking up his tankard and taking a swig of ale.
“Aye. But why do they want their presence here to be a secret?”
“They are probably in hidin’ after Alana’s faither wronged so many people. Mayhap we should turn them in. I ken a lot of clans that would be happy to get their hands on Gil Chisholm.” Caleb continued eating. “Do ye think there is a reward?”
“I dinna like it. I feel as if Alana and the others fear somethin’ or someone.”
“Well, ye have been a little gruff with them, Ethan.”
“No’ me. I mean . . . I dinna ken, but somethin’ is off. I’m goin’ to sneak out of here again and check the rooms on the opposite side of the castle. I have a feelin’ I might just find that coward, Gil Chisholm, hidin’ somewhere. If I do, he’s goin’ to be a sorry man. I have a feelin’ Alana is tryin’ to protect him and that is why she is no’ tellin’ me things.”
“Ye think Gil is hidin’ from us?” Caleb asked a little too loudly.
“Keep yer voice down,” warned Ethan. “I dinna believe for one minute he’s no’ watchin’ us right now, plannin’ on stealin’ our boat or whatever he can get his hands on.”
“Our boat?” Caleb looked up in concern. “If that happens, we’ll be stranded here and have no way back to camp.”
“Then I suggest we leave soon before he has a chance to plan anythin’.”
“So what do ye want me to do?”
Highland Spirit: Highland Chronicles Series - Book 2 Page 9