by Leah Brooke
“That courage is what’s going to get Savannah through this. That, and a lot of patience. Do yourself a favor, though, and don’t treat her like a child. She’s in shock. She’s probably numb. Get her mind off of it as much as you can and get her back to her old self again.”
* * * *
With Maggie’s words of thanks and praise still ringing in her ears, Savannah faced her uncle through iron bars.
“How could you do this? What kind of man are you?”
Savannah stared at him, shaken to realize her uncle was a stranger. Ignoring the lecherous comments from the other men jailed with him, she cleared the lump in her throat.
“I don’t even know you. I killed someone because of you.”
Her uncle glared at her. “Where’d you learn to shoot like that? I thought I told you to stay away from guns.”
Savannah wanted to throw up. “Did you hear me? I had to kill someone because of you.”
Her uncle’s shrug shocked her. “He was nobody. Listen, we can pray about it. Why don’t you go get the keys hanging there beside the door, and let us out of here? We’ll head south. We’ll set up somewhere new, and you can do your penance for killing him. We’ll have a fresh start.”
Shaking her head, Savannah wrapped her arms around herself and sank into the only chair. “I can’t believe this. You want to use the fact that I killed another man to get me to be your slave again. Just like before. You blamed me for my mother leaving, saying that if I’d been a good little girl, she never would have left me. You never meant any of it. It took me years to figure out that being good wouldn’t bring her back. You’ve used me all my life.”
Anger at herself and her own stupidity made her stomach roll. “I’m not letting you out. I’m not leaving here. Ever. I’m happier here than I’ve ever been in my life. You can rot in hell for all I care.” She stood and went to the door, glancing at him as she opened it.
“I hate you.”
Her uncle wrapped his hands around the bars, his knuckles white. “You’re going to pay for that! I’m not the one who’s going to rot in hell. You’re the one who took a life, not me.”
Savannah closed the door behind her and ran, not wanting to hear any more.
She felt dead inside. Empty. Confused. Lost.
Everything she’d ever believed in meant nothing now.
Her uncle, a professed man of God, was even more evil than she’d ever suspected. He cared even less about her than she’d ever thought. The years wasted had saddened her before, but now made her sick.
Once on her horse, she paused to look again at the house Wyatt and Hayes had built for her. One day soon, it might be home, but right now it was empty.
Only one place in the world felt like home, and that was where she needed to be. Wiping away tears with her sleeves, she headed in the direction of the ranch, anxious to be in her husbands’ arms.
She found them sooner than she’d anticipated.
Both looked frantic with worry as they approached only minutes later.
Wyatt pulled her from his horse and across his lap, holding her tightly.
“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s out of their mind with worry, looking for you. Why aren’t you wearing a gun?”
Sobs broke free before Savannah even realized they were there. Shaking so hard she could hardly speak, she pressed her face against Wyatt’s chest and held on, crying harder when his arms closed around her.
“Hold me. Just hold me.”
Safe and warm, she cried for herself, the man she’d killed, and the unwanted child who’d only wanted to be loved.
She cried in fear that she would never be able to fit into the new life she’d chosen for herself, and that the numbness surrounding her would never go away.
She’d killed a man.
Wyatt held her close, rubbing her back.
“Anytime, sweetheart. I’ll hold you anytime you want. I love you, Savannah. Never forget that.”
The tenderness in his tone had her crying even harder.
“Don’t let go of me.”
“Never.”
Savannah slumped, knowing he would keep his word. She needed something real to hold on to, and she trusted Wyatt and Hayes to keep the rest of the world away until she could handle it again.
Chapter Fifteen
Her scream scared the hell out of Wyatt.
She bolted upright, her face wet with tears, her words coming out in a rush.
“I killed him. He was looking right at me and I pulled the trigger. I pretended it was a can. Maggie and I practiced with cans. But, it wasn’t a can. It was a man, and I killed him.”
Hayes eased her back and rolled on top of her.
“You had to do it. He had to die so Maggie and the baby could live. He would have killed them, Savannah. I’d give anything to have been able to take that shot for you, but you did it. You’re strong. Don’t let that bastard take that away from you.”
Savannah’s whimper tore at him, and he couldn’t deny the flare of jealousy that he wasn’t the one on top of her when she lifted tear-filled eyes to Hayes.
“Take me. Make me feel.”
While Hayes made love to Savannah, Wyatt stayed beside them, kissing her and caressing her hair, listening to the soft sounds of Savannah being eased into the ultimate pleasure and let down slowly.
Surprised to find Hayes capable of giving Savannah the soft, sweet kind of loving she needed, Wyatt promised himself that he would show her the same kind of tenderness and affection the first chance he got.
Minutes later, she slept, while he and Hayes lay awake on either side of her.
He was so mad he could spit nails. He didn’t know what he could do to penetrate the fog that surrounded Savannah, and he wanted to hit something.
When Eb and Jeremiah offered to let them stay with them until their bed arrived, Wyatt readily agreed.
Savannah didn’t need to sleep on a cold floor, and he definitely didn’t want her anywhere near the jailhouse until they transferred her uncle and the others to Tulsa.
It had taken them hours to get her to sleep. Alarmed at her trembling, he and Hayes had kept the lantern low and gathered her close between them. She’d stared at the ceiling wide-eyed, apparently lost in another world—one in which he and Hayes couldn’t reach her.
Every time her eyes had begun to flutter closed, she’d whimpered and opened them wide again, as though something had frightened her.
She wouldn’t speak to them, but their low voices had seemed to comfort her. She’d breathed easier and her eyes had begun to close again.
When her eyes closed and remained that way, her breathing evening out, he and Hayes had looked at each other over her sleeping form, hardly daring to move for fear of waking her.
Only to have her wake up screaming.
When she turned on her side facing Hayes, Wyatt curled up behind her, tightening the hand at her belly to pull her close. Careful to keep his voice low, he breathed in the scent of her, trying not to think about her naked ass pressing against his cock.
“How the hell are we going to get her past this? She won’t let either one of us out of her sight. She won’t eat. She just sits there with that glazed look in her eyes. She won’t even hold the baby, just cries when she sees him.”
Hayes sighed and dropped the back of his hand over his forehead. “We give her time. We give her love. Maybe we should take her with us tomorrow when we go to Tulsa.”
Wyatt sighed, the knot in his stomach growing larger.
“Or, taking her could be the worst thing for her. Christ, I don’t want to hurt her any more. This husband stuff isn’t as easy as it looks. I can’t stand seeing her this way. She’s breaking my heart, and I don’t know what the hell to do to fix it.”
Hayes shifted in the bed beside her.
“She’s so damned fragile and insecure, and yet she shoots better than any man I’ve ever met. It took sand to draw those pistols. She knew it was the only thing to do when she did it. We j
ust have to be patient and keep reminding her of that. Until she gets over it, we’re going to have to walk on eggshells around her.”
Wyatt sighed in the darkness, marveling at the woman beside him. Every time he closed his eyes, he remembered the way her eyes had gone flat and cold right before she took the shot that saved Maggie.
And then he remembered how she fainted right afterward, and how she’d clung to him today, her face wet with tears as she begged him to hold her.
Every time he thought he couldn’t love her more than he did at that moment, she proved him wrong. His love for her grew every day, every minute, until he thought he would burst.
Keeping her safe and making her happy had become more important to him than anything else in the world.
If only he could get through to her.
* * * *
Wyatt came awake a few hours later, too restless to sleep any more. After motioning to Hayes, he dressed in the darkness and quietly made his way downstairs.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Savannah and the pain she suffered for taking a life. He wondered if perhaps they should take her somewhere else, a city where she would be safer.
He went out the door and started down the steps, pausing as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.
In a move as instinctive as breathing, he reached for his gun, pausing when he heard a chuckle.
“Good instincts, but not up to your usual standards. I could have shot you in the back before you even noticed me.”
Already in a bad mood, Wyatt didn’t need to deal with Jeremiah this morning.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t, now did you?” Turning, he started for the chow house, in desperate need of some of Duke’s strong coffee.
Jeremiah fell into step beside him.
“Savannah all right? We heard her scream a couple of hours ago.”
The fear that had made his heart burst nearly out of his chest when her screams of horror woke him came rushing back.
“Nightmare.”
“Figured as much. Nearly fell off the bed when I heard it and was halfway to her before I remembered that you and Hayes were there.”
Wyatt nodded and said nothing. Once inside the already bustling building, he went straight to the coffee.
Duke handed him a biscuit.
“Savannah all right? She hardly touched her dinner last night. I warned everyone not to say anything about her shooting, but the men are nearly bursting at the seams with pride. Damned fine shooting. Bravest little thing I ever saw.”
Jeremiah poured his own coffee.
“She had a nightmare last night.”
To Wyatt’s surprise, most of the men gathered around, grim-faced. The concern in their eyes humbled him and reminded him just how much men here cared for all the women who lived here.
Under normal circumstances, he would have kept it to himself, but he couldn’t deny the sense of relief he felt at being able to share his worry.
In more private areas, he shared concerns dealing with Savannah with Hayes alone, another benefit of the lifestyle they’d chosen, but since everyone knew what happened the day before, he figured it might help to get other opinions.
With a sigh, he dropped onto one of the benches. “She can’t get over killing a man. She’s not eating. She has a hard time going to sleep, just stares at the ceiling for hours. When we finally get her to sleep, she wakes up screaming. She doesn’t want to talk but keeps us in sight at all times. Hayes stayed with her because we didn’t want her to wake up alone.”
The other men nodded, their expressions of concern making Wyatt feel a little better.
Blade frowned. “I saw that she wasn’t wearing her guns at dinner. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to take them from her right now.”
Wyatt set his empty cup aside.
“Hell, we didn’t take them from her. I feel better if she’s armed, especially after seeing the way she can shoot. She took them off and won’t even look at them.”
It frustrated the hell out of him, wondering how long he could let her go around unarmed in a place like this.
Gideon spoke up from the next table.
“You’d better get them back on her soon or you won’t get her to wear them again at all.”
Wyatt nodded. He’d already figured that out, but had no idea how to do it, short of holding her down and strapping her holster on her.
Probably not a good way to treat an almost hysterical woman.
“We’ve got to take her uncle and the others back to Tulsa—including the dead man. We’re not sure if Savannah’s going to insist on coming with us or not. We hope not, but, like I said, she won’t let us out of her sight, and I’m sure as hell not going to leave her behind if she wants to go.”
Picturing her face as she’d clung to him he groaned inwardly. He’d never be able to leave her here if she wanted to come with them.
The look on her face alone would haunt him.
After pouring a cup of coffee for both Hayes and Savannah, Wyatt straightened.
“I’ll let you know whatever she decides. If she stays, will you all help keep an eye on her?”
Jeremiah slapped his back, his expression somber. “That goes without saying. You’re in Desire now, remember? Hell, we knew it was going to take all of us to protect the women, but I don’t think we realized the extent of it until now. In Savannah’s present state, she won’t even be able to protect herself. We’ve got to do something. Until then, we’re all going to watch her like hawks.”
* * * *
Savannah came awake to the sound of her own scream, jolting upright only seconds before the door to the bedroom flew open and Eb raced to her side.
With a hand at the back of her head, he held her close, his other hand rubbing her back in long, smooth strokes.
“You’re all right. There’s nobody here. You’re safe. It’s all right, honey.”
Slumping against him, she took a shuddering breath, wishing it was Wyatt or Hayes holding her.
“I’m sorry. It’s stupid.” Embarrassed that she’d woken him for the fourth night in a row, Savannah pulled the covers higher.
Eb eased back. “It’s not stupid, and you don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
He stood and seconds later a match struck. Eb lit the lantern on the table close to the bed, raising the wick to provide plenty of light. Taking a seat in the chair next to the table, he ran a hand through his disheveled hair and sat back.
“You’ve had nightmares every night since the shooting.”
She reached for the shawl lying on the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders, her face burning.
“I know. I’m sorry I keep waking you up. Between me and the babe, you’re not getting any sleep at all.”
Eb came to his feet. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”
He came back minutes later with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey.
Savannah grimaced. “I don’t want a drink.”
Eb poured them anyway and handed her one. “Too bad. I’m not drinking alone and I think a couple of sips will do you good. Drink it or I’ll pour it down you.”
Savannah took the glass and smelled it, watching as he went back to the chair.
“It smells awful.”
Eb smiled. “It’s an acquired taste.” His smile fell, his eyes narrowing. “Just take a sip or two. You’re still shaking.” His tone, one of a man used to giving orders, made her smile.
“You’re bossy. I don’t know why Maggie puts up with you.”
Raising a brow, he eyed her steadily.
“Yes, you do. It’s the same reason you put up with Wyatt and Hayes. You love them and know that they love you just as much. Your men are just as arrogant as I am, and you wouldn’t want them any other way. Now, drink your damned whiskey.”
Holding her breath against the strong smell, she took a healthy sip, and immediately began choking. She tried to gulp in air, tears filling her eyes at the burning sensation that travelled all the wa
y down her throat and to her belly. Coughing, she struggled for air and tried to shove Eb away when he rushed to her side and started patting her back.
Finally able to breathe, she met his look of concern over her shoulder, missing Hayes and Wyatt more by the minute.
Eb presence steadied her, but didn’t give her the comfort Wyatt’s or Hayes’s would have.
Attempting to lighten the mood, Savannah smacked at his arm. “Are you trying to kill me?”
Eb smiled, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“Hardly. Are you ready to talk about it? I know I’m not Hayes or Wyatt, but you and I have known each other a long time, Savannah. You know you can trust me.”
She didn’t know if the whiskey loosened her tongue or if the frustration of waking in the middle of the night to her own screams had gotten to her, but she nodded in silent agreement.
Waiting until he took his seat again, she hesitantly took another sip of her drink. Surprised to find that it tasted a little better than it had the last time, and liking the way it warmed her insides, Savannah scooted back against the large headboard and cradled the glass in her hand, staring down into it.
“It’s different now.” She spit the words out in a rush before she lost her courage, surprised to find that just saying them made her feel better. Glancing up to gauge his reaction, she wrapped both hands around the glass.
Eb raised a brow and set his drink aside.
“Oh? How?”
Savannah took another sip, finding each sip easier to drink than the last. She found it also made the dream seem further away and easier to talk about.
“At first I kept seeing that man’s face. I was staring at his eyes when I shot him. I was trying to pretend his face was a can. It was the only way I could do it. The only way I could shoot him was to pretend I was shooting a can like we did back in Kansas City.”
Eb nodded. “I can understand that. I’ll be honest with you, Savannah, my heart was in my throat when I heard what Maggie said to you and I realized what you were going to do. As long as I live, I’ll never be able to repay you for taking that shot. You saved Maggie’s and Ace’s lives. That man wouldn’t have stopped. He held a gun to a woman and a baby. Any man who would do that would do anything. You know that.”