by Amber Garza
“Nick?”
“Hmm?”
“Did you and Brooke used to date?”
His eyes grew serious. “No. Why?”
I shook my head. “Just curious.” I nestled into him, hoping to move on from my dumb question. I finally got my wish – homecoming with Nick. I was in his arms on the dancefloor at my school, for god sakes. And I was asking him about another girl. I was an idiot.
“Hey.” His thumb tucked under my chin, gently lifting it. Our eyes met. “I’ve never been interested in Brooke. Nothing’s ever happened between us. We’re just friends. I promise.”
“Sorry. She was acting so flirty and stuff.” Oh, man, I was making it worse.
“That’s how she is,” he said. “I don’t even notice it, because I’m too busy noticing you.” My mouth dried out. “You’re the prettiest girl in this room.” He tilted his face lower, our lips lining up. Hot breath skated over my mouth. Warm lips covered mine. I closed my eyes, responding to his kiss. His fingers splayed across my back. My knees buckled, and I held tightly to the back of his neck.
The song ended, and he pulled back.
A fast beat filled the room, and everyone around us started gyrating to the music. When I joined in, I realized that my moves were a little different than the others, but not much. Some people were dancing the way I’d seen in nineties movies, but most students were moving to the beat, the same way we did in 2018.
As we danced, Nick’s words played over and over in my head.
You’re the prettiest girl in this room.
Did he really think that?
Standing taller, I felt more confident than ever before. Nick Sinclair thought I was the prettiest girl in the room. Me, Remy Elliott. Smiling, my cheeks reddened.
“Hey, guys!” Brooke sidled up to Nick, swaying demonstratively to the music. “Here’s your drink.” She went to hand it to Nick, but at the same moment was bumped by Katie who came bounding over. The drink tipped, spilling all over the front of Nick’s shirt. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.” Reaching out, she batted at the bright red liquid, as if her hand was a washcloth.
Katie took the cup from Brooke and raced off, muttering something about getting a towel.
“It’s okay.” Nick pushed her hand away. “I got it.”
“I’m just trying to help.” She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. “C’mon.” She grabbed him by the arm. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.”
“Brooke,” he spoke firmly. “I don’t need any more help from you.” Shaking his arm out of her grasp, he stepped toward me, reaching for my hand.
“What is your problem?” Brooke’s lips trembled slightly.
Derek walked up, his brows furrowed. His gaze traveled between us and Brooke. “What’s going on?”
Brooke peered up at him with big eyes and a shaky bottom lip. “Nothing,” she answered pitifully. “I accidentally spilled on Nick, and now he’s upset with me, I guess. It was an accident.”
Oh, please.
“C’mon, man, it was an accident. Why you trippin’?” Derek asked.
“I’m not.” Nick shook his head.
Derek put his arm around Brooke. She sniffed. “Then why is she in tears, bro?”
“I don’t know, man. She’s been acting weird.” Nick threaded his fingers through mine, and stepped around Derek and Brooke. “Keep her away from me, okay?”
My gaze caught Brooke’s as we passed her, and she let out an incredulous laugh. “Oh, don’t look so smug,” she said. “You know you’re just his charity case. Always have been.”
“Seriously, Brooke.” Nick put out a hand. “Take a chill pill.” He gave his friend a pleading look. “Derek.”
But Derek looked as confused as the rest of us.
Katie scurried back, her date trailing her, and she handed Nick a small towel. He half-heartedly wiped away the excess punch dripping from his shirt. But, really, at this point, it looked pretty much dry.
Melody and her date joined us.
Brooke smirked. Oh, yep. There she was. The Brooke I’d always known. Nice to see you again. Not.
My insides twisted. Things were about to get ugly. I could tell.
“What?” She said in a sickeningly sweet voice. “Are you afraid of Remy finding out the truth?”
“Remy.” Nick tugged on my hand. I wanted to follow him. I really did. But now she’d peeked my curiosity. I stayed put.
“What truth?” I asked.
“You never thought it was odd the way you magically made it on the cheer squad when everyone knows you botched the tryouts?” Brooke’s smile deepened. She was relishing this. Melody and Katie hung on every word. No one stepped up to defend me. I guess I wasn’t surprised.
I actually didn’t know I’d botched tryouts, but it made sense. I certainly hadn’t done well at any of the games. When I glanced at Nick, the look on his face made me wish I’d never asked the question. His face was drawn, his lips curling downward. It took all my willpower not to run out of the gymnasium and never come back. But it was too late now. I’d pulled on that thread. Now it was unraveling no matter what I did.
“Nick was the reason you made it,” she said simply.
I thought of all the cryptic things he’d said about a sprained ankle and us becoming friends. I looked at him. “Cause of my sprained ankle?”
Brooke cackled. “That damn sprained ankle. If only you would’ve fallen in the backyard and not the front, Nick never would’ve even seen you. It’s like you wanted him to. It’s like you were hoping he’d come rescue you.”
Why would I have fallen in my front yard? What was I doing? It’s not like I played a sport. Oh. Right. “I was practicing for cheer tryouts,” I said slowly, piecing it together.
“Yeah, and Nick felt bad for you. Bad that you’d hurt yourself. Bad that you wanted to make it on the team so bad that you were constantly practicing. Bad that you sprained your stupid ankle because you working so hard.” She kept making air quotes around words. Some made sense, like “working hard”. Okay, I got that one. She didn’t think I’d been working hard. Whatever. But she’d also made them around “sprained ankle” and from what I understood I’d actually sprained my ankle. “He begged me to let you on the team.”
“That’s enough, Brooke,” Nick snapped. “C’mon, Remy.” There was desperation in his tone. “You don’t have to listen to this.”
“It’s okay.” I pulled my hand out of his. There was one thing that didn’t make sense. “What I don’t get is why you did it, Brooke? Why would you let me on the team just because Nick asked you? Clearly, you don’t really like me.”
Now she was the one looking uncomfortable. Her gaze flickered to Nick. Understanding hit me.
“But you like Nick,” I said.
Derek frowned. Melody and Katie gasped.
If I wasn’t so horrified I would’ve laughed. It was freakin’ comical. Except it wasn’t. It was my life.
Brooke crossed her arms over her chest. “Who would’ve thought he actually would fall for you?” Her gaze bounced to him. “You were supposed to fall for me! I’m the one who made the sacrifice. I put her on the team because you asked me to. I befriended her because you asked me to. And what did I get?” She was practically yelling now. “Nothing. That’s right. Nothing.”
Brooke was seriously going postal. I really wished I was with Ava. She would’ve died. When I glanced up, I saw that we’d drawn a crowd. All dancing had ceased. Everyone was watching us. And Ava was here. She was staring on with narrowed eyes. They were directed at me. The way she looked at me was like she thought I was getting what I deserved. Maybe I was.
I realized that as crazy as Brooke was acting, it was me who was getting dissed in front of the entire student body. For a few weeks, I’d been part of the popular crowd. Now it had been announced to the whole school that it was all an act. I was nothing more than a charity case.
Totally tubular. Wasn’t that a nineties phrase? Whatever.
Enough with the sarcasm.
It all sucked.
“I’m outta here.” Derek backed away from Brooke. “I don’t need this shit. That chick is seriously buggin’.”
“Yeah, I’m out too.” I stepped away, my head spinning. I was over it.
All of it.
“Remy.” Nick reached for me.
Pressing my lips together, I pivoted and hurried toward the doors. I needed some air. I needed a minute to think. I needed to get the hell out here.
“Wait.” He followed me, his dress shoes clicking on the slick floor.
Cold air stole my breath when I stepped outside. I breathed it in, welcoming it into my lungs. Hot tears stung my eyes. A few hours ago, I felt like all my dreams were coming true. Now everything was falling apart.
I missed Ava.
I missed my dad.
I missed my life. My real life.
I’d tricked myself into thinking this was real, but it wasn’t. That was painfully clear now.
“Remy.” Nick came up behind me. “Please talk to me.”
I stared at the dark night sky for a minute, gulping in the cool air. Twirling around, I faced Nick. His blue eyes pierced right through me, and my heart pinched. I only needed to know one thing. “Is it true? What Brooke said?”
Wearing a frown, he nodded. “But I was just trying to help. You were working so hard. I saw you every day out in your yard practicing. You wanted to make the team so badly. And after you sprained your ankle, and I got to know you, I started to really like you…” He stepped closer to me, searching my face. “I didn’t force her to put you on the team. I only told her to go easy on you. I said you were cool, and she should give you a shot.”
Truth is, it was sweet. And I honestly wasn’t mad at him.
But in that moment one thing was crystal clear: It would never work out between us.
Our relationship was built on lies – mine and his.
And it was time to end it.
FOURTEEN
“You okay?” Mom sat at the edge of my bed, wearing her robe and holding a cup of coffee. The strong scent wafted under my nose as I rolled over in my bed. The covers rustled as they tangled around me.
“Yeah.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I mean, I wasn’t really okay, but I would be. Soon.
I had a plan.
“What happened?” Her eyebrows knit together in a look of concern.
Brooke’s unkind words. Nick’s admission. Me running away. Nick insisting on walking me home. Us walking together in silence. Me racing inside without even saying goodbye.
The entire night flashed through my mind as a wave of nausea rolled over me.
“Nothing.” If I told her everything I’d end up a hot mess. So that was definitely a hard pass.
“Did Nick hurt you?”
“No,” I answered swiftly. At least not in the way she was thinking. “Brooke and I just got in a fight.” That should appease her.
She offered me a gentle smile and a pat on the leg through my comforter. “Well, friends fight all the time. You two will make up.”
I doubted it, but I smiled anyway.
After Mom left my room, I got dressed and ready for the day. Then I headed downstairs, wolfed down a bowl of cereal and slipped into a pair of tennis shoes.
“Can I use the car?” I asked Mom, who was sitting on the couch reading a magazine.
“Where are you going?”
“I need to take care of something,” I said, hoping that would be enough for her.
She smiled. “Gonna go talk to Brooke, huh?”
I nodded. Another lie. I was really racking them up this morning.
“Okay. Sure. Keys are on the kitchen counter.”
I snatched them up and raced outside. It was warmer this morning than it was last night. Still, a chill settled over me from the slight breeze. My t-shirt didn’t offer much in the way of protection. I hurried to Mom’s car, praying Nick wouldn’t spot me. I wasn’t quite ready to talk to him. There was someone else I needed to see first.
When I pulled up in front of the familiar house, my shoulders relaxed. As I walked up the front walkway, I felt like myself for the first time in weeks. Lifting my arm, I rapped on the door the way I’d done countless times in my life.
It popped open and Ava stood in front of me wearing a scowl. “What are you doing here?”
I wanted to wrap my arms around her neck. I wanted to shake her until she remembered we were besties. I wanted her to be my Ava again so bad I had to fight back a scream. But instead, I forced a smile.
“I came to say I’m sorry.”
Leaning against the doorframe, she crossed her arms over her chest. “I figured once your popular BFFs dumped you, you’d come crawling back to me. Just didn’t think it’d be this fast.”
“I know it seems like that’s why I’m here. I’d think the same thing. But that’s not why.” I bit my lip. This was so stupid. She’d never believe a word of it. Ava’d always been suspicious of people. And she was right. My timing sucked. But I had to keep going. It’s not like I had a lot of time. “I’ve missed you, Ava.”
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “How gullible do you think I am?”
“I mean it. I miss you. I miss us.” I sighed. “I miss making up songs, and singing in choir and finishing each other’s sentences, and writing inappropriate poetry.” I giggled, and even though Ava didn’t laugh with me, her lips twitched slightly at the corners. “I miss staying up late to eat junk food and watch tv. I miss snapchatting, and texting and Starbucks runs late at night.”
Her eyebrows furrowed, and I realized I’d gone too far. “Okay, I have no idea what the last part of that meant, but yeah, I guess I kinda miss the other stuff too.” Her face hardens. “But it doesn’t matter. Those days are over. You really hurt me, Remy.”
“What exactly happened between us?”
She recoiled, her eyes widening. “Seriously? You want to rehash this?”
“I just want to understand.”
“What’s there to understand? You dumped me for the popular crowd.”
“After making cheer squad?”
“Yep.” She frowned.
“So, it wasn’t because of Nick? It was because of Brooke and the girls?”
She shrugged. “Why are you asking me this? You know better than I do.”
If only I could tell her. I took a deep breath. “It’s all a blur at this point, Ava.”
“Fine. You can play dumb if you need to. If it somehow makes you feel better,” she answered bitterly. “But no, I don’t think it was because of Nick. You and Nick hung out for weeks before you ditched me. I was actually really happy for you at first. You’d finally gotten close to Nick the way you’d wanted to for years. But then you made the cheer squad and became friends with Brooke and…well, now here we are.”
“I’ve screwed everything up, haven’t I?”
Ava nodded.
I laughed. At least she was being honest.
“Why? Are you and Nick over too?” I was surprised by her question. Surprised she cared, actually. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she was digging for dirt. But whatever. I didn’t care. It just felt good to talk to Ava.
“I think so.”
“You broke up?” Her mouth gaped.
“Not yet,” I said. “But I think I have to break things off.”
“Why?”
“He doesn’t know the real me.”
“Yeah, he does,” Ava said. “He’s known you for years. This Remy imposter has only been around a few months. There’s no way he thinks this is the real you.”
“But he didn’t really know me. I mean, we rarely ever talked before.”
“Well, yeah, but you lived next door to each other. It’s not like the guy’s blind. Besides, he told you he’d been sort of crushing on you from a distance for a long time.”
“He did?”
Ava frowned. “Did you hit your head or something recently?”
“No. I’m…confused, I guess.”
“Yeah, I’ve fe
lt like that for awhile,” Ava said softly, her words cutting to my heart.
“I really am sorry, Ava. For everything.”
Pressing her lips together, she nodded. I figured it was the best I was going to get. Smiling at Ava one last time, I spun around and headed back to my mom’s car. One more person to talk to, and then I was going home.
My real home.
***
I had practiced what I was going to say a million times, but now that Nick was standing in front me, I’d lost the ability to speak. My tongue felt like it had swollen to crazy proportions and my lips refused to move. His blue eyes were even bluer than usual, if that was even possible. And had his muscles grown since I saw him last? Yeah, I think they had. Also, had he gotten tanner? Hotter?
Oh, man. Was I really doing this?
He was the total package. He was literally all that and a bag of chips. And he was mine.
Well, sort of.
Not really.
See. That was the thing. He wasn’t mine at all, was he?
“What’s going on, Remy?” The pads of his fingers skimmed my jawline. I shivered, backing up. There’s no way I could go through with this while he did that. “Talk to me.”
I swallowed hard. “I just…I can’t…I’m not sure.” Breathe, Remy, breathe. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. Here goes nothing… “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Any of it,” I said, glancing around. “This isn’t my life.”
His forehead became a mess of squiggly lines. “Huh?”
I sighed. “This isn’t me, Nick. The girl you’ve fallen for, she’s not real.”
Nick stepped forward. Staring into my eyes, his hand reached out and circled my wrist. “You seem real to me.” He chuckled lightly.
He thought I was joking. I shook my head. “I’m being serious, Nick.”
His eyes flashed. “So am I. You’re not making any sense. I get that you’re mad about what Brooke said, but none of that changes anything between us.”
“Actually, it does. It changes everything.”
“How?” He closed his hand around mine. “We’re still us. We still care about each other.” His gaze crashed into mine. “Don’t we?”