by Amber Garza
“I know.” I sulked. No need to keep reminding me.
“He also got into with Ian,” she said. “I seriously thought they might throw down.”
I sat straight up. “About what?”
“Oh, you know Ian. He was being a dick, saying that finally Nick had seen the real you and that you were a…well, I’m sure you can guess…”
“Yeah, I can.” I frowned.
“Anyway, Nick totally put him in his place. Told him not to ever talk about you like that again. Then he shoved him.”
My heart cracked in my chest. “He did?” He defended me? After what I’d done to him?
“He cares about you,” Ava said. “I can tell.”
My lips quivered. “I want to believe that. I really do, but I….”
“I know you’re scared of being hurt again, but I think Nick’s worth taking a chance on.”
I groaned. “This isn’t about Ian, Aves.”
“You’re right. It’s about you.” Her words caused a tremor in my lower belly. I took deep, steadying breaths in an effort to quell it. “I know you don’t think so, but you’re good enough for Nick. Hell, you’re too good for him.”
“Yeah, right.” I snorted.
“It’s true,” she said firmly. “You care too much what people think, and you let it change the way you see yourself. But you’re so awesome, Remy. I wish you could see that.”
Emotion welled up in my throat, the tremor in my belly getting stronger. “Ian isn’t the only guy who’s walked out on me, Aves.”
“I know,” she said so softly I barely made out the words. The tenderness in her voice broke me, and a tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it with the back of my hand, but another quickly followed. “Your dad doesn’t leave because he wants to. He leaves because he has to.”
I released a ragged breath. “I know that,” I said softly.
“Do you?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, wiping the tears from my face.
“And the other guys you’ve dated are losers.”
I laughed, grateful she was done being so serious. “Totes,” I joked.
“But Nick isn’t a loser.”
I sniffed and ran a palm down my face. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. He’s at homecoming with someone else. I already jacked this up.”
“He didn’t bring anyone.”
“Then who’s he with?”
“Just his buddies.”
Huh. My skin prickled.
“I don’t know what to do, Aves. He’s so angry with me. Tell me how to fix it.”
“You embarrassed him in front of half the school. Whatever you do, it has to be big,” she said. “Oh, crap. Sam’s looking for me. I gotta go. You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lied.
“All right. Call you later.”
“Have fun, Aves.”
“Oh, I will.”
“But not too much fun.”
“I’m hanging up now.” I caught a snippet of her evil laugh before she clicked off.
Something big.
What would that be?
A blimp?
One of those giant cards?
Ooh, a giant helium balloon?
Okay, I didn’t think she meant it literally had to be big. Think, Rem.
If only we’d had this conversation a couple of days ago, I could’ve asked him to homecoming in front of the school. That would’ve been big.
And he would’ve been able to see that I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there for him.
But it was too late.
You turned me down in front of everyone. I never would’ve done that to you.
OMG! I knew what I had to do. Glancing at my phone, I checked the time. Homecoming was over in an hour. Hopefully that would give me enough time.
I stood on shaky legs and found my reflection. Taking in my puffy tear-stained face and dirty, messy hair, I cringed. Tilting my head down, I caught a whiff of my arm pit. Oh, god. Then again, what did I expect? I’d been lying in bed for two days with no shower.
This would not be a quick fix.
Hurrying across the hall, I jumped in a quick shower. Then I dried and straightened my hair and put on some makeup. I’d never gone to a dance, so I didn’t have any homecoming dresses. But I had gone to a wedding last summer, and Mom had bought me the prettiest pale pink dress for it. I slipped it on along with the matching silver heels and headed downstairs.
After explaining the situation to Mom and Aunt Kelly, Mom let me use the car.
I was running out of time, so I drove swiftly to the school. When I got close to it, a few cars sped out of the lot, students from our school crammed inside. My throat burned.
The lot was only half-full when I entered. I didn’t see Nick’s car. Was I too late?
After parking, I tore out of the car. The air was crisp, and I shivered in my short, sleeveless dress. Inside it was warmer, and relief hit me when I heard the band still playing. The gymnasium was dimly lit with lights flashing from the ceiling. Spots filled my vision. Blinking, I walked slowly forward.
I searched the room for Nick, but couldn’t find him.
“Remy?” Ava raced up to me, eyes wide. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to find Nick,” I answered, heart hammering in my ears. It was so loud in here. So chaotic. And where was Nick?
Her face crumbled. “I think he left.”
My heart dipped. “He did?”
She nodded slowly, her gaze darting around. “I saw him and his buddies heading toward the door a minute ago.” She turned her head and then gasped. “Wait. There he is!”
I followed where she pointed with her index finger. Nick and his friends were walking toward the middle doors of the gymnasium. They were about to leave. I was running out of time.
I had to move now.
“I’ll be back,” I said to Ava before hurrying across the room and running up on the stage. The band had finished up a song and was about to start another when I tapped the lead singer on the shoulder. “I need the mic,” I said breathlessly, pushing hair out of my face. “It’s an emergency.” With a concerned look on his face, he nodded and backed away from the mic.
The spotlight shone right in my eyes, blinding me. My heart hammered in my ears, and my palms moistened. The crowd of students all stared up at me, confusion all over their faces. Murmurs, giggling and whispers swept through the room like a breeze. What the hell was I doing?
Squinting, I saw Nick and his buddies walking through the double doors.
Oh, man, I didn’t have time to hesitate.
“Hey, everyone,” I spoke into the microphone so loudly it shocked me. And, judging by everyone’s faces, it shocked them too. Nick froze in the doorway. “I…um…well…there’s something I need to say…something I need to do. I…um…I did something really stupid. And I hurt someone I really care about.” He still hadn’t turned around. But he also hadn’t left. He stood like a statue in the doorway. Not quite inside, but not outside either. Desperation bloomed in my chest. I continued, “There’s this boy. He lives next door to me.” Ava moved closer to the stage, offering me an encouraging nod. I took a deep breath. Please turn around, Nick. “I’ve had a crush on him for years. Ever since the day he moved in, actually.” Finally, it happened. He turned. I exhaled.
“Boo!” A kid yelled from the back of the room. I couldn’t see who it was.
“Put the band back on! This is lame.” This time it was Brooke. I frowned.
“Everyone shut up!” Ava shouted in response.
Nick took a step back into the room. I held his gaze. “I’ve always fantasized about him asking me out, but when he finally did, I got scared.” My lips shook. “It’s just that I like him so much…and I guess…well, I was afraid of getting hurt. But now I’m more afraid of him being mad at me forever.” My whole body was trembling by this point. Sucking in some air, I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. “Nick Sinclair, can I please have this dance?” There. I’d said it. Opening my eyes, I
looked back at the place he’d been standing when I closed them.
But he was gone.
Panicked, my gaze shot around the room. He was nowhere to be seen.
Everyone was gaping at me. Even Ava looked helpless, her lips curled downward and her eyes narrowed. I felt sick.
But then her gaze slid over my shoulder, her eyes widening, her lips twitching at the corners. A hand landed on my back. When I turned, Nick rushed at me, his palms framing my face, his lips crashing into mine. As his mouth took mine greedily, his fingers tangled in my hair. Reaching out, I fisted his shirt in my hands. My head spun as his tongue coaxed my lips open. As our kiss deepened, I forgot about everyone else but him.
I traveled back in time to fall for the boy that had been right in front of me all along.
And now I was falling for him again.
He was nothing like I thought he’d be. Not when I crushed on him from a distance. He wasn’t just the quarterback; the fantasy of every girl in the school.
He was so much more.
Clapping and cheering resounded throughout the room. It stunned me, and I pulled back. I laughed at the sight of everyone rooting for us like they were watching a sporting event. Well, everyone except for Brooke and Ian. They were both scowling up at the stage. But I didn’t care about them.
Only one person mattered to me right now.
Turning to him, I stared into his perfect blue eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I said again.
“Hey.” He tucked his thumb under my chin. “No more of that. You’ve said it enough.” He smiled. “Now how about that dance?”
Grinning, I allowed him to lead me off the stage. My legs were still shaking from all the adrenaline, so I held tightly to his hand to keep from falling over. Once we reached the dance floor the band started playing a slow song. Nick released my hand and then looped his arms around my waist.
This made it all worth it.
I laid my head on his chest, sliding my hands up to his shoulders. He held me tightly, his heartbeat thumping steadily under my cheek.
“You look gorgeous,” Nick murmured into my hair.
Ava walked past and flashed me a thumbs-up. I smiled back and then pressed my face back into Nick’s chest, breathing in his familiar scent.
“This is exactly what I dreamed homecoming would be like,” I said.
“I’m glad you came,” he said. “I know how much going to homecoming means to you.”
I lifted my head, staring up at his sharp jawline. “It was never about homecoming, Nick. It was always about you.” His gaze met mine.
“Me, huh?” He smiled.
“Yep.” I grinned back.
His hand left my chin and curved around my cheek. His other hand slid around my waist. My heart took off like a runner at the starting line of a race. Tilting his head, his lips lined up with mine. My knees softened. I looped my arms around his neck, the tips of my fingers skimming the edges of his hair. His lips grazed mine softly, his minty breath hot as it skated over my mouth. When I wasn’t sure I could take anymore, his mouth pressed down over mine. He kissed me slowly. Gently. In time to the music. It was languid. Lingering. Sensual.
His hands were hot on my skin, my cheek, my waist. His tongue was soft and sweet as it slid over mine and swirled in my mouth.
I’d never been kissed like this.
To me kissing had always been like a race – manic, fast, hurried – as if we were sprinting to the finish. This was like a marathon. Like he was pacing himself. Like he wasn’t planning to reach the end for a long time.
And that was okay with me.
I was in no rush to finish this.
Boldly, I raked my fingers along the back of his neck. He shivered. Growled in my mouth. Goosebumps arose on my flesh. My head spun.
The music was the same. Still slow.
But he sped up. His mouth moved faster, his hands no longer locked in place. The one on my cheek moved to cradle my hand, his fingers tangling in my hair. The one on my waist traveled up my spine. A delicious jolt ran through me, my skin warming everywhere he touched.
When his lips separated from mine, I stared into his eyes. Those deep blue eyes I’d dreamt of a million times. Reaching up, I touched his face, the pads of my fingers tracing his flesh. My fingertips trailed his nose, his lips, his cheeks.
“What are you doing?” he asked in a playful way.
“Making sure this is real.”
“It’s real.” Lifting his arm, he picked up my hand and ran his lips across my knuckles.
A chill ran through me.
“I never want this night to end,” I said honestly.
“If I could stop time for you, I would,” he answered, and it was seriously the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. I was a puddle on the floor. “But since I can’t, I’ll give you the next best thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Me.”
I giggled.
“Okay, I probably should’ve worded that differently.” He laughed. “What I meant is that we can have lots of nights like this.” Glancing around, he furrowed his brows. “Well, maybe not exactly like this. But we can do things like this.” He kissed my lips again. Just one small peck, but it was enough to leave me wanting more. “And this.” He stroked my face with his thumb. “What I’m trying to ask is, do you want to be my girlfriend?”
It was such a funny question. Of course I wanted to be his girlfriend. I’d have to be an idiot not to, but I wasn’t expecting such a formal question, and it kind of threw me. When I didn’t answer right away, his smile slipped.
“I guess that came out kinda cheesy, huh?” he said in a tone so unlike his usual cocky one.
“No,” I said quickly. “It was super sweet. It just surprised me. I didn’t realize you liked me like that.”
His face grew serious. He snatched up both my hands. “Of course I like you, Rem. Why do you think I was so upset when you turned me down? It was never about my pride. I want to be with you. I have for a long time.”
If I thought his last statement floored me, this one knocked me over. “But you barely know me.”
“I do know you.” He tucked a finger under my chin, lifting my face slightly until we were staring in each other’s eyes. “I know your hands shake when you’re nervous. I know you blush when you’re uncomfortable.” As if on cue, my face heated up. I tried to look down, but he kept his finger locked in place. “I know you wore a bright purple shirt on the first day of high school.” Damn that purple shirt. I have no idea why I chose to stand out my first day of freshman year. There were seniors who called me “purple” until the day they graduated. “I know you like to sing every chance you get, and often it’s in your room with the windows open.” My blushing resumed. “I know you fight with your brother a lot and that you cry every time your dad leaves. You usually do it outside, and I’m assuming it’s so your family doesn’t see.” Nailed it. “I know you and Ava take turns giving each other rides to school and that you have sleepovers almost every weekend.” He smiled. “I know you’re gorgeous and funny and real, and incredibly talented. And I know that whenever you’re around my heart beats faster and I can’t keep from smiling.” He winked. “And I know you’re a hell of a kisser.” Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to mine.
Our mouths and bodies moved in sync to the music. It was a fluid dance of mouths, hands, arms and legs.
I thought I had fallen for Nick in 1993, but I was wrong.
I was falling for him now. In this moment.
***
Late that night, after I’d changed out of my dress and gotten in my pajamas, I stood at my window. Nick’s house was dark. He was probably asleep. It was past midnight, but I was too wired to rest.
Staring down at the street, I could see it all – nineties Nick working on his car, present Nick doing the same. I could see us outside cleaning up toilet paper from the lawn, and I could see us talking in 1993 about his past and his grandpa.
I could see all
the years I’d stood at this exact window pining after the hot neighbor boy who I was sure would never notice me.
Since returning, I’d thought of Nick as two people – 90s Nick and present Nick. And I treated them like two totally different people. But they weren’t. They were the same.
He was the same.
I loved him now the same way I’d loved him then.
Nick and I had a history that he’d never know about. But we had plenty of stuff he had experienced. And we had so much more time to create even more memories.
Bending down, I picked up the Discman, gathering the cords in my palms. Then I carried it downstairs, through the family room and into the garage. After flicking on the light, I headed over to the shelves on the wall filled with boxes. Finding the one that read “Steph’s old crap” in Mom’s handwriting, I opened the lid and gently lowered the Discman inside. Then I closed the lid tightly, securing the Discman inside.
I no longer needed it.
I was exactly where I wanted to be.
EPILOGUE
Warm hands pressed against my back shoving me forward. Screaming, I flew into the pool. When my body hit the water, it was so cold it stole my breath. As I sunk downward I heard Ava squeal from somewhere above me. Then she crashed into the pool a few feet from me. Once my toes brushed the bottom, I pushed off and swam back up. I sucked in a breath the minute my head broke through the surface.
Sputtering, I held myself up by moving my arms in the water in a circular motion. Ava popped up beside me. Nick and Sam stood above us laughing, their shadows casting over our bodies.
“You’re gonna get it!” I hollered.
“Oh, yeah, they are,” Ava agreed.
Hitting the water with my hands I splashed upward. Laughing, Nick leapt into the pool and swam toward me. When he reached me, he looped his arms around my waist and tugged me toward him. Sam jumped in as well, and I heard he and Ava laughing and talking behind us.
“You brat. I can’t believe you pushed me in,” I said, reaching up to sluice water from my face.
“Trust me, I did it for your own good.” Nick jumped in and swam up to me, his blond hair slick and wet, his blue eyes sparkling.