The thought stung worse than I could’ve ever imagined. My soul cried for the girl he’d left behind, the girl who dreamed about him showing up at her door one day and telling her how wrong he had been and how he couldn’t live the rest of his life without her. Because those few short sentences had cut deep, slicing to the core, and I was certain she wouldn’t survive.
“Will you let me help you?” he asked, taking another step closer.
He reached out like he was going to touch me and the sleeve of his hoodie pulled up revealing a tattoo on his right wrist. In an elegant black script the letters EJ stood boldly against his light skin.
“When did you get that?” I breathed.
He followed my gaze, pushing up his sleeve and running a thumb across the black ink. “When I got out.”
My breath caught. After he got out? Did that mean…
“Why?” I asked, my voice cracking under the sudden pressure of emotion.
“You know why,” he murmured, taking yet another step closer.
He was only a foot away now, within reach, but I was paralyzed by anticipation, my mind unable to force my body to cooperate. I could smell him, soap and cigarettes, it was familiar, comforting even. It reminded me of before, of how perfect everything had been once.
“Why?” I asked again. I needed to hear him say it like I needed my next breath.
When he closed his eyes, and let his head drop, my heart followed. I’d been wrong. I let my stupid heart hope, I let love taint logic and he was about to crush me again, I just knew it.
His shoulders rose and fell with a heavy breath before he raised his head, glassy eyes finding mine. He wasn’t crying, but his blue irises were glowing with emotion.
“It’s a reminder.”
“Of what?” I pressed, needing him to explain, to make sense of it all.
“You. I look at it every day and it reminds me that you’re out there. That if I try hard enough, one day I might become the man you deserve.”
The tears were instant, there was no stopping them, no holding back the flood of emotion that consumed my heart. I felt the shift instantly. Like the water left in the hose after you turn off the faucet, all the anger and heartache I’d held with me over the years bled away leaving nothing but the love that had always been there. My hands found their way to my chest as if that would somehow protect my bruised and battered heart from doing a stupid thing like hoping. It didn’t work.
He was here, finally. I wasn’t going to waste this moment, I couldn’t.
Closing my eyes, I took a shaky breath and just let the words pour out. “I know I’m supposed to be mad at you. I’m supposed to yell and scream and demand answers. I’m supposed to ask why you didn’t come back for me,” I said, opening my eyes. My mouth felt dry and my stomach was doing summersaults, but I pushed on. “It’s crazy and stupid, but I just really, really want to kiss you right now. Would that be oka—”
Nixon’s mouth slammed down over mine before I could even finish and it felt like coming home. We were magnets, our bodies coming together with such force I was surprised we were able to stay upright. My hands slid up his chest, feeling the hard muscles I’d been ogling at the fight, curling up and around his neck as I pulled him closer.
Everything about him was familiar, the way his hands slid over my curves, the way his hips rolled with mine as he deepened the kiss. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth as if he was committing it to memory. He cupped my ass, lifting me easily and setting me down on the cool marble counter. My knees parted automatically and he didn’t waste time, taking it for the invitation it was. Stepping forward, he pulled me to the edge of the counter, never once breaking the heart pounding kiss.
We pulled at each other, unable to get close enough. My brain shut off and nothing mattered but him and me and the familiar feeling we were chasing.
Blindly, I reached down between us, my desperation causing my fingers to fumble with his belt buckle.
He pulled away, stilling my movements with a calloused hand over mine. “That’s not why I’m here,” he said, his tone gruff almost angry.
Looking up at him, truly looking at him, I tried to make him understand. I willed him to see that it was for me, it was what I needed.
“I know,” I said softly.
Nix shook his head once. “This probably isn’t a good idea,” he hedged.
He was right, it wasn’t a good idea. In fact, it was probably the worst idea, but that didn’t stop me from wanting it. Sex would complicate things and confuse us, it was unhealthy and probably toxic, but I wanted it all the same. It had been so long, and as reckless as it was, I needed to be reminded of what love felt like. Consequences be damned.
“I don’t care,” I breathed.
It was the truth. I didn’t care that it was stupid and reckless, I didn’t care that we were in a public bathroom, I didn’t care that there was still so much hurt and unresolved shit between us, I didn’t care about anything beyond that one moment as imperfect as it was.
Nix must’ve seen something in my expression because he came back to me, capturing my mouth once again. Gripping two fistfuls of material, I yanked the hoodie over his head and let it fall to the dirty floor. I didn’t care about civility or appearing desperate, I was desperate. I needed the comfort and familiarity of his body wrapped around mine. I craved the way he loved me.
His hands found their way back to my legs, his thumbs rubbing circles on the tender skin of my inner thigh, getting closer to where I wanted him, but not quick enough. Patience wasn’t one of my strong suits and it wasn’t exactly the time or place for taking things slow.
Reaching between us once again, I tore at his belt then went to work on his jeans. The moment my fingers wrapped around his hard cock something shifted within him. The frantic passion was back as if he’d finally let go of his last thread of control.
He jerked me forward by the hips until I was teetering on the edge of the counter, if he were to suddenly step away I would for sure fall off, but he wouldn’t do that. Nix would never let me fall. I knew it in my heart.
My fingers sifted in his hair, pulling him closer as he hooked a finger under my panties, his knuckle grazing my sex and eliciting a stifled moan from somewhere deep within me. He pushed the fabric to the side and positioned himself at my entrance. Fire rolled through my body and a fresh wave of tears sprung in my eyes. Relief mixed with intense pleasure as he pushed inside had me gasping for air.
The pressure of my body stretching to accommodate him grounded me in the moment. This wasn’t some daydream I’d concocted, it was real, he was real.
I dug my fingernails into his back and wrapped my legs around his hips, heels digging into his ass as he started to move. His thrusts were strong and sure, filling me up to the hilt and sending my nerves into overdrive. Our lips never parted as he continued to drive into me, building the tension in my core with every stroke.
My body sang with anticipation as I reached for my release, it was so close. But Nix didn’t need me to tell him that, he knew my body better than I did. Slipping a hand between us, his thumb found my clit. I had to bite down on his shoulder to keep myself from screaming out as I flew higher and higher, and my legs began to shake.
The combination of his thumb stroking my clit and his cock hitting the perfect place deep inside me with every thrust sent me spinning off the edge. My limbs locked up and my pussy pulsed milking him dry as we came together, silent screams of pleasure on our lips.
Neither of us moved for a solid minute, letting our breathing regulate and our bodies stop vibrating with aftershocks. When the minute was up and the sounds of thumping house music filtered back into our lust soaked brains, he pulled away, and the euphoria we felt just moments ago disintegrated as reality came crashing down.
I adjusted my underwear and hopped off the counter on shaky legs as Nix stuffed himself back into his pants and snatched his hoodie off the floor.
“You should probably get back out there before so
meone comes looking for you,” he said quietly, his eyes downcast.
My heart seized, calcifying on the spot. Get back out there? I thought he said he was here to save me, not fuck me raw in a public restroom and then send me back to the lion’s den.
“How am I supposed to go back out there now? How am I supposed to let you go again when I just got you back?” I asked, silently cursing myself for being so stupid. Freedom was something you fought for, bled for, died for, it could never be this easy.
“Hey,” he said gently, taking my face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away the tears staining my cheeks and he lowered his forehead to mine. “I’m going to get you out, I promise you. I just can’t do it right now. This place is crawling with his people, there’s zero chance we get out of here in one piece if we try now. But I swear to you, I will get you out, soon. Just be ready, okay?”
I nodded, more hot tears pouring down my face as my heart resigned itself to the truth in his words. Tony wouldn’t give me up without a fight, we had to be smart about this, wait for the right moment. I was terrified to put my trust in Nix again, but I’d do it. As much as he’d hurt me, I knew he loved me more.
“You’re right. I need to get cleaned up and back out there before someone catches on,” I said, my voice cracking from the emotional whiplash of it all. “You should go.”
Nix’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard and nodded. Tilting his head, he brushed a soft kiss across my lips and stepped out of the circle of my arms.
“I’m going to figure this out, I promise,” he said, moving to the door.
“I believe you,” I responded, holding back a sob as he unlocked the door and slipped into the hallway.
CHAPTER 5
Nixon
I backed my bike into a space in front of The Stardust Diner and checked my phone. Still ten minutes early. I was meeting Marco so he could download me on the situation with Ellis and whatever information he was willing to share about the asshole who was holding her hostage.
Sending her back to him after the things Callie had told me was a shit idea, but I didn’t have any other options. I needed to find a way to get her out clean which was why I was meeting Marco. I wasn’t sure how much information he was willing to divulge about his business partner, but I hoped to hell fifteen years of friendship would sway him in my direction.
Climbing from my bike, I lit a cigarette and leaned against the building while I waited for Marco to show. I hadn’t slept much, tossing and turning all night as I replayed everything that had happened with Ellis at the club. I hadn’t expected seeing her, touching her, being with her to hit me so hard. The sore muscles and aching jaw I’d earned from my time in the cage the night before were nothing compared to the throbbing pain that pulsed in my chest every time I thought of her.
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but it definitely wasn’t what I got. There was still a lot of shit for us to wade through, old wounds and resentment that would be a bitch to scrub clean, but my gut was telling me we’d make it through to the other side. Of course, that all depended on my ability to get Ellis out of the mess she was currently tangled in.
Watching that motherfucker snatch her by the hair at the underground nearly sent me into a murderous rage. Callie had filled me in on the sparse details she had, but hearing about it and seeing it were two different things. How I managed to keep myself from stalking over there and curb stomping the piece of shit on that fucking dais was beyond me.
I had always been a react first, think later type of person. If I was being honest with myself, it was the reason I’d ended up in prison in the first place. Maybe I really had been reformed in prison and I was finally starting to learn some fucking self-control.
I chuckled under my breath, knowing good and well it wasn’t true. If I had self-control I wouldn’t have fucked Ellis in a dirty club bathroom instead of getting the information I needed to save her.
“What’s so funny?”
Lifting my head, I spotted Marco coming down the sidewalk. The immaculate suit and shiny shoes had been replaced with jeans and a hoodie, and he wore a ball cap pulled low over his eyes.
“Nothin’,” I said, flicking my cigarette butt into the street.
He didn’t say anything in response as I held the door open. The diner had seen better days, but it was off the tourist’s radar and rarely had more than six patrons at a time, making it the perfect place to meet someone without being seen. It didn’t hurt that they made a mean omelet either.
We slid into a booth at the back of the mostly empty restaurant. It didn’t escape my notice that Marco chose the side that backed up against the wall. The spot giving him a perfect view of the entire diner, including the front door and large bay windows that looked out over the street. He seemed tense, cagey even, as he tried to get comfortable in the beat-up vinyl seat. I wasn’t sure what had him spooked, but whatever it was couldn’t be good for my plan.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, relaxing into the seat and resting an arm along the back of the booth.
His eyes flicked to mine and narrowed. “Nothing.”
I stared, waiting for him to break and tell me what the fuck had crawled up his ass, but he didn’t. “Bullshit, you’re doin’ your best impression of a paranoid tweaker right now. Why?”
Before he could answer, a haggard waitress approached, her all black orthopedic shoes squeaking against the scuffed linoleum. We placed our order and waited as she filled our coffee cups before continuing the conversation.
Marco spun a packet of sugar on the table for a solid minute before finally answering. “Tony ain’t like anyone I ever met before, the guy’s a fucking psycho, Nix. If he knew I was here, that I was feeding you information, he wouldn’t just kill me, he’d take out my entire family, man.”
“He cartel?” I asked even though I didn’t really want to know the answer.
“Not really,” Marco said, shaking his head. “He claims to have a cousin in with the Sinaloa, but I’ve never seen any proof of it. He was a low-level dealer like me when we met.”
“And now he’s one of those jackasses living in a penthouse on the strip with ‘round the clock live-in security?”
One side of Marco’s mouth curved up in a lopsided grin. “Hey now, I’m one of those jackasses now, too.”
“Which begs the question, how?” I asked. I needed to get information out of him so I could form a plan of attack. Without Marco, I’d be flying blind.
He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee and grimacing.
“What? Not artisanal enough for you?” I laughed. I never expected Marco to become one of the flashy rich prick’s we made fun of back in the day.
“Fuck you,” he grumbled, finally starting to relax. “We did it together, pooled our money and graduated to heroin and coke. Started buying more product, cutting it ourselves and re-selling it to street dealers. He has a mind for business and I’ve got the contacts, pretty soon we were branching out, investing our profits into different areas like the underground. Six years later and here we are.”
I nodded, glad for the information. There was still one thing that wasn’t adding up, though. “Where does Ellis come into play?”
Marco’s lips thinned out, forming a tight line and his dark eyebrows dipped down into a V-shape over his eyes. “That’s why I’m here. Nix, you gotta believe me, I had no idea.”
“What?” I asked, my voice harsher than I’d meant for it to be.
“Tony was always kinda intense, but I didn’t know he was a fucking lunatic, man. We went out to club Ocho one night, just tryin’ to let off some steam after a deal went sideways. I completely forgot Callie had mentioned Ellis was working there so when she came up to say hi, I didn’t know what to do,” he said, running a hand over his bald head. “I introduced them, but that was it, I swear. I didn’t even know he’d gotten her number until they showed up at a party a couple weeks later.”
“Callie said he hit her, that true?”
To his credit, Mar
co didn’t shy away from my question. “Yeah, I hadn’t seen it firsthand until last night before the fight, but I’ve seen the bruises. It wasn’t a one-off,” he said, looking me in the eye the entire time.
Fire and fury raged inside my heart and mind, but I schooled my features. I had to be careful, whether he agreed with Tony’s actions or not, he was still Marco’s business partner. Letting him in on the fact that I was planning to kill the fucker wasn’t exactly in my best interest at the moment, at least not until I knew where Marco landed on this whole thing.
“You knew why I was here, how?” I asked, changing the subject. If I had to listen to how Tony had repeatedly abused Ellis I was going to lose it and go off half-cocked. I had to keep my head.
Marco gave me a strange look, one I couldn’t quite place. “Who do you think told Callie to get you down here? I might be a thug and a fucking criminal, but I have standards. Watched my dad use my mom as a punching bag all my life, not gonna stand by and watch someone I care about go through the same shit.”
“So, you’re going to help us?”
“I got you to Vegas and I’m here telling you all this because it’s you, Nix. But I’ve got a family now, man. I can’t risk blowback from this shit.”
“I get it, and I appreciate you puttin’ your neck out for us. I won’t forget it,” I said.
“Just make sure your brother coughs up what he owes before you skip town and we’ll call it even.”
I laughed, it always came back to money with Marco. “I won my three fights last night, if tonight goes my way, I’ll have your money by round two.”
“Good, I really didn’t feel like busting the kid’s kneecaps,” Marco laughed.
Sawyer had gotten me into the last qualifying round for a bigger tournament. Since I’d won the night before, I was in for the championship. If I did my part and things went like Sawyer had promised, we’d be flush by the end of the night.
Now, I just have to figure out how to get Ellis.
The waitress returned with our food and refilled my coffee, Marco hadn’t touched his beyond that first sip.
Blackout: A Romance Anthology Page 89