by Meghan Quinn
Jett’s hard body pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around my naked torso. Was this really happening? Was I really being held by him? Was he really nestling his head into my hair?
“I don’t…do this,” he whispered into my ear, sending chills all over my damn body. All the tension and frustration that was taking over my body seconds ago evaporated the minute Jett slid in behind me and held on tight. A small smile spread across my face and I could feel my body melt into his.
“Well you’re fucking fantastic at it because I’m pretty sure my little clitty poo is drowning.”
“Don’t fucking call it that,” he breathed into my ear. I was pretty sure I heard him laugh but I could be mistaken.
His hand inched up between my breasts, not in a sexual way but more in a comforting gesture. He pulled me in tighter and spoke directly in my ear.
“Remember when you came up to the Bourbon Room for the first time?”
“Yes.” I wished Miss Mary could have heard me answer properly; one day of training was wearing off on me already.
“Remember how I told you I would never do anything you didn’t want?” I just nodded, now feeling out of breath from the way his voice caressed my skin. “Well, it’s true. I never want to do anything to displease you, to make you uncomfortable or to make you say your safe word. I’m sorry that I can’t be that man that you need. I’ve been…” He paused and my heart ripped out for him. “God, Goldie, you make me say things I would never dream of saying to another person but the moment you said your safe word, I thought my chest was going to explode. I hate that I did that to you. I’m sorry.”
Well, now I felt like an ass. It wasn’t like he was pinching my nipples to the point of them falling off, I just didn’t want to go upstairs with him. Fuck me.
“I’m sorry, Jett. I just didn’t—”
“Don’t,” he interrupted me and pulled me in even closer. “When you first came here, Kace told me you were different, that you needed more than a physical connection, that you needed an emotional one and I knew that going into this. I just chose to ignore that because I’m a selfish prick but I can see that he was right, you do need that aspect of being with someone. I don’t do emotions. I’m a fucked-up bastard who has a problem with showing his emotions for many reasons that I won’t get into so it’s hard for me to give you what you need. I don’t know if I ever will be able to...” his voice trailed.
We both lay on my bed in silence as we thought about what was transpiring between us. I could feel him pulling away from me, not physically, no, he had a death grip on my torso but mentally, he was checking out and it was scaring the shit out of me.
“I don’t need it all the time, Jett. I just had some bad thoughts in my head and going to the Bourbon Room just wasn’t what I needed. I’m sorry.”
Why was I apologizing? I heard myself gripping on to any loose end that Jett would throw me and I hated the way my voice sounded, like a desperate woman trying to hang on. But wasn’t that what I was? I wanted Jett so fucking bad. There was this undeniable force that brought me to him and even though he says he’s an emotionless bastard, I still feel his pain. I didn’t want to lose anything we had and right now, it felt like he was minutes from cutting me loose by the way his silence continued. Panic set in.
“Talk to me,” I almost demanded. “Tell me what you need, Jett.”
He took a second to gather himself before he said, “You, Goldie. I just need you.”
My gut twisted. He was so vulnerable, I didn’t know what to say. When I tried turning around to face him, he wouldn’t let me so instead, I just let him hold me like I wanted but if I were honest, it almost felt like he needed more than anything to hold me at that moment, rather than me needing him.
Instead of talking, we stayed silent and lay in my bed. As Jett wrapped his body around me, my heart tore in two. I wanted this man, more than anything but was he really willing to give me everything? Was he able to give me not just his body but his mind, his soul as well? I wasn’t too sure and that realization made my stomach churn from the thought of not being able to keep Jett in my life.
Sleep eluded me as my brain worked overtime and when I woke up the next morning, Jett was nowhere to be found but there was a note on my table. Written in green marker, was a note from Jett.
I will be out of town for a while. Listen to Kace. – J
What the fuck?
Chapter Ten
“Wake Me Up”
Jett
Canal Street was lit up with lights and tourists exploring the real city of New Orleans. Palm trees flanked the middle of the street where the trolley breezed through. I loved this city. I loved the richness of it, the tradition, the history and the people. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
I picked at the plate of gumbo that room service brought up to my suite. I wasn’t very hungry. I hadn’t been hungry since I left the club, since I practically gave myself over to Goldie.
She told me her safe word. Hearing her say that one little word nearly gutted me. I always considered myself to be a controlled man able to gauge people’s feelings, especially the women I brought up to the Bourbon Room but Goldie was different. She was a mystery to me most of the time.
She wanted things I couldn’t give her. She wanted a relationship, she wanted someone to hold her and be emotionally there for her but I was too broken after Natasha left me, after she told me I wasn’t good enough.
I’ve worked hard my entire life to be better than my dad, to do good with my money and to give my mom her one wish, to see me settle down with someone, to be taken care of by someone. Knowing that I failed my mom’s one wish was almost debilitating. I thought I found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with in Natasha but when she told me she wanted more, that I wasn’t good enough for her, I changed. She crushed my dreams, my mom’s dreams and I’ve never been the same since.
I’m a confident man in every aspect of my life besides holding on to a relationship, of being emotionally there for someone because how could I do that if I was so fucked up? All I would do is fuck up whoever was with me and that meant Goldie. I wanted nothing but good things for her. She deserved so much, so damn much.
“Did you really think you could hide forever, dickhead?”
Kace.
I turned around in my chair and saw Kace slip a room key into his pocket. The asshole must have fucked the lady at the front desk at one time or another because there was no way they would have given him a key otherwise.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked as I turned back around to stare down at Canal Street.
Heavy footsteps rang in the air as Kace approached me. He walked around the desk I was sitting at and sat on the sill of the window I was looking out of, blocking my view.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Jett?”
I turned away but Kace stopped my chair.
“Don’t fucking block me out,” Kace said, growing irritated with my child-like behavior.
I ran a hand through my hair as I said, “It’s getting too fucking serious. She wants too much from me.”
“You’re lucky you have an event tonight that’s fucking important because I am inches away from punching that dumb ass head of yours.”
I looked up at Kace, a little shocked. He was pissed…at me.
“Is that right?” I asked as I brushed off my pant leg, trying to keep calm.
“You’re a moron, you know that? You have a woman, waiting back at your club just dying for a little bit of your attention and instead of manning up, you’re hiding out like a fucking vagina stuck in a pair of crusty shit catchers.”
The man was one with words.
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because, if I was in your position, I would be fucking her every night and holding on to her until the morning. I would bury my head in her hair and inhale her sweet scent. I would revel in the way her soft body feels pressed up against mine and I wouldn’t ever let her out on th
at stage because I would want her to be only for me and me alone.”
My heart fucking seized as my hand reached out for Kace’s shirt when I stood up out of pure blind rage. I pinned him against the window and said, “You have no right to talk about Goldie like that.”
Laughing, Kace shook his head and said, “Why not? You have no claim over her. You treat her like every other girl at the club, you just pay extra attention to her but you have given her no reason to stay, no reason to not stray when she leaves which she will, I guarantee you that. You might have calmed the storm when you gave her a set but without you giving yourself over to her, fully, she’s not going to stay, man.”
I was still gripping his shirt but it was doing nothing, the man was scared of nothing.
I tossed my hand to the side and started pacing the length of the room.
“I can’t, Kace,” I stated softly.
“Don’t let your past dictate how you live your future,” he countered.
“I could say the same about you,” I stated as I put my hands on my hips and looked over at Kace.
“I’m different. I lost my life the same day the man in the bar lost his. I’m done, Jett. You know that. What I care about is seeing you get past your bullshit complex and really living life. One of us has to enjoy life and it sure as hell is not going to be me. Don’t throw away something good because you’re scared.”
“I’m not good enough. I’m not someone she can rely on.”
“That’s fucking donkey piss. You’re the best thing that has happened to that girl. You might be a giant ass but you treat her with respect, you take care of her and honestly, I think you might actually have feelings for her.
Of course I had fucking feelings for her. That was what was terrifying me. I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings that were rolling through me. I was a temperamental prick with the ability to snap at anyone who looked at Goldie. I never was like that, even with Natasha, but there was something about Goldie that had set me off. I meant it when I said I think my mom brought us together but dealing with that revelation was a son of a bitch for me.
“Admit it,” Kace prodded.
“I really hate you right now,” I said in defeat as I sat down in a chair.
Kace threw his head back and laughed. “Dude, you love me and you know it. It’s time to move on, man.”
“It’s dangerous. There are so many repercussions that could happen if I bring her into my life, if I let her in and not just with my fucking black heart but with the people I deal with. They all want a part of me and they will do anything to get it. I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to her.”
“That’s a cop-out. You know just as well as I do that you have the best security team in the damn state and you have me, nothing will happen to her. We won’t allow it, especially you.”
I nodded my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose, deciding what I was going to do.
“Fuck,” I huffed. “I’m a sensitive little bitch.” I laughed to myself as Kace laughed out loud. “Fuck!” I shouted again, not being so eloquent.
“I take it you’re giving in?”
“I don’t fucking want to.”
“But you have no choice.”
“I know.” I looked over at him and the asshat was smirking. I really did hate him. “What if I screw it up, what if I end up hurting her?”
“You’re hurting her more by playing fucking mind games with her. It’s either going to work or it’s not. Might as well give it a chance because I’m sick of dealing with your moody ass and her crocodile tears.”
My head snapped up from the mention of tears. “She cried?”
“Dude, seriously? You fucking left her a shady-ass note and haven’t been back all week. She thinks you’re never coming back, that she did something wrong by asking you to hold her. What kind of dick move is that?”
“The biggest dick move ever,” I confessed. “Like I said, I’m a sensitive little bitch.”
“Well, time to shave your fucking balls, bud, because it’s time to put them on display.”
I nodded my head as I thought about how the hell I was going to talk to Goldie, how I was going to let her into my life without getting burned.
Chapter Eleven
“All In”
Lo
“Can you girls just leave me alone? He’s not coming so there is no use getting ready.”
Babs and Tootse hovered over me, trying to do my hair and makeup for the event I was supposed to go to tonight but I wasn’t in the mood and I wasn’t going anyway. I hadn’t heard from Jett since the morning he left me a note and as far as I knew, he hadn’t returned.
I tried to ignore the fact that once again, I was breaking in half, that he was pushing me away, that even though he tried to change the dynamic between us, he still fell back to his old ways of running away.
I didn’t think about the way that he made me feel when he was around or the way he talked to me in his sultry southern voice or the way his strong hands caressed my body.
I wouldn’t let myself acknowledge the fact that I felt like we were two torn souls brought together to heal each other and there was no way that I was going to allow myself to fall for the man, no way in fucking hell even though the pull between us was so strong that I was drowning in him.
Too bad I was only putting on a front because I did all of those things, every minute of the day he was on my mind. I hated it, I hated that I’ve become so dependent on the man, that the happiness of my day revolved around him.
“You never know, Lo, he might show up,” Tootse said as she wrapped my hair up into a ballerina bun on the top of my head.
“You know I love you, Tootse, but you can seriously be delusional sometimes.” Babs came at me with some mascara but I swatted her hand away. “Please, just leave me alone.”
“No, you’re done sulking. If you’re not going out with Jett tonight then you’re going to go out with us. We’re all going to a bar a couple of blocks away. We have the night off and we’re going to take advantage of it.”
“I don’t feel like going out.” I pouted as Babs attacked my lashes. She didn’t apply much makeup, kept me real natural which was nice because almost every night of my life since I could remember I was always layering on the makeup. It was nice to feel fresh for once.
“Lo, I hate seeing you like this,” Tootse said as she sat down next to me on the bed, my hair pinned and ready to go. “I know it hurts but it’s who he is.”
“I know,” I said defeated as Babs finished up. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me and I keep telling myself that but when I’m with him, I feel different. I feel like our souls were made for each other, you know? Like we were brought together for a reason.”
Babs and Tootse exchanged glances that told me I was the delusional one and I might just be. I knew Jett’s rules going in, to signing a contract with the Lafayette Club but after he offered me a set I just thought things were going to be different, that maybe he would cross that line, go the extra step and fully connect with me, not just physically.
Even though I had the inkling that Jett wasn’t going to show up for tonight, I still went to see Miss Mary and learned everything I possibly could from her in the last couple of days. I wanted to make sure that I was trained, that I was ready and on point if I was called up to bat, if Jett wasn’t ashamed to be with me.
That’s what it seemed like, like he was so ashamed of having me on his arm that he only knew to run away so he didn’t have to deal with breaking my heart. He liked me when my legs were spread, behind the doors of the Bourbon Room but that was it. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what I was getting myself into, I just wish he didn’t lead me on.
Was he leading me on? Maybe I was looking too much into everything? Maybe he really just considered me to be another Jett Girl and was getting his fill. That didn’t explain why he wasn’t with the other girls though, or why he was so protective, why he didn’t want my persona to be revealed.
/> Fuck, the man was infuriating. One minute I’m flying on cloud nine with my pussy flapping in the breeze waving at all the unicorns and kitties in my dream land and then the next moment, I’m lying low in a gutter full of dragon shit wondering where I went wrong. I liked roller coasters but this was one ride that I was starting to get sick of.
“Are you going to put your dress on?” Tootse asked as we all looked at the hanger that was attached to the top of my bathroom door.
The dress was a pewter gray color made of brocade fabric that was draped to be skin tight on the body and drape loosely past the hips. The top was a classy V-neck but gave a little bit of a show and there was a slit on the side that reached the bottom of my thigh. It looked dynamite on me but I wasn’t about to put it on, not when I wasn’t going anywhere.
“No, I don’t even know why I let you put on this stupid makeup in the first place.” I went to rub it off but Babs grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes.
She was about to say something to me when someone interrupted her.
“I can take it from here, girls,” came the southern voice that haunted my dreams.
In tandem, we all turned our heads and saw Jett standing in the doorway, wearing a black tuxedo, black shirt and black bow tie. My heart beat rapidly in my chest from just the sight of him but with the way he was standing with pure confidence and smoldering eyes, I was about ready to pass out.
He had a little box tucked in his hand as he walked forward with enough swagger to make a woman weak in the damn knees.
Tootse and Babs released me and quickly walked out of the room.
“Shut the door, please,” Jett asked, not taking his eyes off me.
His gaze was intimidating, almost too much to handle. The man was a cocky son of a bitch but how could he not be with a strong jaw like his and a stance that just screamed I know how to fuck your clit right off. And he did, multiple times.
Feeling uneasy in my silk robe and the way his eyes were undressing me, I pulled the ends of my robe together and looked up at him with as much confidence as possible.