by Erica Vetsch
“I surely did. And I aim to see that promise through, if I have to drag you to the altar.” He glared at Eli. “Enough of this talk. I want you to find this professor, fix the hatches on the Bethany, and win that race.” Abraham Kennebrae, stubborn and unrepentant, never backed down. Eli tapped together his papers and left before he did or said something he’d regret.
Fourteen
Eli twirled his walking stick and glanced up at a sky so blue it hurt the eyes. A ton weight had fallen from his shoulders like an enormous, land-bound ship sliding off the ways and splashing into the lake with the last of Josephson’s calculations. The hatch idea was brilliant.
And he had to admit a bit of relief since finding out the previous day that his grandfather wasn’t in imminent danger of dying. Heart ailment. The old man would outlive them all on sheer force of will.
The pressure to finish the job still surrounded him and the race loomed large before him, but in spite of those things, he found himself whistling as he sauntered up the Zahns’ walkway. At last he felt he had time to give in to the thoughts that had plagued him for many days.
Thoughts of Josie Zahn.
He couldn’t even say why he was here, for he had more than enough things to keep him busy at the shipyard, but after fighting the urge all morning, he finally gave in. He had to see her.
He twisted the bell on the center of the door, listening to the buzzing ring muffled on the other side. Perhaps he should’ve brought flowers. Or candy. Girls liked those kinds of things. He shrugged. Next time.
The curtain in the window darkened, and the door flew open. Giselle stared up at him for a moment, then her face split in a smile to match his own. “Oh, Mr. Kennebrae, have you come to take us on another outing?” She stepped back and held the door wide.
“Sorry, not today, sweetheart. Today I’ve come to see Josie. Is she in?” He stepped inside and removed his hat.
Antoinette bounced down the stairs and stopped at the landing.
Grandma Bess looked up from her chair in the parlor, letting her magazine drop into her lap.
Antoinette grabbed the rounded balustrade and shouted upstairs over her shoulder. “Josie, somebody to see you!”
Giselle giggled and took Eli’s hand, swinging it while grinning at him. “It’s your beau!”
Eli chuckled and didn’t know where to look. Little-girl eyes were everywhere.
“Giselle, enough of your nonsense.” Grandma Bess levered herself up with her cane. “Take his things and get back to your needlework. Your mother will expect to see some progress on that sampler before she gets home.” She swatted the little girl’s behind as Giselle scooted past her. “Good afternoon, Mr. Kennebrae. Very nice to see you again. Won’t you come in and sit down? No doubt Josie heard someone’s”—she sent a pointed glance up to Antoinette—“unladylike bellowing informing her of your arrival. She’ll be down directly.”
Eli, now without his hat or walking stick, didn’t know what to do with his hands. He hoped Josie wouldn’t be long.
Giselle stared at him over the top of a square of cloth, poking a needle in and out in a pattern he couldn’t discern.
He sat opposite her, on a camelback sofa, uncomfortable in this decidedly feminine room. Ferns hung from the ceiling and flowed out of white urns. Bric-a-brac covered every surface—pictures in frames, shells, figurines. Oils and watercolors covered the walls. Overhead a chandelier, unlit at midday, hung from a plaster medallion of whorls, loops, and vines.
“I’m sorry Octavia isn’t here to greet you. She’s gone over to Clarice’s new home to help her settle in. Things here have been in a complete uproar since the elopement.” The old woman didn’t seem to care that she was crashing about on a topic people had been studiously avoiding bringing up to Eli. “How are things at the shipyard?” Grandma Bess picked up her magazine. “Your grandfather sure landed you in the soup, didn’t he? Old men can be so silly sometimes. Everything’s a competition. Anyone could see Gervase Fox was baiting Abraham, and like a tethered bear, Abraham snarled back. And you’re the one who has to pay for it.” She turned a page. “Abraham always was half genius, half foolish.”
Eli, taken aback at her forthright speech, cast about for something to say that wouldn’t be disloyal to Grandfather.
She smiled at him, her eyes nearly buried in wrinkles. “I can tell I’ve surprised you, saying what I think. But I’m an old woman, and I’ve earned the right. I don’t have time for shilly-shallying, and most people, when they get over the shock, find it refreshing. I’ve known your grandfather for twenty-five years or more. Knew your grandmother, too. Genevieve and I were great friends once upon a time. Salt of the earth, that woman, and loved your grandfather something fierce. I always felt a bit sorry for her, though, loving him like she did, and him so busy with his empire. He never seemed to get around to loving her back.”
Eli frowned. “You don’t think he loved her?”
“I think he did, in his own way, and it was only after she passed on that he realized how much he’d lost. He spent his time traveling and putting business before family. And he missed all he could’ve shared with Genevieve if he would’ve stayed home and cherished her for the treasure she was.” She slapped the magazine closed and stuffed it into a black bag at her feet. “You’d be wise to learn from his example, Eli. No woman wants to come second in her husband’s affection, be it to another woman, a business, or just his own pride and ambition.”
“I think I understand what you mean.” He laced his fingers together, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees.
“I hope you do. This marriage business isn’t one to be taken lightly, and it isn’t something that should be decided for you by someone else. My son and your grandfather think that anyone, provided he or she is of similar faith and social status, should be able to have an amiable marriage. But people aren’t that tidy. You take Josie now. Josie’s a girl in a thousand, and if you take the time to get to know her, you’ll find she’s of the caliber of your grandmother. Steel true, blade straight. And brighter than anyone around here gives her credit for. But that won’t do you any good if you only take her at face value. Take the time to dig deeper, find out what kind of girl she really is.”
The way she looked at Eli, sizing him up like he was a nailhead and she was holding a hammer, made him want to squirm. Josie chose that minute to enter, and he bolted out of his seat. “Hello.”
She had her hair coiled up on the back of her head in a thick, shiny braid. He wondered what it would look like all loose and flowing around her shoulders. The thought made him swallow hard. Only a husband would be privileged to see a woman with her hair down. When she stepped near, the smell of violets surrounded him, taking him back to his childhood. Grandmother had grown African violets by the dozens in her conservatory—tiny pink, purple, and white blossoms that appeared to float above velvet green heart-shaped leaves.
“Hello.” She watched him, a reserved expression on her face but pleasant enough.
For a long moment he studied her then realized he was staring like an idiot. “Hello.”
A smile teased her lips. “You already said that.”
What was the matter with him? He’d never had trouble talking to her before. “I, uh, I came to see you.” He felt Giselle’s and Grandma Bess’s eyes staring at him, but none affected him like Josie’s, deep blue, nearly purple.
Grandma Bess snorted. “Why don’t you two go out to the garden? It’s more private there.”
Eli shot her a grateful glance and offered his arm to Josie.
She took it, tilting her head to look up at him. “Would you like to see Mama’s roses?”
The lake breeze cleared his head a bit. They walked down the flagstone path between rioting beds of flowers. Lilac bushes, long bereft of flowers, outlined the boundaries of the garden. Arches of climbing roses spanned the paths, nodding in the sunshine, sending showers of petals like pink snow to the grass.
“They’re Mama’s pride and joy. She tends them
so carefully. Each fall she prunes them and covers them with straw and weighs them down with newspaper and stones. The climate is so harsh here, but she manages to keep them alive and thriving.”
He didn’t care about roses or gardening, but he found himself enjoying listening to her talk. She led him to a bench that overlooked the lake. The slap and scrape of the waves against the rocky shore provided a familiar background noise.
She settled in, smoothing her skirts and crossing her ankles in a purely feminine way. Her hands were so small, the diamond on her finger hung like an enormous drop of dew. Something about that ring disquieted him. Though he enjoyed the idea of being engaged to her, that ring didn’t look quite right.
He did have something that she’d like better. But how to give it to her? The opal ring in its velvet box burned a hole in his pocket. His heart swelled a bit at the thought of having just the right gift, something he knew would make her happy. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for stopping off at the jeweler’s on the way over to pick it up for her.
“How are things coming at the shipyard?”
He tore his gaze away from her hands. “Good now. I’ve solved the last major hurdle. Well, not me, exactly. Another engineer I’ve been working with. He came up with an absolutely ingenious design for the loading hatches. That problem has stumped us for weeks now.”
She moistened her lips and looked up at the house on the slight slope above them. “And you’ll be ready for the race?”
“Yes, and I just got word that Noah and Annie will be returning from their honeymoon soon. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that Noah will be at the wheel of the Bethany for the race. Though he doesn’t know about it all yet.” Eli hoped Grandfather would be the one to break the news to Noah that the fate of his beloved ship was on the line. Noah, easygoing and gentle until pushed too far, just might blow his boiler when he found out how rash Grandfather had been. “I didn’t come to talk about my ship, though, or the race.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, I’d like to talk about more pleasant things.” He ventured to take her hand, thrilling when her fingers curled around his. “I think there are things about you that I don’t know, but I’d very much like to. Things have been so snarled up between us, so cluttered with other people’s wants and wishes, we’ve barely had time to get to know each other.”
She chewed her lower lip lightly, her lashes hiding her eyes.
How could he break down this reserve of hers? When he had taken her to the circus, she had seemed so open and friendly, but ever since their engagement, it was as if a wall had grown up between them. “I suppose it isn’t fair to ask you to reveal your secrets without being willing to share my own. I’ll tell you one.”
He ignored a thrust of vulnerability. “Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve dreamed of doing something big, something so important that my grandfather and my brothers would be amazed. I’ve always felt like the least important Kennebrae. Grandfather has an iron will and a Midas touch. Jonathan is a whiz at business and handling people. Noah is one of the youngest captains on the Great Lakes. . .and one of the best. And what have I done? Nothing. . .yet. The success of the Bethany means more than just winning this race. It means I’ll have made my mark on the family business and on cargo shipping forever. I will have contributed to Kennebrae Shipping in a way that no other Kennebrae could have.”
“Have your brothers made you feel unimportant? Has your grandfather said he feels you don’t contribute?” Her delicate black brows arched.
“Not in so many words. It’s just something I feel. Something I have to do for my own sake as much as the business’s.” He’d laid bare a part of his heart he’d hardly even acknowledged existed. He needed something in return from her to make it seem worthwhile. “What about you? Surely you have some dream or desire, something you’ve always wanted.” As much as he needed her answer, he needed something to distract him from the thought running through his head continually since she walked into the parlor.
What would it be like to kiss her?
❧
Josie blinked. Did a dream you’d laid aside count?
The warmth of his palm pressing against hers distracted her. His hand tightened on hers. “You’re hesitating. I’m sorry. I’ve pried too much. It was forward of me to ask you to reveal a secret.” He looked so forlorn and alone, her heart wanted to cry.
“No, it isn’t that.” She returned the pressure of his grip. “It’s just that it’s hard to put into words the things I want.”
His eyes glowed and a smile brightened his expression. “I suppose you want what most women want. A home, a family.”
It pained her how little he really knew her. Not that she didn’t want a home and a family, but what about everything else she wanted? She had a calling, something she was compelled to do.
She studied their locked hands. Josie Kennebrae. Mrs. Eli Kennebrae. Heat shot up her cheeks, and her breath caught in her throat. Part of her thrilled at the idea, and part of her quailed.
When she married him, she would be obeying her parents, but would she also be disobeying God? She’d promised God she would be the woman He made her to be, that she would use her gifts for His glory. How could she do that if she married? No husband would allow his wife to be an engineer. “Would you like to know what I really want?”
“Tell me.” He pressed her fingers, making the cold diamond band bite into her finger, reminding her of who he had bought it for.
“I want to be treated like an individual instead of one of many. I’m tired of being known as one of the Zahn girls. When people look at me, I want them to see me. I want. . .”
“When you marry me, you won’t be a Zahn girl anymore. You’ll be a Kennebrae.” His voice sounded deep and rumbly, and his eyes bored into hers.
She jerked when his hand came up and touched her cheek. She swallowed, her mouth dry.
“Josie?” He leaned close. His eyes asked permission just before his lips came down on hers.
It was more wondrous and breathtaking than she’d even imagined. His arms came around her and drew her to him. The warmth of his lips seared through her. Her hand came up and touched the faint roughness of his cheek. Love for him coursed over her. If only she could stay here in his arms forever, loving and beloved.
Cold reality dashed over her, freezing her like an icy wave. She might love him, but he didn’t love her. He didn’t even know her. She was just the next Zahn girl in line. Her hands came up and thrust against his chest, breaking the kiss.
He rocked back, blinking.
“I can’t do this. I can’t. I thought I could.” Tears sprang to her eyes and tumbled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” She wrenched the ring from her finger and pressed it into his palm. “This will never work. I should have known it the moment you put this ring on my finger, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’m sorry.” Knowing she’d made a fool of herself, tasting the bitterness of dashed hopes, she stumbled to her feet and ran to the house.
A last look over her shoulder showed Eli standing beside the garden bench, a bewildered expression on his face.
Fifteen
Josie threw herself across her bed, sobs wracking her body. She cried from a place deep inside her heart, a place so secret she hadn’t even known it existed. “God, I’m so sorry. Please help me.”
She was barely aware of the mattress sinking down and someone smoothing her hair until Grandma Bess spoke. “There, there, child. It can’t be that bad.”
Josie pushed herself up and flung herself into Grandma’s waiting arms. For long moments she cried, unable to stop, unable to catch her breath. When at last the tears were spent, she pulled back from Grandma’s comforting embrace. Hiccups jerked her with every breath.
“All done?” Grandma leaned over the side of the bed and dug in her ever-present bag. “Here.” She pressed a comfortingly large handkerchief into Josie’s trembling hands. “Mop up a bit and we’ll talk.”
Josie sniffed an
d wiped her tears. “There’s—” Hiccup. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Grandma leveled an “oh really” look at her. “Then you’re just wailing for the fun of it?”
Josie knew she’d have to tell Grandma something or she’d never let it rest. And suddenly, the chance to come clean, to confess everything and have her ragged feelings soothed seemed too good to pass up. “I gave Eli back his ring.” Her heart tore afresh and another cascade of tears gushed down her cheeks.
“Oh? You aren’t going to marry him then?”
She shook her head, balling up the handkerchief. “I can’t.”
“Did he say or do something horrible to you?” The placid expression on Grandma’s face told Josie she wasn’t particularly worried about Josie’s answer.
“Of course not. His behavior was impeccable.” His kiss lingered on her lips, a memory she would treasure forever.
“Then you discovered something about him that makes him unsuitable as a husband?”
“No. He would be a perfect husband.” So far, Grandma’s soothing left a little to be desired.
“Then you’ve decided he is unlovable.”
“Stop it. I love him, and you know it or you wouldn’t keep after me this way.”
Grandma sighed and got up from the side of the bed. She settled herself in the rocking chair in the corner and placed her bag on her lap. “Let me get this straight. He has impeccable manners, is perfectly suitable as a husband, and you love him, yet you aren’t going to marry him.”
“That’s right. I can’t.”
“Why not? It’s plain as a porcupine you’re made for one another.”
“I can’t marry him because he doesn’t return my love. He doesn’t even know the real me. I’ll always be just the next Zahn girl on the list.” Bitterness laced her words.
“What nonsense is this? The next Zahn girl on the list?”
“Clarice was his first choice, but she eloped. And I was next in line. Like we’re interchangeable parts. One is as good as another. Just like Papa. He can’t remember our names half the time.”