by Ella Jade
Oh, hell no!
“Do you get to see her often? Her parents must be kind people. There’s really no reason to keep you from her. I mean, legally, she is theirs but you should have rights too.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Because of me, you got to meet your daughter.” She was impressed with herself.
“So?” I wasn’t that impressed.
“What do you mean so?”
“Because of you, I didn’t know she existed in the first place.” There was logic in there somewhere but now I needed to figure out how to diffuse this ticking time bomb. “Her parents were gracious enough to let me meet her. I can’t take advantage of that trust.” Keep digging the hole.
“It looks like they trusted you to take her to school. I want to meet her.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Lanie gave her up for adoption. You agreed with her. We can’t confuse the child with all these family members coming out of the woodwork.”
“I don’t understand.”
“As I said, this is a complicated situation. One that has to be handled delicately.” No one knew that more than I did. “I can’t bring the child’s extended family into the picture now.”
“That’s not fair,” she protested. “You got to meet her.”
“I’m her father.”
“I’m her aunt! What about my mother?”
“What about her? She went along with this lie too.” I didn’t blame Lanie’s family. I wouldn’t expect them to betray her any more than I would expect my own family to betray me.
“She’s her maternal grandmother? She has a right to see her.”
There was that word again. Did she not understand that none of us had any rights when it came to Zoey? Not even me?
“Has your mother met her?”
“No.”
That was a lie. My mother had met Zoey, she just didn’t know who she was. Damn it! I needed a session with John before things really spiraled out of control.
“Give me some time and then we’ll work it out.” I didn’t see how we were going to work it out unless I told Kara the truth. Or I told Kate I was lying. Neither one of those scenarios worked for me. I could lose everything.
“Work what out?”
“For once in your life, can you have patience?”
“I’ve been waiting months for you to tell me you found your daughter. Would you have told me if I hadn’t seen those pictures?”
No! “If you’ve been waiting months then what’s a few more weeks?” I had to buy myself some time. “Trust me.”
“You’ll let me meet her?”
“When the time is right. Adoptions can be delicate. The means I had to go through to find her weren’t the most conventional.” All of that was true. “I have no rights to this child. I have to be careful how I go about this.”
“Can you at least tell me her name?”
“Zoey.”
“That’s a cool name.” She sat back in the chair. “Lanie would have loved that.”
“I know.” I agreed because Lanie was a unique soul who marched to the beat of her own drum. “She would have loved Zoey.”
“I’m sorry she hid it from you,” she said. “I tried to tell her that wasn’t a good idea. She insisted you weren’t ready for a child. She was so afraid that it wouldn’t be enough. You wouldn’t accept a baby.”
“She was wrong.”
“About so many things.” She held back the tears because Kate wasn’t the type to get emotional but I could see the sorrow in her expression. “I loved my sister.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.”
“She never should have left you.”
“I wasn’t the man she needed. I understand that now.”
“Maybe not at that moment but you would have been. If she would have stuck it out, she’d be alive today and the two of you would be raising Zoey.”
Where would that have left Kara?
“We don’t know that for sure.”
“How can you say that?”
“I just mean, we can’t know what the future would have held.”
“Maybe not.” She sighed. “But, thanks to me, you have your daughter now. I believe the future is looking pretty bright. I can’t wait to take Zoey shopping. Oh, I love saying her name.”
“Kate?”
“I’ll let you take the lead but don’t screw me over. You’ll regret it.”
“Don’t threaten me. You’ll regret that.”
I didn’t need a session with John to know what I had to do. I’d kept this charade up long enough. Now that Kate was in the mix, it was too risky to keep my secret. I had to come clean with Kara and pray to God she could forgive me. I was prepared for her forgiveness to take time but I had to have faith that it would eventually come. She had to see how much I loved Zoey. How much I wanted to be her father.
Kara and I were having dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant. She loved the cannoli for dessert. I loved licking the filling from her lips. Maybe I could wait until after dinner to tell her.
“Hey.” Kara opened the door, greeting me with her huge smile, flashing me her dimples. “You’re early.”
“I couldn’t wait to see you.” I pulled her into an embrace, wasting no time kissing her. I ached for her, craved her in every way.
“Hmm,” she hummed against my lips as I took the kiss further. Moving my fingers down her throat and over her breasts.
Would it be wrong to carry her upstairs and tell her after we…
“Wait!” She broke the kiss. “There’s been a change in plans.”
“Oh?”
“Zoey was supposed to have a sleepover at her friend’s house but they had to cancel.”
“I see.” Not that I wasn’t thrilled that my daughter would be joining us for dinner but I couldn’t possibly confess in front of her.
“Are you upset?” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “We could order in. We don’t have to go out.”
“I’m not upset.” I kissed her, assuring her that including Zoey in our plans was always an option. “I’d love for Zoey to join us. That makes the night even more special.”
“I was looking forward to a date night.”
“I’m sure we could have one very soon.”
I’d finally worked up the nerve to tell her and now I’d have another night with them. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe the universe was trying to warn me to keep my secret to myself. I had to change my plans. That’s all. I was used to making things happen and making them work for everyone involved.
“X!” Zoey came down the stairs holding a wrapped present in her hands. “We have something for you.”
“You do?” I knelt in front of her. “Can I have a hug first?”
“Yes!” She giggled as she wrapped her little arms around my neck. “Did you hug Mommy?”
“I did.” I let her go and winked at Kara, standing there looking even more beautiful than she had a few minutes ago. How was that possible? Perhaps it was me falling even more for her. “This is the best part of my day. Seeing the two of you always makes me happy.”
“I’m happy!” She handed me the package. “I made this for you. Mommy wrapped it.”
“I can’t wait to see what it is.”
When I sat on the floor, Zoey settled into my lap. I reached out my hand and offered it to Kara. “Come on, Mommy, join us.” It’s where you belong.
“I’d love to.” Kara sat next to me, leaning close enough for me to smell her sweet shampoo. “Zoey worked very hard on your gift.”
“Let’s see what it is.” I carefully opened the package, revealing a hand drawn picture in a black and silver frame. “You drew this?”
“I colored it too,” Zoey said with pride. “For you.”
“She’s been working on it for days,” Kara told me. “I think she might be a budding artist.”
It was a picture of the three of us, holding hands, and walking through the park.
“We’re in the park,” Zoey said. “We’re together.”
“I love it.” This was the most valuable gift anyone had ever given to me. I would cherish it always.
“I thought if we framed it, you could put it in your office,” Kara suggested. “Then when you’re really busy you can remember that we can meet at the park whenever you need air.”
“Like the day we met.” I studied the picture, knowing in my heart this was the life I was meant to live. It didn’t matter how I got here. I never wanted to leave.
“Mommy was sad that day.” Zoey looked up at me. “When you’re here she’s never sad.”
“Your mommy will never be sad again.” I gazed into Kara’s eyes. “I’m always going to be here for my girls. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Kara kissed my cheek, taking my hand in hers. “We’re always going to take care of you too.”
I hope that’s always true. I kissed the top of Zoey’s head, taking in the moment.
14
Xavier
A week had gone by since I almost made my confession. After giving it some thought, I realized telling Kara the truth wasn’t the right decision for any of us. All it would do was make things tense between us. To some it may seem as if I was doing a horrible thing. I didn’t see it that way. I had built a relationship with Kara. If I told her the truth, she would view it as me deceiving her to get close to Zoey. That wasn’t it at all. It was true that I never set out to be with Kara but fate had different plans. When Lanie gave Zoey away my life changed and I didn’t even know it. Zoey belonged to Kara. I would never think otherwise. If lying to her kept us in this perfect family bubble then so be it but I swore there would never be another lie between us.
When we pulled up to my house, I noticed a car in front. One that I didn't recognize. The snow was steadily falling, blanketing the streets. I looked forward to spending a cozy night cuddled by the fire with my girls. Zoey had fallen asleep on the ride home. It was late, so Kara had put her in her pajamas before we left. She’d already eaten dinner, so she was probably out for the night.
“Alec.” I studied the car out front. “Get as close to the house as possible. I don’t want Zoey out in this for too long.”
“I’ve never seen that car before,” he said. “Maybe they’re visiting someone.”
I didn’t pay much attention to the car. “We can put her in the guest bedroom.” I stroked Zoey’s hair before leaning over and pressing my lips to Kara’s. “How did I get so lucky?”
“I was thinking the same thing.” She ran her thumb along my lips, giving me an opportunity to kiss her fingers. “She’s going to love making breakfast with you in the morning.”
“I promised her pancakes.” They were calling for significant snow so Zoey’s school was already closed in anticipation of the weather. I thought it would be a perfect night for them to spend with me. “Lila made dinner and left it in the warming drawer.”
“She’s thoughtful.” Kara unbuckled her seatbelt. “I am hungry.”
“Let’s get inside.” I gazed out the window as Alec opened Kara’s door. “It’s really starting to come down.”
I took Zoey out of her carseat, stopping to stare at her for a second, admiring how perfect she was. Tonight, she and her mother would be where they belonged. After dinner, I planned to ask Kara to move in with me. I wanted them with me. Always. My family.
“Xavier.” A voice called from behind me.
When I turned to see who it was, I glared at my unexpected guest. The one person who had the potential to blow my world apart. What the hell is she doing here?
“Kate.” I cleared my throat as Kara joined us. “What are you doing here?”
“I…” She stared at Zoey. “She’s an angel.”
“Thank you.” Kara smiled.
“She’s yours?” Kate was surprised. “How can that be?”
“We need to get her inside.” I handed her to Kara, hoping Kate would do minimal damage. “I won’t be long.”
Kara took Zoey from me and began walking toward the house but stopped when Kate declared what would only be obvious to her and I.
“She looks just like my sister.” She stepped toward Kara and Zoey but I took her arm before she could reach them. When she stumbled into me, I smelled the alcohol on her breath. “Don’t you see?”
“You’ve been drinking.” I nodded toward Alec. “Can you take her home?”
“Wait!” Kate tugged out of my hold. “You said I could meet her.”
“Stop it.” I gritted my teeth. “You need to leave.”
“X?” The confusion was evident in Kara’s expression. “Why don’t you come inside with us? Let Alec take care of Kate.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“Didn’t he tell you who I am?” Kate yelled. “I just want to see her.” She frantically looked at me. "You promised I could see her.”
“Alec, take her home.” My priority was Kara. What was she thinking?
“Oh, you snake.” Kate shook her head. “She doesn’t know who you are.”
“That’s enough.” I took her by the arm and led her to my car as Kara took Zoey into the house. “Alec will take you home now. I’ll speak with you when you’re sober.” I feared the damage had already been done. Isn’t this exactly what I deserved?
“Why didn’t you tell her?” She held onto me as we walked to the car. “Why?”
“I have my reasons.”
“What reasons could you possibly have for lying to them?”
“That’s not your concern.” I opened the car door. “Don’t come back here.”
“Do you know how disappointed Lanie would be in you?”
“Don’t you dare tell me how disappointed she would be in me. What about her? She kept my child from me. I didn’t have a say in Zoey’s fate. I’m her father. I had a right to know.”
“Lanie knew you wouldn’t be happy about the situation. Your work would always come first. It always did and it always will. That’s why she did what she did. You left her no choice. I didn’t see it then but now I get it.”
“Go home.” I took a breath, trying to ignore what she had said. Lanie may have thought I wouldn’t have been pleased about her pregnancy but I would have embraced my child. “I’ll deal with you later.”
“It looks like you’ll have a lot more to deal with when you go into your house. How are you going to explain your lies?” She grinned. “If I were Kara, I’d take Zoey and run. That’s exactly what you deserve. You’ve been deceiving her all this time. Using her to get close to Zoey.”
“No.”
“They said you’re ruthless. A real bastard but I had no idea how far you could go to get what you want. I hope it was worth it.”
I slammed the car door and watched as they drove away. Standing in the snow, I assessed my options. There weren’t many. How the hell was I going to fix this?
When I walked into the house, Kara was waiting in the foyer for me. There was an air of confusion and anxiety about her. She didn’t say anything. That wasn’t a good sign.
“Where’s Zoey?” I hung my jacket in the hall closet.
“She’s sound asleep.” She moved toward me. “I put her in the guest room.”
“Good.” I took her hand and led her to the family room, noting she was trembling. “Would you like a drink? I could use one.”
“What happened out there?”
“Kate can be difficult. She doesn’t know when to back off.”
“What does she have to back off from?”
“I’m going to pour that drink.” I headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll get you one too.”
“What did she mean when she said you didn’t tell me who she was? I know she’s Lanie’s sister. Why would she say that?”
“She’s been drinking. She shouldn’t have driven here. Alec will get her home.” I opened a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. “She’s always been reckless. When she’s in one of her moods she can be crazy.”
She
reluctantly took the glass I handed her but the atmosphere between us wasn’t the same as when she had agreed to spend the night with me. There was mistrust in her expression. She was right to feel that way.
“Should I get dinner ready?”
“What did Kate mean when she said I didn’t know who you were?”
“Kara, some things are better left unknown.” I closed my eyes, knowing what I had to do. “Kate is a meddler.”
“Why would she say Zoey looked like Lanie? That doesn’t make any sense. It’s an odd thing to say.”
I sipped my wine, craving something stronger to get through this conversation.
“Tell me what she meant.” She placed her glass on the kitchen table. “What does Lanie have to do with you and me? Why would Kate want to see Zoey? She said you promised she could see her. Why would you do that? None of this feels right.”
God, isn’t it obvious?
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“A lot.” I sighed. “And for that, I’m truly sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“I never meant for things to get this far.” I stepped forward, taking her hand. Her flesh was cold to the touch. “You have to believe me.”
“X, I want to believe you but whatever it is, you have to be honest with me. That’s all I’ve asked for from the beginning. I trusted you with Zoey. Please don’t make me regret that. I need to know why Kate was here. Why did she look at my daughter that way? She left a very unsettled feeling inside me.”
“Maybe you should sit down.”
“No!” She tugged out of my hold “Tell me what you’re hiding.”
“Lanie Hightower is Zoey’s biological mother.” There, I said it. Why the hell couldn’t I have said it months ago? “Kate is Zoey's aunt.”
“What?” She shook her head in disbelief. “How could that be? I don’t even know who Zoey’s biological parents are. How could you?”
I stared into her eyes, waiting for the realization to strike her. Was she really going to make me say it?
“I don’t understand. How could you have ended up with me? We met in the park. Why are you so interested in your ex-girlfriend’s biological child?” She stopped and thought for a moment. “Your eyes,” she whispered. “I knew it.”