by Holly Rayner
“The truth is, my mother didn’t buy into that teaching style at all. She loved fiction and everything about it, so my father built her this library. There are fiction books hidden here and there, usually closer to the top. Come this way.”
He stepped around a large writing desk, skimming his fingers along what appeared to be an encyclopedia set. When he reached the letter “S,” he tugged the top toward him, and the shelf popped open at the end.
“Whoa! A secret passageway!”
Lily watched with giddy excitement as Atnan pulled the bookshelf door toward them, opening a dark, wooden passage. He glanced at her, taking a step back and gesturing toward the entrance.
“After you,” he said.
Intrigued, Lily stepped past him, the scent of his cologne and the library filling her senses and making her heart flutter. As she stepped in, he reached past her and flicked a switch. A series of sconces lit up, lighting the way to another door at the end of the short passage. Lily walked up to it and turned the metal knob reverently.
When the door opened, Lily saw another room that was filled with even more books and a comfortable seating area in the middle. This room was markedly different, though. Along the bottom shelves were rows and rows of colorful picture books, many of which Lily recognized on sight. As the shelves grew higher, the books thickened. They were seemingly organized by age level.
She stood silently, taking it in for some time before Atnan cleared his throat.
“I had forgotten about this room until I came back here. I remembered my mother bringing me here and cuddling with our secret books for hours, my father always asking where we had dashed off to. He loved her so much, he hardly cared that she was such a rule breaker.”
He stepped farther into the room, allowing his fingers to caress a line of books.
“It’s not like fiction is forbidden or anything. It’s just not a big part of our culture. As royals, we have certain standards to uphold.”
Lily inhaled deeply, savoring the scent and magic of the space. Even though Atnan’s mother was long gone, this room held her essence in a way that welcomed everyone who walked in to join the secret and enjoy it themselves. She pulled a book off of the highest shelf she could reach and read the cover.
“Ooh, I had to read this my freshman year of college,” she said, opening the book and glancing through the pages.
Atnan leaned over her shoulder, and she fought back a tremble at his warm presence so close behind her.
“Funny you should pick it up; I read it last week. With so much free time on my hands, I find I spend an awful lot of it in this room, catching up on the worlds I never had the pleasure to experience when I was young.”
“What did you think of it?”
“I thought it was predictable and poorly executed.”
“What!? But the story is loaded with hidden meaning and so much depth. I don’t even have to search for a meaningful sentence—look, here’s one: ‘The sacred tomes were loaded with magic spells, though his ability to twist ink into magic had hardly made itself known up to that point.’ How can you say this book is poorly executed? It’s a classic!”
Atnan laughed, and the two proceeded to pick books from the shelf and discuss them, sometimes agreeing, sometimes not. When Atnan told Lily her favorite book was garbage, she nearly threw it at him.
“I’m kidding! I’m kidding! It’s a masterpiece, okay? Just don’t hurt me,” he laughed.
Lily grinned, even with her eyes still narrowed.
“You better take that back. This book got me through high school and college combined. I had to buy four versions of it because each one got destroyed after I read it—and cried on it—so many times.”
“I had no idea you were such a voracious reader, Miss Hawthorne.”
“One must be to survive the degree I did. We were assigned a book every week in one of my classes, plus a ten-page evaluation of it. Just a touch intensive.”
Atnan shrugged.
“That doesn’t sound so bad. At least you got to read fiction. Before spending time in here, I never realized just how much I needed to explore the world of make believe.”
“I’m a little surprised that your father kept these from you after your mother passed,” Lily breathed, before she could really think about what she was saying.
Atnan inhaled, gazing around him as though reaching inside the back of his mind for memories. When he exhaled, his expression was somber.
“I think he just wanted the pain to stop. The only way he could make that happen was to erase everything about her. He couldn’t erase me since he needed an heir, but sometimes I think he wished he could. Once he remarried, he worked hard to pretend that life before my stepmother had never happened. I’m afraid our relationship since then has been strictly business—how I will run the country, how I will ensure that I am a good leader, and the rest of it. It doesn’t go far beyond that anymore.”
Atnan sat on one of the plush sofas in the center of the room, and Lily plopped onto one across from him.
“I know how you feel, at least a little bit. My parents never wanted children. They told me that when I came, I would cry and keep them up at all hours of the night when they had classes to teach in the morning. They were both professors, very ambitious people, and a child did nothing but hinder them.”
“Did you get into education because of them?” Atnan asked.
Lily shrugged.
“I don’t honestly know. I’ve lived a pretty lonely life, to be honest. I always wished for a brother or sister, anyone to play with to pass the time, but books tended to be my only friends. Majoring in English seemed like a natural choice.”
“That does sound lonely. But then again, siblings aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be, either.”
“You have brothers and sisters?”
Atnan nodded, his expression darkening.
“A half brother, from my father’s second marriage. When he was little, we got on well enough, but as time passed, he became jealous, commenting on things I had that he didn’t, always picking fights to try to get me in trouble. I always did my best to love him, but after what he did brought me here…”
He trailed off, clearly realizing he had let something slip. Lily didn’t hesitate.
“Your brother is the reason you’re hiding out here?”
Atnan frowned deeper than he ever had before. If a storm cloud could have appeared above his head, Lily imagined it would have been a hurricane.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing to discuss.”
Lily yearned to press for more details. What could his brother have done to send him into what was obviously exile? Had he found a way to steal the future throne? Had he provoked Atnan beyond reason and caused him to do something unforgivable?
Her mind raced with the possibilities, her curiosity rising to new heights. There, in the safety of his mother’s secret library, she felt safe asking him such things. Taking another look at his face, she realized pretty quickly that that assumption was wrong.
Not wanting to ruin a perfect morning, Lily decided to let it drop. There would be time to figure out why Atnan was trapped in this crumbling palace. Until then, she wanted to earn his trust a little more.
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
Atnan looked up, his frown lessening slightly.
“I suppose. Why?”
Lily grinned and stood.
“Because it’s about time I showed you what I can cook. Ready to experience some American cuisine?”
He winced.
“I’m afraid we don’t have any freeze-dried noodles in this house.”
She laughed.
“Oh, come now, I have some skills I haven’t shown you yet. Come on!”
With that, he followed her out and back through the library, leaving the topic of half brothers and forced exile behind them for the time being.
Chapter Ten
Over the next few days, Atnan and Lily spent a good amount of time explor
ing the library. Atnan took her to a few other rooms, all in the east wing, none of which were anywhere near as exciting as the library. Lily brought up the rest of the palace on a regular basis.
“Please, Atnan? We’ve combed through everything there is to see here. I want to see the other half already!”
Atnan frowned over his lunch. Lily had made them classic American burgers, and he’d been forced to admit that it was delicious. Why was she ruining his appetite with such questions?
“The west wing is even more dilapidated than this one. It could be dangerous walking through there.”
Lily rolled her eyes. Over the course of the past few days, she had grown comfortable enough with him to let down her walls and be herself. Atnan had opened up a bit as well, though she could still sense something hidden beneath the surface. She hadn’t brought up the subject of his brother again, and he had seemed relieved about that.
He stared her down, trying to will her into seeing reason. When she crossed her arms and stared back at him without blinking, he finally sighed, relenting.
“Fine, but you need to walk carefully. It’s not a place in which to act recklessly.”
“You sound like my father. If this is the only playground we have, why don’t we live a little?”
“Because it’s not a playground. It’s more like an abandoned construction site with plenty of sharp objects that can easily be tripped over. I don’t think a trip to the hospital is the way we want to end this escapade, do you?”
Lily waved a hand at him, dismissing the concern.
“You’re being a worrywart. You, who never got to read fiction out in the open, need to learn how to have an adventure. It’s a hobby worth exploring, anyway.”
He pressed his lips together as though he were biting back a retort, and Lily lifted an eyebrow, just waiting for it. When he remained silent, she grinned, picked up their empty plates, and placed them in the sink to wash later. They had worked quite well together over the past few days as they’d prepared and bonded over meals and cleaning up together. There was something so perfectly domestic about it all.
Except for the whole rotting-palace, trapped-with-nowhere-to-go part.
Lily walked up to the kitchen entrance and turned to Atnan with impatience written on her face.
“Well?”
He sat for a moment longer. What was it about that wing that had him so reluctant? Lily had a sense that she was going to unwrap another part of him, perhaps a part he wanted to stay covered. Why else would he be so hesitant when he had been so open about everything else?
He stood and walked past her, and Lily fell into step with him, the two of them walking in silence as they reached the entryway and then took a hallway in the opposite direction.
Lily’s stomach fluttered with excitement. Her sense of adventure had heightened tenfold since meeting Atnan, and sometimes she wondered if the spirit of his mother hadn’t somehow influenced this. Lily had found herself regularly wishing that the woman were still alive. She would have loved to have known her.
The rug beneath their feet grew noticeably more tattered, and Atnan grumbled as he looked at Lily’s bare toes.
“Even more dangerous without shoes. Your feet could get cut.”
“Would you stop grumbling and mumbling? I used to camp as a kid and went out in the woods barefoot all the time. This has nothing on a prickly forest floor.”
“Except for shards of broken glass and metal,” he said flatly.
Lily had no response to that piece of logic.
Still, a part of her felt warmed by the fact that he clearly cared for her well-being. When was the last time anyone had fussed over her safety, ever? Lily couldn’t think of one. Her parents had been tough and stoic, and they had always expected her to act the same. If she fell, she was told to get back up.
It wasn’t that her parents were cruel. They were simply practical, and having never wanted one, had never understood how to treat a child.
The floor creaked beneath her bare feet, and Lily brought her attention back to the present. If she managed to injure herself on this trek, Atnan would never let her hear the end of it.
They made their way down a series of darkened hallways, though light poured down on them from windows high above. They reached another foyer that was completely empty with a wide, arching stairway that led to another floor above.
“This is the center point of the west wing,” Atnan said, his eyes darting around them as though he expected to be ambushed at any moment.
Lily’s eyes landed on a door off to the side of the stairway.
“Ooh, let’s try that one first!” she exclaimed like an excited child.
Atnan’s shoulders tensed.
“That is off limits,” he said, his tone terse.
Realizing he had sounded harsh, he forced his shoulders down and gentled his voice.
“That is my private office, Lily, and it is off limits. I’ll ask you to respect that, please.”
“Okay. No problem. We can try somewhere else,” Lily replied cautiously.
She hadn’t seen Atnan like that since their first day together. Whatever was in that room had to have something to do with his reason for being at the palace. Lily mentally noted that information, not wanting to ruin the adventure too soon.
“Where should we look first?” she asked brightly.
He glanced around as though he were trying to decide between two bugs to eat. Finally, he pointed to a large doorway that led outside.
“Might as well look at the gardens while we have daylight,” he answered grumpily.
“You are not making this adventure very fun, you know,” Lily scolded.
“You are making me endanger us both for your own entertainment. I’m allowed to be irritable.”
“Can you please just try to relax for a moment? Think for a minute; what’s in that garden that might be magical?”
Atnan’s lip curled up into the smallest of smiles.
“You sound like my mother.”
Lily grinned up at him, taking his hand and squeezing it. His palm was soft and smooth, and she wanted to lace her fingers with his but didn’t dare. Everything in her wanted him, but she didn’t dare ruin the tenuous peace they had created with one another. What if she made a move, only to realize he wasn’t interested?
With the way he looked at her, sometimes she found that hard to believe. She had no way of knowing, though, so she kept her behavior purely friendly even as her body ached to do more.
Feeling reckless, she held on to his hand and pulled him in the direction of the doorway.
“Come on, then! Let’s explore.”
He came willingly, not releasing her hand as she turned the knob and opened the doorway to the gardens. A labyrinth of covered lattice led out in a winding pattern. All around them, what should have been flowers and leaves was ominous, dead vegetation.
“Well then, here we go,” Lily said, plunging ahead.
“Watch out for rusty nails,” Atnan warned.
“Will do,” she replied, her eyes darting to the ground. She saw nothing that resembled metal anywhere in sight and wondered if he was messing with her.
They walked on in silence, the sound of the wind blowing through the lattice holes lending a sense of abandonment that Lily hadn’t experienced fully, and the palace had certainly had that feel to it. She felt somber suddenly, as though they were walking through a tomb.
“Feeling the adventure now?” Atnan said smugly.
Lily turned and glared at him over her shoulder. They were still holding hands, and since he made no move to remove his, she held on tightly, grateful for his presence in the stark and desolate place.
“What happened here?” she whispered. “What did it look like before?”
Atnan sighed and finally released her hand. Lily felt a stark emptiness fill her as he did so, and she almost jumped into his arms just to keep that feeling out.
“My mother once had this area loaded with fruit trees and flowe
rs. It was one of the most fun places to get lost in, because it was fragrant and cool in the desert heat. Keep walking and we’ll get to the heart of it in a minute.”
Lily gazed around, trying to imagine the garden wasteland as a beautiful oasis. It was difficult to do, given its current condition. She saw an opening ahead and picked up her pace, feeling claustrophobic beneath the lattice even though it was high enough for Atnan to walk under.
When they reached the opening, they were met with a circular enclosure surrounded by stone benches. At the center was a colorful mosaic fountain with a few chunks of its ledge missing here and there. The water spout was as dry as the sand around them, and all the various pots housed brown, dead plants or dirt. When Lily turned to Atnan, his eyes were heavy with sadness.
“This was once such a beautiful place, one of her favorites. Being here is like coming to her grave. I can see now why my father couldn’t bear to even think of its existence.”
He looked back at the ground, and Lily felt a sharp stab of guilt at making him take her there. She walked over to him and took his hand in hers again. After a moment, he met her gaze.
“Why don’t we try looking somewhere else, maybe where the memories aren’t so sharp?”
After a pause, Atnan nodded, lacing his fingers with hers as he quickly led the way out. Lily’s emotions were roiling as they stepped back inside the foyer. She felt guilty and sad and giddy and excited all at once, and she wondered just how she would navigate her life now that she and Atnan had reached the hand-holding stage of whatever they were.
He stepped over to another pair of doors and flung them open to reveal a faded ballroom.
“Whoa, you guys held dances here?”
Atnan shook his head.
“Not that I remember, though my ancestors certainly liked them, and I’ve heard some pretty interesting stories of things that happened in this room. It was never a place I spent much time in, though.”
Glad to see him feeling even a little bit better, Lily smiled up at him. He lifted the hand that was wrapped in hers as though preparing for a formal dance.
“A dance? But there’s no music!” she said, as though he had offered.