But even her soft tones and lovely smile did not wipe the displeasure off his squire’s face. There was simply no other way to do this.
“Philippe, you are nearing the time when you will train as a knight. If you cannot obey my orders, I cannot accept you into training.” Sebastien crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him. “So, what is your answer?”
Philippe looked at him, then Hugh, Etienne and Lara before replying. “As you command, my lord,” he said, bowing to Sebastien. But his face wore a frown of disappointment that nothing would remove. Sebastien knew; he’d worn one himself enough times to recognize it.
“You are my responsibility, Philippe. I must answer to your father, to the king and to my conscience if I allow harm to befall you.”
“I understand, my lord.”
“Nay, you do not now, but one day, when a boy in your service stands before you with just such a look on his face, you will,” Sebastien said, trying to soften the blow to the youth’s honor. “Now, I must speak with Sir Hugh and my lady. See to your duties.”
Philippe left as he was ordered and Sebastien turned to the truly difficult conversation of the day…or the week…or his life. He had never left behind a wife, a woman he loved, before. He had never tried to prepare anyone for a death that might come at any time. Hell, he never thought on it at all, but now there was so much to worry about.
“Etienne, did you bring the box?” he asked.
“Aye, my lord,” the steward replied, holding out the wooden chest that Sebastien used for all of his private papers. “Would you like me to leave?”
“Nay. I want you and Hugh to know what I have done so there is no question of my wishes.” He took in a deep breath and let it out, not yet meeting Lara’s eyes. “In here is my will,” he began.
“No!” she cried out. “Do not talk of such things, Sebastien. There is no need.” Her eyes filled with tears and his own throat tightened as he continued his explanation.
“Lady, I would know that you are cared for if something should happen to me. Not just this day, but for all days forward from now.”
“I do not like this, my lord,” she insisted. “I do not!” She clasped her hands together and laid them in her lap. He could see that they were shaking.
“Your expression looks remarkably like the one Philippe was just wearing. Mayhap he learned it from you?” He watched her face for a sign that his attempt at levity was working. If anything, her visage became grimmer.
“Upon my death, the lands given to me as your dowry will be returned to you to use or sell as you wish. Malcolm’s guardianship, with the king’s approval, will be granted to you and Hugh together, as will that of Catriona. Hugh will serve as royal warden of Dunstaffnage until the time when Malcolm can pledge himself, or not, to Robert. There are a few other personal bequests—” he smiled at Lara “—but those are the clauses you need to know about in the presence of each other.”
“If you are through, I would like to be excused,” she said without meeting his gaze.
He knew this was a thorny matter, but he had never before had lands, and a wife, to worry about. She was scared. Part of him, that part within his heart that loved her, was thrilled that she cared so much. Part of him, again the part that loved her, was terrified that he might not return to her. His emotions, since the day she’d pledged herself to him, were a jumbled mess.
“I will finish with Hugh and Etienne in a short time.” He held out his hand to her and she took it. He kissed her fingers as she stood, then released her.
They waited for her to leave the hall, then he invited Hugh and Etienne to sit. There were other things that needed to be spoken of before he left. Lara thought he would depart in the morning, but he preferred the cover of night to aid their movements north.
“I would have you both follow her orders as if they were mine.”
“What do you mean, Sebastien? You leave her in charge?” Hugh asked.
“Aye, I do. She has the knowledge and the experience to protect the place. Even more importantly, as my wife, she has the right.”
“She is a MacDougall. How can you trust her?”
“We cannot choose the blood that runs in our veins, Hugh, but we can choose those whom we trust. I trust her in this.”
“’Tis not your arse in danger if she changes sides again,” Hugh said, swearing under his breath.
“If any other man had uttered those words, he would be dead. ’Ware your words about the lady,” Sebastien whispered.
Hugh realized how close he’d come to trouble then, and he nodded his acceptance of the rebuke.
“The only time this castle has been taken, it was done by deceit and trickery. With you at her side, there will be no way for that to happen again. Keep her and the children inside the walls during the day and within the keep at night. Let no one in if neither you nor Etienne know them personally. I will handle any problems when I return.”
“Does the lady know of these instructions?”
“Not yet. But I will speak to her about them and about your power to overrule her if you think she makes a dangerous or foolhardy decision.”
“And if she does not accept my ruling?” Hugh seemed to be thinking of all the potential rough spots in the road ahead.
“Lock her and the children in the north tower. Tie her up if need be, just do not allow her on the battlements or out to the chapel.” They had yet to discover the secret entrance there that he knew must exist.
“I understand about the church, but the battlements?”
“She can, I suspect, climb as well as James Douglas. I do not think you need worry, but I thought you should know.”
Hugh whistled. “Is there no end to the lady’s skills?”
“Etienne, carry on only the resupplying that you can with the limitations I have placed on visitors inside the castle. If we must make someone wait a day or two at most for supplies, so be it. I will answer to the king.
“Now, if you have no questions, I am to bed for a short rest before we leave.” He handed the box back to Etienne for safekeeping.
Neither man said anything, so he nodded to each of them and walked to the tower stairs. Everything was ready for his departure—the men, the boats, the weapons. Everything but himself. But that would be handled when he spoke to his wife.
Well, the sooner started, the sooner finished, he thought as he climbed the last few steps. Of all the duties he’d carried out in his life, he’d faced none to prepare him for what waited inside his chamber. He opened the door quietly and found the room dark, save for one candle by the bed.
Lara sat in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. At first he thought her asleep, but she whispered a greeting to him. He walked to where she sat, and asked her to stand. When she did, he sat down and pulled her onto his lap.
“I do not know how you can sit for so long in this chair. It is the most uncomfortable piece of furniture I have ever used.”
“It was my father’s chair,” she said softly.
“Aye, it makes sense. A hard chair for a hard man.” He shifted and then repositioned her so he could see her face as they spoke. “Now, if this were another foot or so wider, it would have its uses.”
“As what? ’Tis a chair.” She frowned and shrugged.
“You see, love. With more room on each side, your knees could slide in here and we could…you could…” He let his words drift off. At her beautiful blush, he knew she understood what he meant. “And you could use the back to steady yourself for the ride.” He moved his hands there to give her some idea of it.
“It would be worth trying,” she said, smiling this time.
“Now, before I carry you to that bed and wear you out with my affections, there are a few more things you must know.”
“Sebastien, please do not say more.” She placed her fingers over his lips. “I cannot bear to think on such things.”
“Once I am assured that you know the essential information, I will not say another word about these arran
gements.” She nodded and he explained. “You are to hold the castle until I return.”
“Hold the castle? But Sir Hugh…”
“Hugh will be at your side, but the decisions are yours. For your safety and the children’s, you must stay within the castle walls—no chapel and no battlements.”
“I have not gone to the chapel since…” She stopped abruptly and nodded her assent.
“And you will not until the secret entrance is found and sealed.” He paused, for he had never asked her directly about her knowledge of Eachann’s escape. “Do you know where it is or where it leads?”
“I only know that it is in the wall behind the altar. I did not detect how he opened it or closed it. He threw me to the ground and then left through it. I did not see.”
“Eachann seems to have left the area, but I cannot be certain. So, stay within the castle.”
“And the battlements? You know that I love to walk there.”
“Mayhap with Hugh or Connor or Jamie at your side, but not alone. An arrow shot from many different places could reach there.”
“Very well, I will stay off the battlements,” she agreed. “But now tell me what you hesitate to say. It must be bad for you to hold it in for so long.”
He kissed her then and laughed at how close to the truth she came. “Hugh has the power to overrule any decision you make if he thinks it a danger to you or the children or my men or the castle.” He waited for the explosion and the anger that did not come.
“A sound decision.”
“What? I thought you would be opposed to it.” He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes.
“I would not have Dunstaffnage fall again on my account.”
“Lara, you are softhearted and I do not want to see anything happen because you could not make the decision needed. Hugh knows you are to be obeyed unless there is some extreme situation.”
She nodded and then curled up against his chest. “How long will you be gone?”
“If all goes as planned, no more than three days.”
“So, it is close, then?”
“We sail to Glen Gour on Ardgour, across the firth to the north.”
“Have a care, Sebastien. My father sails those waters…”
“I will, and I will send word if we are delayed.” He shifted in the chair and slid his arms under her legs. “If we are done talking, there are still some things I must say before I can sleep.”
He stood and carried her to the bed. Laying her on it, he stripped off his clothes and boots and knelt next to her. Peeling back the blanket and lifting the chemise over her head, he loved her with everything in him and made certain she knew it. As he entered her body with his, he let his love spill out to her.
“Lady of my heart,” he whispered.
“Forever,” she answered. And, when she gifted him with the passionate sound he would never tire of hearing, he knew he would remember it to his dying day.
Chapter Nineteen
It was a shameless act, performed before so many that it could not be denied later when she came to her senses. So blatant as to not be mistaken for anything else. Lara’s face flamed now even thinking on it.
Three days had passed since he’d left in the night from her bed to go off on this mission of the king’s. Three long days and three torturous nights when she’d lain awake and worried about what her father and cousin were arranging to thwart the Bruce’s, and her husband’s, plans.
She’d managed well enough in the light of day. After ordering one of the carpenters to work on her new piece of furniture, she set herself to work on the other things needed. Keeping her hands busy somehow made it bearable, and the thoughts of the terrible things that could happen to Sebastien did not take hold until the night.
Her dreams were filled with images of his broken and torn body being dropped at her feet by Eachann. Her father was there as well, calling her all the foul names that the Bruce’s soldiers had used against her. When she ran from them, they were behind her or in front of her and to her side. The third time she woke up screaming loudly enough to draw Margaret’s attention, she knew sleep would escape her grasp until Sebastien was home safely.
Malcolm and Philippe took to avoiding her—the lack of sleep and the constant worrying over Sebastien made her a miserable companion. Catriona was using her favorite word again, but now used it to refer to Lara’s mood. Lara knew she should have more patience toward the child; however, at the tenth use of that word she lost any hope of decorum and ordered her out of the keep. She knew that Sir Hugh had quietly countermanded her orders, but she chose to ignore that.
She’d almost succeeded in regaining control over herself when that damned James Douglas arrived. Just his appearance was bad enough in her eyes, but when he sat at her table, in Sebastien’s seat, and would say nothing to her about her husband’s condition or whereabouts, she threatened to use one of Philippe’s training swords on his “valuable bits.” After crossing himself and then making a hasty retreat, he relocated himself and his men to the barracks outside the castle walls.
Then Sebastien was there, just off to the west in the firth, heading for the shore and the dock. He stood in the boat and waved—she was sure it was to her as she watched from the battlements—but she could not raise her arm in greeting. Instead, just as he stepped off the boat and was welcomed by Hugh and James and Etienne, she crumpled on the stone walkway and sobbed so hard that she lost her breath.
Lara heard his voice in the yard and tried to stand. One of the guards came running to her and helped her, crying out to Sebastien at the same time. She was on her feet when Sebastien reached the battlements and called out her name. Leaning against the wall and uncertain of what his true mission had been, she said what came to mind first.
“Did you kill my father this time?”
Horrified at the insult, she put up her hands to fend him off. Then, even worse, with everyone watching from the yard and from the battlements, she called out to him.
“And I do not love you!”
He continued his direct path to her and waved the guards off as he neared her. Putting his hands on his hips, he challenged her. “Oh, yes you do, lass. And I love you, too.”
Overwhelmed and exhausted by worry and lack of sleep, she could not think of what to do or say next. She stood and waited for him to make some move. All he did was hold out his arms, and she ran to him. Jumping into his embrace, she wrapped herself around him and just breathed him in.
“Here now, love,” he whispered to her. “I know it has been difficult for you since I’ve been gone.”
She leaned into the curve of his shoulder and let his strength seep into her. “I have not slept since you left. I have offended most of your men and all of my family. And I chased James Douglas out of my keep.”
“So I heard. James appealed to me on the docks and said he would not enter until I did something about you.”
“He said that?” Now that Sebastien was holding her, none of it seemed important. “’Twas his fault, after all. Sitting in your place and not speaking a word about you.” She shook her head. “Oh, Sebastien, it has been horrendous without you. I have been horrendous.”
“So, Cat still uses that word? You have not been able to entice her from it with something new?” She shook her head again. “Come, then. Now that I am home we will have to try.”
He walked down the stairs, through the hall and then back up to their chambers without ever letting her go. It was a shameful display, both her actions and her words, but most especially the way that she clung to him as though she were a clinging vine on his wall.
No one spoke as they passed by. Finally, they were in their chambers, and she knew he’d seen her gift as soon as he began to laugh. He released her legs and she tried to stand. It took her a few times before she was able to let him go. Then, the expression on his face was worth all her efforts.
It was one plank wider than her father’s chair, and deeper in the seat area. She’d sewn pillows and a
cover for both this new one and the old one, and they made for much more comfortable sitting. She could see the exact moment when he thought of the use for such a chair.
“An excellent welcoming gift, but I fear I would not put it to good use this day.”
“Oh, Sebastien! I have not even given a thought to your needs.” She would never survive this kind of life with him—watching him leave on the king’s business and never knowing what he would face or if he would return to her.
“Etienne has set up food and drink for the men in the hall, love. Fret not over that.”
She scanned his body, from head to toe and back again. “Have you been injured? Did you lose any men?” She shook her head. “What happened at Glen Gour?”
He lifted his hauberk over his head and fussed with the mail under it. “Not much. We approached in the hour at dawn. Some of my men climbed the walls and overpowered the guards and opened the gates. When the laird woke to our swords at his throat, he surrendered.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“Nay, not in taking a keep without losing a man. Just confused, for I expected more resistance. But,” he said, finally lifting the mail over his head with her help, “there is simply no way of knowing what to expect.”
“Do not your spies tell you those kinds of details?”
“Aye, most times. However, until a man is threatened with losing his life or those he loves, there is no knowing how he will act.” Stretching his arms over his head, he moaned. “I did not realize how unaccustomed I was to wearing this lately. Three days and nights in mail is enough to suit anyone.” He dropped it in the corner and walked her across the bedchamber.
“I do not want to soil the bed with this sweat and grime. There is a bath waiting for me in the kitchens and I shall return as soon as I am clean and have eaten something. Will you wait here for me? Warm my bed until I can warm you?”
Truth be told, now that he mentioned it, she realized she was exhausted, and the thought of crawling into the bed and waiting for him was quite appealing at this moment.
“Aye, I will wait for you here,” she answered.
The Maid of Lorne Page 19