by Jen Talty
His heart slammed against his rib cage. Love really sucked when your only option was to let it go.
14
Kaylee stretched, careful of her back. Surprisingly, she felt better than most mornings, and she hadn’t even taken anything last night.
The room wasn’t bright, but she could tell the sun was beginning to rise and bring on a new day. She adjusted herself and then grabbed the journal she’d been reading the night before. Thus far, she’d found out that her mother struggled every day with her emotions and blamed her father for it.
Her father was a hard man—unemotional and not very sensitive. His answer to everything was, “suck it up and get over it.” He had no patience for incompetence and demanded perfection from everyone. She opened the blue journal and re-read the last entry.
I’m scared. My baby is sick and no one knows what’s wrong. The voices are stronger than ever. They say the devil is coming to take her away. She belongs to him, not me. I don’t believe them, but then they hurt me. Rutherford just doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t make me take the pills. I hate the pills, even though they help with the voices. I know my baby hates me. I think I hate me, but please don’t let the devil take her. I know she doesn’t really belong to him. It can’t be. I won’t believe it. I don’t care what anyone else says, my baby doesn’t belong to that man.
“What man, Mom?” Kaylee tossed the book aside. Her stomach gurgled. The words written on the page were like some kind of code. One she couldn’t crack. She picked the most recent journal—the one dated the year of her mother’s death—and turned to the last entry. She couldn’t bear to read all the depressing entries. Might as well start backward.
I’m done. I just can’t take it anymore. The voices have won. I know this now because they were right. The devil actually accused me of seducing him when he was drunk and incapable of defending himself against me. Hell, he’s supposed to be a good guy, he should know better. I tried to tell him the voices made me do it, but he didn’t believe me then and he doesn’t believe me now. I can’t tell Rutherford, he’ll just get mad. Kaylee won’t understand; she doesn’t understand the voices. I hope she never has to hear them. They talk too much. The voices are in control now. I even tried to talk to my friend, but that didn’t work.
“What friend? Who are you talking about?” Kaylee sat up, rubbing her eyes. The only thing that made sense to her was that the devil and her father were one and the same, according to her mother.
I so wanted Kaylee to be Rutherford’s. She could have been his. He loves her. It’s me he hates. He wishes he never married me. He said the only reason he stayed was because of Kaylee. I think the voices made him feel guilty. If not Rutherford, then my friend. He comes to visit sometimes, but never stays too long. I think the voices freak him out. I told him what they say, and I heard him and Rutherford fighting about me again. Rutherford won. He always does. I know if I leave, then everything will be okay.
That’s the answer.
“Oh, no, Mommy; that’s not the answer.” She slammed the book closed and let out an exasperated sigh. Too many questions and no real answers.
Her cell phone rang, startling her. She slipped from the bed and tiptoed across the room to the dresser. “Blaine,” she whispered, seeing his number appear in the caller ID box. “Hi,” she said, feeling that connectedness she’d longed for her whole life.
“Did I wake you?” His voice was kind and sent a warm shiver down her spine.
“I finished the journals,” she said, climbing back into bed. She held the phone close, as if it were him. “I’m more confused now than I was before.”
“Your mother was very sick, Kaylee. I’m sure what she wrote wouldn’t make much sense.” His soft tone calmed her tense muscles.
“That’s just it. I mean, some of it makes sense, but I don’t know who she’s talking about.”
“Give me specifics.”
Kaylee closed her eyes. “She calls Daddy by name, but then references two other people as ‘the devil’ and ‘my friend.’”
“Does she describe them?”
“Actually, the names speak for themselves. I get the impression that the devil is someone she doesn’t trust.”
“Her journals document this?”
“Not really. Just says she’d tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t believe her.”
“But no names?”
“Some of her ramblings don’t make sense.” She sighed. “Blaine?”
“What is it, babe?” A tenderness in his voice sent chills up her arms, the good kind. It made her feel like things might actually be okay, but she knew that things might never be.
“I think the devil is Jack Hicks.”
“Why do you say that?”
She rubbed her temple. “The opposite of good is evil, and my mother constantly rambled on about how the devil lived in the church.”
“Interesting point…shit.”
“What?”
“Linda Hicks volunteered at the hospital for years. I actually think she was a nurse. She could have lied about blood results to your father.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense. How does that affect her?”
“Maybe she’s got something of her own to hide.”
Kaylee glanced at the clock—six in the morning. She knew it would be hours before he’d come home. “Still planning on going to church?”
“You up for it?”
“I want to wrap up this mystery and get on with the other crap looming over my head. I need to move on, Blaine. I need to fix my life before I end up in another place I don’t want to be.”
“I understand.”
She said goodbye and then tossed the phone on the floor and covered her eyes with her forearm, letting out a big grunt. Things might turn out all right with this mess in Chicago, but here on Thief Lake? Nope. She wasn’t so sure.
Blaine stumbled into the station house just minutes before eight. His eyes were dry and itchy. A dull ache had started at the base of his neck and worked its way to his forehead. His doctor had always told him stress and lack of sleep were some of the triggers for his migraines. He opened his desk drawer and grabbed some of his so-called “preventative” medicine, popped them in his mouth, and swallowed.
Kaylee had sounded okay, but her mother’s diary was damn confusing. And then there was Linda Hicks. How the hell did she fit into all this?
“Why am I here?” Hadley’s voice bellowed as he stomped into the office.
“I don’t know, but since you’re here, have a seat.”
“You didn’t have someone call me, wake me up, and tell me I had to get my ass down here for a meeting with you?” Hadley didn’t look too pleased. He looked downright pissed off.
“Can’t say that I did, but I was about to.”
“Glad the gang’s all here,” Dave said as he strolled into Blaine’s office, looking all refreshed and awake.
That frustrated the hell out of Blaine. Dave had even showered and shaved.
“What do you two clowns want now?”
“I’d like to know who Kaylee’s father is for one,” Dave said as he sat down. “That list you gave us? All came after Kaylee was born.”
“You asked for a list, you didn’t specify a timetable,” Hadley replied defensively.
“Did you sleep with Roberta around the time she could have become pregnant?” Blaine asked, hoping this was the direction his boss had planned on taking.
“We’ve been through all this, Blaine. I sat in your kitchen and put my heart out on your counter.”
“Tell me,” Dave said. “I wasn’t there.”
“Christ.” Hadley ran a hand through his buzzed hair. “I’ve always liked women, too much at times. I could never only look at one, and it got me in trouble.”
Blaine glanced at Dave, who just stared at Hadley, waiting for him to continue. A tense silence filled the room.
“Hadley,” Blaine finally said. “Was Linda Hicks the nurse at the hospital who told you that yo
u couldn’t possibly be Kaylee’s father?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Hadley said, but the lines on his face told Blaine how much it really mattered.
“Why would Linda Hicks care who Kaylee’s father was?” Dave asked.
“She doesn’t care, as long as it’s not Jack.” Hadley’s tight expression folded into acceptance, and he slumped back against the wall. “Linda wanted the ‘respectable’ kind of life. One that was the complete opposite of how she’d grown up. Jack could give her that. I couldn’t.”
“Were you in love with Linda?” Blaine asked.
“Like I said, I like women. Couldn’t turn down a pretty face.” Hadley stared at the ceiling.
“That doesn’t answer his question,” Dave said.
“That was a long time ago, and I’m not sure I even knew what love is. Still don’t.” Hadley rolled his neck.
“I heard a rumor about some kind of ‘arrangement’ between you and Mrs. Hicks,” Dave said.
“You heard correctly. We both grew up in the trailer park and were friends, until she ran off with the good-natured Jack.”
“Friends? Or lovers?” Blaine asked.
“For us, they went hand in hand. It wasn’t anything bad; we just understood each other. We both wanted out of our environment. She wanted a decent man, and I wanted the world.”
“Kind of like, ‘I’ll scratch yours, if you scratch mine,’” Dave said.
Hadley nodded. “But once she married Jack, she washed her hands of me. Not that I cared. I went off to law school.”
“So if she didn’t want her husband to be the father of another woman’s child, why not try to pin it on you?” Blaine asked, looking for any sign of discomfort from Hadley, but only getting a smug grin.
“She didn’t want it to be mine either. It was bad enough Roberta had Rutherford—who, by the way, was her first choice for a husband.”
“Wait.” Dave stood. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Sure it does. Linda tells Rutherford he’s not the father, getting back at him for choosing Roberta over her.”
“Wait.” Blaine scratched the back of his head. “Mrs. Hicks and Rutherford?”
“Doubtful.” Hadley chuckled. “Rutherford never liked Linda much, but Linda liked his money, and she went after him.”
“Okay,” Dave said. “That explains why she’d try to ruin Rutherford, but I still don’t get why she wouldn’t pin paternity on you.”
“That’s why I believed her. She had more to gain if I was Kaylee’s father, keeping her husband out of suspicion. Then Roberta’s diagnosis came, and we just figured Kaylee could be anyone’s. Rutherford didn’t want to put Kaylee through that.”
“I thought Rutherford kept her diagnosis to himself until later.” Blaine said.
“She’d been showing signs since she was seventeen when her older brother died in a car crash. She’d go out on binges and dance topless at bars. For years, it was just me and the Hickses who knew of her illness.”
Blaine glanced toward the window. The bright sun brought with it a pounding headache. “She doesn’t sound like the type of woman Rutherford wanted.”
“Which is why he didn’t marry her until she told him she was pregnant,” Hadley said. “He wanted to make sure she’d change her colors. I think she tried, but her illness was just too strong. I also think Rutherford wanted to be a father. Anything else?” Hadley pushed away from the wall.
“Not for right now,” Dave said. “But don’t go too far away. I might need to ask you a few more questions.”
Hadley took confident steps toward the door and paused. “I’m not real close with Linda anymore. Haven’t been for years, but there is something you should know.” He turned and looked at Blaine. “Linda can be vindictive.”
“What are you getting at?” Blaine asked.
“She’s not the upstanding woman you all think she is. She’ll stop at nothing to make sure her own little world stays intact.” Hadley rubbed his large hand across his face. “Rutherford changed that will because Linda started to threaten him about his and Rachael’s relationship. She was going to call every reporter she could think of and try to ruin him.”
“By using her own daughter?” Blaine wasn’t sure what to think of this new information, or the fact that Hadley was giving it so freely.
“I’m breaking client confidentially laws here.” Hadley tipped his head.
“Your client is dead. Murdered actually, so just go with it,” Dave said, glaring at Hadley.
For a brief second, Blaine wanted to jump up and down and slam his hand on Dave’s back. He just threw the rulebook out the door, but Blaine kept his cool and only smiled on the inside.
“Rutherford and Rachael had been seeing each other. I think the old bastard really liked the young girl, but when her mother found out, she flipped out. Went after Rutherford with both barrels cocked, saying he was taking advantage, and what a dirty old man he was. Anyway, Rutherford came to me and asked me to change his will. Said something about Linda falling from grace. I didn’t understand, but hey, it was his life, and Linda could be a pain in the ass,” Hadley said. “I would much rather see Kaylee get everything.”
“Linda not approving of her daughter’s sex life doesn’t make much sense as a reason for Rutherford to change his will,” Dave said.
“Linda told him Jack was Kaylee’s father, and Rutherford refused to believe it.”
“Why?” Blaine asked. Everyone else had slept with Rutherford’s wife, why not Reverend Jack Hicks?
“Denial, I guess. Jack being so religious and all. Then the way he supposedly fell head over heels in love with Linda. Jack had always been supportive of Rutherford’s decisions to keep Roberta from the institutions where they’d pump her full of experimental drugs. He even took Rutherford to a psych unit to show him what kind of life she’d be living.”
“The medical world has come leaps and bounds with treatments for schizophrenia,” Blaine said, rolling his shoulders. He was getting more questions, not more answers.
“This was over twenty years ago.”
“Wait a minute.” Dave stood and held out his hand. “First, I’m pissed as hell that you’ve waited days to tell us all this.”
Hadley nodded.
“Second, I don’t get it. Why was Jack so above reproach in Rutherford’s eyes?”
“Rutherford may not be religious, but he believes in a man’s word.”
“I find that hard to believe. He never believed in mine,” Blaine said.
“You stole his baby’s heart. That meant damnation in his book.” Hadley stepped to the hallway and then turned back. “I’ll be at home on Sunday, then at my office all week if you need me.”
Blaine focused on the birds perched on the bush outside the window. The sun was shining bright, and spring was kicking in, melting the last bit of snow. “You believe him?”
“Every freaking word.” Dave ran a hand across his closely buzzed head. “But when other people play God, I think God gets mad.”
Blaine sat down behind his desk, rifling through the paperwork and making notes, trying to force his mind to think logically. “Linda lied to Rutherford and Hadley, but based on the time frame, any one of them could be Kaylee’s father.”
“We also know Roberta had a reputation for being easy, long before her diagnosis. My brother said she’d have too much to drink and offer herself to just about everyone.” Dave leaned over Blaine’s shoulder. “Although, they were all just kids at the time. I’m sure not everyone had the nerve to follow it up with action. Most teenage boys are all talk, no action.”
Blaine laughed. “Not this teenage boy.”
“Yeah, well, when I was a kid, we got married and then let our libidos run rampant.”
“Obviously, not everyone from your generation were like you and Sally, and my parents.”
“That’s what bothers me about this. Back in the day when people had quickie weddings, usually it was shotgun. There were whispers about the
Hickses, but she gave birth pretty much like it could’ve happened on their honeymoon.”
“Are you suggesting that Rachael isn’t Jack’s?” Blaine glanced over his shoulder.
“Think about it. Why would she lie to Rutherford and Hadley? Unless she had her own lie to cover up, and one of them knew what that lie was.”
Blaine dropped his pencil and raised his hands to his throbbing head.
“You’d better go get cleaned up for church,” Dave said. “Might want to get Kaylee to trim your hair. Actually cut it and put on your uniform.”
“What?” Blaine cut his hair? Never. Well, there was one thing that would get him to chop it all off. He’d made a promise if he took over as Chief of Police he’d do it, but that wasn’t going to happen, not unless Dave retired… “Oh, no. You won’t be retiring for years.”
“I’m done.” Dave smiled. “I think I might move out to the log cabin on the farm and go back to doing things I always loved.”
“You love being a cop.”
“I do, but I love other things, too,” Dave said, turning serious. “Namely, your mother.”
“I’m not cutting my hair,” Blaine protested. “Or wearing a uniform. You don’t wear one.”
“I do when I get the rare opportunity to be on TV, or when I want to intimidate the hell out of someone, like today in church.” Dave looped his arm over Blaine’s shoulder.
Blaine froze and stared at the firm, fatherly hand patting his shoulder. Oddly, he felt as if his own father was looking down on them and smiling.
Dave cocked a brow. “Come on, son.”
Blaine shrugged his shoulder. “Knock it off, boss.”
“Whatever you say.” Dave let out a hearty laugh. “You better go; eleven o’clock mass starts in two hours.”
15
Kaylee pulled the comforter up and tossed the pillows onto the bed. She glanced around her father’s room, and water welled in her eyes. She’d never see him again or hear his laugh. Not that he laughed all that much, but when he did, it affected everyone around him.