Strange how he could think about her now without it hurting. Yes, he still missed her and he probably always would, but he could also remember the good times—the fun times before life got so frenetic and busy and pressured and everything fell apart. Before their son had died and she’d taken her own life in a cruel combination of guilt and grief and hopelessness.
A movement on the front porch of his parents’ house dragged Nolan from his reveries. His dad—standing there in the cold, quite happy to wait until his son was ready to get out of the car in which he’d been sitting for, he now realized, upward of twenty minutes while his thoughts wandered.
Nolan finally got out of the SUV and walked up the front path. His dad greeted him with a hug. Although Nolan was a grown man, he still took succor from his father’s grasp, from the warmth and unconditional love.
“Everything okay, son?” Howard Dane asked him.
Nolan met his father’s brown eyes, so like his own, and smiled. “Yeah, Dad. Everything’s okay.”
His father gave him a nod. “Your mother was worried when she saw you parked out front. You know what she’s like.”
“I was thinking. About Carole and Bennett.”
His father’s eyes dulled with unspoken pain. “Thought as much. It’s why we left you to it.”
“So,” Nolan said, clapping his father on the back as they turned and walked toward the front door. “Got any wood that needs chopping?”
His father laughed. “In that suit? I don’t think so.”
“Maybe you can loan me something to wear.”
Howard Dane eyed him up and down. “Maybe I can. You look like a stuffed shirt, son.”
“Not anymore, Dad. Not anymore.”
* * *
Nolan’s back and shoulders ached like he couldn’t remember and the blisters on the palms of his hands reminded him he’d grown soft during his time in California. It had been good to do some manual labor. It gave him plenty of time for thinking. His mom had brought out some lunch for him and his dad, who was busy stacking the firewood as Nolan split the logs. Once they were done and came inside, Nolan looked across the sitting room and saw the new gas fireplace installed where the old open fire had once been. He turned and looked at his father.
“You didn’t tell me you’d gotten rid of the old fireplace.”
His father shrugged. “Sometimes a man just has to chop wood.”
Nolan gave his father a look. “Why’d you have it removed?”
“Debris from the tornado damaged the old chimney. We decided to remove the whole thing, fireplace and all.”
“You might have told me.” Nolan laughed.
His dad shrugged again. “It’s no bother. Besides, the wood should come in handy come summer. Your mother made me buy one of those fancy brazier things for the back patio. We’ll use it for that.”
Nolan laughed again. This was what he’d missed living so far away. His father’s quiet acceptance and solid support. It didn’t mean he was a pushover. No sirree. In fact, Howard Dane was known through several counties as a tough lawyer who could be relied on to stand up for his clients.
Nolan’s mother came through from the kitchen.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked, wiping her hands dry on a tea towel.
“I’d like that if you have room for me,” he said with a wink that he knew would earn an eye roll in response. He wasn’t disappointed.
“Go get cleaned up and I’ll see if we can squeeze you in at the table,” his mother teased, flicking the tea towel in his direction.
Over dinner, Nolan told his parents about his decision to quit Samson Oil.
“So what are you going to do now?” his mom asked with a worried frown on her still-pretty face.
“I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet, Mom. I just made the decision today.”
“But it’s not like you not to have a plan beforehand. What on earth prompted you to do such a thing?”
Nolan eyed both his parents before answering. “I didn’t feel comfortable with it anymore. Yes, I know we were doing a lot of good, giving people a way out they didn’t have before. But somewhere along the line, others would get hurt and I figure Royal’s seen enough hurt already. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
His father narrowed his eyes at him and Nolan shifted in his seat. Howard was a man of few words but when he chose them, you generally listened.
“What changed?”
Not, why did you change, Nolan observed of his father’s question. It made him think carefully about his response.
“I guess it mattered to me more.”
His father continued to look at him in much the same way he had back when Nolan was a kid and had done something wrong. Howard knew that silence was a very effective weapon.
“I met someone. Someone who reminded me of what it’s like to feel.” Nolan heard his mother’s gasp of surprise, but he kept going. “Someone who potentially was going to be put at a major disadvantage both financially and emotionally if things had continued the way they were. Regrettably, I withheld information from her. I abused her trust. I don’t like the man who did that and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Good to hear, son. So who do you want to be now?” Howard said quietly.
“The man who makes things right again.”
Nolan watched his father take a sip of his wine and set the glass carefully back down on his mother’s crisp white linen tablecloth.
His father sighed and looked up at him again. “And if you can’t?”
Nolan shook his head. Failure wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t be his father’s son if it was. “I will succeed. It won’t be easy, but I’ll get there.”
“Does she know about your old life here?”
“No, and I need to address that. She deserves to hear it from me. It’s just...not easy talking about them.”
“You’ll find the right time, son, and the right words,” his father said encouragingly.
“Does this mean you’re moving back to Royal for good?” his mom asked while she gathered up the plates from the table.
“I hope so,” Nolan answered. “No, I know so. LA isn’t the right place for me. Not anymore. It was a good place to run to. It let me grieve at my own pace and in private. But I’m back now.”
Howard shifted in his seat. “You planning to set up a property law practice here?”
Nolan shook his head. “No. In fact, I think I’m ready to go back to my roots, to family law.” He gave his father a half smile. “Do you know anyone looking for a lawyer?”
His father’s smile was slow to come but when it did, it shone with a world of approval and joy. “I think I might know of a space. You’d have to brush up a bit, jump through a few hoops, untie some red tape.”
“Oh, Howard, stop teasing the boy,” Nolan’s mom protested. “You know you need him back at the practice. It hasn’t been the same since he left.”
Nolan met his dad’s gaze and stood as Howard rose to his feet. The older man extended his hand across the table and Nolan grasped it firmly, exactly the way his father had taught him more years ago than he could even remember.
“Then, welcome back aboard, son. We’ve missed you.”
“It’s good to be back, Dad. Thank you.”
And Nolan knew the words were more than just that. Inside he felt as if everything had clicked back into place. Almost everything, he corrected himself. There was still some rebuilding to do, if that was even possible. But, like he’d reminded himself before, failure wasn’t an option.
* * *
Number withheld. Raina stared at her cell phone screen and debated taking the call. It was quiet in the store; she had no reason not to take it, and yet there was a knot in her stomach that made her hesitate. She knew it wasn’t No
lan. He’d been leaving messages every day since Saturday asking her to call him. She wished she had the courage to call him back and tell him to stop calling her, or even had the courage to block his number, but something always held her back. That same perverse something that gave her a quiet thrill of attraction every time she heard his voice.
Her phone went silent in her hand and a few seconds later the icon popped up telling her she had a voice message. With a sigh of frustration, Raina checked it. And there it was, she thought as she listened. Yet another call from Jeb. She’d already told him how much money she could give him but he insisted on more. Telling her his life depended on it. When she’d pressed him for details, he’d explained about the gambling debts he’d incurred in New Mexico. The loans he’d taken out with some guy who was now impatient to be repaid. The sum had staggered her. Surely Jeb couldn’t have gambled it all away?
She had the impression that for all the things he’d told her, he was still holding something back. She decided it was time to get to the root of it and dialed the number he’d given her in his message.
“Rai, about time,” he growled in her ear.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Raina demanded, not wasting any time on pleasantries.
“Babe, I’ve told you everything you need to know.”
Need to know? She looked to the ceiling of the old barn and prayed for strength. “Look, I might be able to borrow some money from my dad. But you have to tell me the truth, Jeb. Why so much?”
He laughed, a grating sound that was devoid of even an ounce of mirth. “I’ve gotta get out, Rai. Disappear and never come back. That costs.”
Disappear? Never come back? Heck, if she believed—even for one minute—that he’d never be back it would be worth paying him what he was asking. To think that she wouldn’t have to be wondering and waiting when the next call or visit would come. The next demand for more money. But what on earth had he done that was so bad?
“Forever?” she asked, the word slipping from her mouth before she even realized she’d said it.
“Aw, Rai, don’t tell me you’re gonna miss me. Or is it maybe that you really don’t want to see me ever again?”
Raina shuddered. He was back to playing his word games, twisting everything around, including her, until she didn’t know which way was up anymore.
“How much? Tell me, Jeb. Exactly how much do you need?”
He named a sum that had her rocking back on her heels. “I can’t do that.”
“That’s what it’s gonna take, Rai baby. And I need it by tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” She couldn’t get that kind of cash together by tomorrow and she doubted that even if her dad was prepared to lend her the money he could either. Besides, tomorrow was JJ’s pageant. She didn’t want Jeb anywhere near her or her son on what was a very important day for her little boy. “That’s far too soon! Give me a few days.”
“I don’t have a few days.” Jeb’s tone became more urgent and a shiver of fear trickled down Raina’s spine. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Look out for me.”
With that he hung up, leaving Raina staring at her phone and shaking. How on earth had she ever let things get to this? She should have drawn the line on being his cash cow years ago, but somehow it had always been easier just to pay him and send him on his way.
Raina stared at her phone and knew she had to do this. She dialed her father’s number. He answered on the second ring.
“Dad, I need your help.”
Eleven
Raina had been on tenterhooks all day. Her father, bless him, had come to see her at the store earlier in the day with a wad of bills. That he’d done such a thing, even knowing that the money was for Jeb, filled her heart with gratitude. No matter what happened in her life, she had him as her rock. When her mother had abandoned her, he’d been there. When Jeb had abandoned her, he’d been there. Every minute of every day that she needed him. But he wasn’t getting any younger and it was time she was that rock for him, not the other way around. She needed to be able to stand on her own two feet.
And then there was the anxiety of carrying several thousand dollars in cash on her person for the rest of the day. Every time someone had come into the store and set the bell above the door ringing, she’d virtually jumped out of her skin. By the time she’d closed up shop and headed home, her nerves had been stretched so taut she felt as if the slightest thing would see her fracture into a million pieces.
“Mommy! Mommy! Look, I’m Spider-Man!” JJ zoomed around the house in his costume, looking like no shepherd any children’s pageant had ever seen.
“JJ, we’ve talked about this. You can’t be Spider-Man in the pageant,” she said wearily and with an edge to her voice that JJ didn’t miss.
“I am, Mommy. I am!”
His face took on a petulant look that reminded her all too much of his father, and Raina was hard pressed to remind herself not to visit her frustrations over Jeb’s sins upon JJ. She had to pick her battles.
“How about you be Spider-Man in the car and then a shepherd when we get to the hall?”
“Spider-Man!” JJ shouted and hopped on one foot.
“C’mon,” Raina said, fighting to hold on to her temper. “Let’s get your coat on. If we don’t go soon we’ll be late.”
By the time she had them both bundled up and in the car her hands were shaking. She took in several steadying breaths before putting the car in Reverse and backing out of the drive, all the time keeping an eye out for Jeb. But he was nowhere to be seen. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or sorry.
Luck was finally with her when they got to the hall where the pageant was being staged and she parked her car in the last vacant space in the lot. Uttering a silent prayer of thanks, Raina helped JJ from the car and grabbed his shepherd’s costume before heading toward the foyer. Inside was a cluster of angels on one side, shepherds on the other and all other variety of pageant costumes in between. And Spider-Man, Raina told herself. Don’t forget him.
A tingle of awareness spread through her body as she sensed a movement to her right-hand side. Jeb?
“No’an!” JJ cried.
Raina felt her body sag. Was it in relief or in shock that he’d come? Right now he was definitely the lesser of two evils.
“Raina, I hope you don’t mind me being here, but I didn’t want to let JJ down.”
“The pageant is open to everyone,” she replied. “Just a small donation is requested for the local food bank.”
“I know, I’ve already donated,” Nolan said.
Just then, someone jostled her from behind, making her lose her balance, and Nolan immediately steadied her, his large warm hands at her shoulders. He let go of her just as soon as she was steady on her feet and for some stupid reason, tears sprang to her eyes. Raina blinked furiously to rid herself of them. She’d weathered tough days before and this one wasn’t any different, she reminded herself.
A call went out for the shepherds to assemble and to go with one of the day care teachers.
“C’mon, JJ,” Raina said, shaking out his costume. “Let’s get you changed.”
“No. I’m Spider-Man, Mommy.”
JJ’s voice was raised and Raina saw several faces turn toward them. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“Maybe we should just go home,” she muttered to herself but JJ overhead her and pitched his voice so that everyone in the foyer could hear him.
“No! Not going home!”
JJ was normally an even-tempered child but when he threw a tantrum it had force equal to the tornado that had leveled so much of Royal more than a year ago. On top of everything she’d dealt with in the situation with Jeb, this was one thing too many for Raina. She reached for JJ’s hand, determined to take him back out to the car, drag him if she had to, but Nolan put a hand on her arm
.
“Maybe I can help,” he offered, taking the shepherd costume from her and squatting down in front of JJ. “Hey, champ, you’ve blown your cover.”
JJ eyed Nolan with a wary but intrigued expression.
Nolan gave JJ a serious look. “No one knows who Spider-Man really is, right? He hides his suit until his special powers are needed, doesn’t he?”
JJ nodded slowly, his eyes growing wide.
“Quick,” Nolan suggested. “Before anyone notices. Let’s cover you up.”
To Raina’s stunned surprise, JJ let Nolan dress him in the rough cotton overshirt, complete with rope belt, and secured the tea towel she’d brought for his head with another length of twine.
“Great work,” Nolan whispered to the little boy. “I think your secret is safe.”
“Raina, is JJ ready?” one of the day care teachers asked, clipboard in hand and a harried expression on her face. “Oh, great, I see he is. That’s everyone accounted for. I’ll bring him out back so you can go and take your seat.”
Before she knew it, JJ was amiably holding hands with his teacher and walking away. But all of a sudden he broke free and ran back to Nolan and beckoned for him to lean down. Her little boy whispered something in Nolan’s ear and gave him a massive hug around his neck.
This time Raina couldn’t hold back the tear that spilled over and traced a line down her cheek. She brushed it away but not before Nolan noticed it.
“Thank you,” she said to him, her voice shaking just a little.
Nolan didn’t say anything right away, just pushed his hands in his trouser pockets and looked at her. Raina self-consciously looked away. She wasn’t at her best tonight. A sleepless night followed by the tension of today, capped off by JJ’s behavior, had left her feeling more raw and vulnerable than she had in a long time.
“Raina, we need to talk.”
“No.” She shook her head. “No we don’t. Thank you for settling JJ for me, but we’ve said all we need to say to one another. And, to be honest, the time for you to talk to me was when we met. Not now.”
She turned to go but Nolan caught the sleeve of her coat.
Lone Star Holiday Proposal Page 10