“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it was none of your business.”
“Yes, it is—”
“No, it isn’t,” I said. “You no longer have any say over what I do with my body. That ended on the day you made me get that abortion.”
“We both decided that it was best for you to have the procedure.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” I marched to him and poked my finger into his chest. “You forced me to get that abortion.”
Dad’s eyes finally softened. “I had no idea you felt this way.”
I continued to poke him. “And what if David and I did have sex? What if we were sleeping together? At least he’s not afraid to touch me.” I grabbed Dad’s hand. “Why don’t you hug me anymore?”
“I hug you—”
“No, you don’t,” I said. “Ever since the abortion, you’ve treated me like shit. Why don’t we go to basketball games anymore? Why don’t we watch the Braves on television?” I released his hand, and he cradled it like it had been burned. “I’m not good enough for you anymore, but Jackie is?”
Dad took a step back. “I’m … I’m sorry.”
My entire body began to tremble. “Now you want to apologize?”
“I’m so sorry, Rhonda. I didn’t know … ”
“You think just because you apologize that everything is going to be okay?” I stepped toward him and planted my hands on my hips. “You can’t just say a few words and erase the past three years.”
Dad slowly placed his hands on my shoulders. “Rhonda, you have to understand. If I had known how you felt, I would have acted differently. Maybe if I had been around more, or maybe if I had been a better father … ”
I brushed his hands off me. “I can’t believe you’re making this about you. I’m the one that had the abortion, remember?”
Dad opened his arms and inched toward me. “Honey, I’m sorry. I only did what I thought was best.” He began to wrap his arms around me, my pills still firmly in his grasp. “Can you forgive me?”
“Like I said before, it’s a little late for apologies.” I stepped out of Dad’s embrace and snatched the birth control pills from his hand. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pill to take.”
As I spun on my heels and marched to my room, I mentally added a new rule to my life:
Helen and I walked into the department store and made a beeline for the formalwear section. This was the third store we had been to, and we still hadn’t found a suitable dress.
“Are you sure you want to buy me a dress?” I asked. “Some of them are pretty expensive.”
“Like I said before, it’s my treat,” she replied. “Think of it as a reward for getting a scholarship to Georgia Tech.”
I had received the letter earlier that week informing me of the partial scholarship I was awarded. While it wasn’t a full ride, it would cover the majority of my tuition. The way I calculated it, if I worked twenty hours a week while in school, I would have enough money to cover all of my expenses, without my father’s help.
Dad was so ecstatic when he found out about the scholarship, he lifted my one-month punishment (never mind the fact that I had no intention of abiding by it). He even took the letter to his office and showed it to all of his co-workers. For once, it seemed like I did something right in my father’s eyes.
Ever since the night of our argument, Dad and I had been walking on eggshells when we were around each other. Dad wasn’t offering to help me get ready for the prom, and I wasn’t asking. As long as I stayed out of his way and he stayed out of mine, I figured we could survive in our social stalemate for the rest of the school year.
“I can’t believe your prom is in two weeks,” Helen said, bringing me back to the task at hand. She started looking through the leftover dresses on one of the bargain racks. “Why did you wait so long to buy a dress?”
“I wanted to lose some weight.”
“We could have gotten the dress taken in if you lost weight,” she said. “How many pounds did you lose?”
“Seven.”
Well, it would have been seven, if pounds were counted like dog years.
“How is Samuel acting about all of this?” Helen asked. “It’s got to be a big deal for his baby girl to be going to her first prom.”
“I’m not his baby girl anymore.”
Helen sighed. “You know what I mean.”
I walked to another rack and picked up a sequined lime-green dress. “He’s treating the prom like he treats everything else. He’s ignoring the topic entirely. I just hope he doesn’t change his mind at the last minute and decide that I can’t go.”
“He’ll let you go,” she said. “You know, your father and mother met at a dance in college.”
“Really?” I momentarily forgot about the hideous dress in my hands. “He never told me that.”
She smiled. “You should ask him about some of the old times.”
I shook my head. “Dad and I don’t talk much anymore.”
Helen stopped flipping through dresses and walked over to me. “Rhonda, isn’t it time you forgave him?”
I quickly looked around the store. Groups of mothers and teenage girls were scattered throughout the formalwear department. “I don’t want to have this conversation now.” I turned my attention back to the dress rack.
“If not now, then when?” Helen placed her hands on my shoulders and forced me to look at her. Her child-like freckles stood in contrast to the wisdom she usually gave. “In a few months, you’ll be in college. Do you really want to leave things like they are between you and your father?”
“I love Dad. He’s a great provider and a good family man,” I said, before shaking my head. “But I can’t forgive him for making me end my pregnancy.”
“Don’t you think you were too young—”
“I don’t know!” I looked around as a few mother-daughter combos glanced in our direction. I stepped closer to her. “But I should have had the opportunity to make that decision,” I whispered.
“You were running out of time.”
“It was still my choice.”
Helen sighed, and her green eyes washed over me like a rising tide. “Well, if you can’t forgive him, can you at least forgive yourself?”
“Forgive myself?” I shook her hands off me and continued looking through the dresses. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
I didn’t do anything but have sex, get pregnant, and have an abortion.
Helen moved to the other side of the circular rack. “Has David picked out his tux yet?”
I felt myself smiling at the mention of his name. “I think so. He’s been hounding me for weeks about what color I was wearing.”
“Have y’all made any plans for after the prom?”
“No. We’ll probably just go back to his house and hang out with Sarah.”
Helen reemerged on my side of the rack with three dresses. I immediately frowned at the first one she showed me. Too much lace.
“Prom’s a very special night for some teenagers.”
What was going on with Helen? All of a sudden, she was a walking after-school special.
“Come on, Helen. You know I’m not a virgin, and he isn’t either.” I held up the second dress to my body. It was wide enough, but was made for someone five inches taller than me.
“Just because you two have already done the deed doesn’t mean that prom still isn’t a special night.” She scrunched up her nose at the remaining dress in her hand and went to the back side of the rack to return the dresses. “So are y’all sleeping together?” she asked, as casually as if she was asking the time of day. “I know you really like him.”
I stormed around the rack and planted myself in front of Helen. “What’s with all the questions?�
� I asked. “You’re starting to sound like Dad.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pry. It’s just that someone has to ask these questions, and I know you aren’t talking to your father.” She paused and fingered my hair. “It’s what your mother would want me to do.”
Just because it was something my mother would approve of didn’t automatically get Helen off the hook. “Yes, I like him a lot. But we’re going to two different colleges. We probably won’t even be together by August.”
“A lot can happen between now and August.”
I took a deep breath. “I haven’t had sex with him, and I don’t plan on having sex with him.”
Helen beamed at me. “Good answer.” She pulled out one more dress. “But just in case you change your mind, be sure to use a condom.”
“Helen!”
She laughed. “Your mother would be so proud of you.”
Helen and I didn’t find any dresses that Wednesday. Or that Thursday. On Saturday morning, we hit the last of the stores in Columbia. Still nothing. I was beginning to think that maybe I had passed on that lime-green sequined dress too soon.
David and I had a much-needed date on Saturday night. Between school, tutoring, the search for prom dresses, and drunk friends, we had barely seen each other. And like most of our other dates, this one ended much too soon.
“What did you think of the movie?” I asked, as David parked outside of his house. I had driven over there earlier, but we took David’s car to the movie. After the failed dinner attempt, I felt it would be easier on all parties for me to meet David at his house rather than have him and Dad come face to face.
David shrugged. “It was very … entertaining.”
“So you didn’t mind going to a chick flick with me?”
“Of course I didn’t mind,” he said. “Why would I want to see a movie filled with mind-numbing violence, gratuitous sex, and loads of profanity? I’d much rather spend two hours watching melodramatic, tear-inducing reunions and heartfelt confessions of undying love.”
I grinned and wrapped my arm in his. “That’s why you’re so great. But to be fair, I told you I didn’t mind watching it with Sarah and Gail.”
“There was no way I was letting you cancel on me like you did a couple of weeks ago.” He snuggled next to me. “The way I see it, you owe me, big time.”
“Oh, really?” I crossed my arms. “And just what do you have in mind?”
David looked up at his big, empty house. “Well, I do have the house all to myself. And you know I’m afraid of the dark …”
There we were, flirting again. And there I was, enjoying it.
“When is everyone getting back into town?” I asked.
“Sarah will be back tomorrow morning. Mom will be back on Monday. Or Thursday. Or the following week.”
Sarah had decided to spend the weekend in Charleston with her father. Ms. Gamble was … well, we weren’t quite sure where she was.
“Enough talk about my family.” David ran his palm against the side of my face, slightly grazing the tip of my earlobe. A warm feeling flashed through me. Then he kissed me, and the warm feeling turned boiling hot.
After a few passionate kisses, David pulled away from me. “I’d better let you go. If you’re not home by midnight, your father will have a fit.”
“He would have a fit, if he were home. He and Jackie went to some type of formal banquet tonight, so he won’t be home until late. That is, if he comes home at all tonight.”
“He and Jackie seem to be getting pretty close.”
I frowned. “Don’t remind me.”
“Well, if you don’t have to go, you can come in for a few minutes …”
David was kidding again, of course. For some reason, I decided not to joke back.
“Sure, I’ll stay for a while.”
“Yeah, right.” He pecked me on the nose. “You’d better get home.”
I stuffed my keys back into my pocket and headed for the front door. “David, I’m serious. I can come in for a few minutes.”
“Are you sure?” He looked around, like he expected someone to jump from the bushes at any second. “It’s kinda late.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not asking to spend the night. I just want to hang out with you for a little longer.” I glanced at my watch. “I have almost an hour before my curfew.”
“Um, okay.” David opened the door and let me enter first. I wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this. Most guys would love to get a girl alone in their house. However, as David had pointed out before, he wasn’t like most guys.
There was just enough moonlight filtering through the windows so that I could maneuver around the room. I took my jacket off and flung it across the sofa before sitting down and picking up the remote. Nothing was on but the usual trash on cable. I flipped through channels until I found the sports network.
“Is basketball okay?” I asked. “The game looks pretty good.”
“It’s better than the crap we watched at the movie theater.”
I would have argued with him, but he was right. I’d take a good basketball game over a movie full of whiny females any day.
David sat on the opposite end of the couch from me. Over the span of three time-outs, he slowly inched his way over to me. It was almost cute.
“This is a pretty good game,” he said.
“Yeah, it’s very exciting.”
“Yeah … exciting.”
We sat there for a few seconds, submerged in silence. But if you listened very closely, you could hear the faint hum of nervous energy bouncing all around us. My entire being was filled with anxious anticipation. But what was I anticipating?
“Well, I guess I’d better go,” I said.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Neither of us moved.
“You want to watch the rest of the game?” I asked.
“No, you can turn the TV off.”
I turned off the television. Immediately, the room went pitch black. Two human statues sat on the couch, surrounded by an eerie darkness.
“I didn’t realize it was so dark out—”
Before I could finish my sentence, David’s body was pressed against me, his mouth moving furiously against mine.
David paused from kissing long enough to remove my glasses from my face and place them on the coffee table. Then the distance between his face and mine disappeared, and we were kissing again. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him faster, harder, stronger than I ever had before.
Somehow, we ended up horizontal on the couch, him on top of me, our legs twisted together. Minutes passed like seconds. I felt ravenous.
I had always thought that David was a good kisser, but he was easily surpassing his previous best performance. He alternated between holding my hands and running his fingers through my hair. Only once did David’s hand grace the side of my body, and even then he didn’t venture to any of the forbidden zones. I knew he wanted to. He had to have wanted to. But I also knew he wouldn’t go there unless I let him know it was okay.
Was it okay?
I answered my own question by taking his hand in mine and slowly guiding it to my chest. As impossible as I thought it was, our kisses became more passionate. My heart thundered. I was restless and scared and excited all at once. This may have been David’s first visit to the land of Rhonda, but he navigated all my peaks and valleys like a seasoned explorer.
I began pulling at his shirt because I wanted to run my hands over his back. Maybe he thought I was trying to take his shirt completely off (and maybe I really was). But the next thing I knew, his shirt was off and flying across the room.
Seconds later, my arms were above my head, and he was slipping my blouse off. I didn’t even try to stop him. In the middle of the day, I would have been self-
conscious of my less-than-perfect body. But in the darkness of his house, I felt beautiful.
We stayed like this for a few moments. We could have set the couch on fire with the amount of heat we were generating. My mouth, my nose, my cheeks, my neck, my chest—his lips were going everywhere across my body. It was like I hoped it would be, only better.
David reached around my back and began pawing at my bra strap. His fingers brushed against those three hooks like he was strumming a guitar. After a few feeble attempts, he stopped and switched hands.
If I were cruel, I would have let him suffer all night (I had done it to Christopher on more than one occasion). But I liked him better than that. And to be honest, I really wanted that bra off.
I reached behind my back and unfastened my bra with a flick of my fingers. I was topless, and I loved it. I didn’t think a pair of hands could feel so good against my skin, but his felt wonderful. They weren’t cold and prodding like Christopher’s. His touch was soft and gentle.
We flipped and tussled some more. I didn’t care about the time or the place. His hand slipped to my zipper, and I tensed up, if only for an instant. Slowly, he peeled the zipper down. Then his hand slipped into my jeans.
I gasped. I moaned. I floated outside of my body.
Then I felt David tugging at my jeans. A small alarm went off in my head. By the time they were pulled to mid-thigh, a siren was blaring full blast in my brain. I had lived this “fairy tale” before. The ending sucked for the princess.
“I think we should stop,” I mumbled.
“What?” David asked, as he struggled for air. His bare chest pressed against mine like we were sharing the same skin. He nuzzled against my face and nibbled on my ear.
I pushed him away from me. “I said to stop.”
David froze, his mouth hovering over my cheek. Then he jumped off me. David withdrew to the edge of the couch and stared straight ahead.
“I’m sorry,” he said, talking faster than his lips could move. “I didn’t hear what you said at first. I didn’t—”
My Life as a Rhombus Page 16