A Life of Joy

by Amy Clipston

  Lindsay gasped. “I had no idea,” she whispered.

  “He told her that the Amish life wasn’t enough for him, and he wanted more.” Matthew frowned, shaking his head. “He broke my mother’s heart, and she never fully recovered. If it weren’t for the generosity of her brothers, we wouldn’t have made it financially. I saw what my mother went through, and I didn’t want to let her down like he did. My sister joined the church when she was eighteen, and I followed in her footsteps when I was sixteen. I wanted to show my mother that I could keep my promises to her and to God.”

  Fascinated by his loyalty and faith, Lindsay nodded. “That makes sense.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You have doubts?”

  “Ya,” she said. “I thought I was ready, but something is holding me back. That’s why I won’t be in the class. I’m just not certain I’m ready to join the church, if I join at all.” She hoped Matthew would still consider her a friend despite her uncertainty about her place in the Amish community.

  His expression was full of sympathy. “There’s no need to feel rushed to join the church. Not everyone is ready at the same time. It’s a lifetime commitment.”

  “I know.” She turned back toward the barn. “I wish I was surer of myself.” Her voice was a trembling whisper.

  “God understands,” Matthew said.

  Samuel and Daniel emerged from the barn, and Lindsay wished she had more time alone with Matthew.

  “If I stick these whoopie pies in my pocket, I won’t have to share them,” he said.

  Lindsay wagged a finger at him. “Lying is a sin.”

  His grin was wide. “I’m not lying if I say that the whoopie pies are gone from the plate.” He turned toward Samuel and Daniel, who were loading tools into the back of the buggy. “You get what you needed, Sam?”

  “Ya,” Samuel said, closing the back of the buggy. “Don’t worry about getting up and helping. Daniel and I got it all loaded. You just continue to sit there and flirt with my cousin.”

  Lindsay’s cheeks flamed and she studied her half-full glass of tea to avoid their eyes.

  “She and I were having a very serious conversation about whoopie pies,” Matthew said. “Right, Lindsay?”

  Samuel gave a bark of laughter. “Is that what you call it?”

  Clearing her throat, Lindsay stood and placed the glasses on the tray. “It was nice visiting with you, Matthew.” As she stepped toward the door, she glanced at Samuel. “Have a gut night, Samuel. Tell Katie I said hello.”

  Lindsay balanced the tray in one hand while pushing the door open with the other. As she stepped through the doorway, Matthew called her name. She turned and found him standing close behind her.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he said, his eyes intense.

  “Ya,” she said.

  “Gut nacht,” he said before loping down the porch steps toward Daniel and Samuel.

  Lindsay placed the tray on the counter, put the pitcher into the refrigerator, and thought about Matthew. She remembered meeting him for the first time two years ago when Jake Miller, another carpenter at the furniture store, brought Matthew to a Kauffman Saturday night gathering. Back then, Matthew had hardly spoken a word and rarely smiled.

  However, lately, he’d seemed to speak to Lindsay and smile more often. And tonight, he’d opened up to her and spoken about his parents for the first time.

  What does this change in Matthew’s demeanor mean?

  “Did you have a nice time visiting?” Rebecca asked.

  Startled, Lindsay jumped and placed her hand on her chest. She faced the kitchen table where Rebecca was sitting with a notepad and pencil in front of her.

  “You scared me,” Lindsay said as she sat across from her aunt.

  “I’m sorry.” Rebecca smiled. “I thought you saw me sitting here. Did you have a nice time?”

  “Ya. I found out Matthew’s a big fan of whoopie pies.”

  Rebecca chuckled. “That’s gut to know.”

  “What are you doing?” Lindsay gestured toward the notepad.

  “Making a list of things I need to do tomorrow.” Rebecca cupped her hand to shield a yawn. “I’m so exhausted that I didn’t finish my list from today.”

  When her aunt yawned again, Lindsay studied her. Rebecca looked beyond exhausted; she seemed almost ill with her pale complexion and dark circles under her eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Lindsay asked, worry gripping her. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

  Rebecca waved off the question and gave a forced smile. “I’m just fine. I guess mei kinner are wearing me out.”

  “I should stay home from the bakery tomorrow. You need help around here.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “Don’t be gegisch. You love the bakery, and I can make it just fine here. Besides, Elizabeth needs all the help she can get. But there is one thing you can do for me.”

  “Anything.”

  “I forgot to check the messages today. Would you mind walking out to the phone shanty?”

  “Of course. I’ll be right back.” Grabbing a flashlight from a shelf by the door, Lindsay clicked it on, stepped onto the porch, and spotted the three men still talking by the buggy. She waved to them and then quickly crossed the driveway to the phone shanty, which was a small shed containing a phone, stool, and counter. She lifted the receiver and dialed the voicemail. After entering the code, a recorded voice told her that she had one message. She punched the button to activate her message, and her older sister’s voice rang through the receiver.

  “Hey Linds,” Jessica called, her voice full of excitement. “Call me! I have amazing news. I wish you had a cell phone so I didn’t have to wait for you to get this and call me back. Anyway, call me as soon as you get this! Bye!”

  Lindsay deleted the message and then dialed her sister’s cell phone. Curiosity surged through her while she awaited her sister’s news.

  Jessica answered on the third ring. “Hey! I’ve been waiting for you to call.” Music blared in the background.

  “Hi Jessica,” Lindsay said, lowering herself onto the stool. “What’s going on?”

  “Hang on,” Jessica said, nearly shouting over the noise. “I can’t hear you. Let me move to another room.” The music muted. “Okay. I’m in a bedroom now. Kim insisted on throwing a party since we’re leaving.”

  “What?” Lindsay shook her head with confusion. “Where are you going?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been dying to tell you.” Her smile rang through the phone. “You remember when I told you that Kim’s dad works for a big accounting firm in New York City?”

  “Sure.” Lindsay shrugged, even though she didn’t remember ever hearing that.

  “Her dad was able to get me an internship with his firm this summer.” Jessica spoke quickly, her voice radiating with excitement. “It was totally unexpected. He had an intern back out at the last minute, so Kim and I are heading up there next week. We’re going to stay with her parents, which means that all I need is spending money. It’s so awesome because I’ll get college credit, and I’ll also be able to put this on my résumé. Can you imagine, Linds? I’ll have job experience at a big accounting firm in New York City! I mean, that’s like totally amazing, right?”

  “Whoa.” Lindsay held her hand up as if to shush her sister in person. Jessica’s rapidly blurted-out words soaked through her mind while she tried to make sense of them. “Did you say you’re going to New York City next week?”

  “Yes! Trisha and Frank say it’s a great opportunity. I mean, when will I have the opportunity to do something like this again? I’m so excited, Lindsay! I’m going to New York!”

  “I thought you were going to spend the summer here, working for Uncle Daniel in the furniture store,” Lindsay said.

  “But this is the opportunity of a lifetime, Linds! How can I not jump on this?”

  “I don’t know,” Lindsay said slowly.

  “I have so much to do. I need to go shopping for some nice clothes. I can’t wear jeans and T-shirts to a bi
g-time accounting job, right?”

  Jessica droned on about her to-do list, and Lindsay shook her head. She and her sister were polar opposites. While Lindsay was contemplating whether or not to join the Amish church, Jessica was packing up and heading to a big city for the internship of her dreams.

  “So I was thinking,” Jessica continued. “I want to see you before I go. I’m going to drive up there this weekend on my way to NYC.”

  “Oh.” Lindsay sat up straight. “When will you arrive?”

  “Friday,” Jessica said. “Is that all right?”

  “Ya,” Lindsay replied. “Have you told Jake about this big adventure?”

  “No,” Jessica said quickly. “I want to surprise him. Please don’t tell him, okay?”

  “I won’t. I’ll leave that up to you.” Lindsay frowned while imagining how Jake would take the news of Jessica’s plans to go to New York.

  Jessica had shared with Lindsay that Jake wasn’t thrilled when Jessica accepted a scholarship to a college in Virginia instead of going to a school near Lancaster County. He would probably be even more disappointed to hear that she was traveling to New York City and not spending the summer working in the furniture store with him.

  “I can’t wait to see you!” Jessica said. “It’s been too long. I bet Emma and Junior are big now, huh?”

  “Yeah. They’ve grown like weeds.”

  “Give them a hug and kiss for me and tell them that their favorite cousin is coming to see them.”

  “I will,” Lindsay said.

  “Oh, hang on a minute,” Jessica said.

  Lindsay heard muffled voices and then Jessica spoke again.

  “Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll see you Friday, okay?” Jessica said. “Love you, sis.”

  “Love you too,” Lindsay said before the dial tone sang in her ear. She stepped out of the phone shanty and found that darkness had descended on the farm.

  With the flashlight in her hand, she started across the driveway. The buggy was gone, and she assumed Matthew and Samuel were on their way back to their homes, which were located a few miles away.

  Lindsay climbed the porch steps while the conversation with her sister replayed in her mind. Jessica was going to break her promise to Lindsay, the rest of the Kauffman family, and Jake Miller and go to New York City for the summer. The idea seemed crazy and courageous all at the same time. Lindsay was disappointed in Jessica, but also a tiny bit jealous. And she knew the root of that jealousy—Lindsay would never be brave enough to leave home and travel to a big city. While she didn’t understand her sister’s priorities, she envied her confidence and bravery.

  However, what bothered Lindsay most was that the news would most likely break Jake’s heart. She absently wondered just how much longer Jake would wait for her older sister.

  She entered the kitchen, and Rebecca and Daniel looked up from the table, each with a concerned expression.

  “Was iss letz?” Daniel asked.

  “I had a message from Jessica, so I called her back.” Lindsay joined them at the table.

  “Is she okay?” Rebecca asked.

  “She’s fine.” Lindsay cleared her throat while choosing her words. “But she’s not coming here for the summer.”

  “Oh?” Daniel looked confused. “Why not?”

  “She’s going to New York City next week to begin a summer internship with some big accounting firm.”

  “What?” Rebecca asked with a gasp before exchanging a shocked expression with Daniel.

  “She’s going to stop here on her way up to New York. She’ll be here Friday night.” Lindsay met Daniel’s gaze. “She asked us to not tell Jake. She wants to share the news with him herself.”

  Daniel nodded. “I understand. It’s best if he hears this news from Jessica.”

  Lindsay turned to Rebecca. “She and I are so different. I can’t imagine picking up and moving to New York like that. I mean, she’ll be staying with friends, but still. That’s so … brave.”

  Rebecca touched her hand. “You’re very brave in other ways.”

  “God created us all differently, Lindsay,” Daniel said. “Don’t compare yourself to Jessica. What’s right for her isn’t necessarily right for you.”

  “You’re right,” Lindsay agreed.

  Daniel stood. “Well, it’s getting late. We better be off to bed.”

  Rebecca stayed in her seat and continued to write on her notepad. “I need to plan a big meal for Friday if Jessica is coming. And I’ll have to do some extra cleaning.”

  “I’ll stay home and help you,” Lindsay said.

  “No, no,” Rebecca said. “I can handle it.”

  “Don’t be gegisch, Becky,” Daniel said. “I know you’ve been tired lately. We’ll all pitch in.”

  “Danki,” Rebecca said with a warm smile.

  Daniel touched her shoulder, and Lindsay hoped that someday she would find a true love similar to the one her aunt and uncle shared.

  3

  Jessica drummed her fingers on the steering wheel of her dark blue Jeep Cherokee while driving up Route 340 in Bird-in-Hand Friday afternoon. After packing up everything she’d need for her summer in New York City, she’d set out from her apartment in Richmond, Virginia, and began her trek north to Pennsylvania.

  Although she’d visited during spring break, it felt as if she hadn’t been here in ages. It seemed as if so much had changed in her life since she’d come by the last time. Since that visit, Jessica had finished her sophomore year with a 3.8 grade point average, she and her best friend Kim had moved into their own apartment off campus, and she had accepted an internship at one of the most prestigious accounting firms in New York City. She grinned at her last thought.

  Mom and Dad would be so proud.

  When she and Lindsay moved to Bird-in-Hand to live with their aunt Rebecca, Jessica was certain that things would never be normal for her again. While her younger sister had taken quickly to the Amish way of life, Jessica had felt as if she were suffocating.

  Jessica had failed miserably when she struggled to fit in with Rebecca’s community. Yet, she managed to rebuild her life again after moving back to Virginia to live with her parents’ best friends, Frank and Trisha McCabe. She graduated from high school and then enrolled in college to pursue her dream of becoming an accountant. Jessica still missed her parents so much that her heart ached, but she truly believed that she was going to be okay.

  However, she still worried about Lindsay.

  Jessica’s stomach tightened with anticipation as she slowed in front of a building displaying a sign that read “Kauffman & Yoder Amish Furniture,” where her uncle and her good friend Jake worked. She’d spoken to Jake last Saturday when he called at their usual weekly time to check in with her. She suspected he would be very unhappy when he found out that she was going to spend the summer in New York City instead of working with him in the furniture store. She hoped he’d understand what this job could mean for her future.

  Jessica parked her SUV next to the single-story white building. She then followed the stone path to the steps leading up to the store and wrenched open the front door. A bell rang, announcing her presence.

  Large windows lined the front of the shop, and the walls were covered in crisp, fresh white paint. Memories of the previous summers she’d spent working in the store filled her mind as she glanced around the open area, taking in the sample pieces, including mirrored dressers, hope chests, entertainment centers, dining room sets, bed frames, end tables, and coffee tables. The familiar aroma of wood and stain permeated her nostrils.

  A long counter covered with piles of papers and catalogs sat at the far end of the room, blocking a doorway beyond which hammers, saws, and nail guns blasted while voices boomed in Pennsylvania Dutch.

  She crossed the room with her flip-flops slapping on the concrete floor, and a smile spread on her lips when she spotted Jake sitting at the desk and talking on the phone.

  While she watched him, her hand flew to her neck and th
e cross necklace Jake had given her as a gift two years ago. She cherished their close friendship. She knew that he dreamt of being more than friends, but she wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment. Being more than friends would be nothing short of complicated since he was Mennonite, and she wasn’t. Their hopes and dreams were worlds apart: she wanted a career, and he was happy working in an Amish furniture store.

  Yet, as different as they were, the attraction was still alive, just like the first time she’d met him. She’d met a lot of young men at college, but no one held a candle to Jake Miller.

  He glanced up, and his Caribbean blue eyes rounded as they met hers. “Jessica?” His mouth gaped as he stood. “What in the world are you doing here?”

  “Surprise,” she said, opening her arms. “I’m here.”

  He started to hang up the phone and then stopped and put it to his ear. “I need to hang up, Bob. I’ll call you back.” He dropped the phone into the cradle and then rushed around the desk and swept Jessica into his arms. “How are you?”

  She laughed and hugged him, taking in his musky scent of wood mixed with stain. “Fine. How are you?”

  “Stunned, but happy.” He grinned and leaned on the counter behind him. “I thought you weren’t coming for a few more weeks.”

  “Well, plans have changed,” she said, twisting a lock of her long dark hair around her finger. A saw blared in the workshop behind them. “Is there any way we can go for a walk or something?” she asked, raising her voice over the noise.

  “Sure. Let me just go tell my grandfather that we’re leaving.” He started for the door leading to the shop and then faced her again. “Did you want to come with me and say hello to everyone?”

  She shook her head. “Not just yet. I’d rather talk to you alone first.”

  He raised an eyebrow with suspicion and then shrugged.

  “Suit yourself.” He disappeared through the doorway and then reappeared a few moments later. After grabbing a baseball cap from the counter and shoving it on his head, he came around the corner, took her hand in his, and led her toward the front door.