by Amy Clipston
“I don’t know,” Jessica said while wiping her eyes. “He seems really hurt that I chose New York over him. He insists we’ll never want the same thing. The truth is, I’m not sure what I want yet. I feel like I’m young and have a lot of living to do before I settle down.”
Lindsay returned with a glass of water and set it in front of Jessica. “You say you don’t know what you want, but you criticize those who do.”
Jessica sipped the water and then turned to her sister. “I didn’t criticize you, Lindsay. I merely suggested that you keep your options open.”
“But that’s not your decision,” Lindsay countered, scowling. “It’s up to me if I want to live here, just like it’s up to you if you want to go to New York.”
“Can we not rehash this now?” Jessica snapped. “I think I’ve been through enough tonight.”
“Have you?” Lindsay’s voice rose. “I’m still reeling from what you said to me on the porch. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Girls! Girls!” Rebecca held her hands up. “You must lower your voices. You’ll wake the kinner, and you’ll upset Daniel.” The groan of the water pressure above the kitchen sent relief flowing through Rebecca. She was glad Daniel was in the shower and out of earshot of the bickering. “Now, you two have argued enough for one day. You’re family. Stop hurting each other and speak with respect.”
Lindsay sighed. “Fine. Jessica, I’m sorry that you and Jake had a terrible argument. However, I want you to know that you hurt me when you took off after saying all of those hateful things to me.”
Jessica wiped her eyes with the napkin. “I’m sorry that my words came across as hateful, but I was only trying to give you options.”
“I don’t want your options,” Lindsay said simply. “I want your respect.”
Rebecca was tickled by how mature Lindsay sounded. She bit her lower lip to stop a grin from forming.
Jessica sipped her drink. “I respect you, but I also want what’s best for you.”
“I’m not your child,” Lindsay said. “And you were thoughtless to leave tonight. This party was for you.”
“I didn’t want a party,” Jessica said. “I came here to see you, Rebecca, the family here in this house, and Jake. That was it.”
Lindsay shook her head, looking frustrated. “How can you be so self-centered? Don’t you realize that everyone loves you and wants to see you before you leave for New York? You’re so into yourself that you can’t see beyond your own world. It’s not just about you. You think you’re so grown up, but you’re still the same selfish little girl you always were.”
Jessica’s lips formed a wry smirk. “Really? Little Miss Baker is going to tell me what it’s like to be an adult? What responsibilities do you have beyond making cookies for tourists?”
Rebecca’s stomach twisted at the sting of their words for each other. She had to stop them before they permanently damaged their already fragile relationship. “Girls,” she began with a frown. “You’re getting out of hand again. Tone it down before you say something you’ll regret.”
“I want to answer that, Aenti Rebecca,” Lindsay said. “I have quite a few responsibilities. I not only work for the bakery, but I do plenty around the house to help Rebecca and to care for our cousins. You may not see working in a bakery as a worthy job, but it is to me. I’m contributing to my community and my family—both my family in this house and the extended Kauffman family.” She tapped the table for emphasis as she spoke. “I don’t have to be a college student to be considered responsible. In fact, I’m more responsible than a college student because I’m thinking about more people than just myself.”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “Lindsay, you’ve got it all wrong. I think of more than —”
“That’s enough,” Rebecca said, her voice louder than she expected.
Startled, her nieces jumped and stared at her.
“I’m not going to sit here and listen to you two try to destroy each other,” Rebecca began. “I wish I could speak to mei schweschder one last time, but you two look as if you don’t care if you ever see each other after tonight. You need to love each other, even if you don’t agree on things. Mei schweschder and I were very different, as you two are.” She pointed between them. “But I loved Grace, and she loved me. She chose a different path, just as you two seem to be choosing. That doesn’t make one of you more mature or one of you smarter. That makes each of you different, and God loves all of us, no matter how different we are.”
They both looked ashamed.
“Now, apologize and agree to disagree.” Rebecca paused as the girls stared at each other. “Go on. It’s getting late, and I’m tired.”
“I’m sorry,” Lindsay said softly. “I still feel that my choices are my business, but I didn’t want to hurt you. You’re my only sister, and I love you.”
Rebecca smiled. Lindsay is such a sweet and thoughtful girl, and she’s growing up so quickly.
“I’m sorry too, Linds.” Jessica sighed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you either. And of course I love you. You’re my baby sister, and you mean a lot to me, which is why I care. But I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Rebecca nodded. She’s grown up too. She reached over and squeezed their hands. “I’m proud of you both. Now, it’s bedtime. We can talk more in the morning, right, Jessica? You’re not leaving at the crack of dawn?”
Jessica shook her head. “No, not at dawn. I’d like to get on the road before noon, though.”
“Gut.” Rebecca squeezed Jessica’s hand once more before she stood. “I want to get to bed. You two don’t stay up too late now.”
“We won’t,” Lindsay said.
“Good night,” Rebecca said as she headed for the stairs. “See you in the morning.” She climbed the stairs as the girls echoed her good-night wishes. As she started down the hallway toward her room, she hoped that her nieces would forget their differences and remember to always cherish each other.
Lindsay took Jessica’s glass to the sink and began washing it. While the bubbles moved over the glass, she contemplated Rebecca’s lecture. As usual, her aunt was right about things. It was more important for Lindsay to accept that Jessica had different ideas about her future than it was for her to continually fight with her sister about it. In the end, they would lose the argument along with losing each other.
“She has a way with words, huh?” Jessica said, leaning against the counter. “She gets right to the heart of things.”
“Ya, she does.” Lindsay placed the glass in the drain and wiped her hands on a towel. “I’m really sorry about how things went with Jake. I didn’t expect that this weekend.”
“Me either.” Jessica hoisted her thin body into a sitting position on the counter. “I think he’s right, though. I’m not sure what I want. I’ve never made any promises to him, and we never outwardly considered each other more than friends. He told me he loved me tonight, which sort of surprised me. But he also said we’re too different.” She frowned, looking defeated. “It’s all so confusing.”
“You can be together and be different.” Lindsay tossed the towel onto the counter. “Mom and Dad were total opposites. I mean, she was a total neat freak, and he always threw his dirty socks onto the floor.” She giggled. “I remember one day where they yelled at each other for hours because he walked across the kitchen in muddy boots.”
Jessica guffawed. “I remember that!” She shook her head. “That was so funny. He couldn’t understand what the big deal was until she made him mop.”
Lindsay laughed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “See? You and Jake can be different but still be more than friends.”
Jessica shook her head, and her smile faded. “This is different. Mom and Dad wanted the same things. They wanted a family, and they wanted to live in Virginia. I don’t know where I want to live.”
“Only time will tell.” Lindsay cupped her hand to her mouth as she yawned. “I think I’m ready for bed. It’s been a long day.”
Lindsay squelched the urge to roll her eyes. “What now?”
“Please just consider getting your GED,” Jessica began.
“Jess, we’ve been through this,” Lindsay said, resentment bubbling inside her. “I don’t want to —”
“Just hear me out.” Jessica held her hands up as if to surrender. “I’m not saying that you need to go back to school, but getting your GED will give you more options if you decide to pursue employment outside of the bakery. It’s not like going back to school full-time. From what I’ve found through research, you’d just have to study and take a test.”
“You’ve researched this?”
“Yes.”
Lindsay eyed her with suspicion. “Why?”
“For you.” Jessica forced a smile. “Because I care.”
Lindsay frowned, shook her head, and then hugged Jessica. “You make me crazy, but I still love you.”
“I feel the same way about you.” Jessica steered Lindsay toward the stairs. “Let’s hit the hay. I’m wiped out, and I have a long ride tomorrow.”
“Hang on.” Lindsay jogged back to the kitchen and made sure the back door was locked before snuffing out the lantern. She then followed Jessica up the stairs.
Standing outside her room, Lindsay smiled at Jessica. “Sleep well.”
“You too,” Jessica said through a yawn before disappearing into the room.
After changing into her nightshirt and shorts, Lindsay snuggled under the covers in the spare bed in Emma’s room. She was careful not to wake her little cousin who was snoring softly. Lindsay closed her eyes and contemplated the whole emotional day. Two things haunted her mind—Matthew’s intense eyes, and Jessica’s insistence that Lindsay earn her GED.
Rebecca sat on the edge of the bed while running a brush through her waist-length hair. A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump with a start.
“You’re not yourself lately, Becky,” Daniel said, his voice warm and smooth. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She faced him, and he placed the Bible he’d been reading on the nightstand next to the lantern. “I’m worried about the girls. They’ve been arguing, and I fear that they will get so frustrated that they’ll stop speaking altogether. Grace would want them to remain close despite their differences. I know I have regrets in my relationship with Grace. I regret not visiting her more often.”
Daniel reached over and pushed her hair back from her face. “You’re very gut to those girls. Don’t ever doubt Grace’s faith in you.”
Rebecca nodded. When a wave of pain stabbed her in the abdomen, she bit her lower lip and groaned.
Daniel scooted across the bed and pulled her to him.
“Becky?” His eyes widened with alarm. “Do you need a doctor? Should I go out to the phone shanty and call for a ride to the hospital?”
“No, no.” She held onto his arm and breathed deeply as the pain lessened. “I’m okay. I think I just ate too much.” She studied the pattern on his pajama pants until the pain evaporated.
He put a finger under her chin and pointed her eyes toward his. “You’re not telling me the whole truth, Becky. I know it’s more than just indigestion.”
“I’m fine now. It was nothing.” She touched his cheek, enjoying the roughness of his whiskers. “You worry too much. Let’s go to bed.”
He frowned. “I want you to see a doctor if this continues. I mean it. I’ll drag you there myself if I have to.”
“You worry too much,” she repeated.
“Becky …”
“Fine, fine.” She said. “I promise I’ll see a doctor if it continues.”
“Gut.” He climbed over to his side of the bed.
Rebecca blew out the lantern and snuggled down beside Daniel. As she drifted off to sleep, she hoped that the strange pain in her abdomen truly was nothing, but she knew in her heart that something wasn’t right.
6
That should do it,” Jessica said, slamming the tailgate of her Jeep Cherokee. “It’s all packed.”
Lindsay hugged her arms to her chest and wished her eyes wouldn’t fill with tears. After all, she would see her sister in a few months. Lindsay glanced toward the porch. “You already kissed Emma and Junior, right?”
“Yes.” Jessica lowered herself onto the bumper of her Jeep. “And I hugged Aunt Rebecca and shook Uncle Daniel’s hand. I promised I’ll call as soon as I get there.”
Lindsay looked toward the end of the driveway. “I’m surprised Jake didn’t come to say good-bye.”
Jessica frowned. “I’m not.”
“Are you going to call him?”
“Maybe in a couple of weeks.” Jessica stood and stretched. “I better get going. I have a long drive ahead of me. I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I don’t want to be on the road too late.”
Lindsay pulled her older sister into a hug and squeezed her tight. “You be safe. Don’t go out alone, and stay away from clubs. Don’t talk to strangers either. Remember what Mom and Dad told us about men who try to take advantage of young women.”
Jessica laughed. “Now you sound like the overprotective one.” She touched Lindsay’s shoulder. “You know I’ll be safe, and I’ll keep in touch. You be sure to check that phone shanty every day.”
“You can always write me a letter or call me at the bakery too,” Lindsay said.
“Right.” Jessica hugged her again. “You take care. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Lindsay stood by the porch steps while Jessica climbed into the SUV and brought the engine to life. She waved as Jessica motored down the driveway toward the main road.
Once the SUV was out of sight, Lindsay ascended the porch steps and sat on the swing. A gentle breeze moved over her as she pushed the swing back and forth. The door opened, and Rebecca appeared, sinking onto the swing next to her.
“She’s gone,” Lindsay said. “She blows in and out like the wind.”
Rebecca smiled. “Ya, she does.”
“Are Emma and Junior sleeping?”
“They are. They wanted to stay up and play, but I told them that it’s nap time.”
Lindsay crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back on the swing. “Do you think she’ll stay in New York City?”
“No, I don’t. I think she’ll love her time there, but she’ll go back to Virginia to finish college. Maybe she’ll go back to New York after college, but she’s determined to finish her schooling.”
Lindsay stared across the pasture while contemplating her conversations with Jessica. “I didn’t tell you what she said to me last night.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that I should seriously consider getting my GED.” Lindsay turned toward Rebecca to read her reaction to the words. “She said that if I ever decide to look for a job outside of the bakery, it will be easier for me if I have my GED. Do you think she’s right?”
Rebecca touched Lindsay’s hand. “I think that’s up to you, Lindsay. I never saw the need to continue my schooling, and it wasn’t an option after I joined the church. However, you haven’t joined the church, so you’re free to do as you like.”
Disappointed, Lindsay sighed. She’d hoped Rebecca would give her the answer that would settle all of her anxiety. “That doesn’t help me. That just makes me more confused.”
“Don’t try to figure everything out all at once. Open your heart to God and let Him guide you.” Rebecca stood. “Would you like a glass of tea? I just mixed some.”
“Yes, please.” Lindsay smiled at her aunt.
Rebecca stopped at the door. “Are you going to Katie’s this afternoon for the youth gathering?”
“Ya. Onkel Daniel said he’d take me over there.”
“Gut,” Rebecca said. “You need a little fun to take your mind off everything that’s bothering you. Tonight enjoy your friends and
don’t worry about the differences between you and your schweschder.”
“Okay.” Lindsay stared across the field and sent a silent prayer up to God, asking for His guidance on what path she should choose for her life.
Lindsay sat on a bench between Lizzie Anne and Katie in Katie’s family’s barn later that afternoon. Girls from the community surrounded them while the young men sat in groups on the other side of the barn. The young people had joined together to sing hymns from the Ausbund, and a table of snacks and drinks sat in the back corner.
“I can’t believe Matthew came,” Katie leaned over and whispered to Lindsay. “Samuel’s been trying to get him to join in at the singings, and I guess Matthew finally gave in.”
Lindsay cut her eyes to Matthew, sitting across the way, and she gasped when she found him watching her. She quickly averted her eyes and studied her hymnal.
“Maybe he’ll offer to give you a ride home,” Katie said.
Lindsay met her friend’s grin with a questioning expression. “What are you saying?”
“Don’t be gegisch.” Katie bumped Lindsay’s arm with her elbow. “It’s obvious that he likes you.”
Lindsay’s cheeks heated. “We’re just friends.”
“So you say,” Katie said with a laugh.
“What about you?” Lindsay said. “You’re always so quick to tease me. Who do you like?”
Katie shrugged. “I don’t know. No one strikes my fancy here. I think I need to look in other districts. I’ve known these buwe all my life.”
Lizzie Anne leaned over. “What are you two whispering about? I feel left out.”
“Matthew Glick,” Katie said, gesturing in his direction.
“Stop!” Lindsay reached over and took Katie’s arm. “He’ll see you and know we’re talking about him.”
“What did I miss?” Lizzie Anne demanded. “What did you say about him?”
“I said that Samuel finally got him to come to a singing so he must be ready to date.”
Lizzie Anne grinned. “Ach, you’re right!”
Lindsay shook her head. “He might just want to get to know all of the youth in the community better.”