It’s been almost five weeks since that horrible day, five miserable weeks since I’ve seen Sin. I don’t know what happened, but they said I was alone with no intruder to be found. I don’t know if Zander is dead or if I am even safe. I don’t know if Sin ever returns, it won’t be to kill me. At least if that’s the case, he will put me out of my misery.
I came home almost two weeks ago to stay with Melanie. Her place looks back to normal, with an apartment full of brand new things. I feel horrible intruding on her life, now that she is all in love, but I really had nowhere else to go. I couldn’t go home, not in this shape, and I didn’t want to leave, either. Even if this town was nothing but trouble for me. Some days, I make it out of bed and lie on the couch and some days, I sleep from sunup to sundown, depending on how low or how lower I feel. I curse Sin half the time and beg for his return the other. I hate him for what he’s done to me. He may have left without physically taking my heart, but he took it all the same.
I’m in my room, debating on bathing, when I hear Melanie knock on my door. “Come in,” I offer her and she opens it, beaming her typical smile at me.
“Hey, sleepy head. How you feeling?”
“Oh, you know, living the dream over here,” I reply sarcastically, then feel bad. Melanie has done nothing but keep on a cheery front for me. I know it has to be hard to deal with me, with my constant mood swings and Debbie Downer persona. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off like that. I’m just tired,” I lie.
“Oh, no, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize to me, Emma. I understand. Well, I don’t, but I want to. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you, you know,” she offers. And she has been offering since the day she saw me in the hospital bed, all bruised and torn down. I want so much to confide in her, but I don’t think she’d understand, let alone believe me. I don’t think anyone will.
“I know, Melanie, and thank you for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I just… well, I just need some time, that’s all,” I explain, and that’s the truth. I don’t know how to digest all that is happening to me, and I wouldn’t know how to bring someone else into my problems.
“All right then. Well, Jared and I are going to go see a movie, if you want to come with us. He promised me a comedy instead of an action flick. We can get extra popcorn and Slurpees,” she proposes, hoping I say yes.
“Thanks, but I think I’m gonna take a rain check. Next time, I promise.”
Her smile falters just a bit, the disappointment slipping through. “Okay then. Well, have a good night!” Her beam jumps back on her face as she exits my room. I rotate to my side, bringing my pillow to my chest. I think about what it would be like to be normal and go on a normal date. Would Sin even go to a movie? I fight my mind when it wants nothing more than to get lost in these visions of what our life would be like if he’d never left. If he’d kept his promise and stayed. I don’t bother fighting back the tears, because I know they will come no matter how hard I fight. I close my eyes, forcing my mind to a place that has no Sin and no bad guys, and I fall asleep.
Emma
It’s been just over a month since I’ve been home from the hospital, and I’m thankful to say that I am back on my feet. Mr. Ferry let me come back to work and even stuck to my higher pay raise when I returned. I guess I could at least thank Sin for that. As the days grew longer, I kept thinking about the wizard. If he was able to give me the answers I so desperately search for. Possibly some closure to what’s happened. Who knows? I just needed something to move past and move the fuck on.
I think about the only dream I remember, which is the one meeting my parents. How it felt so real. How I could still smell the scent of my mother’s hair, or the deep sound of my father’s voice. In the beginning, I would force myself to sleep in hopes they would return in my dreams. Then I could explain I wasn’t better off here and to take me with them. But they never came. I’ve been back three times to Vider’s, searching for the bartender who gave Sin the location of the wizard. Melanie refuses to take money for rent, so I bring everything I have with me in hopes that bartender is there and he will give me the coordinates.
I saw Aaron there on Monday. Thankfully, Zander just lured him and he was alive and well. I remember the first time I saw him I became hysterical, telling him how happy I was that he was alive. He’s kept his distance since my unstable outburst. It’s probably for the best.
It’s Wednesday night, and I’m in my regular seat at the bar with a full drink in front of me. I know that bartender works tonight. And if he doesn’t show then I will hold up this bar until someone gives me his address. I see him walk from the back, throwing a towel over his shoulder as he makes his way to the cash register. He enters in some codes and the machine opens. Pulling out something white, he shuts the drawer.
I’m holding my breath that he doesn’t disappear on me, so I call out to him. “Excuse me, sir?” I ask, probably sounding like a ninny. I mean, because who calls a bartender in a dive bar ‘sir’?
Either way, he doesn’t acknowledge me and continues to walk back to where he came from. “Hey!” I yell louder. A few patrons stare my way, but I don’t care; I can’t let this guy leave without those coordinates. I stand and hurry to the opening for the back room. Just as he disappears, he lays a piece of white paper on the end of the bar.
“Hey, excuse me! I need to talk to you!” I yell again, taking more interest in what he left on the bar. I move closer and when I see a folded piece of paper, just like the one he handed Sin, I stop. My breath catches and before I can stop myself, I’m grabbing the paper and unfolding it. There before me is a location. Thanks to Sin, I’m able to decode the lat/long location. I thought I remembered it by sight, but after three failed attempts and a night sleeping in the forest until the sun came back up, I decided it was time I got those coordinates. I sigh in relief, holding the small piece of paper to my chest.
“Thank you,” I call out to no one, since he’s gone. I run out of the bar and into the frigid night. The air is getting thick, which means it’s going to rain soon. I know I’m not thinking clearly, but instead of heading home, I start in the direction toward the woods. I just can’t wait. I need answers now.
I make it into the lush forest and pull out my compass. Due to technology these days, they have apps for everything, so I enter my coordinates and it drops a pin to my location instantly. “Bingo,” I praise myself and start jogging through the woods.
It’s not until I make it to the river that my heart begins to beat faster. “Oh, shit.” I forgot about this part. I walk a few steps closer to the water’s edge and my throat begins to lock up. “It’s okay, nothing is going to happen,” I convince my erratic heart, bashing into my ribcage with every breath I take. I lift my foot to take a single step into the frigid water and pull back.
“Oh, shit, I can’t do this,” I panic. All this way. All this trouble, and I get stuck at this damn river. The water didn’t seem so tall at first, but every step closer I get, the water level rises.
“Just do it,” I coach myself. I can do this. It’s just water. I’m practically born in water. I’m a goddamn mermaid, for fuck’s sake! I take a deep breath, trying to find the strength. I think of my mother’s voice and her words to me. “You can do it, sweet baby.” I push away my fear and take two steps into the water. My breathing is out of control, but I don’t stop. Two more steps, then one more and I find myself halfway across.
“See, this isn’t so bad,” I remark, looking from side to side as the water sloshes past my thighs. Just then, the level rises again, too quickly for me to catch my balance. I lose my footing underneath and fall completely into the water, swept away by the powerful current. I throw my hands around, trying to pull myself to the surface, but I can’t seem to move. I’m going to drown. My dream— it’s really happening. As I’m dragged underneath, unfamiliar particles and objects jab at me. A branch hits me in the face, slicing open my cheek. I do my best to keep my mout
h closed, but I am quickly running out of air. I only pray I hit the bottom soon so I can pivot off and spring myself to the surface. My hope dies when an unfamiliar object floating on the river floor gets wrapped around my foot.
I fight to release the captive hold, but it’s not budging. I know I’m only seconds away from losing my battle and letting the water fill my lungs. In that moment, another branch pings me in the back and it’s the final straw for me. I let go of the last pocket of air I’m holding and as I attempt to suck in, the water takes over and begins to suffocate me. At first, I fight it, wanting to live, but then I decide to let go. I stop resisting and allow my life to meet its destiny. I’m no longer flailing in the water, allowing my body to sink.
I close my eyes and try to imagine something peaceful before I go. It’s when I hear my mother’s voice that my eyes spring open. “Feel it, Emma. Let the water become you.” I don’t understand her meaning. I continue to inhale more water, my hands grasping at my throat. “Feel it, Emma. You are one with the water. Let it fill you,” she hums again, her beautiful face now visible, glowing at me under the water.
I relax my body, trying to let her words calm me. As I accept the water filling me, the current begins to shift its pattern, creating a tunnel formation. The more liquid I digest, the wilder the river becomes. It’s when I am fully consumed that I understand what is happening. A blast of light strikes the water, illuminating the river around me. Before me, I see my mother and father holding one another, their expressions of pure joy. I look around through the clear water and notice my change. I gaze down at my form and the realization hits me like a ton of bricks. In place of my legs wades a beautiful fin. Full of the radiant insignias of the aquatic color wheel, I gasp in awe. “Welcome to your home, my sweet Emma. Your true world.”
I tear my vision away from my fin, locking eyes with my parents. “What does this mean?”
“It means you have finally embraced your true origin. You have the blood of life in you, my sweet Emma. Water was never meant to hurt you, but to allow you to live. The danger that once surrounded you is gone. It is okay to embrace your true heritage.”
I look back from my mother to my father. His eyes are red with unshed tears. “Daddy?” I croak, the emotion hitting me stronger than ever.
“I love you, Emma. Always remember that.”
Then with his final smile, they begin to float into the abyss of the river. The water becomes less clear, and the brightness around me begins to fade.
“Wait! No!” I cry out. I prepare to swim toward them when a strong grip wraps around my waist. A rush of water surrounds me as I catapult out of the river. The softness of the forest grass hits my back as I am laid down, my neck being raised and my body turned on its side. That’s when I expel a stomach full of water.
I’m choking, trying to swap out water for air, when I feel it... The heat. I turn to lie on my back, feeling hands all over my body, pushing my wet hair away from my face.
“My sweet Emma, what in the world was happening down there?” Sin’s beautiful voice breaks through, causing my insides to shatter. I open my eyes and see his glowing orbs, staring so intensely into mine.
I begin babbling a million words a minute, trying to recap what I just experienced. “Sin, the water. They were there, and then I changed! My legs—they were no longer my legs. I was a... I was a—” It’s then it hits me that he’s here. He’s come back for me. God, I’ve missed him so much. I’m so struck by his presence that I freeze mid-sentence, unsure of what to do next.
So I slap him.
Straight across the face.
And then I proceed to bawl my eyes out.
Sin brings his hand to his face. “Well, I would say I deserved that,” he comments while rubbing his cheek. “Emma, don’t cry,” he coos, bringing his reddened cheek closer to mine. “Please, don’t cry, Emma. I’m sorry for what I‘d done. For leaving you.”
I use all my strength and shove him off me. He falls willingly and I jump to my feet, beginning to pace back and forth along the crisp grass. Then I turn and swing.
Bingo.
“Jesus Emma, stop hitting me!” he hollers, and I go berserk.
“You’re sorry?” I berate. “You’re SORRY?” My temper is overriding any other emotion swirling inside me. “You left me to die, Sin!” The floodgates open and I cry harder. “You left me open for him. For what he did to me. I almost died!” I scream between sobs.
“Emma, I know, and I will never rid myself of those images of you lying lifeless on the ground. The way I found you… if I hadn’t gotten to you in time, I don’t know what I would have done.” His expression is filled with anguish.
“What do you mean get to me?” I freeze, eyeing him.
“When I left, I went to see the wizard. I was going to rip his head off for not telling me who you were that night. I was a mess, Emma. He explained a few things to me, but while I was there, something happened. My body—it felt like it was being ripped apart. The wizard knew right away what was happening. I was feeling what you were. It turns out my one weakness is you. Any emotion you feel, I feel it, too. That’s how I knew Zander had found you. I felt your pain. God, Emma, I felt what he was doing to you.” He stops, the pain etched across his face, reliving the memory.
“I rushed to you as fast as I could. I finally took his life, and I tried to save yours. I did the best I could. I called 9-1-1 and waited until I saw the police. Then I left.”
“Why? Why did you leave me?” I weep.
“Because I had to return home, Emma. I had to finish what I started.” His confession misleads me. If he had to finish what he started, it would require killing me.
“So, you’re here not for me, but for me. For my heart,” I remark, more as a statement than a question.
His expression is full of shock, then recognition. He closes in on me, our bodies crushing together. “I came for you, Emma. All of you. Yes, I want your heart, but I want it to consume me. I want it to beat for me.” He reaches for me, pressing a tender kiss to my lips and retreats.
I’m still so confused. “But, I thought you said you went home to finish what you started? How, if I am still alive?”
“I went home, yes, but it wasn’t with intentions of destroying the scroll or your heart. I knew before I went that I was not going to be able to honor that promise. I went home to Gabriella’s parents. I had to confess my sins, my part of her death, and let them have peace with what happened to their daughter. I had to allow them the right to convict me, if they saw fit,” he explains. “I told them my story, what happened and how I couldn’t save their daughter. How I tried but failed. I explained to them how I buried her in the forest and went out in search for a way to bring her soul to Heaven.”
I can’t believe he’s telling me this. I think about her poor parents, praying in the years that have passed their daughter would someday walk through their door.
“And what happened then?” I prod, urging him to continue.
“Long story short, I told them I was able to find Zander and kill him.”
But he didn’t destroy the final item.
He comes at me again, his hands gripping my shoulders, and I feel his heat pouring into my skin. “Emma, let me finish. Just as he took his last breath, his body began to change. Every soul that had been held captive left his body. Even Gabriella’s. She stayed with me while I held you. I’m convinced she was able to offer some sort of power to help with your healing. I turned my eyes away from you, toward the sounds of the sirens. Once I turned back, she was gone.”
Tears pour from my eyes as I listen to his story. “So, what happened with her family? What does all this mean, Sin?”
Sin wipes away my tears. “I told them I loved their daughter and I did my best. But along the way, I found something that was beyond love. I told them I couldn’t destroy something so beautiful, and that for my punishment, they could do what they saw fit with me.”
My heart constricts at the realization that the end o
f this story is him saying goodbye. Again.
“They threw me in a cell for weeks, deciding what to do with me. Fallen Crest was a quiet town, so they didn’t have normal laws or jurisdictions. I wouldn’t have a trial but a hanging, and the town’s secret jury would make that decision.”
I feel sick, like I’m going to throw up, knowing how this is going to end. My body begins to shake, but he continues. “Two weeks I was left alone, not knowing what was to become of me. I thought of you every second of every day. What you were doing. If you were okay. I tried to feel you like I did that day, but all I felt was numb. I was worried you were gone.”
“I wasn’t gone, I was lost. And I was numb, too. You hurt me more than Zander ever did by leaving me, Sin,” I admit, my heart hurting all over again just at the memory.
“I know. But I had to make things right. I couldn’t live a life with the guilt on my conscience if I didn’t. Even if it meant leaving you forever.”
“So, what happened, Sin? Why are you here? Is it to say goodbye?” My lips begin to quiver.
“No, Emma. On the fifteenth day, they released me. I was told that the honor I served in finding her killer and ending his life would be my redemption. I told them I had her blood on my hands, even if I didn’t kill her, but they felt differently. They were drowning in sorrow for the loss of their daughter, but the peace they felt that justice was served and her soul was free was something they could live with.”
All this information is an overload to my brain and heart. “Are you leaving, Sin?” I blurt out. I’m sick of circling around the one question I need to know.
His eyes shift immediately. The desperation I once saw quickly fades as the primal animal settles in. He’s on me so quickly it causes me to stumble back. His arms wrap around me, clasping our bodies together. “No, Emma. That is exactly what I am not doing. I’ve returned to claim what’s mine,” he growls. “And since I know there is no way you will be denying me, that means I am here to stay,” he vows, his words thick with confidence. I don’t have a chance to sputter any sort of response before he continues, “And let me warn you, Emma, if you try to deny me, I will only remind you how you are already mine and that decision has already been made. You’re mine, Emma. Always have bee—”
Sinful Instincts (Woodland Creek) Page 14