by Toni Aleo
James just grins, and then he says, “Who wouldn’t? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Me? The best thing? It’s so hard to believe, but somehow, he sparks something inside me that makes me think maybe I am.
“You’re right, Mom,” he says slowly, and then he flashes me a grin. He wants this, the whole shebang. A family. I can give him that. We are that, in a sense. But I’ll be damned if that doesn’t evoke a certain kind of fear in me.
I scoot my chair out so I can go to the bathroom. But then James is standing, clinking his fork to his wineglass. I raise a brow, looking from him to Shea, who is grinning like he just scored the game winner. “What are you doing?”
James swallows hard before turning to me. “Almost two months ago, you told me you weren’t ready to marry me.”
“Oh my,” I mutter, and that only makes him grin. Meanwhile, my mom is squealing like a pig. I want to tell her to shut it, but like always, James’s gaze captures mine.
“I said fine. In two months, we’d revisit it, even though I kept asking,” he says, and then he drops to his knee in such a princely fashion that I want to cry. “You tell me you’re scared, that you think you’re not worthy of anyone’s love. But Grace, you, all of you, is priceless. No one can put a value on you because there isn’t one.”
“James—”
“Let him talk,” Mom sighs dreamily, but Shea shakes his head.
“Don’t interrupt. They don’t like that.”
“You had to do this in front of them?” I ask, but James isn’t fazed. He nods.
“Yes, because I asked your dad, and he told me I’m the one for you. I asked your mom, and she said the same. We both know Shea wants this for us. And if you look deep inside, you want it too. You just let these issues from before blind you to that when, baby, you’re absolutely perfect to me. I love you. So damn much.”
Tears flood my eyes as he takes my hand. In his other hand, he’s holding the white box with the ring in it that he bought me so long ago. “I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. I will never lie to you. I sure as hell will never love anyone like I love you. I want to raise our son together, in our home, and I want to love you for the rest of my life. Because one look at you, Grace, and everything just fell into place. You’re it for me. My option two. Now let me be your option two and the rest of your forever.”
My heart is in my throat, my chest hurts from me holding my breath, and I don’t know what to say.
“Oh yes. Please say yes, Grace,” my mom whispers over the remnants of the turkey.
“For real. He’ll make you happy,” Shea says.
But my eyes are on James. A slow grin covers his face as his gaze burns into mine.
“I think he’s the only one to handle your shit,” Dad calls out, and I close my eyes in annoyance. I could kill James for doing this, but I won’t. They’re all right. He does make me happy, and Lord knows he’s the only one to put up with my shit. He makes me feel things I didn’t even know I could feel.
Before I can even think, my heart gets out of that box I’ve kept it in, and I whisper, “Yes.”
Did I just say that? The room explodes with cheers as James pulls me up into his arms. Holy crap, I did. I wait for the panic, the fear, but then his arm comes around my body, his hand holding my chin as he takes my mouth with his. Bliss. All I feel is bliss. His other hand, still holding the ring box, digs into my side, but I don’t feel a thing.
Only our hearts beating as one.
February 3rd
“He looks exactly like Shea.”
The annoyance in James’s voice is making it very hard not to laugh.
“No, he has your chin,” I whisper, running my finger along Ryan’s sweet little chin. After forty-two weeks of pregnancy and eighteen hours of labor, I am finally holding my prize. My son. He’s flawlessly perfect and healthy—and huge.
“I shot my best swimmers, and he couldn’t look like me?”
I look up at James, and he’s holding back a grin. “He’s perfect.”
James kisses my head. “You are perfect, Grace, honestly. So strong and beautiful and resilient. I’m so proud of you. I wanted to give up after hour ten. That was rough.”
“Eh, I had you. And look at this little bundle of perfection,” I say in my best baby voice. “I would do it all over again.”
“Everything?”
I glance up at him. “Everything,” I repeat. “Especially the part where I fall madly in love with you.”
I can see his heart in his eyes as he leans his forehead to mine. “When was that?”
“Pretty sure it was back the first time you proposed to me. But I think I fell for you all over again when you grabbed my leg, pushed it back, and didn’t even say anything when I shit everywhere.”
He presses his lips together, his eyes filling with tears of laughter. “Because what can I say to a warrior who is giving me the best gift of my life, except ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re absolutely amazing’?”
“Even I was grossed out.”
James can’t hold it in. He chuckles, making Ryan squirm a bit. We both coo at him as I hold him close to my chest. “You’re beautiful, Grace, and I love you so much.”
My face breaks into a grin, and Lord, I don’t know how he can even say that. I look like roadkill run over twice, but in his eyes, I’m gorgeous. How could I ever think I didn’t love this man? He is my option two. “I love you too.”
“About damn time.”
“Only took a year.”
“The best year of my life.”
“Mine too.”
He kisses my top lip, his nose pressed to mine. “And just think, we still have more years to go.”
“So many, I hope.”
“Forever,” he promises, and then he kisses me once more. When he pulls back, tears spill down his cheeks. “And I’m naming the girl.”
I snort. “What!”
“You heard me. I’m knocking you up again as soon as possible, and it better be a girl.”
I laugh at that. “And if it’s not?”
“Then we’re gonna have to keep trying.”
I hold Ryan close. I could go for a lot of kids. As long as James is with me. Beside me. Loving me forever. “Fine, and what will you name her?”
“Amelia. After my mom.”
It fills me with such joy and promise. “I love it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
James cuddles beside me as we both gaze down at the beautiful baby boy we made. I don’t know what life will hold for us, but I know one thing for sure.
James will never leave me.
Us.
He’ll never leave us.
Twenty years later…
“Oh, James,” I whisper, moving my fingers along the slick wood beneath them. “What a life, huh? You gave me everything and anything I could possibly want. Not only did you give me the most unbelievable love, you gave me two wonderful kids.”
A slight drizzle has started, and it only makes sense that would happen. God knows I’m dying inside; the day should match, I guess. I clear my throat free of the sob as I whisper, “The kids are gonna do big things and be such amazing people.” I sniff back my tears, trying so hard to be strong. I know the kids are watching. Hell, everyone is probably watching. “Ryan was accepted into that PT program at Bellevue, just like you wanted. Isn’t that amazing? We got the notification the other day. We tried to be excited, but you know… It was hard, but I told Ryan you’d be so proud.”
My face hurts from trying not to cry, but I have to get through this. Not only for James but for me. “Talk is, there is going to be a gymnastics program at Bellevue, and Amelia wants to try to go there. I know what you’re thinking. Why? Send her off somewhere else, let her wings open so she can fly like she flies on those bars. But she doesn’t want to leave me.” I close my eyes as my tears spill down over my cheeks, and my heart feels dead in my chest.
“Th
is last week, going through the pictures and remembering our life together, I can’t believe how happy we were. Even at our lowest, we loved each other so much. But there is one thing I regret,” I say through the sob that is trying to escape. “I regret not telling you that I loved you at every single turn that first year we were together. That you make my life better. That you complete me. That you are my only option, my everything.”
I fall to my knees, my face hot against the cool coffin beneath it. “But I’m so mad. You promised you’d never lie to me, and you didn’t for the last twenty years. Not even stupid little lies. You were so honest. But now…now, you’ve lied.” A sob racks my body as I hold on to the coffin as if it’s my husband and not a box that is only holding his body. “You promised never to leave me, but here we are. I know it’s not your fault. Stupid cancer, and believe me, I will continue to fight this battle to get rid of it. In your name. I’ll do everything in your name.”
Another sob bursts from me, and I hate how I’m letting go. But I can’t stop it. The last three months have been torture. It came so quickly, the cancer did. I guess that’s why they call prostate cancer the silent killer. It took James quicker than he could take my breath away. But even as he was dying, there wasn’t a day he didn’t tell me he loved me, that I was a great mom, and that his life was great because of me.
When he took his last breath, it was to tell me he loved me.
“Damn it, James,” I cry. “Who is going to protect me? Who is going to love me like you did? Who will love the kids with the patience and kindness you have? I don’t have that! You are the best father. How can I even try to step into your shoes? Damn it, I miss you so much.”
I slide off his coffin, holding my face in my hands as the sobs shake my body like an earthquake. Everything feels hopeless, out of place, and so very lonely. When I feel two pairs of arms come around me, I fall apart even more.
“Mom, it’s okay,” Ryan whispers, kissing my head. “I’ll always protect you and Amelia.”
Oh, my Ryan, the perfect replica of James. So kind, such a romantic.
“Don’t worry, Mommy. I will love you like Daddy did. We both will,” Amelia cries, wrapping her arms around me.
Amelia may look just like James, but Lord, she is me made over. She turned both of us gray before we needed to be, but that didn’t stop us from loving her. Our children are all I have. My last pieces of James.
I cling to them, needing my babies.
“Always,” Ryan says, holding me close, and guilt washes over me.
I’m supposed to be strong for these two, but they’re being strong for me.
Just like James.
Silence wraps around us except for our sobs, and I welcome it. I miss him. I miss the feel of him. I miss the taste of him. I miss his words. I miss the love of my life, and I always will. But I know my kids will continue to grow and become the perfect living legacy of him.
And I’ll never lose him.
Funny how I was so scared to give everything of myself to him because I thought he would leave me of his own choice. When, really, he was taken from me. And he didn’t go quietly. Every day that passed, he reminded me that he would always love only me.
And the same goes for me. I’ll never love anyone the way I love James Justice.
My only option.
Present day
Amelia
I slowly move my finger along the photo of Ryan and me holding my mom the day we buried my dad. Tears fall onto the photo album as a sob bubbles in my throat. The pain is just so fresh. I miss him. I miss my mom. I miss my brother and his soon-to-be new wife.
I miss my life.
I just want to sit here quietly. I don’t want words, I don’t want to talk or anything, but my cousin Shelli doesn’t care. She came here for a reason, and if there is one thing I know about my cousin, she will be vocal about what’s on her mind. I didn’t even know this journal existed. I don’t know how Shelli knew or even found it, and I don’t want to know why.
It hurts too bad.
“How?”
Shelli smiles, though she looks completely terrified. “Aunt Grace gave it to me.”
It’s like a punch to the gut. I love my mom, she knows that, but when she can’t reach me, she uses any means necessary. “She said to tell you she’s never shown this to anyone since it has her innermost thoughts. She showed it to Uncle James when he got cancer.”
Fresh tears fall down my cheeks, falling onto my shirt as I inhale hard. “She doesn’t play fair.”
Shelli shakes her head grimly. “None of us do.”
I miss my family so much.
Shelli goes on, “She wanted you to see this. All this. What Aunt Grace and Uncle James had is love. Undeniably insane love. I don’t understand how you are confusing that with what you have right now.”
She reaches for my face, but she stops midway when I flinch. I know my busted lip, my black eyes, and the cuts along my cheeks scare her. They terrify me, but what can I do? I close my eyes, my tears spilling down my cheeks faster. I was convinced Drew was the one. That he would love me like my dad loved my mom. Unfortunately, his love is nothing like my dad’s.
The first year was great. We were good and happy, but then he got knocked back to the minors after only six months with the Flyers. He wasn’t performing for them the way they wanted. And then, everything I did was wrong. When he hit me the first time, I was sure it was my fault. I have a bit of a mouth on me, and I can be an asshole. He apologized like crazy, promising he’d never do it again. But he did. It used to be just my body, but then he went for my face and he didn’t stop.
When I looked in the mirror on Monday, I realized this isn’t on me. It’s on him. But how do I leave? How do I accept that this is over and let my family be right? I didn’t even mean to call Shelli, but she came running. And she brought an arsenal in the form of a journal of my mom’s.
“I know your pride is holding you back. I know you don’t want to believe this is the end. But look at me,” Shelli insists, taking my face in her hands, careful of my wounds. “You deserve more than this. More than him. And you need to come with me.”
I talk through a sob. “Where would I go?”
Shelli gathers me in her arms, holding me tightly but carefully as I cry. When her body breaks with a sob, it hurts me even more. That’s our relationship, though. When one of us cries, so does the other. We’re more sisters than we are cousins. With mom and Uncle Shea being twins, it only made sense that our families would grow up together. “I don’t care as long as we leave here. We don’t have to go home. Grandma and Grandpa have a house down in Carolina that I’m sure they’ll let us use until you are on your feet and ready to face the family.”
“Shelli—”
“Hear me out,” she insists, pulling back to look at me, and her words break my heart. My dad always said that. Hear me out. It was his go-to when Mom and I started acting crazy. Sad to say, he said it a lot. Mom and I are a bit hard to handle.
“At the beginning, you thought you had what your mom and dad had and my mom and dad have, right?”
“Yes,” I cry. I’m not naïve. I know now I didn’t have that, but I’m hardheaded. I don’t want to accept failure.
“Answer me this. Would Aunt Grace let your dad treat her like how Drew is treating you?”
I shake my head. “My dad would never.”
“Exactly. And would my dad ever do this to my mom?”
Once more, I shake my head. “Never.”
“So, tell me, Amelia. Should you let yourself be treated that way?”
My lips wobble as I slowly shake my head. “No.”
Shelli cries out as she wraps her arms around me again. I hold her close, crying into her shoulder. I don’t know why I allowed this to happen to me for so long. I gave up everything I had in Tennessee. A scholarship for gymnastics, friends, my family—all for Drew. Now, I’ll have nothing. Well, I’ll have Shelli and the rest of my family when I allow them back in. I’m terr
ified, but Shelli is right. I can’t live like this.
I have to go. Problem is, I honestly don’t know what will happen to me. Dad always said that I was built like my mom, strong and resilient. That I can do anything I put my mind to. He would tell me stories of how Mom would always land on her feet and work hard until she succeeded.
That I was just like her.
I want to be her, and dammit, I want a love like she had. While I can’t even think about loving anyone right now, I know that when I am ready, I only want one thing.
I want a man to love me like my dad loved my mom, right up until his dying day.
I want my option two.
The End
Amelia’s story is coming in a brand new series called the ICE CATS SERIES! For more info, join the special Ice Cats Newsletter list!
Wanna read Shea’s story? You sure do! Go read Taking Shots NOW!
Wanna read Ryan’s story? I bet you do! Go check out End Game NOW!
You know you don’t want to miss what is coming next! Click here to signup for my newsletter, and never miss another announcement about upcoming works, new releases, exclusive excerpts and giveaways! I do an awesome monthly gift box that I know you’ll love! So join now!
Books by Toni Aleo
NASHVILLE ASSASSINS
Breaking Away
Laces and Lace
A Very Merry Hockey Holiday
Wanting to Forget
Overtime
Rushing the Goal
Puck, Sticks, and Diapers
Face-off at the Altar
Delayed Call
Twenty-Two
In the Crease
Bellevue Bullies Series
Boarded by Love
Clipped by Love
Hooked by Love
End Game