by Amy Field
“I have a hunch and besides, I don’t want to give you anything that might harm you, I hope you understand,” Dr. Andrews said calmly.
She wanted to ask her what hunch she had but refrained from doing so. Instead, she thanked the doctor and left for her blood test. Hopefully, this would solve all of her problems.
“You are very distracted,” Paul commented.
“What? Sorry,” Anna said immediately.
She had been staring down at her bowl of soup, playing with it and making it colder by the second. Paul had finished his bowl a few minutes ago and watched her as she played around with it.
“I was thinking about something,” Anna said.
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing to worry about. Some work I have to finish,” Anna lied smoothly.
She didn’t know why she was lying, the last thing she wanted was to alienate him but it felt like it would do no good to tell him.
“You shouldn’t worry too much,” Paul advised.
Anna smiled. I am so lucky to have him.
“It’s nothing, you are right. A good night’s rest will do me good.”
Paul stood up and cleared the dishes away. She tried to help but he shooed her away with mocking orders to go to bed. Anna grinned and followed his orders, changing into her pink nightgown and laying down. He came ten minutes later and changed as well, slipping into bed with her. His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer.
Feeling his warm breath against her neck, Anna forgot all about the doctor’s visit and fell deeply into the world of dreams.
“You can’t be serious!”
Anna's voice was incredulous.
Dr. Andrews didn’t look like she was kidding. Her face was dead serious as she delivered the news.
“I am telling the truth. Medical tests seldomly lie."
“But I can’t be, I can’t be…” Anna repeated, sounding dazed.
Her hand went to her stomach and she had a lump in her throat. Was she really….pregnant? But how… when?
“I understand it must have come as a shock to you,” Dr. Andrews said sympathetically.
You don’t know half of it, Anna thought.
How was she going to tell Paul? Paul would think she was lying and he had good reason to. The doctor was looking at her, waiting for her to say something but how could Anna explain it? How could Anna explain to her that Paul thought he was sterile? If he was sterile then how could she be pregnant?
“I just didn’t expect it,” Anna said faintly.
“These things are always shocking so don’t worry about it,” Dr. Andrews assured her.
Anna didn’t speak, wrapped up in her worries. The doctor continued talking about vitamins and her pregnancy, she was ten weeks along, telling her that she needed to take care of herself from the amount of morning sickness she was going through. Anna listened to her words through a haze and didn’t say anything. Her heart was sick with all the emotions she was going through.
The thought of a baby and marriage was something that had never occurred to her. She had never thought about things like that and her relationship with Paul had always been stable, she didn’t need to think of commitment, they clearly weren’t at that stage though they loved each other deeply. How was she going to tell him?
Anna left the hospital somehow and made it to work. She had taken a break but she hadn’t told anyone. She had been planning to tell Paul about it, after the doctor had pronounced her to be alright but now she wasn’t sure about it.
Anna stopped outside her work building and then walked the opposite direction, she couldn’t do it. It was impossible, how would she face him?
She ended up at the park. As it was afternoon, it was slightly crowded by families who had decided to come and spend some time together. Today, Anna found her eyes settling on the little children, in nine months or less, she would have a baby of her own and the thought filled her with tension. It wasn’t that she didn’t want the child, it was because she was sure she couldn’t care for the child. Would she make a good mother? She was young and impressionable, did she have the mindset to take care of a child?
Anna walked blindly and sat down in a lonely corner, her eyes on the disappearing sun. How long would it take for Paul to understand that she was missing? Would he look for her? She did want to be alone but she also wanted to see him, to talk to him.
This baby was his, she was sure of it. She never cheated on him and she was loyal to him but would Paul believe her?
Abortion was always an option.
And the thought hit her like a punch to the stomach. How could she think of killing a small child? Was she so cruel? No, she wouldn’t do something as heinous as that. Not because she was scared of Paul’s reaction. She had nothing to be afraid of, this was his child and she was damned if she would let fear rule her life. She would tell him the truth. It won't be easy, but it's the least complicated.
She would have to take some time off but it didn’t matter. She would take care of this baby and she would try her best to be a mother.
Paul was busy reading in his office.
He was taking it easy. His book, a mystery thriller that he had borrowed from Anna, lay on his desk, hidden from the sight of the door by his stack of files.
As much as Paul hated mystery books, he found that this one was holding his attention and he was enjoying reading the person in the story go through different clues to find the killer. His Anna had good taste.
Paul couldn’t describe how he felt about Anna, she was his life.
He hadn’t expected their relationship to progress so much in the last two years but it had and he found that he couldn’t live without her. Everything about her was endearing, Anna had a quality that he rarely saw in girls, an innocence that drew him to her. That wasn’t to say she was naïve, she was strong but somehow she had managed to retain her morality.
Paul wanted to protect her, to be everything for her but there was one thing that he couldn’t give her and that was a child.
Being older than Anna, Paul had thought a lot about their future and he had already thought out that one day, they would get married and live together without any need to hide but the thing that always bothered him was his inability to give her a family. Though the circumstances had been out of his hands, Paul couldn’t help blaming himself.
It had occurred when he was a child. Like any other child, Paul contacted mumps but in his case it had been so severe that the doctor had told his parents that he would never have kids. He hadn’t understood it when he was a child but in his teenage years, he understood and so he backed away from dating in his adult life. What the point when he couldn’t give the woman he loved a family? It wouldn’t do and he would have gone on alone if he hadn’t met Anna.
She had captured his attention from the second he saw her, there had been no way to back off and he couldn’t stop himself from falling in love with her and the rest was history.
When he had confessed to her, she had looked him straight in the eyes and told him that it didn’t matter. They would adopt, it was as simple as that. Paul couldn’t have loved her more.
He closed the book and leaned back into his chair, she had been sick lately and he was getting worried about her. Maybe he ought to force her to go to the doctor but Paul wasn’t the type of person to force her. She would go on her own.
Speaking of which, he hadn’t seen her in the office. Had she gotten so sick that she had to take a sick day? He had to get to the bottom of it so he put the book into his drawer and pressed the button on his intercom to ask his secretary to send Lisa in.
Paul wasn’t sure how he felt about Lisa, she was a good friend to Anna but if half the stories about her were true, she was also a huge flirt but she seemed good natured enough. Paul had to wait a few minutes until Lisa entered, with a fake smile on her face. Paul knew that Lisa couldn’t stand him but he never brought attention to that little fact.
“I noticed that Miss Lester isn’t i
n the office.”
“She had to take care of some work,” Lisa replied.
“I see, if she comes in, send her to me.”
Lisa nodded and left.
Paul decided that what he had to ask her would have to wait until tonight. He needed to know if Anna was alright.
With a sigh, he reached into his drawer to take out the book. He might as well finish it or it would stop him from attending to his work.
“You weren’t at work,” Paul said over dinner.
Anna had taken the effort today to make something for the two of them. Her attempt at making stew had gone remarkably well and Paul was enjoying it but he still hadn’t gotten distracted from the fact that she wasn’t present at work. Anna swallowed her mouthful.
“I finished work early and I was feeling a bit faint so I came back home.”
“You didn’t tell me,” Paul said. As her boss, he had to be the one she came to if she wanted to go back home so he was confused by what she was saying.
“I finished work and ducked out early, it wasn’t that serious.” A sliver of defensiveness had snaked into her voice and Anna realized too late that she shouldn’t be behaving this way.
Paul hid his surprise but thankfully let go of the topic. They chatted about other things, more notably the announcement of the trip that was going to happen in three days. Paul already knew who he was going to take with him but he didn’t say it to Anna. He wanted it to be a surprise.
As he stared across the table at her, he could see the tiredness in her face. There were the dark circles and the lines but today, especially, she looked worn down as if she was being weighed by something. Paul wanted to ask her what had happened but he also wanted to give her some space, to let her come to him for advice when she needed it. It was killing him but he would go through it, for her.
They finished eating and headed off to bed where Anna lay down and immediately fell asleep. Paul worked a bit, putting his laptop on his lap and typing up some reports. The mystery book he had read at the office had consumed him to the point that he had been unable to do any work. It was annoying but it had felt satisfying to finish the book.
He continued to work as the clock ticked away and suddenly he realized that he didn’t have one important piece of paper that he needed. The thought irked him and he tried to calm himself. The paper wasn’t of consequence and this work could wait until the morning but he didn’t like the idea of it. He wanted to finish the work right now.
Paul was a perfectionist so his nickname at the office hadn’t been far off and when he couldn’t do something, he got tensed and on the edge. He put his laptop on the bedside table and lay back, trying to get to sleep. This work would wait until morning, right now, he needed to sleep.
As he often did, Paul looked at Anna’s sleeping face.
She looked so beautiful and vulnerable and he was glad that he was the person seeing her like this. A strand of hair had come loose, hanging precariously over her face and he brushed it away, caressing her cheek as he did so. Anna murmured at his touch and scooted closer, making a smile appear on his face.
That’s when it came to him.
Anna was working on the same project, she would surely have the same papers. Paul got out of bed and went to check in her bag. He rooted through the files and found the paper, grinning with triumph when he saw something else peeking through.
Paul couldn’t resist taking it out and saw that it had the insignia of a nearby hospital. Was that why Anna hadn’t come to the office? She had been to the doctor? That made more sense but why hadn’t she just told him instead of snapping at him, unless the doctor had told her bad news.
His heart was filled with horror as he held the envelope. Was it something really bad? It couldn’t be right? Nothing would happen to her. Paul didn’t want to see what the envelope held but he couldn’t put it down either and he took out the paper, shaking it open. He checked everything and it seemed alright until he read the doctor’s comments.
Pregnancy confirmed.
At first, he was relieved. She was alright, nothing life threatening had happened to her but then it hit him with full force. Anna was pregnant but he was sterile. How could that have happened?
Did that mean that Anna had been cheating on him?
And Paul felt the ground underneath his feet give way.
Chapter Three
Anna was woozy in the morning.
She got out of bed and looked to her side to see Paul wasn’t there, he had already left. At the thought of him, she remembered their disastrous dinner the night before and cursed herself. Why had she done that? All he had done was ask if she was alright and she had practically jumped down his throat about it. This wasn’t the way to reassure him and tell him that she was pregnant.
Even now, she was scared to tell him. The thing that frightened her the most was that he would think she was lying when she wasn’t. Anna would never cheat on him and while she was happy at the news that this meant that Paul wasn’t sterile, she was nervous about whether he would believe her but she knew that by not telling him, she was doing the worst possible thing. He deserved to know.
As she washed up, she felt her stomach trying to find any indication of her pregnancy. She had lost some weight beforehand but the doctor had told her that it happened and the weight that really mattered was the one around her belly. Now, as she felt it, she understood why. Her belly was slightly rounded and hard to the touch. It was her baby, it was inside there and it was listening to her.
Anna got emotional all of a sudden as tears gathered in her eyes and she hugged herself.
“I’ll tell your papa. I promise.”
She got dressed for work and headed out the door, skipping breakfast. The thought of cooking felt too tiring for her and she decided that she would eat a granola bar from the staff room. The doctor had given her a list of fruits and other things that she should consumed and she reached into her bag to make sure that the envelope was still there. She sighed in relief when she found it but had the strangest feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
Her first indication happened at the office. Anna had only sat on her desk when Paul arrived. She turned to greet him with a smile when she saw the look in his eyes. He was angry but why?
“You weren’t at work yesterday, Miss Lester.”
“I finished my work, sir,” Anna said, a little bit taken aback.
“That doesn’t give you the excuse to leave. You are not a freelancer.”
“Sir, I was feeling sick so I did it. I apologize,” Anna said lamely.
“This is a work place and excuses don’t work, don’t make that mistake again,” Paul warned and walked away, leaving Anna stunned behind him.
“What’s wrong with him?” Lisa commented.
Anna hadn’t been the only one then, she had detected malice from Paul’s voice and wondered if she had done anything to annoy him. Nothing came to mind but the worry was increasing. She felt as if something was terribly wrong and try as she might, she couldn’t shake the feeling. This wasn’t good.
Should she try and appease him? No, she would give him his space. It was the best thing to do. She went on with her work and tried to bury herself in it. She was feeling better today but the thought of the baby hung over her like a sword. She knew sooner or later, she would have to tell him but she couldn’t do it now. She had to wait for the right moment.
At lunchtime, Lisa stood up to go to eat and took Anna with her. In the cafeteria, the two chatted when Sam slid into the seat with them. Lisa had never managed to catch Sam two years ago but had developed a friendship with him which awed Anna. Sam was handsome with wavy dark hair and movie star looks. She had always thought the two made a good couple but Lisa had said that Sam wanted something different in a girl which Lisa didn’t have. The comment had confused Anna but she hadn’t pursued it,
A year ago, Lisa began hinting that Sam liked her but Anna always brushed it off. She was in love with Paul, though no one knew and
Sam hadn’t mentioned it to her so she put it out of her mind. Sam had turned into a good colleague and she loved chatting with him.
The three talked and Anna was aware of Paul entering the room. She turned slightly to smile at him but when she did, he looked away from her, surprising her. Was he still angry at her? It wasn’t like him to hold grudges, Paul had always been a nice man and he wasn’t the type to hold something against her. All their arguments had started from Anna and ended with him. Anna couldn’t understand what was going on but she knew if she didn’t do something about it, something bad would happen.
“Who do you think is going to New York?” Sam was asking her.
“Don’t know, it could be Allison or George,” Anna said distracted.
“Or it could be you,” Sam said.
“I am still here,” Lisa said jokingly.
“Lisa is more likely, she is one who presented it,” Anna agreed.
“Who knows, it would be awesome if we could both go,” Lisa said.
Anna nodded, her thoughts still on Paul. She hoped Lisa would be the one to go as she could go any time. Paul had refused to tell her who it was but there was only one day left until they would all know.
Anna looked at her sandwich, finding it unappealing. She forced herself to take a bite and chewed slowly, washing it down with milk.
“Anna, are you alright?” Lisa’s voice came through.
“I am fine,” Anna said automatically.
“You have been like this for three days!” Lisa said.
“You can tell us, we are your friends, OK?” Sam said and touched her hand.
Anna pulled away and nodded. She wanted to tell them but that would bring about the whole question of who the father was and she couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t out her and Paul’s relationship so it would have to remain a secret for now.
Paul didn’t come to the apartment that night. He had sent her a message telling her that he was too busy with work and Anna hadn’t written him a reply. She had been disappointed that he hadn’t come as she had been planning to tell him about the baby. She had practiced in front of the mirror a dozen times and dressed with care. She was disappointed that he hadn’t come.