by Amy Field
He had to find her and tell her how sorry he was. He had to do anything for her forgiveness. And his child…
A wave of tenderness awoke in him. His child, he was missing out on being there for his child. He had to do something, there had to be a way for him to find her.
And the answer came to him, Lisa. Lisa would know where she was. They were friends, he had to ask Lisa but how could he do that?
Paul didn’t know but he knew he had to try.
“This is unprecedented,” Lisa said.
Paul didn’t say anything and he couldn’t meet her eyes as Lisa sat down opposite him. He had called her to a café near the office to avoid any suspicion. Paul hadn’t expected her to take his call but now that she had, he was happy.
Lisa didn’t look too happy to have accepted his invitation, she kept looking at the clock and the door, wanting to leave. Paul didn’t know how to begin and he grasped one of the tissues on the table, tearing it to pieces.
“Would you like something to drink?” Paul asked.
Lisa shook her head and waited for him to speak.
“I know it’s strange for me to call you out here but there’s something I need to ask you,” Paul said. “Do you know where Anna is?”
Lisa stiffened and her face was wary. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Paul’s hands shook. “Listen, you have to tell me.”
“So you can insult her some more? Anna worked hard and you threw her out without remorse.” Lisa accused.
Paul couldn’t deny it, she was speaking the truth but he had to know where she was so she could ask for forgiveness. Lisa wasn’t understanding that and why would she, she didn’t know why he had done what he did. Lisa was getting up and Paul knew he would have to tell her everything.
“Lisa I have something to say,” Paul began.
Lisa sat back down and waited.
“Anna and I were in a relationship. We were together for two years but four months ago Anna found out she was pregnant and I accused her of cheating on me. At the time, I was sure I was sterile and Anna assured me she hadn’t. I didn’t believe her and my jealousy got the best of me so I fired her but recently, I found out that I am not sterile and Anna wasn’t lying.”
“You bastard,” Lisa whispered.
Paul didn’t say anything, knowing that he deserved it. He let Lisa soak in the information.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally spoke.
“You don’t know where she is?”
“No, she didn’t tell me. She told me she was leaving but she never said where she was going. I had no idea she was pregnant either,” Lisa said worried.
Paul didn’t say anything.
“I’ll keep you informed if I find anything,” Lisa said. “It’s the least I can do.”
Paul nodded miserably and watched Lisa leave the café. His last lead had fizzled out, where was he going to find her now?
Anna, where are you?
Chapter Five
Six months later…
The baby gurgled happily in the crib. His mother cooed at him and handed him a rattle which he shook with vigor.
“He is going to be a handful!” Mrs. Gomer said with a laugh.
“Not too much, I hope,” Anna replied with a smile.
Jacob giggled in response. Her baby was beautiful, he had tufts of brunette hair and a chubby face with pink cheeks. She could see hints of Paul but Anna didn’t pay too much attention to it. Her baby was her own. It had been ten months since she had seen Paul and two months since Jacob had been born. He had come into this world on a stormy night and Anna had trouble making her way to the hospital. Thankfully her neighbor had helped her but during the lonely night, she thought often about Paul and wondered where he was or what he was doing. Had he moved on?
Anna loved Paul despite everything but when Jacob was born, her love for Paul took a backseat. Suddenly, Jacob was all that mattered and Anna vowed never to let her feelings for Paul to get in the way of bringing up her child.
Mrs. Gomer played with Jacob and Anna watched with a smile. She had been a godsend. Anna had moved into this new apartment two weeks ago and since then, Mrs. Gomer had visited her regularly and helped her with Jacob whenever she went to work. Anna had been on maternity leave but now she could go back to work.
It hadn’t been easy getting a job, Anna had to search high and low for one. Thankfully news of her dismissal hadn’t reached this town but no one wanted to hire a person who was expecting so she was lucky when she managed to get a job with a small company. Her experience helped her a lot and Anna had gained a good reputation in the office. She had to work twice as hard to make up for her pregnancy but Anna had done it. She had even offered to take less time off for her maternity leave but her boss had given it to her, telling her that it didn’t matter and they would wait for her to come back in her due time.
Mrs. Gomer had picked Jacob up and was rocking him. Anna held out her hands and Mrs. Gomer smiled, handing over Jacob. Jacob smiled at Anna and Anna tickled his belly gently, making him laugh.
“I better go home, Henry must be waiting for me,” Mrs. Gomer said.
She picked up her bag and left, leaving her with her child. Mrs. Gomer was married with two kids and when Anna had told her that she was unmarried, the woman had showed no change in expression and continued to help her. She truly was a good soul.
Anna carried Jacob with her to the couch and sat down. She turned on one of the musical CD’s she had gotten for him and chanted along with the rhymes. She knew it was too early to expose him to it but the doctor had said that babies caught onto everything quickly and she wanted him to be exposed to good influences rather than bad ones.
She had to go to work in the morning and she waited for Jacob to go to sleep. It had been tough at first, with his cries and incredible demands to eat at night but it had slowed down and Anna was used to it.
Every time it happened, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if Paul was with her? Would it have been easier? And then she reproached him in her heart, why hadn’t he believed her? How could he have been so callous?
Thinking of Paul, reminded her of Lisa. She hadn’t kept contact with Lisa for a few months and she felt guilty. Lisa had been her friend and while she had told Lisa that she was leaving, she hadn’t told Lisa that she had moved to New York. It was a spur of the moment thing but not totally unplanned. Anna’s mother lived in New York and she knew she needed her mother’s support if she wanted to take care of Jacob. Her mother was a widow, Anna’s father had passed away years ago and when Anna had moved away, her mother had told her to come when she could. Anna had planned to leave Jacob with her mother but had declined to live with her mother. Anna loved her mother but the two were alike so she knew that all they would do was have arguments most of the time. Besides, Anna loved her privacy.
Jacob’s head drooped and Anna got up, slowly, and walked back to the crib, setting him down. Jacob yawned once and closed his eyes.
Her stomach growled and she went into the kitchen to make something. The apartment she bought had two bedrooms with the living room and adjoined kitchen. It was simple in décor, nothing like the apartment she had back then but she liked it better. She didn’t need anything else.
Her fridge was almost empty and Anna made a mental note to shop the next day. She got to cooking, making herself a simple salad made of chicken and vegetables, then sitting down on the couch and tuning into a sitcom. Now that Jacob was asleep, it was safe to watch it.
She hadn’t watched TV in ages, consumed with taking care of Jacob and she laughed along, forgetting some of her troubles. Afterwards, she cleaned up and went to her bedroom. She got ready for bed, dressing in a nightgown, kissed Jacob’s forehead and lay down in bed.
Sleep didn’t come immediately as she counted down all the things she had to do the next day and then she thought about Lisa again. She really ought to leave a message for her.
Tomorrow, she t
hought. I’ll call her.
The morning was very hectic for Anna. She had to run around to get dressed and pack Jacob’s bag to take to her mother’s. Jacob wasn’t helping as he cried for her attention and Anna barely managed to eat throughout the whole fiasco but she didn’t mind. She picked Jacob up and walked out, her office bag around one shoulder and his bag around another. She saw Mrs. Gomer in the hallway and greeted her before scurrying towards the elevator.
She had to be in the office in an hour which gave her enough time to drop Jacob off at her mother.
Anna’s mother, Jenny Lester, lived nearby. She had her own penthouse. Anna’s father had owned a small business which Jenny had sold after his death. She had enough money but Anna had never asked for it, preferring to live on her own right. Anna knocked on her mother’s door and it opened, revealing her mother dressed in slacks and a red blouse.
Her mother looked like Anna except the grey strands in her hair. When she saw Jacob, she brightened up and took him from Anna.
“I have everything packed, he likes to eat at two and if he cries, hand him the rattle…” Anna blabbered until her mother stopped her.
“I can take care of a baby Anna. I took care of you didn’t I” she laughed. “Go to work!”
Anna nodded and ran off. She had forty five minutes left and she had to hurry or she would be late. She took the bus and ended up at work, twenty minutes early. Anna had her own office here and a title which pleased her to no ends. She sat down by her desk and got to work.
A few hours later, there was a knock on her door and she saw it was Eric, her colleague.
“Hey Anna, did you finish the reports for the Lindeman deal?”
“I did, here you go,” Anna said and held out the stack of reports for him.
Eric grinned and took them from her, leaving.
Anna pushed back the papers and sighed, she hoped this life wouldn’t go awry.
Anna got some time to herself during lunch. She didn’t have many friends in the office so she ate alone in her office. She went to the cafeteria and got a sandwich which she brought back to devour as she looked over some papers. She finished eating and wiped the crumbs from her desk before deciding to call her mother and ask her how Jacob was doing.
It took three rings before her mom answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey Mom, it’s me. How’s Jacob?” Anna asked.
“He is sleeping right now,” her mother said. “I fed him.”
They chatted for a while more until Anna hung up, happy that her little baby was alright. She couldn’t wait to see him in a few hours. She was going to go back to work when she remembered that she was supposed to call Lisa. Seeing as she had nothing to do, she picked up her phone and dialed Lisa’s number from memory. She hoped Lisa still had the same number.
“Hello?” Lisa’s voice came through.
“Lisa? It’s me Anna.”
“Anna!” Lisa exclaimed, her voice cracking.
“Calm down, I am sorry I didn’t call you before!” Anna said.
“Where are you?”
“I’m…” Anna hesitated but then decided to tell her anyway. “I am in New York.”
“You are? I didn’t think you would go there.” Lisa said.
“Me neither,” Anna admitted.
“What’s up with you?”
Anna debated on whether to tell Lisa but then decided she would. She started from the beginning, talking about her pregnancy but didn’t mention Paul. When she finished, Lisa was quiet.
“Wow,” Lisa said but somehow Anna didn’t detect any surprise in her voice. Anna shook away her suspicion, she was imagining things.
“I know.”
“So you are a mom now?”
“Yeah.”
Lisa asked her random questions, about where she lived and what she was doing, and Anna answered them, happy that she was able to talk to her friend. After a while, she hung up and went back to work. It was going to be a good day.
A few days later, Anna was in the grocery store.
She had completely forgotten to shop for days in a row and could only survive as her mother kept giving her cooked meals. Finally, as it was her free day and she had left Jacob with her mother as she went to stock up on food. She kept thinking about Jacob and wondering what he was doing. She was planning to drop off the groceries and then head for her mother’s house so that she could pick him up.
She remembered to pick up Jacob’s baby formula and other essentials around the house. She tried to keep her mind on the shopping but it kept slipping ever so often.
Her mind was still pre occupied as she took everything and paid for it, heading towards home. She was thinking of things to do for Jacob and their time together that as she entered the hallway that led to her apartment, she didn’t notice the figure standing in front of her apartment door.
She didn’t look up but she bumped into the person who steadied her by putting his hands on her shoulder.
“Thank you,” Anna said distracted but then something hit her.
The hold on her arms was strong and familiar somehow. And as she hit the person, the smell that wafted under her nose was something she was very familiar with. A scent that someone she knew intimately had always used. Something she had bought of him.
Realization dawned on her face and as she looked up, she found herself staring at the person who had insulted her all those months ago. The person she had loved so desperately only for him to abandon her at her time of need. The father of her little boy.
“Anna,” Paul Mercer said. “I missed you.”
Chapter Six
Anna couldn’t believe her eyes.
Paul Mercer was standing in front of her and as the anger rose, there was also sadness as she looked at him closely. His eyes looked ravaged and he looked as if he had not slept for a long time. Being in his arms, she could feel the familiar feeling consuming her again but Anna wouldn’t let that happen so she pushed him off, her eyes blazing with fury. How dare he show up?
“What the hell are you doing here?” she snapped.
“Anna…”Paul said softly.
“Don’t Anna me! How dare you come here? How did you find out I was here?” Anna asked furiously.
Paul hesitated.
“Lisa told me.”
The answer stunned her, Lisa had told him? Why would she do that? Anna would have to have a talk with Lisa as soon as she could. She glared at Paul who didn’t attempt to come closer.
“I don’t care that Lisa told you but get lost, I don’t want to see your face,” Anna said, her voice rising.
“Anna please, don’t…” Paul begged. But Anna was adamant.
She pointed at the elevator behind her.
“Leave immediately!”
“The baby… my baby. Where is he?” Paul asked.
Anna was stunned, so Lisa had told him about Jacob as well? Her mother instinct wanted to tell him to get lost but Anna’s love for him won over and she said,
“That's none of your... he's somewhere.”
“Please let me see him, then I'll go,” Paul pleaded.
“No, leave! Just go!” Tears sprung to her and seeing them, Paul backed off towards the elevator, his shoulders drooping.
Seeing her so hurt made him feel bad. He'd thought time would have healed her, but perhaps it was still too soon to except her to listen to him explain.
Anna stayed rooted in her spot before she forced herself to walk inside. She didn’t know how to react, Paul had come here but why? He looked so thin and broken…Anna’s heart went out to him but then she remembered how he had abandoned her and her heart relived the pain.
No, she wasn’t going to let him near Jacob. He didn’t deserve to be his father, she would do everything to shield Jacob.
Anna knew it was a matter of time before Paul found out about her mother and thought about what to do. She couldn’t have Jacob near him.
She dropped the groceries and decided to go over to her mom’s ho
use. As she left, she was careful in checking if Paul was nearby but caught no sight of him. So far so good.
She reached her mother’s house quickly and rang the doorbell multiple times.
“What’s going on?” Her mother asked as she pushed past her to enter the house.
“Where’s Jacob?” Anna asked.
“In my room. What’s wrong with you Anna? You look like you have seen a ghost.”
“He is here.”
“Who is here?” Her mother asked confused.
“Jacob’s dad. He is back,” Anna said shakily.
“What? You told me he didn’t believe you.”
“He said he does and he wants me back.”
Anna told her mother everything that had happened and when she finished, her mother didn’t say anything.
“Do you think,” her mother started delicately. “That it’s worth giving him a chance?”
Anna looked at her shocked.
“He wouldn’t believe me and you think that I should let him get back into my life if it was nothing?”
“Anna, it was an honest mistake. Don’t you think that if you spend your life believing that you are sterile you would lash out that way?”
“Well yes but that doesn’t give him the right to fire me!”
“It’s your life but I think it’s worth having Jacob’s dad in it with him.”
“Mom, I have to disagree with you, there is no way I am letting him into Jacob’s life,” Anna said adamantly.
Her mother looked at her with dismay but Anna ignored that look, caught up in her own conviction. She wasn’t going to harm Jacob’s life, this was for the best. She had never mentioned where her mother lived as it hadn’t really mattered to either of them but Paul was no fool. He would find it out but until then, Anna would do anything to protect Jacob.
Paul didn’t appear for a few more days which shocked Anna.
She was constantly on edge and kept expecting him to pop up from any corner but he hadn’t. She had taken to clutching Jacob tightly when she took him to her mother’s house and one time, she had been holding on too tightly and Jacob had burst into tears. Anna felt guilty about it but she couldn’t do anything as she was intent in her mission to protect him.