by Amy Field
She wanted to drown in her own unhappiness.
She thought about the wedding gifts, they were waiting for her, unpicked from the shop that they had registered on. During the time, they had chosen such expensive gifts, giddy with happiness. Maria never wanted to see those gifts ever again.
As she thought that, she suddenly felt queasy and ran to the bathroom, dry heaving over the sink. Her head began to spin and she took long, deep breaths. Maybe Jaime was right, a trip to the doctor might be what’s best for her. There were few times in Maria’s life that she had to resort to visiting a doctor. There was one time when she had broken her leg and had gone to get that set but that had been when she was twelve years old, more than fourteen years ago.
Maria didn’t know any doctors in the city and she didn’t want to dig around the phone book for someone random. It was best to wait for Jaime.
In a way, Maria was relieved about her sickness. It gave her something to focus on, instead of blanking out for ages. She had done enough of that in the weeks that had followed the wedding and she had hated it. She hated feeling helpless and this sickness would get her out of it, Maria was sure of it.
Suddenly, anger seemed to grasp her. She was filled with rage, at Matt and Celia. They had gone onto their life together and left her as the fool. She wouldn’t let them win. After she got better, she was going to go back to work and move on with her life. It wouldn’t be any of their business and maybe someday, she would find someone better than Matt but for now, she would concentrate on herself.
Maria could hardly wait for Jaime to get home, Jaime would come a couple of hours later but it was something to look forward to and she felt the first sign of hope blossoming in her chest.
The waiting room was soothing in a way.
There were a lot of people around her but she loved the noise they provided. There were different types of people here, some with casts, some with face masks and others who looked like they had come for a normal checkout. Maria breathed in the smell of antiseptic and relaxed in her seat. Jaime had offered to come with her but she had work to get to.
Maria didn’t insist, she was better off alone.
It took her a few seconds to understand that the nurse was calling her but Maria got up and walked over to her.
“Miss Adams? Please go to room 204,” The nurse said briskly.
Maria nodded and picked up her file. She headed for the room and sat down on the bed inside. It was a standard examining room, Maria had thought that Jaime would make the appointment in a doctor’s office so she was surprised to see the examining room around her. Had something gone wrong? Maybe they had sent her to the wrong room?
Maria shook off the feeling and remained seated. She was getting worked up for nothing. Since she was alone, she reevaluated her situation. Her stomach was queasy and tiredness settled into her bones. She yawned involuntarily, her sleep cycle had become messed up. She had never had issues with sleep before. This was a first for her.
She was only beginning to relax when the door opened and the doctor walked in. she looked at him and found it hard to speak for a few seconds.
He didn’t look like a doctor. He had the youthful air about him which didn’t suit the profession. His eyes caught her attention first, they were liquid brown and warm. His face was handsome and tanned, as if he had just returned from vacation. He was taller than her and the only indication that he was the doctor was the white coat that he wore and the stethoscope around his neck. She spotted his name tag on his coat pocket but didn’t see his name.
“Please remain seated.” He told her. He had a deep voice.
Maria didn’t move from her position and he brought his stethoscope to his ears, picking up the end and placing it on her chest. He listened to her heartbeat for a few seconds, an action which puzzled her. Did they usually check the heartbeat first for a routine checkup?
She had no idea but she decided to go with the flow. He brought up a sphygmomanometer and wrapped it around her upper right arm. As he got close, Maria found that her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t know why that had happened but she pretended not to be affected. It was nothing, the doctor was very handsome and she was a woman after all. No doubt, she would be affected by the presence of him.
She didn’t want to dwell too much on it, thoughts of Matt had begun to infiltrate her mind and she wished that this would end soon so that she could go home.
“When did you notice the boils appear?” the doctor’s question brought her out of her reverie.
“Boils?”
“The boils on your thighs. Isn’t that your affliction?” the doctor said.
“What? I don’t have…” Maria began to say but he wasn’t listening.
“The nurse should have told you to change, I’ll go get a gown for you.” He said and left.
Maria was trying to gather her thoughts when he came back with the gown. He held it out for her.
“Please change, I’ll wait outside,”
“I think you are mistaken about something!” Maria blurted. “I don’t have any boils.”
“Did you lie? Is this a drug thing?” his eyes had turned cold.
Maria flushed with anger. What was wrong with this man? Why wasn’t he listening to her?
“No it’s not! I came for a routine checkup!” she almost shouted.
“Routine checkup?” The doctor looked genuinely confused.
Maria couldn’t take it anymore. The anger that was swirling inside of her had reached frightening proportions and she didn’t care anymore. She threw the gown at the doctor and ran outside, to the nurse’s station.
“I think you assigned me to the wrong room,” Maria said breathless.
The nurse looked surprised at her disheveled appearance.
“Your name is Mrs. Ramon right?”
“No, it’s Maria Adams.”
“Oh my! I am sorry, I must have gotten confused!” the nurse said.
She apologized profusely as she handed Maria the correct file but Maria was still suffering through the remnants of her anger so she couldn’t respond to it. She went to the correct room where there was an older doctor waiting for her. By then, her anger had dissipated and she was feeling more charitable towards the young doctor she had shouted her. Maybe it had been a mistake on his part as well.
The doctor asked her standard questions which Maria answered and she saw something light up in the doctor’s eyes. The doctor didn’t voice his thoughts and asked her to get a blood test done. Maria took the slip of paper and left the room. She almost expected to see that doctor outside but he wasn’t there. She got all the tests done and went home, all the while thinking of the young doctor.
When she reached home, Jaime was waiting for her and she saw that Maria was smiling for the first time after the wedding. As Jaime continued to watch, she burst out laughing.
“What happened?” Jaime asked awed.
“Nothing,” Maria grinned.
It hadn’t been so bad after all.
“It was as I suspected,” the doctor put down his glasses and looked at Maria.
Maria waited for him to continue. It was three days after her checkup and her blood tests had been processed. She had come to hear the consensus from the doctor and she wasn’t liking the look in his eyes.
“Miss Adams, you are pregnant.”
“I am sorry?” Maria did a double take.
“It’s been almost nine weeks by the looks of it. Haven’t you noticed any symptoms?”
Maria was going to say she hadn’t when she thought back to all the weeks. She should have seen it earlier, she had been so busy with wedding preparations that she had forgotten all about her monthly cycle. Everything fit now but the thing that horrified her the most was that she was pregnant by the man who had broken off their wedding.
“I can see from the look on your face that this isn’t great news,” the doctor said sympathetically. “Is there anything you would like me to do?”
He was talking about an a
bortion, Maria was sure of it but she was also sure that she wasn’t the type of person to consent to killing a baby. Regardless of the circumstance, this was her baby as much as Matt’s. She was going to keep it and raise it with all the love that Matt had forgotten to give her. She wouldn’t shirk her responsibilities.
Even then, she couldn’t help but think of the uncertainty of her future. Exactly what else did the future hold for her?
Chapter Three
“You are going to be alright?” Jaime asked worriedly.
Maria nodded and wiped her forehead. She looked around the apartment with a sense of satisfaction. It wasn’t as great as her old apartment but it was decent, it had two bedrooms and one fully furnished kitchen. All the things she had bought were littered around the ground, still in their boxes. She and Jaime had been clearing everything out from the boxes from the last hour and she was tired.
Maria sat down on the ground and leaned against the counter. Jaime sat down beside her and held her hand.
“How’s the kid doing?”
Maria rubbed her bump.
“I think the baby’s doing good.”
It had been more than 12 weeks. Maria had to take some time so that she could get everything in order before she left Jaime’s apartment. She had gone back to work but she hadn’t told them that she was pregnant yet. The bump was so small that it was easy to hide. Her morning sickness had lessened and she had started eating again, gaining back some much needed weight. Her cheeks glowed with health and she knew it was because of the baby.
During the last few weeks, the sadness inside her had lessened and she felt that she was breaking through it. The dark clouds had moved away and a thin stream of sunlight had broken through. Life mattered and it was all because of the baby. Raising the baby was her priority.
“What about you? You still…?” Jaime left her words trailing and Maria took a while before she answered.
“I am fine. I don’t worry about him anymore.” Maria said carefully.
“I am glad to hear that,” Jaime said relieved.
“I don’t want to work anymore.” Maria laughed.
“Neither do I.”
“I think I’ll survive for a few days. You could go back home.”
Jaime had been staying over with her for the last week as she moved into the apartment. Maria knew that Jaime was still worried about her, which was natural but Maria also knew that she had to learn how to take care of herself and she couldn’t do that with Jaime molly coddling her. It was time to accept her new life as a single mother.
“Are you hungry?” Jaime asked.
It was lunch time by then but Maria shook her head. She didn’t feel like eating anything at the moment.
“I’ll eat something later,” Maria said.
“You have your appointment tomorrow right?” Jaime asked.
Maria nodded. It was the time to get her annual 12 week checkup done. Since she had learned she was pregnant, she had gone for ultra-sonograms every two weeks. The doctor had told her that she didn’t need to do that but she wanted to be sure that her baby was going to be alright. She didn’t want to be unprepared for anything.
“Are you going to learn the sex of the child?”
Maria shook her head. She was adamant that it remain a surprise but secretly she was scared that if it was a boy, she would resent him. A fear she harbored was that he would look exactly like Matt and she would take out her anger on the child and she didn’t want to do that. It was the last thing she would do.
There was something else bothering her. The dilemma had plagued her for a few days and she wondered if she should tell Matt about the baby. It was his as much as it was hers but she couldn’t make herself do it. How could she? What if he wanted to take care of the baby? What if he wanted to take her baby away? How could she let that happen? Her baby in the hands of her sister and her ex fiancé, no she wouldn’t bear it.
She shook away the thoughts and she stood up.
“I’ll cook today.”
She went into the kitchen and started to take out the things she would need to make something simple. Jaime followed her but sat down on the counter, watching her work. Maria began to feel self-conscious after a while so she turned and said,
“You are kind of creeping me out,”
“I am sorry but I was thinking about something,” Jaime said evasively.
“Is something wrong?”
Jaime shook her head and then opened her mouth. She struggled with herself for a few minutes before saying,
“Have you told your parents?”
Maria’s face darkened. She hadn’t renewed contact with her parents and she didn’t want to do so. Her parents would bring about another set of problems that she didn’t want to deal with. She knew at some point she would have to contact them but until then, she was content to not do anything. Clearly Jaime didn’t feel the same way.
“I think you have kept them in the dark long enough,” Jaime said.
“I don’t know how I would start that conversation.”
“Tell them the truth.”
“Yes, I should tell them that my sister ran off with my fiancé. That would be great,” Maria said sourly.
“I am sorry Maria but this is their grandkid, don’t you think they deserve to know?”
“I’ll tell them. At some point. Don’t worry about it.”
Jaime didn’t say anything after that and Maria was glad of it. She had enough problems on her plate already. She didn’t need anything extra.
The waiting room was almost empty today.
Maria had a cup of juice beside her and a few of her files from office. She had come directly after work so she had her bag with her. For some reason, it was taking a long time for the doctor to call her in. It was about seven then and she knew that it was late but it wouldn’t take this long just to see the doctor. She was getting impatient.
She drained the last of her juice and crushed the cup. Her body ached and she wished she could go home but she had to get the checkup done. For the third time, she went up to the nurse’s station but there was no one there. She was almost fuming when she went back to her seat. This was enough, maybe it was time to go home.
She picked up her things and went towards the exit when she heard a familiar voice.
“You! Wait!”
Maria turned around and saw the last persons he expected to see. The doctor that she had seen on that day, three weeks ago. He looked disheveled, seeming more human and he was running towards her. He stopped in front of her and she stared at him, suddenly feeling self-conscious. She was in her work clothes, a black suit pant and white shirt. The shirt was loose so her bump wasn’t noticeable and for some reason, she found herself hiding the bump from him.
“Can I help you?” Maria asked bewildered.
“I met you that day!” he stated.
Maria was taken aback, she hadn’t thought he would remember that day. She had put it out of her mind and when she found herself thinking of it, she always smiled. It had been kind of funny but she had never thought that she would see him again. Though he was in front of her right now and she didn’t know what to say.
“I guess,” Maria finally managed to say.
“I never got the chance to say this, I am really sorry about that day!”
“It’s fine,” Maria said.
He seemed very overactive to her. Maria didn’t know how to handle it.
“It really was my fault, I should have asked your name instead of asking you to…” his cheeks reddened slightly and she found herself thinking about how endearing it was. She shook away the thoughts and waited for him to go on.
“Are you having another check-up?” he asked her.
“I am actually going home.” Maria said quickly.
“Please let me buy you something as an apology.”
“You don’t need to…” she said helplessly.
“I insist.” His eyes bore into hers and she found herself unable to say no.
She didn’t say anything and quietly followed him to the cafeteria. He didn’t say anything until they were in the elevator.
“I didn’t introduce myself did I?” he said. “My name is Ryan, Ryan Stressor.”
“I am Maria Adams.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” he said pleasantly.
Maria decided that she liked his smile. It was soothing and it made her want to smile. They exited the elevator and headed for a table. The cafeteria was empty and she found the silence disconcerting. He waited until she had sat down before heading for the counter. He came back a few minutes later with a tray full of food.
“You shouldn’t have,” she said.
“It’s the least I could do.”
Maria looked at the items on the tray, she was feeling hungry all of a sudden and so she picked up the pizza and took a bite. It didn’t repel her and she took a larger bite. Ryan smiled as he watched her eat and helped himself to a piece of the pizza himself. There was silence between them but Maria didn’t think it was awkward.
“Did you get your check up done that day?” Ryan asked.
Maria swallowed.
“I did, it was nothing, just a normal checkup,” she lied.
Ryan nodded, not suspecting a thing. She wasn’t feeling very happy about lying to him but she wasn’t going to tell a stranger that she was pregnant. That would be weird.
“I didn’t mean to be so rough on you. I had a busy day and I should have checked the file and the picture in it better.”
“You have to stop apologizing, it’s strange.”
“I can’t help it, I have always been like that.”
“What’s your specialty?” she asked curious.
“I am in the orthopedics division,” he said. “Bone division,” he added when he saw the blank look on her face.
“Ah, is that exciting?”