by Amy Field
So, she listened quietly as he chattered away.
When they finally went to bed, Dustin was quick to fall asleep, which was a relief. Bonnie, however, couldn't sleep right away, she kept wondering what she would do if the results came back positive.
Chapter Eleven
“I am what?” Bonnie asked disbelievingly.
“You are pregnant,” Dr Anderson said, smiling. “I believe congratulations are in order?”
“Uh, I guess… I just didn’t expect it,” she whispered as she sat down.
“It’s a daunting thing at first, but you’ll soon find what a blessing this might be.”
Bonnie nodded numbly and as the doctor talked about the proper foods that she should eat and how to take care of her pregnancy, a more pressing question taunted her,
Who is the father?
Bonnie’s mind was racing as she calculated the dates. Given the information she got from the doctor, she was about four weeks pregnant, and that could mean that either Dustin or Nate would be the father.
Bonnie went back home in a daze.
She could still not process the fact that she was pregnant. There was a little life growing inside of her, and she nervously rubbed her belly at the thought. She had always wanted a child but never wanted it to be this complicated.
She made herself a cup of herbal tea and sat down at the dining room table. There was absolutely nothing she could practically do now to determine for sure who the father was. The only thing she could do now was to watch as things unfolded.
Dustin came home, but she avoided him. Instead, she went into the bedroom, lying down on the bed. She pretended to be sleeping when he came in to check on her. Please, I can’t face this.
She felt like her world of deceit was slowly closing in on her.
By the weekend she had decided to just focus on the pregnancy. She could see that Dustin had become suspicious about her behaviour since she spent most of the time either in bed or in the bathroom. Sooner or later she knew she was going to have to tell him that she was pregnant.
By the Sunday morning, Bonnie was watching television when her cell rang. It was Nate again. Recently, he had been calling every day, but she never answered. She paid him a monthly instalment, so it couldn’t be about the money. She had nothing else to talk to him about, so she ignored his calls. It didn’t make him give up trying to get hold of her.
Today, he tried extra hard, phoning three times in a row. Annoyed, Bonnie threw the cell on the couch and got up. She needed air and she ran outside, slamming the door behind her.
“Bonnie?” Dustin called out from the bedroom.
There was no answer and he set aside the book he was reading to see what was up. She was nowhere to be seen. She always said where she was going when she went out. He wasn’t sure what was going on. For the last few days, she had been distracted, and he was worried about her. It had to be the kidnapping. He knew that it had taken a toll on her, and he didn’t blame her. He blamed himself for having gotten caught by them.
He had tried to go back to normal, but his dreams were back with a vengeance. It had gotten to a point that he couldn’t get out of the dream anymore. He didn’t like being a burden on her.
He was wondering where she could have gone when he saw her cell buzzing on the couch. He picked it up and shook his head at her forgetfulness. She should have taken the cell.
That was when he saw the missed calls from someone called Nate. He had heard the name from her, he was her client, but why was he calling her so many times?
Dustin stared at the cell screen for a few seconds and then slowly redialled Nate’s number.
It only took one ring for Nate to answer.
“Bonnie? I’ve been trying…”
“No, this is Dustin, Nate. I see a whole string of missed calls from you on her phone.”
“Oh, uh, hi, Dustin,” Nate sounded flustered. “Never mind, it’s about work. You can tell her not to bother calling back; I managed to sort it out. Sorry. Bye.”
Dustin didn’t bother saying goodbye but merely hung up.
Was this what he thought it was?
He staggered at the thought. There was no way she was having an affair. That wasn’t like Bonnie at all. But he thought back to how distracted she had been and it hit him.
Suddenly, it felt like an invisible hand was clutching his throat and he couldn’t breathe, so much so that he almost fell. He covered his face with his hands in shock. There was no way, but the evidence in front of him was hard to disavow.
Frantically, he rushed to the bedroom and started searching in Bonnie’s bedside table. There had to be evidence if she was cheating on him. He rifled through the books she was reading. There were one, two, three books on babies and pregnancy. He stared at them dumbfounded and confused.
Again, he felt it almost impossible to breathe. He had to get out and get fresh air into his lungs. Rushing to the front door, he grabbed his bike keys, leaving his bike helmet behind.
A deep anger came over him as he roared his bike into action. He would come back and talk to her about it. Surely, there were perfectly logical explanations for all of this. Or he had been living with a woman whose life was a lie and for whom he was nothing but an outsider. But right now, he had to unwind.
He revved up the engine and let it fly, speeding through the streets. An unfathomable jealousy came over him. How dare that man try to take Bonnie from him? Bonnie was his. He loved her. They had been together for so long that it was given that they would be together forever. Tears of anger formed in his eyes as he sped along.
After a few miles of riding, another thought came to his mind as he slowed down somewhat.
Was this perhaps his fault?
How much time had he spent with her lately? Since they met up, he’d been mostly away on work. He’d put himself in danger when he could have avoided it. He guiltily thought about his obstinate refusal to get therapy for his nightmares, which he was hoping would simply get less and disappear as time went by. In fact, he did very little and took few initiatives to get to where they wanted to be: A happy family.
Did that mean he didn’t think about her? No, he loved her!
Was it enough for her?
Clearly not, she had been seduced by another man, but could he blame her for it?
Dustin felt his heart break, and he pulled back the throttle, increasing speed. It didn’t matter. He was determined to win her back because he loved her more than anything else in the world.
Besides, he had a massive pay check awaiting him. One that would take care of the debt they owed Nate. That certainly would get him out of their lives forever.
But why didn’t she tell him about her being pregnant?
Suddenly, Dustin saw a truck crossing the road straight after a blind curve. Deep in thought, he knew the moment he saw the truck he wouldn’t be able to slow down enough to miss it. He looked around for escape routes, but there were none. The embankments on both sides were steep and going up them would amount to a death wish. The last thought Dustin had was of him and Bonnie, holding hands against a golden sunset, and the next moment, his motorcycle slammed against the side of the truck.
And darkness consumed him.
Chapter Twelve
Bonnie paced the waiting room at the hospital, while Maria sat quietly, waiting for news. When the Doctor finally made his appearance, the expression on his face was a grave one.
“I’m sorry Miss Trigson, Dustin’s injuries were too severe, and there is nothing more we can do.”
Bonnie stared at the doctor in shock, as her world came crashing down. There was no way Dustin was gone. He couldn't have left her alone like this. The weight of the news and the shock was too much for her and her legs gave way, but Maria and the Doctor were quick to catch her. She was led to the room where Dustin's pale body lay on a bed, surrounded by beeping monitors. She walked over to him and saw his face devoid of any colour, and she collapsed crying. How could he have left her alone? Why did h
e do that? She'd made a decision to be his forever. Now what?
She wept until one of the nurses came over to her.
“Miss Trigson, these were his belongings,” the nurse said and handed her a box.
In the box, she found his ring and his keys. She frowned when she saw her cell phone. She pressed a button, and her eyes widened when she saw what was on the screen.
The last call made had been to Nate’s number, yet she’d never spoken to him. Dustin must have called him.
She knew now why Dustin had been so reckless. Seeing the many phone calls Nate had made, and after having spoken to him, he must have come to the conclusion she and Nate were having an affair.
And now because of her, Dustin was gone. She would never be able to explain it to him.
Consumed by grief she clutched the box in her hands and walked out of the hospital room. Her sins and her selfishness had taken away the only man she ever loved. She would never be able to hold his hand and tell him how much she truly loved him.
Bonnie had no idea how to cope; the next few days leading up to the funeral had been a haze of confusion and bitterness. And the only thing that kept her sane was the fact that she had a baby to think of. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she decided that the child was Dustin’s; it was her way of coping.
Bonnie knew it was her fault that Dustin died. She was the reason he was gone. At the funeral, she hadn’t been able to stay there for long, and the sight of everyone crying for him had broken her. Everyone knew her, and they shared their heartfelt condolences with her, if only they knew that she had caused this. The bitterness and the guilt were slowly suffocating her.
Finally, after most of the people had left, she spotted Drake, Dustin’s friend, who he said rescued them at the kidnapping.
She went over to him, and they hugged briefly.
“He was such a good guy. I can’t believe he’s gone,” Drake said sorrowfully.
“He was, I really have no idea how I’m going to cope without him,” Bonnie said.
“You’re a strong woman, Dustin always spoke very highly of you,” he said and rested his hand on her shoulder.
"I guess," she said softly, "Thank you for saving our lives, by the way, Dustin told me it was you."
Drake looked at her strangely. “I was going to ask Dustin about that. He thanked me for saving him, but I had nothing to do with the kidnapping. I mean, I knew about it and spoke to lots of contacts about it, but I couldn’t find a way of helping him. I heard about the shooting where you were present, but I had nothing to do with that.” He gave a small laugh, “It must’ve been some good Samaritan and a highly trained sharpshooter, you were really lucky.”
Bonnie looked at him. Drake was a huge man, a career mercenary. There was just no way he’d admit to saving them.
She put the idea aside. There was no use in speculating on it.
Chapter Thirteen
Bonnie slowly got her life back on track. She buried herself in work and keeping busy. She seldom smiled and hardly ever went out. Now that Dustin was gone, she realized how much she missed the things they did together. But a strange numbness had come over her, and often she had trouble recalling how her love for him felt.
On a few occasions, she woke in the middle of the night crying. When she examined her feelings the next morning, she realized it was the lingering guilt she had. She tried not to run through all the ‘what if’ questions again: What if she’d told Dustin everything, and he’d forgiven her? What if she’d resisted Nate? It was water under the bridge, she kept telling herself.
One night, she had a dream about Dustin. They were together, sitting on the bank of a river, and he was singing to her. It sounded like a lullaby. She strained herself to hear the words but couldn’t. All she could see was his kind face and the way he smiled at her.
She felt much better after that. In fact, he was slipping from her mind fast.
Caring for herself while pregnant was now the most important thing on her mind. She ate healthily; exercised, and made sure she got lots of sleep. Everyone at work was supportive. And Mark, as usual, was an angel and dubbed himself the baby’s godfather.
Sometimes when she felt lonely, Nate crept into her mind. She hadn’t seen him for so long and yet she missed his company, which was strange. She had burned that bridge too and there was no way of crossing that again.
Meanwhile, she’d been going for check-ups regularly. The baby was doing fine, but she was sticking religiously to the program Dr Anderson had given her.
It was during one such visit that the doctor asked an unexpected question.
“So, is your husband as happy as you are with your baby?”
“I’m not married,” Bonnie confessed. She’d made a vow to herself to always tell the truth from now on.
Dr Anderson looked at her tentatively. “Oh that was a bit presumptuous of me, are you with the father though?”
So, Bonnie decided to go the whole way and talk about what had been on her mind lately.
“I’m… I’m actually not sure,” she said, and she spilled everything about how she didn’t really know for certain whom the father was. She told her about Dustin and Nate and how she had made the worst mistake of her life.
Dr Anderson listened to her sympathetically and without judgement.
“You could have a paternity test done. They’re normally very accurate.”
Bonnie thought about it for a moment. She wasn’t sure if that would simplify her life or make it even more complicated.
“What would you do in my place, Doctor?”
Dr Anderson thought for a moment. “What’s done is done and in the past, I think. You’re going to be an excellent mother for your child, and with the right insight you’ll fall in love with the person who’d be the best dad.”
And with that advice, Bonnie put a paternity test out of her mind. She’d let time deal with that.
Bonnie had barely been home after her doctor’s appointment when there was a knock on the door. She opened the door to see an irate Maria on the other end.
“You have been avoiding my calls!” Maria scolded her.
“I have been avoiding everyone,” Bonnie corrected her but stepped aside so Maria could come in.
“Look, I know you are torn up about Dustin. But that doesn’t mean that you have to avoid everyone who cares for you!” Maria said after she’d sat down.
“I just don’t have the energy to talk to anyone,” Bonnie confided.
“Do you know how many calls I have had from Nate Woodrow? Demanding to know how you are!”
“Nate called?” Bonnie asked.
“He did. He said he didn’t want to call you because he felt that it wouldn’t be okay.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I do. Call him and tell him that you are all right,” Maria insisted.
Bonnie only nodded and then Maria made herself at home. They sat in front of the TV catching up on sitcoms, and she felt alive for the first time in months.
“I have to tell you something,” Bonnie said during a break between episodes.
“I was wondering when you were going to say something,” Maria said knowingly, and that broke the ice. She didn’t ask much about the pregnancy after Bonnie confessed all the details, apart from sharing some advice gained from having brought two children of her own into the world.
“Maria, you are the best friend anyone could ask for,” Bonnie said, and they both laughed.
Maria didn’t leave until dinnertime. Bonnie appreciated her support. But after she was gone, she felt empty again and wondered if she should do what Maria had asked her to do. Should she call Nate?
She picked up the phone and dialled his number. She knew it by heart.
“Hello?” Nate answered on the first ring.
Bonnie cleared her throat. “It’s me.”
“I know. How are you?” Nate sounded happy to hear her voice.
“I am okay. Maria told me that you called her.”
> “I didn’t want to disturb you,” Nate explained.
“I get it. Do you want to come over tomorrow?” she asked, “around noon?”
“I would love to.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Bonnie said and hung up.
She cradled the cell phone to her chest thinking about the conversation. It had been brief, but it spoke volumes. He had sounded eager to see her and from the pace of her heartbeat, she was eager to see him too.
Nate wasn’t late.
Bonnie jumped when the doorbell rang at exactly noon. She'd spent the morning at the beauty parlour having her hair and makeup done so that she looked good when Nate arrived. She was a ball of nerves waiting for him. She decided to wear something that made her look less pregnant, thankfully she carried small, and it was easy to pull off. The last thing she wanted was him to have preconceived ideas of it being his child.
Nate looked as handsome and dashing as always when she opened the door. They greeted, and he hesitated slightly before giving her a peck on the cheek.
Bonnie smiled and let him in, making sure she kept a safe distance. Nate sat down on the sofa and she sat opposite him.
“How are you?” Nate asked, genuinely interested.
“I am good. I told you that yesterday. How’s your business and social life?” she asked.
“You did a great job on the campaign. The company is doing well because of it. I am sure we can work together again,” Nate said without a hint of irony.
“Have you been traveling much recently?” she asked, making some small talk.
“Not really, I have been living like a hermit,” Nate said. “I’m behaving,” he added with a grin.
Bonnie laughed softly at that and she soon started to relax, and the conversation flowed more easily. Nate did share his sympathies with her for her loss, and she was touched by the sincerity in his voice. He wasn’t the selfish prick she once thought he had been. By later that afternoon, Nate suggested that they have dinner and he offered to help her cook. Throughout they talked and laughed, on occasion their hands brushed and Bonnie felt that familiar zing of desire shoot through her.