“What?”
“You were checking for threats again, right?” he asked. I nodded. “You need to relax and have some fun. Let go of the worries.”
I stared at him incredulously. “Are you serious? I’m ready to have a little fun, sure, but I’m not going to be stupid about it. Do you really think we’re completely safe here playing basketball? Don’t you remember the last time we were here? We had to rush home because some of Mason’s men were coming to find us. I’m not going to get caught lying down again.” I bounced the ball to him. “Your shot.”
My point was made, and he looked like he was kicking himself for saying anything. “Sorry, I was a bit harsh. You only want what’s best, and I get that, so I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I apologized, not wanting him to feel bad.
“No. You were right,” he accepted. “I’m a bit naïve when it comes to this kind of thing. It’s only one of the reasons I don’t feel like I’m the right person to help you.” He dribbled and half-heartedly shot a simple lay-up. It went in easily and I caught the rebound.
I waited until my shot was through before I responded. “You’re the only person who can,” I informed him. “You weren’t around for most of it, so as much as you care now, you aren’t as emotional about what happened to me then. Alice and Hannah saw me at my worst. You’ve seen some of my bad days, but I had moments right after it happened when I almost took out their house because they startled me, or because I felt a stranger nearby that turned out to be one of the neighbors.”
“That’s why you know all the people in the neighborhood now? You went out and studied their footsteps and patterns?”
I shrugged self-consciously, missing my next shot, which Dustin put in easily. “That’s ‘h’ for you,” he said.
“I don’t like being surprised,” I admitted. “I’ve been working on my control, but I can sometimes feel it get away from me even now.”
He passed me the ball again and I said, “Do you realize how they would react if I told them half of what I’ve told you? Hannah is already almost always in tears because of me. I don’t want to make that worse.”
I put a little more effort into my next shot, sinking a three-pointer easily. “And I obviously can’t go to someone who doesn’t know about my abilities. Not that there are many of those anymore,” I grumbled. “But I don’t want to add to the list of people who know.”
“I understand,” he said, missing his next shot which gained him an ‘h’. “Like I said, I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all I can ask,” I said. The rest of the game was a little more competitive, and we stopped talking about my problems. We finally ended with me losing by two letters.
We took a short break to get a drink before we started our game of one-on-one, and I took the opportunity to do a thorough check of the area again. A small amount of my energy was devoted to feeling out threats even while we played, but I thought it might be more difficult while we were playing an actual game, so I sent my energy as far in every direction as I could, clearing the entire circumference for about two miles.
“Everything okay?”
“We’re still good for now. There are several people I don’t know, but they’re not actively coming toward us. You ready to play?”
“Sure.”
Conversation was almost non-existent as we rushed around the half-court, ignoring the guys who were playing on the other half except to get our ball from them if it got away from us and vice versa. We were both sweating and panting when we finally finished and when we went back to the bench to get a drink I realized that sometime during the game I pushed up my sleeves, revealing the ugly, thick scar tissue along both arms. The thin lines from my attempted suicide when I was a child, the round burn scars from the cigars Mason had put out on me, and some thicker scars along the tops of my arms from the knife Mason had been so fond of.
I stared at them, getting swept away in the memories and gasping at the remembered pain. Somehow, even throughout the flashback, I was aware of feeling stupid at my reaction. I hid the scars from others; there was no hiding them from myself. So why would I panic at the sight of them?
“Breathe Jason,” I heard, vaguely aware that Dustin was still with me. “Just calm down and breathe, you’re okay. You’re safe here.”
I clung to the calm in his voice and felt myself relaxing. “Hey, is he okay?” someone asked. “Do you need to call someone?”
“He’ll be fine. He just needs some air. Don’t worry, I’ve got him.”
I could feel the other guys backing away, but I knew their attention was still on me. Dustin maneuvered me so I was sitting in the bench with my head between my knees, my body shaking with remembered fear and pain. “Easy buddy,” he soothed, rubbing my shoulder as he leaned over me. I felt him sliding the sleeves back down over my arms and started to calm a little, my breaths getting more even, and my body relaxing a bit.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped, trying to sit up.
“No problem, just stay there and relax for a couple minutes. If you want, we can talk things out when we get you home.”
“No. I’m good. Just a flashback. It’s okay now.” I looked around, seeing the small crowd of people gathered around. “Can we go,” I asked quietly, ducking my head nervously. I hated being the center of attention.
He noticed my discomfort and raised his voice, “Show’s over people, he’s fine. Thanks for the concern.”
They disbursed slowly, and we left shortly after, once I felt solid enough to stand and walk. The walk back home was good for me and after the first couple blocks I didn’t need to rely on Dustin to keep me fully upright. “I feel so stupid,” I voiced my feelings from earlier. “My scars aren’t new to me, so why would I react like that at seeing them?”
“I can’t answer that for sure, but I suspect it has less to do with you seeing them, and more to do with the fact that they were exposed to others. Maybe it made it all seem more real again.”
“It’s never not real,” I said darkly.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Hannah
Going to coffee with my friends was just as fun and relaxing as advertised. It had been too long, a fact that they mentioned on many occasions, even as we joked around and talked about our classes and other friends. As my friend Rachel put it, “Since that hottie moved in, you’ve been MIA, girl!”
It was true of course, but not for the reasons my friends all thought. But I wouldn’t talk about Jason to them, which thankfully killed that portion of the conversation. Rachel had always been into the tortured bad-boy type, ever since I’d met her in high school. That’s what she saw when she looked at Jason. She also saw his soft dark hair, brown eyes, and leather jacket with biker boots. Both were acquired from thrift stores, but she didn’t know that.
She didn’t know that the so-called ‘tortured bad-boy’ had actually been tortured, both by his father, and by the bastard Mason. But that was not the point of our afternoon out. We were out to have fun, and getting coffee turned into dress shopping for the next school function. I shook myself out of the dark thoughts that crept in and spun in front of the mirror in the dressing room. The dress was just short of knee length, and had decorative swirls of brown and green over white. I owned some soft brown boots that would go very well with it. If I chose to buy it, that is. It was only one of three dresses I had in the room with me.
This felt unnatural. The thought struck as I was showing my friends the dress. My life became complicated when Jason was brought more firmly into it last fall. Shopping for dresses, something I used to enjoy, just didn’t hold the same appeal to me now. I chose the brown and green dress, and decided it was time to head home. The other girls waved, but Rachel gave me a knowing glance. What she thought she knew, I had no idea, but that didn’t stop me from giving her a little smile and a wave as I left.
When I got home, Jason greeted me with a smile too wide to be genuine, and an invitation to go out to supper with him. Dustin was still there, and he seemed worried. I couldn’t tell if
something new happened, or if it was still fallout from yesterday. “I’d love to go to supper with you, Jason. Where’s Sam tonight?”
Dustin answered that one, Jason’s gaze dropped to the floor. “He asked if he could spend the night at Dan’s. I think he wanted some help with his homework and he figured it would be easier there.” My eyes met Jason’s as they flashed upward once again, and I saw a flicker of hurt go through them.
“All right.”—I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and I figured Jason would get over it before too long anyway—“Where do you want to go for dinner?”
He shrugged, the false smile gone. “Someplace nice, I think you deserve it.” His voice was serious, but his smile was now more genuine. “You put up with a lot from me, and I want to do something nice for you. I’m going to go change into something more appropriate,” he added, looking at his sweats and long-sleeved shirt that wouldn’t pass muster in any nice restaurant. He had some nicer clothes now, since he still worked with Alice, and he wasn’t responsible for Paul, Jeffrey, or Ginny anymore. That allowed him to set aside the money he usually used to keep them clothed and fed. He was very good at saving the little he was able to make.
Living with nothing for so long will do that. Now that he had the chance to earn and save, he was good at it.
He went down to his room to get ready, and I met Dustin’s eyes inquisitively.
“He had a flashback today. It kinda threw him off a bit, but he’s trying to get past it, in his own way. Sometimes, we need to let him do that. He needs to do something normal and relaxing. We tried basketball, which seemed to work for a little while.”
“Going out to eat isn’t normal for him,” I protested lightly. “He’s never dated.”
“Fine,” he agreed. “Not normal, but it’s a taste of what people with more ordinary lives do, and he deserves to have at least a little of that.”
My initial response was to agree, but I wondered if it would end up leading to him regretting his inability to have a so-called ‘normal’ life. “I’m not saying I won’t go, or that I won’t enjoy it,” I informed him, I could feel a blush rising. Of course I would enjoy spending some one-on-one time with Jason.
“I’m just wondering if it’s good to show him something that he, in all reality, cannot have. Because no matter how much he wants to be, he is not normal. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.” I left unsaid what was obvious to both of us. No, I wouldn’t change him, but I would have loved for his differences to not attract the criminals who would always want to hurt him, or use him for their own gain.
We heard footsteps coming up the basement stairs, and stopped talking. I gave Dustin a look as I headed to my room to change before Jason caught us talking about him. It wouldn’t be the best way to keep him trusting us.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Kindred
It wasn’t easy ignoring my desire to check in on the Tracker. He consumed my every thought for the last six months, and trying to focus on something else was remarkably difficult. There was a paying job waiting for me, yet I still found myself sitting in my car, and watching the Tracker at his house. His attempts at acting normal were amusing, now that I was more concerned with my own well-being than his.
I was seeing him clearly for the first time since he freed me. The Tracker was not a hero. He had simply lost control. His power took over, killing the man who held both of us captive. The power was strong, but the man—no, the boy—was weak. My gratitude blinded me to that reality.
Even with that knowledge, the boy continued to haunt my thoughts, and I felt the need to know what he was doing. What he was feeling. Somehow those thoughts would help me figure out my own path, I was convinced of it. Despite my new feelings of contempt for him, I felt he held the key to my past. He would not die by my hand, and until I figured out how he and I were connected, I would allow no harm to come to him.
Let him have his dinner with the girl. After that, he would be mine, and I would figure out anything he could tell me about my past.
THIRTY-NINE
Jason
Through the entire evening, I felt myself tensing in anticipation of something going wrong. Hannah tried to keep me relaxed, but it was hard to concentrate on the conversation. Kindred was out there. I couldn’t feel his footsteps, but his presence lingered on the edge of my consciousness. Somehow, I knew he was watching me. For what purpose, I had no idea, but I suspected he no longer felt the desire to protect me. After our confrontation, he likely saw me as a threat.
“We can go home,” Hannah suggested, gently putting her hand over mine on the table. “There’s time to do this once everything has calmed down.”
“No,” I answered too quickly, startling her. She removed her hand from mine. “Sorry,” I folded my hands on the table in front of me. “No. I don’t want to have to put my life on hold. Not anymore.”
She nodded, glancing down at my folded hands, once again placing her hand over mine. “Then put it out of your head. Be with me. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Please, Jason,” her warm brown eyes pleaded with me to agree.
“I’ll try.” She smiled.
“That’s all I can ask for now. Are you done eating?” I nodded, and she took my hand to lead me outside. “Let’s go for a walk in the park,” she suggested as we entered the cool darkness.
As we walked, her hand found its way into mine, and we looked at each other, a shy smile on her face. I suspected a matching one was on mine. The lights in the park were out, so the only light we had was from the moon and stars. I felt Hannah shiver. “You cold?” I asked, ready to remove my jacket to help her stay warm.
She shook her head. “I’m good.”
I narrowed my eyes thoughtfully. “You shivered, are you nervous? There’s no one around right now. I would tell you if there was.”
I felt her lean against me as we kept walking. “I know you would. You should know,” her voice was somber, “I feel safe with you Jason. Despite everything you went through, or maybe because of it, I know you’ll keep me safe.”
She spoke confidently, and I wasn’t sure how to respond so I simply nodded and put my arm around her shoulders. We walked for about ten minutes in silence before I spoke again. “You’re right.”
“About what?” she seemed confused when I broke the silence.
“I will keep you safe. No matter what happens, I will keep you safe.” I stopped walking and faced her, putting my hands on both her shoulders. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You and your sister,” I amended. “No matter what I’ve been through, you believe in me. I can’t even begin to tell you what that means to me.”
My eyes dropped from hers as I continued. “I…” I hesitated, unable to continue. I was too unsure of myself to know exactly what to say.
She put her hand on my face, gently pulling my gaze back to hers. “It’s okay. You need more time to figure everything out. You mean a lot to me, Jason. I’ll still be here when you figure out what you want.”
I chuckled and glanced down again. “That’s what I love about you, Hannah. You’re always willing to put my feelings ahead of yours. But I don’t want you to need to do that.” She was about to protest, but I continued. “I’m not leaving yet. It’s not safe with Kindred on the loose. But sometime soon I’m going to get some kind of job other than working with the police so I can concentrate on school. And hopefully I can eventually get a place for me and Sam.”
“There’s no hurry,” she assured me. “You’re welcome to stay at our house as long as it takes for you to get on your feet.”
“Trust me,” I said, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m in no hurry to leave the one place I’ve ever been able to call home.”
I felt the soft touch of her lips on my cheek. “You can always call it home. No matter where you go, you are always going to be welcome back. Just remember that, okay?”
Having a home. It was something I hadn’t had since…well… I guess I’d never really had one.
The thought of having one, it was amazing. But believing it would last was something else. Eventually, she’d get tired of putting my problems first, or of the threat raised anytime someone noticed my abilities, or just of me.
She must have seen something in my expression, because her joyful smile turned sad. “Oh, Jason,” she sighed, running her hand down the side of my face. “You deserve some happiness. Let yourself be happy. Even just for tonight. Please?”
After everything she put up with, I couldn’t deny her a simple request. “I’ll try.” She nodded, accepting that I couldn’t just completely put everything out of my head, even for one night. “So, what should we do now?” Having a night out was not something I was accustomed to, so I had no experience figuring out activities.
“We could bowl, or do mini golf,” she suggested.
“Uh…” I looked at the ground sheepishly.
“What?” she asked with a laugh. “Too little kid for you?”
My gaze remained focused on the ground, and my mouth quirked into an embarrassed smile. “Actually, I’ve never done either.”
She seemed a little taken aback by my admission. Despite what she knew of my childhood, it still surprised her how few ‘normal’ things I had actually done in my life. “Wasn’t exactly my father-son bonding experience,” I spoke wryly, but some wistfulness snuck through. Regardless of what my father put me through, I still longed for some semblance of a normal relationship with him. Something that was no longer even in the realm of possibility since Kindred entered my life and ended my father’s.
“Good,” she said, forcing cheer into her voice. “Then I get to teach you. It’ll be great! Which one would you like to try first?”
I scratched the back of my neck nervously. “How ‘bout bowling?”
FORTY
Hannah
Kindred Page 13