Five minutes later, Toni was trying the bell of Mags’s second-floor flat on Fort Road. A light was on.
The Newhaven ferry was in, a giant office block resting on its side, sparkling with lights. Giving up at last, Toni got back in the Jeep. Ricky had texted. Malcolm hadn’t charged him. He had to stay in the area in case Malcolm needed to speak with him again. A sad-face emoji. Toni knew that Ricky wasn’t a person of interest but, irritated by his unhelpful attitude in the interview, she wasn’t ready to put him out of his misery. She called Malcolm.
‘If it helps, I believe him, boss. It’s a bit staged. If Ricky had murdered Karen, he’d have cleaned the loo handle.’
‘In the heat of the moment he might have forgotten?’ Toni hazarded.
‘From all accounts, Ricky is a thorough man?’
‘Yes, he is.’ Toni dislodged a chip of peanut from between her teeth. ‘Talk to Mo Munday again. What hasn’t she told us about Karen? Something trivial she forgot. Track Karen’s every step since the convent. Regardless of Ricky, Karen was certainly murdered by someone who knew her. A boyfriend, or more likely Daniel, possibly with help from his girlfriend, Daisy Webb.’
‘I’ll do it now.’ Malcolm was at home; she heard the TV and clattering plates. His eagerness would be relief that, having hung her boyfriend out on a rack, Toni was still speaking to him.
25
FREDDY
‘You can’t stay here,’ Freddy told Sarah.
‘Of course not. Let’s stay in a hotel tonight.’ Sarah looked appalled at the notion that Freddy imagined she’d want to stay. Then, forever the literal devil’s advocate, ‘Why not?’
‘It’s my mum’s house.’ Freddy’s solar plexus swooped. God would punish her if her female partner (her ex, she reminded herself) slept with her in her parents’ home. Her parents, who were sickened when she told them she was gay. I’ve spawned a monster. Freddy could hear her dad’s shout.
And within days of her mum’s burial.
‘Your mum is dead. By rights this house is partly yours,’ Sarah said.
‘It’s not right.’ Although she had felt flayed by their blinkered – her dad’s cruel – response, yet Freddy was bound by their memory.
‘Look, I get you feel odd about it. Like I said, this place is a mousehole. We’ll go to the Hotel du Vin, there’s one in Brighton. I’ll pay.’ I’ll pay. Freddy had gone two weeks without hearing those two words.
‘There’s a Premier Inn at Lewes. It’s closer.’ Freddy was surprised at herself; faced with a chance of leaving, she felt reluctant.
‘OK, we’ll go there. Tomorrow I’ll dictate Ruth an opening salvo to your brothers. Show them you’re not taking this shit lying down.’ Sarah’s snappy efficiency had been one reason why Freddy had fallen in love with her. Ominously, perhaps, it had reminded her of Fred Power. Unable to sleep upstairs – in her old bedroom – and so curling up with a sleeping bag on the couch each night, Freddy imagined snuggling down in the hotel bed she’d slept in on her first night in Sussex. They could wander into Lewes for breakfast. Then she remembered, ‘I’ve got the pets. Andy asked me to care for them.’
‘Tell Andy you’ve changed your mind. Is the loo outside?’ Sarah was making a point. Or no, she seriously thought it was.
‘No, upstairs.’ Sarah had tracked her to the beach. Freddy imagined what Toni would say about that. Mags too. Freddy checked her phone again. No text. She had the urge to sink her phone in the fish tank but remembered that Sarah had bought her a waterproof device so it wouldn’t kill the signal. She could turn it off but then she wouldn’t know if Mags had texted.
Sarah’s bag lay on the couch. Had she taken her phone to the toilet? Sarah was on twenty-four/seven. Freddy heard the flush go, then the pipes rush with water. She tipped out everything. The phone was last.
Sarah had got herself a personalised phone cover of Freddy licking an ice cream, hair blowing in a breeze. Freddy prayed that Sarah hadn’t changed her password. She put in her own birthday and, her heart missing a beat, let her shoulders drop as the home screen came up. Another picture of Freddy. She was freewheeling a bicycle down a country lane with no hands. It was a long time since she’d felt that brilliant.
She heard the lock slide on the door as she located the Find My iPhone app. She bungled the first attempt to delete her number. The door opened as she succeeded. Hastily, Freddy shovelled everything back in her bag. A lipstick rolled onto the carpet. She bent to get it but heard Sarah on the stairs. She had to leave it where it was, in full view under the fish tank.
‘Brad has nowhere to go. His owner was – she’s died – I’m not coming with you.’ Nerve-wracked, Freddy was blunter than she’d intended.
‘Haven’t your brothers inherited your mum’s hobby along with rest of her estate?’ Sarah peered into the tank as you would into a cesspit.
‘It’s not… it wasn’t a hobby, it was – is – a business.’
‘At this point, until we get to work, it’s not your business.’ Sarah’s shoe was an inch from the lipstick.
‘I’m looking after Brad.’ Freddy couldn’t begin to express how she owed it to Karen to care for her pet. Nor that she cared not a jot about her mum’s money. She had to stay to see Mags.
‘Don’t expect me to stay with you.’ Sarah would turn an argument on its head so that, if Freddy wasn’t watchful, she’d be fighting in the wrong corner. Was it coercive control? Sarah had described the characteristics during her defence of a woman in a divorce case. The man managed his wife’s bank account, made friends with her boss and found fault with her friends so that she stopped seeing them. Sarah hadn’t done that. Freddy hadn’t made friends, not ones like Toni. When other relationships had ended, their friends had taken her ex’s sides. Freddy handled her own money, at least when Sarah let her spend it. Freddy could stand up for herself.
‘Don’t do anything about the will until I say so.’ Under cover of being nice, Freddy came over to the aquarium. As Sarah put her arms around her waist, Freddy kicked the lipstick out of sight.
‘Can I do a little draft?’ A baby voice. They both knew Sarah didn’t need Freddy’s permission.
‘Don’t do a bloody thing.’ Freddy lost her cool.
‘I’m on your side, babes. We compensate for each other’s weaknesses, remember? It’s why it works.’ Sarah stroked Freddy’s hair from her face. Over Sarah’s shoulder, Freddy saw Sarah’s phone half out of her bag.
‘What are your weaknesses?’ she said quickly.
‘You.’ Sarah hugged her closer.
‘Apart from me.’
‘I can’t swim?’ Sarah was having trouble – weaknesses were not her strong point. ‘OK.’ She snatched up her phone. She was brisk. ‘I’m out of here.’ She let go of Freddy and strode across the cramped room, narrowly avoiding stepping on Mikolaj the rabbit nibbling a carrot by the couch, grabbed her bag and swung it onto her shoulder. ‘I’ll make it work, I promise.’
‘Yes, I know you will.’ Euphoric at having got away with it, Freddy babbled the opposite of what she meant.
And, as she closed the door on Sarah, she wistfully recalled their life. Her regulars at Waitrose’s fish counter, the Sunday brunches in the deli, evenings with the telly, Poldark, Gentleman Jack and reruns of E.R.
Freddy was startled by a knock. She flipped open the pet register. No one was expected. Had Sarah discovered the phone tampering?
Was it Mags?
‘Hello, you. I’m betting it’s still your favourite.’ Toni was brandishing a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. ‘I seriously didn’t expect you’d be here. Weren’t you leaving after the funeral?’
‘I’m leaving when the animals are sorted.’ Freddy made the decision then and there. She got glasses and poured drinks. ‘Or rather when Roddy goes home.’ Freddy glanced at Roddy. He was basking in the underwater glow of the room in his cage. Unnerved by David Bromyard, she’d paid him little attention. ‘When I’ve found a home for Brad. Do you think Mo Munday would have him?’
‘I’ll get Malcolm to ask.’ Toni tilted her glass at Roddy. ‘And I know what you are, not an effing degu, Fred. What about that time one escaped while you were cleaning out the cage? Took us flippin’ hours to catch him. Then the bugger bit you. Seriously, what is the point of a pet who won’t be cuddled and flies about like a racing car? Ricky wants a dog, but he’s away too much to make it work.’ Freddy saw Toni regret mentioning Ricky. However, since Mags had failed to show at the battery that evening, Freddy no longer minded about her brother and her friend.
‘He belongs to a creepy friend of my dad.’ Hardly fair; Bromyard wasn’t creepy. Or was he? She had a sudden flash of her dad and Bromyard, whispering in the fishery. ‘It’s weird because this man – David was his name – claimed me and Dad went on his boat when I was little. I do have a half-memory of going out on a trawler once, but Dad said he got seasick.’
‘Seasick?’ Toni was ogling Roddy as if daring him to escape. ‘Ricky has never said. Odd for a man whose whole life revolved around fish.’
‘If it was true.’ Freddy surprised herself.
‘Why lie?’
‘So he could meet people secretly on a boat.’ A theory around quotas began to form. Far from feeling guilty, Freddy felt excited now that she had told Toni.
‘Oh what, an alibi in reverse? Whatever happened aboard a trawler couldn’t have been your dad because he’d have been hanging over the side?’
‘Maybe.’ Freddy could tell Toni wasn’t interested. Her eyes glittered like one of her dares.
‘Have you seen Mags?’
‘We were supposed to meet at the battery earlier tonight. She never came.’ Freddy felt herself flush, Toni had come to check on Freddy’s plans. For Mags. Freddy felt a rush of misery. With Sarah there she’d not had a chance to feel the weight of the reality. Mags had not wanted to see her.
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Toni was a proficient liar – she always convinced the nuns she was a good Catholic to get out of a scrape. ‘I dropped by this evening; her light was on, but no answer. I didn’t call first and we both know Mags hates the unexpected, more so than ever, I’d say. She seemed a bit out of sorts when I saw her yesterday.’ Toni dipped a finger in the Jack Daniel’s and licked it, an old habit. ‘It’s weird, though, she was definite about seeing you, said she wanted to tell you something.’
‘Tell me what?’ Mags had intended to come. Freddy felt elation. You should never rush to judgement.
‘Believe me, I tried to worm it out of her. Mags had been to the church. I made some lame crack about confession which, turned out was what she’d been doing. Classic Antonia.’ Toni sucked an ice cube. ‘Wish I’d pushed her now. Silly Mags, she’s always feeling guilty about something.’
Freddy felt ridiculously happy. Toni wasn’t there as a spy for Mags. She must be there for herself.
‘She never did want to meet.’ Freddy woke Brad and extracted him from his cage, nestling him against her chest. Mad to hope that Mags felt guilty that she hadn’t left with Freddy when they were eighteen. Freddy downed the Jack Daniel’s.
‘Are you still interested in her?’ Toni seemed untypically tentative.
‘I’m in a relationship.’ Freddy poured herself another drink, although her glass wasn’t empty. She tipped the bottle at Toni, who shook her head. Her glass, hardly touched, was on the fish-shaped table Andy had made in woodwork. She hadn’t taken it in until now. That he’d been skilled with wood had meant nothing to their dad.
‘Good for you. That’s great.’ Toni looked disappointed. Not that good a liar, it seemed. ‘I suppose that stuff with Mags is water under the whatsit now.’
‘You just missed Sarah.’ Freddy ducked the question. She wondered again how it was for Toni when Freddy and Mags got together. Had she minded being left out? For Freddy they were still the Mermaids; nothing had changed. And everything had changed.
‘Sometimes I can barely manage to be civil to your bro, let alone an ex.’
‘Mags wasn’t an ex. We never had a relationship,’ Freddy reminded her.
‘You were in love, you did the deed – how was that not a relationship?’ Toni’s cool attitude had normalised Freddy’s passion for Mags. She had made it possible for Freddy, if not finally for Mags. Freddy felt bad for not being nice about Toni and Ricky. She owed her. ‘Mags didn’t call it a relationship.’
‘Well, see, Mags is one tortured soul. Faced with a choice between you and God, she chose wrong. That Julian of Norfolk, half dead and hallucinating, has a lot to answer for. Mags still reads her. But for Julian, you and Mags would be married.’ Toni came over and began stroking Brad.
‘Norwich.’
‘Granted.’ Toni grinned at her.
‘You think we’d be married now?’
‘Totally. You are made for each other. I thought so then and, honestly, I still do. Mags needs you. You would give her a spark she’s never dared have for herself and she’d keep you grounded, secure. If you could only keep that Julian from sticking her wimple in.’ Toni gave a hearty laugh.
‘Thanks, Toni.’ Freddy was stunned; it meant everything that Toni thought this. And she was spot on about Julian of Norwich. At the convent Freddy had been jealous of the medieval saint to whom Mags had been unashamedly devoted.
‘Andy made that, didn’t he?’ Toni was looking at the fish-shaped coffee table.
‘Yes, he was brilliant with wood.’
‘I know. Remember that time he brought home a little stool he’d made for Ricky? He was showing it to your mum when your dad blew in, raging, wanting to know why Andy hadn’t cleaned out the crates like he was supposed to. I’ve never been so scared in my life, which is saying something.’
‘He burnt it,’ Freddy said quietly.
‘Jesus.’ Toni looked away. ‘Ricky doesn’t really talk about all that stuff.’
‘Ricky was probably in bed. Besides, Dad was always nice to him.’ Freddy sighed. ‘Andy offered to rent this place to me. Let me do the fish round. I said no.’
‘If it’s because of Ricky, I can talk to him.’
‘I need to get away from here.’
‘I get that.’ Toni continued stroking Brad.
‘Yup.’ Freddy rubbed her hands with cold. Although the flames had dwindled, the room was hot and stuffy. Flounder was gazing at her from his rock in the fish tank. ‘I wouldn’t mind keeping the fish, though.’
‘The fish? You should get a share of the damn fishery! And this place.’ Toni slapped a hand on the couch, startling Brad. ‘Your father should never have cut you off and your mother should have changed her will the minute he died!’
‘You said yourself it’s Andy and Ricky who’ve slaved in the fishery. It’s not fair to waltz back as if I was never away.’
‘Fred told you never to darken his door. What choice did you have?’ Toni had got out a Snickers bar and was pecking at it as if she didn’t really want it. ‘You know Fred Power told Ricky that you didn’t give a toss about your brothers, that you thought the fishery was beneath you and you wanted a better life?’
‘He lied! I never said anything like that.’ Freddy’s eyes pricked. She didn’t want to cry in front of Toni.
‘Well, I know that.’ Toni’s cheek bulged like Brad’s. ‘But I couldn’t tell Ricky the truth, could I? Not without asking you first. But it makes me angry. Catholicism has a lot to answer for. Refusing to grant happiness to anyone who isn’t straight. The church of the poisoned mind.’
‘Don’t blame it on religion. Dad could have been an atheist and he’d have still been a bigot. He couldn’t face that I was a lesbian and therefore, in his eyes, far from perfect. Mum wouldn’t have cared except that she was frightened of contradicting him.’
Toni screwed up the chocolate wrapper. ‘I wish you’d tell Andy and Ricky the truth.’
‘I thought they knew why he kicked me out, and they just didn’t care.’ All those years, Freddy had believed her brothers had abandoned her. She had assumed that her father had at least told th
em the truth. But it was the other way around. She had abandoned them.
‘No. They never knew.’ Toni kept her eyes on Brad. ‘Who is this Sarah?’
‘My partner.’ A couple of hours ago she’d told Sarah it was over. Did Sarah keep her grounded? Secure? ‘Sarah’s a defence lawyer. She wants to fight my case and get me a share of the fishery.’
‘From a saint to the Devil.’ The profession was not a good fit with a police detective. ‘Sarah has a point.’
‘I am not suing my brothers.’ Freddy splashed in Jack Daniel’s and again offered the bottle. Toni put her hand over her glass.
‘At least tell them the truth. You owe them that.’
‘I don’t know, Toni. It’s not only my secret. There’s Mags. Maybe it’s best if they keep thinking I left for my own reasons.’
‘You don’t have to name names.’
‘Andy would guess. Ricky would ask you and, if he did, would you lie to him? I wouldn’t want you to.’
‘At least let me put in a good word for you with Ricky.’ It was brilliant that Toni wanted to fight her corner. Toni was still a Mermaid.
Freddy smiled and tipped her glass at the tank. ‘Get Ricky to let me have those fish and your job is done.’
‘I could have a word with Mags too.’ Toni was on a roll. She got up and paced about the room.
‘No, leave Mags.’ The drink had kicked in and Freddy felt jaded. The Mermaids were three women who’d chosen different seas.
‘There it is.’ Toni paused by the television. ‘Reenie always made Andy’s kids watch it.’ Toni waved a copy of The Little Mermaid. A DVD, not the video of Freddy’s day; the tape had snapped after so many plays.
‘It bored them silly, no sex and no violence.’ Toni was at the door. ‘But really it was just an excuse for your mum to watch it. She told Mags it reminded her of us three girls and when you were small. How we Mermaids invented a new ending where she doesn’t kiss that dim prince but continues to live under the sea with Flounder and Sebastian. That’s why I’m gobsmacked Reenie didn’t change her will.’
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