by Lynsay Sands
"So, you have never really had anyone to depend on, have you?"
Merry bristled at once. "I could depend on me mother."
"But she was ill and you had to help her rather than the other way around," he pointed out gently.
Merry shook her head. "She was not always ill. She was healthy and well when I was a child. Besides, 'twas not her fault that she was ill. She did the best she could."
"Aye, but--"
"And there was Kade," Merry then interrupted quickly.
That made Alex pause. She could tell by his expression that he vaguely recognized the name but was having trouble placing who Kade might be, so explained, "He's the eldest of me three brothers and the best of the bunch."
"Oh, yes," Alex murmured, his expression beginning to clear as his memory began to supply missing pieces. "He was raised by your uncle as I recall."
"Aye, Mother sent him to Uncle Simon when he was but a boy. I suspect she feared the effect being raised by my father would have on him. Seeing how Brodie and Gawain turned out, I think she was right to send him away."
Alex nodded. "He is older than I?"
Merry considered the matter and nodded. "Aye, two years older, I think. Brodie followed two years later and then Gawain two years after that and then there was me."
"Brodie and I were both five when you were born and our fathers struck the marriage contract," Alex said with a nod and then asked, "Why did Kade not accompany you to d'Aumesbery as Brodie and Gawain did?"
"He joined the Crusades like you," she answered, and then admitted unhappily, "We havena heard from him since."
The silence that followed was full of unspoken words, but Merry did not encourage his speaking them. They hadn't heard from Kade in a couple of years. Messages were expected to be few and far between in such situations, but not completely nonexistent. In her heart of hearts Merry feared he was dead, but until one of the other men who had ridden with him came to her and said so, Merry would believe he was alive. She had to. He really was her favorite brother. She and her mother had made the trek to Uncle Simon's to visit him at least once a year, and he had come home to stay for one week a year as well. Kade had always been kind and supportive during those visits, and they had corresponded often between them.
While her father, Brodie, and Gawain had always seemed weak and stupid to her thanks to their trouble with drink, and her mother had been sweet and intelligent, but weak from her illness, Kade had been the shining star in her family; strong, intelligent, and sober. She'd looked up to him and admired him, and when her mother had died, Merry had wished with all her heart, and prayed until her knees were chapped from kneeling, that he would return from their uncle's and take over the struggle that both riding herd on her father and brothers and running Stewart was. She had even written, asking him to, but when Kade had arrived for a visit shortly after that and offered to help at Stewart, her father had refused to allow it, claiming he was the laird and would run his own castle. Never mind that he was too drunk half the time to manage it, she thought with disgust. However, Eachann was the laird and Kade had been forced to leave when he suggested it might be best he did. He'd sailed to Europe and written Merry frequently about his adventures, but she hadn't had a single letter since he'd gone on crusade.
"He may yet return."
Merry glanced to her husband at those soft words, only then realizing that tears now blurred her eyes. Embarrassed by this show of weakness, she started to raise a hand to wipe them impatiently away, but Alex brushed her hand away before she could and did it for her. He then caught her by the chin and tipped her head up so that he could kiss her.
For one moment, Merry remained still under the soft pressure of his mouth, but immediately blinked her eyes open when he raised his head. Before she could see his expression, he pressed her head to his chest and whispered, "Rest. You are tired."
Merry's head popped up the moment he released it, however. Tired as she was, she simply could not rest when he couldn't, especially since she knew Alex must be tired, too. She knew he was scowling at her for being difficult, but avoided meeting his gaze and said, "Tell me about your family."
Alex hesitated, and for a moment she thought he would repeat his order to sleep, but then he relaxed behind her and began to speak. Merry listened curiously as he told her about his mother, father, and sister, and recounted a childhood vastly different from her own. His childhood had been one filled with happiness and loving parents who were neither drunks nor ill and in need of care. It was only with his mother's death when he was in his teens that the tone of the recounting changed. Alex was careful in his wording, but even so it was obvious that life after his mother's death was much less idyllic than before. He never insulted Edda or accused the woman of anything, but Merry could tell that after the king had forced the marriage between her and his father, life had been fraught with tension and much less pleasant at d'Aumesbery. She wasn't terribly surprised. After all, Edda had told her that she'd been bitter and unhappy when she married and moved out to the "wilds" of Northern England, but it was apparent from Alex's change in tone that Edda's arrival hadn't made only her miserable.
Between the soothing rock of the horse and the natural rhythm of Alex's voice, Merry soon found herself curling sleepily into his chest. When he fell silent, she tried to open her eyes to ask another question that would keep him talking, but it seemed like far too much effort, and she finally gave in and allowed sleep to fully claim her.
Merry wasn't at first sure what startled her awake some time later. She then became aware of the chest she leaned on shaking slightly as if with laughter. Raising curious eyes, she peered at her husband, surprised to see that he was indeed silently laughing.
"What did I miss?" she asked, glancing about, but no one else rode near them and she didn't understand what had amused him until he shook his head and explained, "You were snoring."
"What?" Merry sat up a little straighter, embarrassment bringing color to her cheeks as she shook her head in denial and assured him, "Ye're mistaken. I'm a lady and ladies doona snore."
That just made him laugh again and Merry glared at him with irritation and insisted, "I doona snore."
"Aye, you do," Alex assured her and then added, "And not daintily. You woke yourself with your own snores."
Merry was scowling at the claim, when he bent and kissed her reassuringly. "'Tis all right. I am told I have the affliction as well."
"Well, I do not," she assured him, unsoothed. "If I did snore, and I'm no' sayin' I did, then it must be the position I was sleeping in."
"Aye," he agreed at once, and then further mollified her by adding, "I have never noticed you snoring in our bed, so it may very well be down to having to sleep upright."
Merry relaxed a little at this concession, but was still embarrassed. Sitting a little straighter before him, she glanced at the path ahead. "Where are we?"
Alex glanced over the area surrounding them and then answered, "About halfway to the Scottish border."
Merry nodded at this news, but Alex was looking behind them, back toward the men and wagon that followed. She followed his gaze to note that Gerhard had fallen back beside the wagon where he was talking and laughing with a couple of the men. Alex waited until the man glanced in their direction, and then gestured for him to come forward. Gerhard immediately broke off the conversation and urged his mount up to join them.
"My lord?"
"There is a clearing ahead by the river," Alex said quietly.
"Aye, I know which one you mean," Gerhard said at once. "We have used it in the past."
Alex nodded. "We will use it again this night and travel the rest of the way to the border tomorrow. Lead the men there and set up camp."
"Where will you be?" Gerhard asked with surprise.
"I am going to take Merry a little farther up the river so that she may take care of her ablutions without fear of being seen. We will rejoin you afterward."
"Very good," Gerhard murmured, and then
turned his horse back to wait for the others to catch up as Alex urged his mount to a faster pace.
Merry peered around curiously as they rode. They followed the path for a short distance, and then Alex steered his mount to the side and the trees fell away around them, opening out into a clearing. She wondered if it was the one that he'd spoken of to Gerhard, but they were moving so swiftly now that she feared biting off her tongue did she try to ask the question, so held it back. The clearing was surrounded by a thin line of trees and foliage on all sides. Alex cut across it to a narrow path she didn't see until they were almost on it. Here the trees on their left were thin, allowing glimpses of the water beyond, but were a little thicker on the left side, almost a wall.
Alex turned his horse to the right and they traveled parallel to the river for several minutes until the narrow grass path ended at another clearing. This one, while smaller, also had a small, picturesque waterfall and a cliff that curved around the clearing, leaving only the path through which they'd entered between it and the river.
A small murmur of pleasure slipped from Merry as she peered around the area. It was quite lovely, a private little oasis, and appeared to her to be the perfect spot to tend their needs after a long day riding.
"I found this spot during my travels before going on crusade," Alex said as he slipped off the horse behind her. "I recalled it some distance back and thought you might like it."
"I do," she assured him with a smile as he lifted her down from the mount. The moment she was on her feet, Merry tried to move away to explore, but Alex held on to her. When she turned to glance at him in question, he smiled faintly and said, "Give your legs a minute to find themselves. You have been in the saddle all day."
"My legs are fine. I was not doing the riding, merely resting in your lap," she pointed out with a laugh and pulled free of his hold, only to land on her knees as her "fine" legs gave out under her. Grimacing, she glanced to Alex, fully expecting him to laugh at her as her brothers would have done. Surprisingly enough, however, his expression was solemn and even slightly concerned as he reached down to take her hand and help her back up.
"You need to learn to accept advice and aid from others, wife," Alex said quietly as he set her back on her feet. "Everyone needs assistance at one time or another."
The words were softly spoken and nothing like the sort of rebuke one would receive from a parent, but it had as much effect as a yell. Merry was suddenly hot with an emotion that felt part shame, part fear. It was the fear that bothered her most. She was suddenly afraid he thought less of her, and that bothered her more than she would expect. This was the man she'd thought was no better than her father and brothers. Why should she care what he thought of her? Merry didn't know, but she did care, and didn't like that caring.
Biting her tongue on the sharp words that rose up in her defense, Merry forced herself to suffer his hold until he felt she could stand alone and then quickly moved away once he released her.
"I shall tend the horses," Alex said as she moved toward the water. "You go ahead and bathe if you wish."
Any other time, Merry would have insisted that she could tend her own mount, but still stung by the mild rebuke and her own reactions to it, she didn't. Instead she continued to the water's edge and began to disrobe. Merry stripped off her gown and laid it across a boulder nearby, but then paused and cast a quick glance back to her husband. Finding he had his back to her and was busy with the horses, she then quickly stripped off her shift, too, and tossed it over her gown before rushing into the water.
Unfortunately, in her eagerness to be submerged before Alex turned around, Merry moved with more speed than care. She came to an abrupt halt, however, as she ran into a submerged boulder, banging her toes and shin under the water.
Merry hadn't realized she'd cried out until she heard Alex shout in response. She turned abruptly to see him rushing toward the water's edge. Realizing she was as naked as the day she'd been born, Merry immediately dropped to hide in the water.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," she gasped, the cold water taking her breath away.
"Did you hurt yourself?" Alex asked with concern, but came to a halt at the river's edge and didn't charge in as she suspected he'd been about to do.
"Nay," she lied. "'Twas just surprisingly cold."
Alex eyed her briefly, not looking as if her lie had convinced him, but then he nodded and turned back toward the horses. "I am nearly done and then I shall join you."
Merry made a face at his back, finding the words more a threat than a promise at that moment, and then turned away to move more cautiously out into deeper water. She was not used to feeling in the wrong. Merry had spent years being the only one in the right at Stewart, or at least usually in the right, and didn't like that her husband found fault with her, even if it was something as small as her being unwilling to accept aid and advice.
Shaking her head at herself, Merry rubbed her arms under the water as her body began to adjust to the water. She took a moment simply to enjoy the cool feel of it caressing her skin, but then sucked in a breath of air and plunged forward in the water. While her body was now used to the cold liquid, her head was not, and Merry nearly opened her mouth on a gasp as it flowed over her. She managed to keep from doing so and swam down to scoop up some dirt from the river bottom. Once she had two hands full of the stuff, she continued forward in a somersault and then shot back to the surface, gasping with relief as her head broke through into the early evening air.
After a couple of breaths and a glance around to see that Alex was back at the horses, she raised her hands out of the water to peer at what she'd collected. Much to her relief it was gritty sand and not muddy dirt, which would have been useless to her. Merry quickly used the grit to wash herself, running it over her arms and chest so that the sand acted like an abrasive, washing away the day's dust from travel.
"I see you know about nature's soap." That approving comment from Alex made Merry whirl in the water to find him now naked, a bare few feet away in the water and moving closer.
"That is what my mother called it, too," she said, watching him warily. "She taught it to me on our first journey to visit Kade when I was young. She said it did the trick as well as the perfumed soap at home, but I think she preferred it."
Alex nodded, but continued forward until he could reach her. Catching her hand in his, he tugged her forward through the water toward him, murmuring, "Do not look at me with such bruised eyes. You make me feel an ogre for reprimanding you about accepting aid and advice."
Merry was slightly startled at his calling it a reprimand. It hadn't sounded like the sort of reprimand she was used to giving. But for all its soft couching, his words had certainly felt like one to her, she acknowledged, and wondered if perhaps she hadn't been approaching her father and brothers all wrong all these years. Perhaps a soft, firm voice and hard eyes would have been more effective on them as well.
Nay, Merry decided in the next moment. They would have listened to that no more than her snapping, barking, and yelling. Her father and brothers were simply incorrigible. She, however, was proving to be ridiculously sensitive. Something she would never have expected. Her father and brothers could call her a shrew without penetrating her hide, and yet this man showed his disappointment and disapproval with soft words and a look and she was hurt. It was all rather bewildering to her.
"Stop thinking so hard," Alex said, and Merry did at once, though not because he'd told her to. He had tugged her against his warm body in the water and she suddenly found it quite difficult to hold on to her poor thoughts.
Her ability to think was not improved when he began to kiss her. Alex was holding her up slightly in the water so that their heads were on a level. It meant he needn't bend to kiss her, but also that her feet were now groundless and floating free in the water. They immediately bumped against and tangled with his under water even as her breasts rubbed across his chest above, and Merry was actually startled by the sudden roar of desire that went thr
ough her.
"Should we no' go back and join the others?" she asked on a little breathless gasp when his mouth left hers and began to ease down her throat as he lifted her up farther out of the water. "They'll be preparin' the sup and makin' camp and may need help."
Alex's answer was to close his lips over her nipple and draw it into his mouth.
Merry shivered in the cool water and tilted her head back on a groan, giving up any further protest. If her husband wished to bed her again, it was her duty to submit, was it not? That thought had barely run through her mind when he was suddenly gathering her in his arms and carrying her toward shore.
"Are we going back?" she asked with surprise.
"Nay. I am hungry."
That answer merely confused Merry, but they had reached the shore, and her mind was taken up with further confusion when Alex moved to set her on a larger boulder next to the one she'd laid her gown on. While the water had felt cold on first entering, the evening air now felt chill on being out, and she shivered and quickly sat up to reach for her gown once he'd released her.
"I shall warm you," Alex said, taking the gown away. He tossed it back on the neighboring rock and then urged her to recline on the boulder as his warm body came down over her.
"Ye said ye were hungry," she reminded him in a whisper as he caught her hands and raised them over her head.
"Aye, and I am. For you," he explained in a low growl, and proceeded to try to devour her. At least that was how it felt to Merry. He started with a kiss, his mouth hard and demanding on hers as his hands released hers and slid to find her still wet breasts.
Merry gasped into his mouth and arched into his touch, and then moaned with disappointment as he broke the kiss to begin traveling down her body. That disappointment died a quick death when he paused to graze at her breasts again, drawing moans and mewls of need and pleasure from her that were quickly followed by renewed disappointment and then confusion as his lips continued farther downward. He trailed kisses down her stomach, making the muscles there jump and sing. Her eyes popped open, and she peered down at him with confusion, unsure why he would bother kissing her there, but that confusion was joined by something like alarm when his kisses continued farther and began to trail to her hip and then in toward her thigh.