“Goddamn, that’s cold,” Dean shouted upon bursting back to the surface. He smoothed his hair back from his face as he sputtered, momentarily dipping down below the water.
“See?” Bree said, floating with the water up to her chin. “Was that truly so bad?”
“Yes, it was,” Dean said as he swam toward her.
“Oh really?”
“I hated every second.”
Bree splashed at him, but it did not deter his approach. His arms wrapped around her waist, and they both kicked to stay afloat. He leaned in close, and Bree let him. After all, a promise was a promise.
“Every… single… second.”
They returned to the academy a few hours before sunrise. Both were shivering when Sasha opened the gate for them, their uniforms cold and wet.
“Swimming?” Sasha said, looking at both as if they were out of their minds. “Hope it was worth it.”
“Worth every second,” Dean said, and Bree had to bite her tongue to keep from giggling the entire walk back to her apartment.
CHAPTER 16
Bree soared over the training field, a grin on her face as wind blasted through her hair. After several more weeks of boring drills and tedious exercises, Instructor Dohn had finally given them chances to truly test their wings. They flew in two groups of eight, with Adam Dohn making up for their odd number. One group flew east, the other west, keeping in V shapes with one person leading, the others trailing. Those going east would remain high, while those going west were to drop beneath.
“We need you to learn what it’s like to see an army approaching,” Instructor Dohn had explained. “More importantly, we need you to realize just how fast it can be, and how little time you’ll have to react.”
Bree was just to Amanda’s right, her roommate currently in the lead position. The grass below them was a faded yellow blur as they zipped along, careful to keep their speed matched with Amanda’s. Ahead of them, the other group was a bunch of silver and black dots. Bree kept Amanda in the corner of her eye, waiting. It was their turn to drop, but only after their leader did so.
The dots became solid shapes, thrumming wings and black windblown jackets. Bree tried to envision what it’d be like if the two groups unleashed their elements during their approach. Balls of flame exploding between them, shards of ice flying in, all while thick blasts of lightning picked Seraphim off one by one. Bree imagined herself calmly flying through it, deftly dodging each shot… but suddenly she felt her sides hitch as she realized she didn’t have to imagine it. She’d seen it before, the night her parents died in battle. The excitement of it, the allure, quickly faded.
The memory stole her concentration away, so when Amanda dropped, curling in her stomach while lowering her head to point her wings downward, Bree was the last in formation to rejoin. Like a flock of birds they dove, while, high above, the other formation thundered past. Perhaps she imagined it, but Bree swore she could feel the wind of their passing, like a wave rolling over her back.
They reached the end of the field. Bree heard Amanda call out an order, but even with her so close it was still muffled. At such speeds, speech was all but hopeless, hence the rapid hand signals they’d begun learning in Teacher Gaughran’s class. It was also why Instructor Dohn harped on them so strongly to follow their formation leader without the slightest hesitation. Bree’s grin grew. At the end of each field, their positions shifted one to the left, with the very end sliding around to the right. This put Bree in the lead position, and she had every intention of enjoying it.
“Come on,” she shouted as they turned around and raced across the field, not caring they couldn’t hear her. She pushed her switch harder, increasing the throttle beyond what the others had risked. Too many were afraid of speed, she felt. Time to give them no choice. A check left and right showed that while the formation had spread a little long, they still kept pace. Good. She might have worried that the second group would react too slowly, but Kael would be in the lead position coming from the other direction, and she trusted him more than anyone else to dive down in time.
The thrumming of her wings increased, and she outstretched her hands on either side of her, tensing the muscles so they remained still despite the wind. The powerful gusts should have made seeing difficult, but the faint shield of light protected her. It was as though she wore goggles and a mask that ended at the edges of her cheeks, for the wind tore through her hair and across her ears at full strength. She still felt the air on her eyes and mouth, only it seemed… weaker. Slowed, somehow.
The distant dots that made up the other group rapidly approached, and Bree felt her heart pound. Again she imagined explosions of fire, of weaving between boulders flying through the air with enough force to shatter bone and wings, only this time she retaliated, hurling blast after blast of perfectly aimed flame. The group closed in, and as she expected, the eight dove, following her brother. They passed underneath, the combined volume of their wings a shiver-inducing thrum that made Bree’s smile all the wider.
When practice ended, Instructor Dohn gave them permission to fly about, practicing whatever drills they felt they needed, or to do similar flybys in smaller formations. Bree floated over to where Kael hovered, and she twisted so she could kick him with her heels, sending him drifting.
“Must you be so childish?” Kael asked as he turned about and gave his wings a single burst to kill his momentum.
“Must you be so easy to torment?”
Her brother grinned.
“Speaking of, you had your group fly much faster than they had earlier, didn’t you?”
“You know me so well.”
Kael laughed.
“I knew you would before we even turned around,” he said. “I almost had us drop down the second we started, just to make sure we got out of the way in time.”
“What, afraid you’d react too slowly?” Bree asked, smirking.
“Me? Of course not. It’s all those other slow people in my formation I was worried about.”
“Slow people like me,” Clara said, hovering over from beside Instructor Dohn. “Which is why I need some extra training. Kael, would you do me the honor?”
Kael lifted an eyebrow.
“Honor of what?”
The blonde girl grinned.
“Of chasing me.”
Just like Bree, she kicked Kael in the chest, simultaneously pushing him away while giving herself separation so she could rotate about and then flare her wings. She tore into the air, and letting out a playful cry, Kael gave chase. Not to be outdone, Bree punched the throttle to her own wings. All three soared into the air, each in chase of the other. There’d be no tagging, of course, nor even any real attempts to make contact. The goal was simply to mimic a person’s path, then get far enough ahead to cut them off and force them to chase instead. Of all the games and drills Instructor Dohn had taught them, this was far and away the most dangerous. It was also Bree’s favorite, likely for that very reason.
Bree gave no real effort in taking the lead, for during the past week she’d shown no difficulty in doing so. After all her practice on the obstacle course, she could pull off maneuvers the rest could currently only dream of. Only Kael stood a chance of surpassing her, and only because he spent so much time flying with her at the end of every practice. Bree tailed the couple perfectly, staying back so she could watch and see how well she predicted each turn or juke. Their path took them high into the air, far above the others lingering down below. The only ones nearby were Gavin and Brad, who chased each other while doing tall, wide loops.
Clara weaved left to right, nothing particularly fancy. Bree had a feeling she wanted to be caught. The stupid grins on both her face and her brother’s certainly gave credence to Bree’s suspicion. Kael pulled up alongside Clara, weaving in the same left-to-right pattern instead of trying to pull ahead. Bree twirled a few times as she trailed, and she realized she watched a dance, not a game. The two were in their own little world, and they never noticed when B
ree fell back a bit more and took stock of the training field.
Beneath her, flying side by side, were Amanda and a waifish girl with red hair named Lily. They were practicing flying in formation, with their arms outstretched so that their fingers were just barely touching. They weren’t flying particularly fast, and Bree thought to join them instead of playing third wheel to Clara and her brother, who clearly only had eyes for each other. Shifting direction, she started to close the distance. Looking ahead, she saw that they approached the far west side of the field, the same side as Gavin and Brad, except for some reason she couldn’t find the two.
Feeling the first tinge of worry, she looked around, then finally up, where she spotted them. The two were nearly side by side, and at the peak of another loop. Bree finished the loop in her mind, and suddenly that worry was full-blown panic. Amanda and Lily would be flying right through their path at the bottom of the loop, and unless they looked up, they’d have no idea of the danger.
Stay calm, she told herself as she drastically increased her throttle. Don’t lose control now.
Diving down, she set herself on a path for intercept. As her hair danced around her face, she did another mental calculation, trying to judge if she’d make it in time. Maybe, but she’d have to go faster, faster than she’d ever flown before. Her thumb pushed the throttle even farther forward.
Brad led the way, Gavin just barely behind. Any other time, she’d have been impressed by their coordination during such a stunt. Not now. Knowing she had only seconds, she descended upon the women from behind, pulling back the throttle so she wouldn’t go flying past. Amanda was on the right, Lily the left. Flying beside Amanda, Bree shot out a hand to grab her arm, and then with all her strength, she pulled while twisting her body to put her wings on a path away from the incoming collision. Amanda followed, but Lily released her grasp of Amanda’s fingers. Bree spun, repositioning her wings to fight against her momentum as Amanda flew on ahead, clueless as to what was going on.
As they pulled up from their loop, Brad still in the lead, they headed straight for Lily. Bree felt her heart stop, felt her breath catch in her throat. Lily saw them come in from above, and panicking, she twisted right. Both men saw her as well, and they attempted to avoid her in the same way. Brad turned and veered correctly, but Gavin curled right into Lily’s path, his split-second reaction one of instinct, and one he could not escape out of.
The sound of their collision would haunt Bree for months to come. The initial contact was marked by a loud, forceful crack, followed by the earsplitting sound of metal scraping against metal. Bree felt paralyzed as she watched both bodies fall, Gavin’s spinning wildly, Lily’s dropping straight down. Blood sprayed above them like a cloud.
“Lily!” she heard Amanda cry. Bree turned to see her roommate standing in the air, hands to her face, her wings powered just enough to hover. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.”
The bodies hit ground, bouncing limply across the yellow grass. Brad, having recovered from his dodge, raced past Bree toward the mangled body of his dead friend. Others joined, including Instructor Dohn, but Bree just stayed where she hovered. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to react. Feeling strangely numb, her mind muted, she watched as other students flocked over, accompanied by the constant sound of Amanda’s shocked cries.
“Oh my God, oh my God…”
After the bodies were taken away and the rest of the class dismissed, Instructor Dohn came over to where Bree stood on the road, watching. He ran a hand through his dark hair, and she noticed he walked the long distance across the field instead of flying. Dimly she wondered if he walked on purpose. When he reached the road, he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Are you all right?” he asked her.
Why wouldn’t I be? she thought. I wasn’t the one in the wreck.
The collision flashed in her mind, and she felt her insides scraping raw as her heartbeat hammered the way it had for the past ten minutes.
“No,” she admitted. “I don’t think I am.”
He put his hand on her shoulder, and she brought her gaze back up to him. Gone was his stern face, his constant judging. It seemed his demeanor had cracked, revealing a surprising tenderness.
“Bree, what you did out there was amazing,” he said. “If not for you, Amanda might have been caught in that collision. You saved a life today, perhaps Brad’s as well.” He leaned down so he could stare her in the eye. Something about it left her uneasy. It was as if he understood everything about her, and it made her feel strangely naked. “But you’re not remembering that. I can see it on your face, see it in how you’re out here alone, watching. Saving Amanda’s life wasn’t enough. You’re convinced you could have saved Lily’s as well, aren’t you?”
Bree felt her lower lip quivering, and angry at herself, she swore not to cry. Not to break.
“Maybe,” she said weakly.
Both hands on her shoulders now.
“Listen to me, Bree,” he said. “You risked everything, and because of it, you saved lives. Never, ever feel guilty for that, do you understand me? Sad as it is, this sort of thing happens every year at the academy. Cry over it. Pray for them. Mourn for their loss, but do not blame yourself. If you do, you’ll never survive as a Seraph. No matter how good you are, no matter how hard you try and how skillfully you fly, you will see your friends die. Sometimes you could have done things better. Sometimes there’s nothing at all. If you let either eat at you, it’ll carve you hollow, leaving nothing but a frustrated, burned-out husk of the girl you once were.”
Bree sniffled, and she took a step back so he would release her shoulders.
“May I be dismissed?” she asked, proud of how firm her voice sounded.
“You may,” Instructor Dohn said. “Please, go do whatever it takes to grieve. Don’t rush yourself back into training until you’re ready. We’ll all understand.”
Bree put her back to him and began walking east. Do what it took to grieve? She didn’t know what that was. She felt restless, on edge. Her skin crawled with invisible worms, and it seemed every breath she took was too small, too empty. More than anything, she wanted her mind off the sight of Gavin and Lily slamming into each other, to purge that awful screeching sound of metal scraping metal that somehow echoed on and on in her ears. So she went to where she felt the freest, where her mind felt most at ease.
“There you are,” Dean called from the advanced flight-training field. He sheathed his swords, dipped his head toward his opponent, and began walking across the grass toward her. Bree stayed on the road, feeling strangely nervous about joining their sparring group despite having trained with them daily over the past month.
“You’re late,” Dean said, and when he reached her, he bent over to kiss her cheek. “Where’ve you been?”
“I was… delayed,” she said, part of her wanting to tell him everything, part wanting to pretend it’d never happened. Normally any contact with him, even a simple kiss on the cheek, should have set her nerves aflame, but today she felt cold and numb. “We can still practice, right?”
“Of course,” Dean said, glancing over his shoulder, as if afraid of being caught. “But, before we do… I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
Not now, she thought. Whatever it is, not now, ask later, ask when I can handle it…
“What?” she asked, the word rising flat off her tongue.
“Well, the solstice celebration’s coming up soon,” he said, rubbing at the back of his head with his left hand. He was nervous, she realized. Blushing, even. “I was wondering if you’d like to attend the Willer family’s ball as my guest.”
It was too much. A single sob escaped her lips, and she crumpled and sat in the dirt road. Dean dropped with her, his face a perfect portrait of worry.
“Not quite the reaction I was hoping for,” he said, wrapping an arm around her.
“It’s not you,” she said, wiping at her face while sniffling. “
There was an accident today during practice.”
“Was anyone hurt?”
She nodded.
“Gavin and Lily. They… they didn’t…”
He pulled her against him, and she melted into his chest.
“I’m sorry, Bree,” he whispered. “It’s always rough the first time you see it happen. It’ll hurt less over time. You’re strong, stronger than I am.”
She closed her eyes, hands on his shirt, head tucked underneath his chin. The tips of their wings clacked against each other as he snaked a hand around her waist to keep her close.
“I don’t want to be strong,” she whispered. “Can’t I be like everyone else?”
She heard him chuckle.
“I think, right now, you are.”
Bree slowly breathed out as the last of her tears ran down her cheeks. Her numbness was wearing off, and though she felt raw, it was so much better than before. She heard footsteps on the grass, but she kept her eyes closed, not yet ready to return from the enveloping darkness to the bright daylight world.
“She all right?” she heard Sasha ask Dean.
“Accident during flight training. Two-person collision.”
That appeared to be answer enough.
“I’m sorry,” Sasha whispered, and quick as she arrived, her footsteps retreated.
Dean seemed willing to let her remain forever, but at last she pushed away, pulling wet strands of hair from her face and sniffling again.
“Oh God, I’m a mess,” she said.
“I’ll pretend not to notice,” he said, earning a broken laugh. She kissed his cheek, having to stand on her tiptoes to do it, and then wiped at her eyes.
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