by Anne R. Tan
Raina raised an eyebrow. Real smooth. If her client didn’t try to kidnap Po Po, she might have fallen for the buddy-buddy act. If Toni didn’t already guess BL was with the Sullivans, she wasn’t going to enlighten her. “Where is Muyang now?”
“I don’t know. She was staying at the Sandman Motel by the train tracks, but she hasn’t been back there in a couple of days.”
“Do you think your client might be delusional?”
Toni’s lips pressed into a grim line. She didn’t answer, but her silence was louder than anything she could have said.
Muyang must have sent Sui Yuk the threatening note. And now she had gone rogue and believed Po Po to have information on her baby. Raina shivered. Who knew how much damage an unstable postpartum woman could do to a seventy-five-year-old grandma.
* * *
The next morning, Raina shifted on the unforgiving antique chair in the lobby of the senior condo complex. She came over early as planned for the carpool to San Francisco to the Wong’s Christmas dinner. By the time she got home last night, she only had time to send a quick text to the Sullivans and her grandma, pleading with them to be careful of strangers.
She peered through the glass doors, but didn’t see Matthew’s Jeep. He must be running late. Again. No matter how punctual he might be when it came to his job, his watch ran on a drained battery when it came to his personal life. It was a trait that drove her bonkers. Asking to meet fifteen minutes earlier only meant she would have to wait an extra fifteen minutes on top of his usual tardiness.
Fanny read the flyers on the bulletin boards while Po Po and Maggie Louie spoke with another resident about the upcoming New Year’s Eve party at the senior center. All four didn’t seem to notice the gazillion flashing colored lights scattered throughout the place that could give a less hearty soul a seizure.
The decorating committee must have had a decorations fight and flung whatever they could on the walls. The pink metallic tree competed with the six-foot Charlie Brown Christmas tree for the place of honor, while several ugly Christmas sweaters were pinned on a line running across the wall behind the check-in desk. Someone had even replaced the white doilies with green and red checkered ones.
A Jeep pulled up next to the curb. Raina hopped to her feet. “Matthew is here,” she called out, interrupting the quiet buzz of conversation. It was rude, but her skin felt tight like she had been waiting for her turn at the chopping block. It was time to hit the road.
As she reached for the lobby door, Matthew appeared on the other side. For a split second their eyes met through the glass pane. Time froze as she stood like a mannequin with an outstretched arm. The strand of colored lights around the doorframe added to the storefront effect. The picture perfect boyfriend.
Raina blinked and the moment disappeared. Her smile wobbled, as if she wanted to cry. Her reaction should be ridiculous, except it felt so right.
Matthew opened the door and a whiff of coffee drifted over. Yum. Hazelnut. “Three creams and two sugars.”
Now there was a full-grown frog in her throat. She averted her eyes and mumbled thanks.
The grandmas made their good-byes and headed toward them, still chatting as if they hadn’t seen each other in years.
“Po Po, where is Fanny?” Raina asked.
“She was here just a minute ago. I’ll text her to come outside,” Po Po said.
Raina swept her gaze around the lobby one last time. No Fanny. She caught up with the rest of the group. As she reached for the handle of the passenger door, the window rolled down. She started in surprise.
Fanny’s bright smile appeared from within. “Do you need something?”
“Uh, no,” Raina mumbled and stepped back to climb into the backseat after her grandma. She pressed her lips together to stop the frown from forming.
She nursed the coffee, letting the warmth seep into her hands but not to her heart. Sometimes Matthew could be rather sweet, but how much of the sweetness was an act? It didn’t feel natural to question his motives.
Fanny’s giggles were matched by the grandmas hushed whispers. Matthew stared at the road, responding to Fanny in monosyllables when pressed to do so. She carried on the entire conversation by herself.
Raina closed her eyes and leaned against the window, willing herself to sleep. She’d spent the night wrangling with the sheets. Her nightmares alternating between Muyang running off with her grandma and Matthew throwing BL like a football to China.
She was walking that fine line again where one side held safety and the other vibrated with danger. And like before, she could feel the desire to play peek-a-boo with danger just for those rare moments when the air pulsated with energy. Of being alive. Of being young and whole. Her grandma probably courted danger for the exact same reasons.
If she told her grandma about Muyang’s instability, Po Po would want to use herself as bait. If she didn’t tell Po Po, and something happened to her, Raina would never forgive herself. Why did protecting Po Po always come down to keeping secrets from her?
18
NEW RAIN
The red Chinese lanterns on her Uncle Sain’s restaurant glowed like a beacon in the mostly deserted streets in Chinatown. The rolling gray fog dampened the aromatic spices, rotting vegetables, and a hint of sewerage that seemed to cling to this part of the city.
Uncle Sain and his family stood by the door, greeting the rest of the extended family. Uncle Sain preferred his Chinese name to his American name. It probably had to do with the fact that he lived and worked in Chinatown where things like family names and old customs still mattered. His kids, on the other hand, seemed to work harder than the rest of the cousins to prove they were more American than anyone else.
“Raina, so you finally show your face around here,” Uncle Sain said.
“She’s busy spending her millions, Dad. You know how it is. They forget about the little people like us,” Cousin Jung-yee said.
Moisture clung in wet droplets in Raina’s curly hair, but her mouth was dry. She’d thought the attacks would come later in the evening after her nerves became taut from the wait. Her fingers clutched the wrapped Jiggle Me Doll in front of her like a broken shield.
“You’re anything but little, Sain,” Po Po said, poking his rotund stomach. “Jung-yee, you really need to stop sucking lemons. It makes you look like the bitter stepsister in Cinderella. Don’t worry, when I die, I’ll leave my millions to you.”
Jung-yee’s face lit up. “Really, Grandma?”
“Sure, but you’ll need to be at my beck and call for twenty-four-seven for two years first. Like how Rainy cared for Ah Gong.”
“Mah Mah,” Jung-yee whined, as if using her paternal grandma’s title would soften her up. “It’s just so unfair. Why do I have to work at this dump while she got to quit her job?” She didn’t seem to notice her father’s frown at her reference to the family restaurant. “I’m sick of smelling like fried rice.”
“Life’s not fair and things are not always what they seem, sweetie. Maybe you should go back to school,” Po Po said, hooking an arm through Raina’s and towing them into the restaurant. She leaned over to whisper, “She must have gotten her tongue from her mom.”
“How did you get her to drop the lawsuit?” Raina whispered back as her eyes scanned the room.
“By threatening to give my millions to you too,” Po Po said with a hint of laughter in her voice. “Word got out to the other grandchildren fast enough.”
Raina sneaked a sideways glance at her grandma. “And would it be okay if word got out about Ah Gong’s other family?”
Po Po stiffened, interrupting their steady progress across the room. Matthew and his grandma bumped against them from behind at the sudden stop. There was a moment of apologies and embarrassed smiles.
By the time everyone had straightened themselves out, there was no more time for further discussion with her grandma. In other words, Raina’s role was still confined to the greedy grandchild who finagled her grandfather into l
eaving out her cousins in his will.
Her mom and sisters chatted easily among the family members. Her brother was MIA, which meant he was with his girlfriend’s family. Lila, her niece and the baby of the family, circulated from one set of arms to another, clutching her new Jiggle Me doll. When an aunt wanted to take the toy for a test drive, Lila held the doll behind her back and shouted, “Mine!” in a clear voice that cut through all the conversation in the room.
Raina smiled. What she wouldn’t give to have the concerns of a toddler. After a few more minutes of small talk where everyone tiptoed around her, she got a Scotch on the rocks and found an empty table in the back. Dinner wouldn’t start for another thirty minutes, and she was running out of steam.
Matthew circulated among her family with more ease than she did. He’d grown up with many of them, a de facto cousin himself. Fanny trailed after him until Tobias, one of her cousins, gestured for her to join their group drinking in the back corner and playing blackjack. The woman was too cute to be a wallflower.
The clicking of mahjong tiles on Raina’s right caught her attention, and she turned to see her grandma in a rousing game with an aunt, a great uncle, and Maggie Louie. It seemed as if everyone was enjoying themselves, except for her. She was just thankful there was no open hostility. Once the food came out, she could pretend to be obsessed with stuffing her face to prevent anyone from snubbing her.
Her gaze returned to a laughing Matthew at the bar. His smile was carefree with a readied lightness as if he was with people he’d always trusted. Like his family. Aside from Maggie, Matthew didn’t have anyone else or any place to call home. But here, he was with people who had known him as a baby and shaped him as an adult. Though he’d been busy saving the world when he worked for the feds, he was still on the invite list for birthdays, holiday dinners, and weddings.
Her trembling hand clinked the ice against the glass when she bought the scotch to her lips. Even though he clearly loved her, his father wasn’t the only reason why Matthew rejected her. No, he rejected her and chose her family instead. An ugly breakup between them would mean the Wongs might reject him, and Matthew would never let that happen.
As she watched Matthew, his earlier words about growing up in a family not his own took on new meaning. Did BL belong to Sui Yuk Liang or to Muyang Yao? And there was money involved if what Eric Wagner said after Po Po beat him up was true. Someone was willing to pay to get their hands on BL, but did this person want the infant alive or dead?
Money had a way of turning even the mildest of Sunday school teachers into foaming wild animals under the right circumstances. Look at her family and how they circled around Ah Gong in his deathbed.
The hairs on the back of Raina’s neck stiffened as if she were tiptoeing across a grave. This was not the place or time to have these kind of thoughts. The Cantonese Christmas music piping through the mounted speakers did little to chase her dark thoughts away. She gazed around the length of the restaurant, looking for a distraction.
Someone tugged at her sweater. “New Rain! New Rain!”
Raina’s smile could light up the room. There was only one person who thought the literal translation of her Chinese name was her English name. “Hi sweetie.” She grabbed her niece Lila and swung the child onto her lap. “Hey, what happened to your chin?” She tickled the toddler’s neck.
Lila giggled and reached out to wiggle her stubby little fingers under her aunt’s chin.
Raina widened her eyes and clasped a hand on her chin. “Oh no! My chin is gone, too.”
Lila stuffed the foot of her Jiggle Me Doll into her mouth to hide her chortle.
Raina hugged the child, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
The child’s entire body vibrated with laughter.
“Lila, come here to Mommy,” Cassie called out, breaking into the horseplay.
Raina glanced up to find her sister, mom, and Jung-yee studying them with matching expressions of disapproval.
“Come here, sweetie,” Cassie said, “We don't want to bother your auntie.”
“I can watch her for a few minutes,” Raina said.
Lila bounced on her lap. “Again, New Rain. Again. Find chin.”
Cassie held out her hands. "Come."
Lila shifted her eyes between her mom and her aunt, finally aware of the tension. She sucked her thumb and clung to her doll.
Cassie hauled her daughter off of her aunt’s lap. “Daddy is looking for you, sweetie.” She marched off without another word.
Jung-yee smirked.
“You need to ask your sister before making off with Lila. Since you’re not a mom, I know you don’t understand how frightening it could be for your child to disappear without any warning,” Mom said, her voice dripping with irritation.
Raina licked her lips. This had nothing to do with Lila. “Look, there is more going on here than you know. I have nothing to do with Ah Gong leaving me the bulk of his money. I haven’t even touched a cent of it. He left it to me for a very specific purpose.”
“What purpose?” Mom asked. “If it concerns the family, Rainy, you should tell us.”
“She’s lying,” Jung-yee said. “If there’s really this big family secret she keeps hinting at, then how come Grandma isn’t talking about it? Mah Mah isn’t the type to hide things. Just admit it, Raina, you manipulated a dying old man.”
Raina searched the room for a pair of friendly eyes. Several relatives actually stopped talking to stare back at her, with curious expressions, but no one came over to rescue her from this interrogation. Po Po gave her a sideways glance, but quickly averted her eyes when she realized Raina was watching her.
Her eyes narrowed. What right did her cousin and her mom have to interrogate her like this? To publicly embarrass her for doing what was asked of her? The selfish person in this situation was Ah Gong for his self-indulgence, and now her grandma for wanting to pretend they had an exemplary marriage. What right did her grandparents have to put her in this kind of position?
“Right, and you were just so selfless when you only managed to visit Ah Gong two times the last two months he was alive,” Raina said to her cousin. “Gee, I can see why he only left you one dollar.”
Jung-yee flushed a deep red. For a second, it seemed as if her eyes were about to pop off their sockets. “You’re such a bit—”
“Raina!” Mom snapped. “There’s no need to aggravate your cousin.”
Jung-yee crossed her arms, huffing in a way to imply she was mortally wronged. It would have been funny, except her mom was also glaring at her.
“Oh really?” Raina asked. She couldn’t seem to keep the bite from her voice. “Do you think it’s okay for someone to inherit”—she made air quotes with her fingers—“a boatload of money because she’s a relative? By your definition, your stepdaughter should be in your will. Cassie only visited Ah Gong once the entire time he was at the hospital. Once, Mom, just once.”
Mom clenched her jaw. “The business with your half-sister is not open for discussion. It’s been ten years since I last laid eyes on her. She’s not part of our lives anymore.”
How exactly could Raina forget the older sister who helped wipe her nose or gave her the hugs and kisses her mom had withheld from her during her childhood?
“Oh my god, you kept one of your stupid spreadsheets again.” Jung-yee mocked, breaking off Raina’s train of thought. “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?”
Raina gave her an ugly smirk, glad for an excuse to pack her half-sister to the compartment of things she ignored. “I say my time was put to good use. After all, I have the boatload, and you don’t even have a bucket.”
Jung-yee sputtered, spun on her heels, and marched off. Mom shook her head as if she was disappointed in Raina again and followed her cousin.
Raina blinked at the burning in the back of her eyes. Deep breaths. In. Out. She swallowed, trying to clear the lump in her throat. In. Out. The conversation around her continued to buzz, but everyo
ne avoided eye contact. In. Out—
She couldn’t breathe. Her blood roared in her ears. She had to get out of here. Both hands reached for the temples on her head.
Thunk!
Her gazed followed the glass tumbler bouncing on the carpet, spilling ice cubes and alcohol across her gray leather boots. Her hand must have knocked it off the table, but there was no memory of the glass against her skin.
She stood, fully intending to clean up the mess, but before she realized it, she was running. Through the narrow hall, to the kitchen, and out the backdoor.
Once outside, she slowed. The thick fog blanketed the entire alley in a pale imitation of a dreamy landscape. She stumbled for another five feet until the white plastic patio set popped out from the fog. She collapsed into the chair, grateful she knew her way around her uncle’s restaurant. The two summers of waiting tables in high school weren’t entirely a waste after all.
Raina didn’t know what came over her. After being silent for so long, she wanted to jump off the ledge just to get it over with. It didn’t help the situation that her grandma wanted to cover-up her late husband’s shame. Argh! She could spit—
The backdoor squealed like fingers scratching on a chalkboard. The noise echoed in the alley, seeming to come from the fog itself. She wrapped her arms around herself. Her cashmere sweater and corduroy pants were no match for the damp and cold that rolled in from the ocean.
Footsteps headed away from her. Her shoulders sagged. Probably one of the workers taking out the trash or on a smoking break.
Raina knew she should apologize to her mother. If nothing else, it would at least keep the peace in the Sun household. But a part of her rebelled against the unfairness of the situation. She was tired of being the good girl. The one who followed her elders’ instructions without questioning it. Geez, she was starting to sound like Jung-yee with her whining.
“Are you okay?” someone said in front of her.