by Bijou Hunter
“Whatever.”
“That’s the Yarrow I know,” she says and kisses the top of my head.
After the first game goes to Clove, we all take a shot of sake. I hate the taste of alcohol but like how it makes me feel.
Ginger shakes out her blonde hair and sighs. “I can’t get too drunk since Oz and the club boys are copying us tonight. If he’s too drunk, I’ll have to pick him up from Rusty Cage.”
“Have Tana do it,” Clove says. “She’s already babysitting her grandkids. Have her add Oz to the roster of children she must coddle.”
Ginger smiles brightly. “She’ll do it too. Tana’s so excited about moving into her new place. I swear she’ll agree to just about anything right now.”
Pepper deals the next hand, and I can’t tell if what I have is good or not. I quickly fold and watch the others.
“I need advice,” I tell them.
Ginger shakes her head. “If it’s about dicks, I’m not interested.”
“Look at the prude she’s become since getting married,” Clove taunts. “Oz has turned you into an old fucking maid.”
“Did you want to hear about Blackjack’s leaking dick?” Ginger asks Clove.
Cayenne looks horrified. “Why is his dick leaking?”
“I don’t know,” Clove offers. “Maybe he’s excited.”
“He likes me,” I say.
“You are hot so—” Pepper says before ending with a wink.
“It’s not about fucking,” I explain while they keep playing. “It’s about that girl, Annie, and how she keeps hanging around.”
“The stalker,” Pepper mumbles with a cigar between her lips.
“What if she tries to hurt him?”
“Or you,” Ginger says.
Frowning, I throw a peanut at her. “Or him.”
“Or both of you,” Cayenne points out.
“Will she just go away or should I kill her?” I ask.
Pepper sets aside her cigar. “Why can’t Blackjack kill her?”
“He suffers from the same problem as Oz,” Ginger says before I can speak. “Apparently, their mothers raised them well, so they don’t believe in harming women.”
“Sexist bastards,” Cayenne mutters.
Placing both hands on the table to keep from losing my temper, I ask, “What should I do?”
“Hard to tell when we don’t know Annie’s story,” Cayenne explains. “Like does she want Blackjack to apologize to her? Or does she want to hurt him? If she’s obsessed with him, will she think of you as a threat? So many variables.”
“Let’s track her down and have a chat,” Pepper says.
“I want to come.”
“No,” Clove replies, nearly whispering as she checks her cards. “Annie probably knows you and Blackjack are swapping liquids. If she’s into him, seeing you will set her off.”
My hands turn into fists. “If she hurts Blackjack, I want to disembowel her and then strangle her with her intestines.”
“That was pretty specific,” Ginger says. “Have you been thinking about this a lot?”
“Blackjack is the only man I want. If he dies, I’ll be alone forever.”
“You can find someone else,” Ginger says immediately.
“Eat shit.”
“I will not.”
Smiling at Ginger’s irritated expression, I grip a handful of peanuts and rain them down on her. “He’s my forever man.”
“Big talk considering you haven’t even spent the night with him once,” Ginger says while shaking peanuts out of her hair. “You’re far from making things official. I mean, your relationship isn’t much farther along than Clove and Glitch’s.”
Clove downs a shot of sake and shrugs. “Relationships are for old ladies.”
Ginger views her statement as fighting words and makes a move on Clove who doesn’t see her coming. They end up rolling on the floor. Ginger ends up on top, only because Clove drank too many shots of sake before the wrestling began. Despite their entertaining fight, I’m still worried about Annie hurting Blackjack. Everyone’s lack of concern pisses me off, and I didn’t take my Ativan tonight.
➸ Blackjack ★
Crash and burn describes the club’s first attempt to mimic the crew by having a weekly card game where we drink, smoke cigars, and tell embellished sex stories. Right off the bat, Camo walks into the room, asks me what it’s like fucking crazy, and gets his ass beat after I am forced to chase him around the damn bar.
“This is fun,” Oz says with a cigar stuck in his lips, making his words sound slurred. “Bonding and shit, you know?”
Camo holds his cold beer to his cheek and mumbles, “Yeah. A real fucking blast.”
“Why didn’t Vile come?” Devo asks while doing a horrible job of shuffling.
“Rumor has it,” Glitch whispers and leans forward, “he got his panties twisted up when Yarrow threatened his kid at the pumpkin patch. See, Vile wanted to give her shit but didn’t feel supported by the club.”
“Did he cry when he told you that?” I ask, trying not to laugh. “Fucking baby.”
“What’s the rule on threatening to kill each other’s kids?” Devo asks.
“You don’t have any kids.”
“I don’t want any either, but I might find a need to threaten one of yours.”
“Fair enough,” I say, laughing now. “If my kid is bullying a disabled girl, you feel free to jump in and threaten the shit out of him.”
“Can you promise your woman won’t fuck me up if I do?”
“Oh, of course not. If she wants to kill you, you’re on your own, man.”
“Yeah, you’ve always been a bitch when it comes to controlling your foxes.”
Glaring at him, I switch my gaze to Oz who smirks but adds nothing. I know these guys view me as weak with women, but what would any of them do if faced with the Annie situation? I doubt even Devo’s addict wife would be willing to kill a seemingly delicate chick like Annie.
As for Yarrow, none of these fuckers could deal with her for more than a few minutes. Hell, Oz still wants Ginger around whenever he shares a room with Yarrow. I don’t know what he thinks she’ll do, but he’s as scared of her as Vile’s shitty kid is.
➸ Yarrow ☆
The crew laughs at Pepper’s reaction to winning a hand of Five Card Stud. I don’t, though. I sit in my seat, ignoring my cards and thinking about Blackjack dead. He is important to me, but they don’t care. They ignore my pain because they’re used to it. I’m used to it too, but I’m still pissed.
Knocking over my drink, I stand up and kick my chair. The crew gets really still as if under attack. Then they move as one because they know each other so well. I’m not one of them. I’m the fucked-up girl they saved and now have to keep around because no one else wants me.
“Annie could kill him!” I yell and smack away Ginger’s hand. “You don’t care! You want me to be alone, so I’ll sit around waiting for you! I’m not a pet! I’m a person! I need more than treats for behaving! I need what you need! I want to have love too!”
“It’s okay,” Cayenne says in her gentle mom voice. They always try to trick me with that voice.
“No! You want Blackjack to die! That’s why you’re laughing like him dying doesn’t matter.”
“Of course, it matters. We want you to be happy,” Cayenne says, keeping my focus forward on her while the others flank me.
“You’re lying! You always talk like this when I’m upset! Then you want me to take a pill and shut up and behave! I’m not a dog! I’m not a child!”
“We know,” Clove says from behind me.
Now that they’ve flanked me, how long before they tackle me and force a pill down my throat?
“Then you make fun of me!” I yell at Ginger. “I’m trying to be with Blackjack, but it’s hard! I’m scared of this townhome, and I’m scared to sleep here! You know that, and you make me feel bad about it! I didn’t make fun of you when you were scared with Oz!”
“I d
idn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Ginger says at my right side. “We were just teasing like we always do.”
“Annie is crazy. You know she is, and she could kill him, and he’d be gone forever. People don’t come back when they die. You told me that. You know he’s special to me, and you don’t care,” I say, losing my anger.
“We do care,” Cayenne insists.
“He could die,” I whisper, crying now. “He’ll be gone, and I’ll never see him again, and I’ll never be able to get brave enough to sleep here. I’ll never have anything good with him because he’ll be gone.”
Ginger runs her hand down my hair, and I hate that I crave a hug from her. They always make me do what they want.
“Blackjack is like the ocean,” I tell her. “Like how the waves knocked me down that time we went to the beach. Everything good about him hit me so hard, and I’m afraid it’ll go away, but you don’t care.”
Wrapping her arms around me, Ginger both soothes and controls me. I know my arms are pinned, and the crew still surrounds me. Even frustrated with them, I rest my head on Ginger’s shoulder. I want to feel happy, and Blackjack isn’t here. He might never come back. He could already be dead. What’s the point of wanting happiness if the world is so big and bad things never stop happening?
➸ Blackjack ★
Oz gets another stellar hand and wins easily. Camo watches our president, clearly suspicious of his good luck. Across the table, Devo’s head wobbles from too much beer. The nearly fifty-year-old can’t handle his booze the way he used to. Sitting next to me, Glitch continues to daydream like he’s been doing since he showed up.
“Now that we have the crew, do we still think we should scout new members?” Oz asks while shuffling.
“Six guys is still six guys,” Devo says.
“We’re getting the work done. Income is up now that the cops spend their time hounding other people. Yarrow’s arrest turned out to be a fucking stroke of luck. The mayor got off his ass and put everyone on notice. The cops have officially yanked their noses from our asses.”
“Do we have any possible pledges anyway?” I ask.
“No, but I haven’t been looking. Joker up in Little Memphis asked if we needed more manpower, and I said not right now. I thought we were fucking good, but maybe we should think about seeing what options we have.”
“It’s too soon to bring anyone into this club,” I state. “Shit’s still in flux. Six months from now might be different, but we aren’t even on good terms with most of the crew yet. Why add more moving parts to a process that ain’t humming?”
“Is that your professional opinion, Blackjack?”
“Yeah, boss, it is, and I’m right, so let’s stop talking about it.”
“Well, all right then.”
Oz gives me a knowing nod, and I get the impression his question about adding to the club was a test. Did I pass? Or was I supposed to make a bold statement about building up the club without worrying about the big fucking picture? Huh, what would Ginger do if she were running the club? Is that what Oz wants in his second-in-command—Ginger with a dick?
I sit out the next few hands and think about the club. We used to have too many guys for the territory. Our former president, Cell, liked the idea of big numbers. He wanted big parties, lots of slutty women, and a shit-ton of respect. Except many months, the club’s income didn’t cover even the basics. Guys couldn’t take care of their first families, let alone the second ones they made with mistresses. A few club brothers held off getting married to their baby mamas to avoid the chicks losing their welfare. Shit got real when Cell’s Harley got repo’d.
Suddenly, we were making shitty meth and ripping off dealers. Cell wanted to play the big man, but he had no experience pulling those moves. He was hit instantly with the blowback from the cops and other dealers. Brothers were killed. Others went to prison for long stints. The club ended up with us final six.
The last thing I want is for Oz to make big, dumb moves in an attempt to impress Ginger. What would be the point of fucking up everything when we’re finally finding a groove?
“Dude, check your phone,” Oz says and tosses an ice cube at my head. “Ginger needs you to get back to the townhome and help Yarrow chill.”
I hear the worry in his voice, but he never stops shuffling cards or puffing on his cigar.
“Fine. I wasn’t winning anyway.”
“No, you weren’t,” Oz says, smirking.
Standing up, I lean over and give Camo’s head a smack. He glares at me, but the forever pubescent idiot needs to grow the fuck up, so our final six actually includes men rather than boys.
“Asshole,” he growls.
“Eat shit, loser bitch.”
“Stop flirting, you two. Blackjack needs to give his woman a good pussy stabbing. Now get going.”
Leaving them behind, I try not to hurry out of Rusty Cage. Yarrow is in good hands with Ginger and the crew. Their texts only said I ought to head back. No emergency, 911-style messages. I’m sure she’s fine.
Just in case, I drive twenty over the limit while using parking lots to avoid red lights. Parking in the lot next to the townhomes, I’m fully convinced Yarrow is fine.
Just in case, I run to the front gate, but my hurry causes me to fuck up the code twice before finally unlocking the door.
Entering the complex, I spot Clove’s front door open. Pepper stands just inside with Cayenne leaning against the wall next to her. They’re drinking beers and whispering about diapers. I assume they’re not talking about Yarrow.
“Where is she?” I ask Clove.
Pepper shakes her head. “Before I tell you, what’s Annie’s last name?”
I don’t even ask why she wants to know. My main concern is seeing Yarrow. Once I tell them, they direct me back to my townhome.
Inside, I find Yarrow resting her head against Ginger’s chest. She looks so damn vulnerable cuddled up the way she is—like a child seeking comfort from her mother. My feet won’t move. I’m an intruder in this moment. Who am I to soothe an upset Yarrow when Ginger is available?
Oh, yeah, I’m fucking Blackjack, and Yarrow is my woman. That’s why I’m here, and that’s what gets my feet moving again.
My boots on the hardwoods alert the women to my arrival. Yarrow lifts her head and stares at me with the bluest eyes. Her face remains pink from earlier crying, but she looks calm now. I wait for her to react. When she only stares, I toss my jacket on a chair and step closer.
“Come on, girl, I don’t have all day.”
Yarrow leaves Ginger and barrels into me. The power of her embrace nearly knocks me over, and her arms tighten violently around me.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” I say, caressing her hair in the same way Ginger had been.
Yarrow peels her cheek from my chest and lifts her gaze to find mine. Yarrow must see what she’s searching for because she smiles.
“I was scared before, but I’m better now.”
“I’m glad you needed me. I was bored out of my fucking mind at the card game,” I lie.
“No, you weren’t.”
“No, I wasn’t,” I say, brushing the hair from her eyes. “Did you win any games?”
“I never do.”
“I won twice. Oz mostly won, though I think he cheated.”
“Probably,” Ginger says, walking past us. “Yarrow, if you need me, call.”
“I love you,” Yarrow says, and Ginger pauses, clearly unsure who the younger woman is talking to. “Thank you, Ginger.”
Ginger nods but doesn’t look back. I don’t know how they can go from cuddling to acting like strangers. Women are fucking mysteries, and I doubt I’ll ever feel otherwise.
Chapter Thirteen
Life Lesson #13: be brave or fake it
➸ Yarrow ☆
Fucking makes sense. When Blackjack returns home, I accept I can’t survive without him. I think I’d be okay if he rejected me. I’d be sad, but I’d survive. If he were gone forever,
I doubt I could function, though. Death is too overwhelming a concept for me to truly accept. Sure, bad people die, but I don’t much think about them once they’re out of my sight. I’ll think of Blackjack for the rest of my life.
After a fuck downstairs, Blackjack convinces me to go to the bedroom so he can stretch me out. I don’t like how dark upstairs is, but he surprises me with a lava lamp on each table next to the bed. One is blue and red. The other is green and yellow. I check them both up close, nearly pressing my face against the dancing blobs. Then I return to Blackjack who stands naked at the doorway.
His body is muscular, scarred, and covered waist up in black ink. I wrap my arms around his neck and jump up until my legs encircle his waist.
“You’re like a spider monkey,” he says as his fingers grip my ass.
“Is that a kind of spider or a kind of monkey?”
“Monkey.”
“Are they pretty?”
“I have no fucking idea. I was just talking nonsense because all the blood raced to my cock when you climbed me.”
“I want you to fuck me again.”
“I sensed that.”
I reach down to find his cock. “Put it inside me. I want to feel you.”
“Condoms don’t last more than one fuck, monkey,” he says and rests me back on the bed.
I spread my legs and play with the tender spot called my clit. I like how excited it gets when Blackjack is near. He looks around the room and realizes he left the condoms downstairs. I giggle when he hurries out of the room with his ass clenched. I jump up to watch him walk downstairs and admire the way his cock bounces from the movement. I’m so busy admiring his sexy body that I don’t worry about the dark second bedroom next to me. I only see him.
➸ Blackjack ★
Yarrow and I fuck until we’re down to a single condom left in the box. She looks at me as if ready to cry, so I kiss her. My tongue owns her mouth now. Occasionally, she nips at it, but I no longer fear she’ll bite off a chunk. Her entire body is different from so much sex. Compliant to the point of being my sex slave, Yarrow just wants to fuck.