The one thing she liked about Lorcan was that he laid out everything he was going to do. It was up to her to stop him, if she could, and he refused to take any blame if she couldn't. It almost made it worse, watching a disaster unfolding in slow motion without having the means to stop it. It was a unique brand of powerlessness.
Maybe Lorcan's attention did serve her in some way. If not for him, she would become too complacent in her situation and would probably grow careless—secure in her alliance and ability in keeping all foes at arm's length. Lorcan made her feel on edge every single moment.
Surveying the maid's work in the mirror, Ashra was satisfied and smiled at the girl, who curtseyed and slipped away. It was as if the girl was fearful when there really was no need. Who was it that held sway over the maids and why were they so fearful? It might be one thing for Ashra to tell them there was nothing to fear, but she couldn't back that up. She didn't know what pressures were placed on these girls, or the pages and clerks. As perilous as it was being a guest at Raufasger's court, it had to be worse being a servant. Raufasger's reserve of kindness wasn't exactly vast.
Leaving her apartments, Ashra made her way to Fiedra's, which were in another part of the citadel. By now, Ashra knew the way. Over time she had learned the main thoroughfares between the sections of the citadel, and could now make her own way to places she had been before.
A servant answered quickly as Ashra pulled the bell at Fiedra's door. The décor inside the apartment was completely different from the last time she'd been there. The white and icy blues had been replaced by warm red hues. Deep red velvet covered the furniture and draped the windows, but there were also pinks, mauves and oranges.
"You have redecorated," Ashra said as Fiedra approached her with her hands outstretched.
"Yes, I grew tired of the old and felt something else was needed. With the cold returning, I felt it was time for something a little more warming."
"Of course. It is an inviting space." A large fire was roaring on the grate.
"Come," Fiedra said, holding her hand. She wore an emerald green gown made of silk. It fit the décor of the apartments while Ashra's white and light blue didn't. "It's been so long since we've seen you, we felt it was time you came and spent some time with us. Your schedule is busy, of course."
Fiedra's attitude to her was also radically different from the last time she had been there. Back then, she had been the tolerated victim brought in for their amusement. Now, she was the one above them on the power scales, not least for the fact that she was an entity in this court in her own right, not an attachment to her husband.
"You are showing," Florence Yaxley said, her eyes on Ashra’s stomach. "You must be so excited about a new babe."
"You will need an entirely new wardrobe, of course," Fiedra said, daintily taking her seat on the sofa and pouring tea out of a delicate-looking porcelain tea service.
"Yes," Ashra said. "New gowns are required." So far, she had managed to squeeze into her own, but increasingly, they were getting tighter and tighter.
"Lorcan must be very excited as well," Aia Fuedes said and Ashra felt the atmosphere change, or perhaps it was just her. It felt like cold water was being poured on her and she knew the women were testing her for a reaction.
"I wouldn't know," she replied. "It is not something that has been discussed."
They weren't quite so bold as to directly question her. "Your boy must be very excited about becoming a big brother," Aia said nervously, breaking the awkward silence.
"Of course," Ashra replied, stirring the tiny silver teaspoon in her dainty teacup. The awkward silence returned, the women all looking at her, unable to ask the questions they wanted to. Ashra wondered what was festering in their heads, like questions of if she and Lorcan would marry. All her public actions had been to the contrary, but her stance to not marry him was probably something they didn't understand. They would slip under his protection and into his wealth in a heartbeat. Perhaps even keen to slip under him.
Fiedra would have tried, Ashra realized. She'd been too busy with her own problems to consider that these women now considered him as available now that he was out of Amethyst's reach. Not that he was ever under Amethyst's control, but they couldn't go near him for that reason, would suffer Amethyst’s wrath if they so much as looked at him. None of them were available for marriage, but that didn't seem to matter to many in this court when it came to lovers, even shedding old husbands and taking on new ones. Raufasger was sometimes complicit in playing with people that way, too.
It was another issue that could derail Lorcan's plans. These women would actively seek to become his lover and it could be that he was distracted by one of them. Distraction wasn't normally something he indulged in, but by sheer nature of them trying, he would be.
"Some men are not distracted by such things," Ashra found herself saying. "Babies and domesticity are never something that truly calls to them, is it? It isn't in their nature; too occupied by other things." Torunn had loved becoming a father, but even he'd had his limit to how much time he could spend in the nursery. "In this case, as the child is not going to be Lorcan's heir, I expect his interest will never quite materialize. But he is free now to pursue his own objectives."
Ashra smiled, feeling like she'd achieved two things: dispelled any belief these women held that marriage between them was going to happen, and also encourage them to focus on Lorcan's eventual probability of focusing his attention elsewhere.
"Amethyst's death does change his situation quite dramatically," Aia said.
"I wonder where his attention will turn?" Ashra said lightly. In a way, she felt bad giving all the wonderful women in this court the implicit permission for pursuing Lorcan as a lover. Her permission wasn't necessarily required, because these women wouldn't stop going after what they wanted for her, but it might just give them that nudge, that sense of urgency. "Lorcan is single and in dire need of an heir, but for how long? Surely, someone so established will quickly be snatched up by some discerning lady."
"If you truly do not wish to have him, a second potential heir would distract his attention away."
"An alignment between our houses would not be something Raufasger would smile on," Ashra said with forced gravitas. It wasn't a false statement as it would, in effect, create a power imbalance, which was something Raufasger fundamentally feared. "A different alignment would suit Raufasger in the end."
Granted, Lorcan was strong and had single-minded determination beyond any man she knew, but so did these women. Ashra could practically see the gleam in their eyes.
Chapter 13
The summons for the day's entertainment arrived as normal. Of late, Raufasger had seemed sullen whenever they'd seen him, and he had the habit of treating his own bad moods in whichever way he saw fit. Hopefully, there wouldn't be a masquerade in their near future, but Ashra had a feeling that Raufasger would do something.
Not today, though. Today's summons was for an afternoon party in one of the gardens. Raufasger seemed to be going in the light and soft direction at the moment, where he created an image of joyful and peaceful coexistence. However contrived in reality.
A lighter gown was required, fitting into the soft image Raufasger had in mind. It was almost as if he was painting images with real figures and they were all mannequins in his vision of the man and king he wished to be. The scariest thing was that she supposed quite a few people would choose to be here if they had a choice. As mad as Raufasger was, this was still where the power was garnered and yielded, and power meant everything.
She, on the other hand, would be gone in a heartbeat if doing so didn't constitute a threat to her family. But others would not, irrespective of how perilous this court was. Power, and the pursuit of power, drove people to put up with anything. It was a sad truth and Lorcan was one of them. If he had the opportunity to be anywhere he wanted, he would still be here.
Was she warm enough for the weather, she wondered as she made her way to the designat
ed garden for this afternoon party. Ornate glass doors led to the greenery outside, but she was met with silence. There was no chattering of gathered people, no milling of soft skirts. Instead, she heard bird song. The small, drab creatures had made their way down into this walled garden, which was really too small to entertain the entire court.
She turned. Did she have the wrong place? Turning back to the door, Lorcan stood there looking calm and almost a little pleased.
"What's going on?" she asked.
"I thought we should spend some time together. A picnic."
"A picnic?"
"Yes, a picnic. It is what people do when they're courting."
"We are not courting, and our absence will be noticed. Raufasger will not like it if we don't comply with his decrees."
"Raufasger is not in the citadel at the moment."
"But—?" Ashra said, confusion pulling her brow together until she realized. "You lied. You sent me the summons."
"I did. You wouldn't have come otherwise. And now that you are here, it would hurt my feelings if you say no."
"We both know you don't have any feelings."
"How do you know that? I have been doing some hard and deep reflection in that regard."
Ashra snorted. "Have you searched your heart and concluded that you really, really, really want my land."
Lorcan tsked. "So cruel."
"Realism is not cruelty. Fantasy is just fantasy."
"Still, I have prepared a full picnic and it would be cruel to spurn the efforts of the servants who put their time and energy into making you happy this afternoon."
"Oh, blackmail. My heart is warming already."
With his hand, Lorcan indicated to a blanket where a basket sat. She hadn't noticed it before as she'd been looking for people. "This garden has a little microclimate," he said. "So it appears warm even when the winds are brutal outside." That might explain why the birds sought shelter here.
Ashra refused to budge, wondering if she should turn her back and march out of the garden. It was a sweet gesture, though, and she was curious what he had in mind. Did he think this would seduce her? Part of her wanted to see how he would try.
"I can't believe you lied to me," she stated.
"I didn't lie. You assumed the missive was from Raufasger. It didn't actually say."
"Disguised to be a missive from him. That is tantamount to lying."
"That isn't a lie, though. And you will forgive me because I have summer berries and cream."
Ashra bit her lip. "How in the world did you get summer berries?"
"I have my secrets. They say berries are good for growing bellies. And maybe you can sit down and explain how, all of a sudden, I've received an invitation to dine with just about every woman at court."
Ashra smiled broadly. "Well, you are the most eligible bachelor on the block. Hadn’t you considered that? The ladies of court must have realized what a catch you are."
"The timing is just a little curious, though," he said, looking up at her from the blanket, where he'd stretched out. "Everywhere I go, a woman is propositioning me."
"That must be very difficult for you," Ashra said with false sympathy.
Lorcan reached for a strawberry from a plate and bit into it. It looked delicious and Ashra's mouth watered when he closed his eyes, savoring the flavor. He certainly knew how to tempt her.
"So, what exactly did you say to them?" he asked after a sensual moment savoring the strawberry.
"Who?"
"The ladies of court."
"I didn't exactly say anything. I might have been invited to tea with Fiedra. Perhaps I insinuated that Raufasger would look badly on a joining between the houses of Greve and Lorcan."
"Is that so? Then again, he did mention marriage during the petition ruling, didn't he? Some could take that as implicit support for the concept."
"I'm not having this conversation," Ashra said, turning to leave.
"Fine, we don't discuss it further. Have a berry. I brought them especially for you and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. It was rather difficult to get them here."
Ashra sighed. What was she going to do with him? Categorically, she wasn't going to marry him, but he was the most engaging person in the court. For all he was, he was a more interesting person to talk to than everyone else who lived here. She could see why Torunn had liked him so much.
"Fine," she relented. "But only for the berries." Perhaps she should just walk out the door, but she couldn't help being curious. Obviously, his strategy was never going to work. A leopard didn't change its spots, and him suddenly turning into a creature that would twist her heart with empathy was highly unlikely.
He looked pleased when she sat down on the blanket.
"Don't get ahead of yourself. Berries are hardly going to get me to change my mind."
"So, you are just using me for my berries?"
"Absolutely. In fact, why don't we discuss who would make a good wife for you. There are some very well-endowed contenders. Some very rich young ladies, also widows. Think of all that additional land that is so easily within your reach. You simply have to snap your fingers and it's a done deal."
Lorcan gave her a warning look. "Do you believe I am always trying to gain financially?"
"You did marry a mad woman for political leverage."
"Touché. Taking the easy route, however, would defeat this new campaign to develop my emotional side."
"How are you faring in that regard?" Ashra asked with false concern in her voice. Lorcan and emotions simply didn't go together, and it was still a dreadful thought, considering how scary he was when completely rational. "Managed to find some feelings somewhere deep down inside you? I think you've set yourself on a wild goose chase. Might be better off to leave this foolish mission behind and get on with being you in all your glorious unrelenting practicality."
Leaning back, he closed his eyes and lay in the pale sunlight tentatively streaming down from overhead. "Irrespective of what you are going to do, or not, I am about to be a father."
Suddenly, Ashra had difficulty finding something to say. She had always assumed that if he had nothing to gain from the child, he would lose interest quickly. "There are much easier ways. I think we can safely say that the barrenness in your marriage didn't come from your side. When you marry, you can have all the children you want."
"What if our child ends up not agreeing with your decision. You are robbing him of both a name and an estate, a chance to claim his place in this world."
"That will be a burden I have to bear."
"You said you could not let me have this child because I wouldn't be able to love it." He turned to her, supporting his head with his elbow. "But what if I do?"
"Slow down a little," she said. "Don't get ahead of yourself here. You have yet to present that black, little heart of yours, and you are banking on that swaying me to the point where I will stop caring what's best for my family. You still have an absolutely impossible road ahead of you. You should give up. You can have some other woman with child next week if you worked at it. I'm sure you won't find it too onerous."
"But how would I feel if I turned my back on this child, my own child?"
"You'll feel terrible, so best to do this while you still feel absolutely nothing."
"You're heartless," he said with a grin.
"That makes two of us."
He was studying her now, as if reassessing his tactics. That was his way, try something, retreat to try something else. And maybe she shouldn't be here having a picnic with him so he could try out his various strategies. Then again, what harm could it do? It wasn't as if he was suddenly going to put his entire upbringing and personality to side and become an emotional, loving man. She could not forget that this was all a means to an end for him—nothing more.
Chapter 14
Her request to go to her estate had been denied. The offending parchment sat on her desk. It was not a good time, it said. Why wasn't it a good time? How cou
ld this not be a good time? When was? Impotent anger coursed through her veins, even as she knew there wasn't anything she could do but comply. Still, that wasn't enough explanation.
Well, maybe she should ask when would be a good time. She couldn't just meekly accept. Raufasger wasn't her father. This was about her child and she hadn't seen him for much too long. Alternatively, she could accept that Tabain come here for a short time. It was the less favorable option, but she needed to see her son.
Leaving her apartments, she made her way to the administrative wing of the citadel. She knew where to find the clerks that ran things now and it put pressure on them if she came in person. She wanted an answer.
A clerk met her as she arrived and she said she'd come to speak to Niesen Woord. The clerk was nervous and congenial, asking her to follow him. It had been some time ago when she had realized that all the staff here were terrified of upsetting any of the courtiers. No doubt, Raufasger didn't take kindly to it when his courtiers complained about their treatment. It was perhaps wrong to use that fear, but she needed to get something done.
Niesen sat in a small, cold room with stone walls. This desk was tatty and scarred, piled high with letters and reports. She held out the letter declining her request.
"I need to know more," she stated. "If not now, I need to know when I can. I have an estate to run and it does, at times, need my presence."
Niesen looked sickly, a blanket lying across his lap. He looked displeased with her presence, but then he had from the moment she'd arrived. The treatment he'd shown her back then was something he wouldn't dare now. He'd thought she was a pushover, someone who didn't belong here and who would have been weeded out within a couple of weeks of arriving. How wrong he'd been.
"I need a date when I can go," she demanded.
He sat silently for a moment, as if trying to think of what to say. "It's not a good time."
"It's not a good time for me to be away from my estate either." Suddenly, she wondered if Raufasger had answered her request at all or if it was Niesen denying her because of whatever prejudice he carried. Her heritage still made her unworthy in the eyes of some and they were using whatever means they had to prove it. It was funny that it even came from those outcasts she was supposed to belong with. Prejudice came from all sides, it seemed.
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